(Part 2) Reddit mentions: The best death & grief books

There's a new biography out called You Might Remember Me: The Life and Times of Phil Hartman (which I really want to read) and I was reading an article about Phil and the book where they linked to a video of his from SNL that I hadn't seen. It's him seling some countersink flanges which doesn't mean anything but it's just so funny in it's randomness and earnestness.

Of course, that led to a marathoning of clips of Phil doing his many, many great characters from SNL. He managed to make smarminess endearing somehow. Like he does with Troy McClure. Troy's the biggest hack that ever existed. He will shill ANYTHING if there's a paycheck and the possibility that his star will burn on even in it's diminished state. It's like "This isn't ridiculous. This is SHOWBIZ BABY! And there aint nothing better."

1990s SNL and Phil Hartman Simpsons go hand in hand as some of the best things from my childhood even if I didn't get all of it at the time. Now that I'm older, I appreciate what Phil brought to the screen so much more because it was so perfect and layered.

Unfortunately, things out of his control took his star away from everyone way too soon. I hope I am always able to conjure up the sound of his voice in my head. There's something wonderful about that "Hi, I'm Troy McClure!" intro. Something hilarious was about to happen. It reminds me of all those hours my brother and I spent watching reruns laughing like we had just heard the joke for the first time even if it was the 100th time that day.

RIP. There are few people that just understand how to make people laugh. He was one of them.

Hey there, welcome! I hope you enjoy your time here on RAoA! I recommend keeping your eye out for the adopt a newbie weekly thread, there you can post and someone will scoop you up and show you the way of things. I'm new to this sub as well, and have already met a hand full of great people, and I hope you will too!

Recommendations!

Movie: The most recent movie I watched was John Dies At The End. It's hard to explain what genre it is. It's like horror/comedy/sci-fi/thriller type. I really enjoyed the book as well. Recommend if you're into horror comedy!

TV Show: I just finished Nurse Jackie and loved the hell out of it. I was pretty sad when I finished it. I had to just like... sit there for a while and process it all. Even if you're not into medical drama type shows, NJ has a good dose of comedy and has excellent character development. I really enjoyed how well the writers were able to get you to love and root for the main character even when she's being a massive shit head.

Band: I'm going out on a limb here because you said that you listen to tons of different genres of music. I rarely ever meet people that share music taste with me, so on the off chance you do, here's the song that's been stuck in my head since Saturday: Hollow

Game: Sanctum 2! I almost never see this one talked about but holy smokes. If you like Portal, Sanctum 2 is great. It's FPS meets Tower Defense, and the best thing? It's multiplayer! My boyfriend and I had a blast playing through all the levels (of course with me being the mastermind of successful solutions). I'm actually really sad it's over. Trine 2 and Portal 2 were loads of fun to play with him as well.

Book: I'm currently reading East of Eden by Steinbeck due to peer pressure, but I'm looking forward to reading this next.

Recent changes have only made it worse for everyone too. Trust me, you are not alone. It's hard to feel like you have community right now especially. But when you go to get coffee you are actually surrounded by plenty of people experiencing the same thing.

Normal life isn't for everyone. Reddit's van dwellers sub has plenty of well thought-out evidence for that.

I would just advise, don't make it harder on yourself than life has to be. There's roughing it and there's being a martyr. Don't be a martyr. You can enjoy traveling the world or just camping out in the same place. But pursue what makes you happy.

And you are allowed to be happy. In spite of what those negative thoughts in your (and our) heads try to tell us so often. We really have to figure out how to keep those negative thoughts in check. And we have to define what is happy for each of us. But happy definitely does not mean ecstatically jumping up and down every day. It means more of something like being content with what you have and having gratitude for what you have. If you only have one cast-iron pot, love that pot and treat it well. That's happiness. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.

Thriving with Social Anxiety is a good book for the broad approach and has very practical advice for dealing with yourself when you have to deal with other people. And writing things out helps. You can keep a very simple journal of your thoughts using this bullet journal format (like bullet points, a fast journaling style) to work on your reactions to stress. Or you can also use a worksheet/grid format and have it ready for when you need a good way to evaluate negative experience. With a little practice you can handle it better. And just replace the words "anxiety" and "ptsd" in the linked sheets with anger, frustration, depression, whatever strong emotion is bothering you the most. All these emotions revolve around similar causes and the techniques are the same.

Having the information on your thoughts and techniques you are using in one place like in a journal is very helpful for staying focused on what you are working on. It's like an external memory system. And if you forget to do it for a while, it's still right there and you can pick up where you left off when you need it again. It's there for you. You can take it with you to therapy sessions as well to help keep track of what you really want to talk about.

The last thing I can offer is, we need more than just therapy. We need a way of embracing the world that lets us view it sometimes from a larger perspective (dialed out), and sometimes from a closer, nuts and bolts, day to day approach (dialed in). For that I've personally really grown to like reading about Stoicism. How to be a Stoic is a great introduction, written by a therapist. It's much more accessible than other books I've tried and it adds a layer on top of therapy that has helped me a lot.

Whatever road you take, don't be hard on yourself. You're working on it, you're trying to improve yourself. So cut yourself some slack, don't beat yourself up when you have an "anger episode". The more you work on it the fewer and farther between they will be. Don't get mad at yourself for getting mad, that only compounds the problem. Use the tools you gain to learn from each experience. And take a moment each day to appreciate where and who you are right now. Good luck!

Self Improvement:

1. Tell me about it. In my 20's, I ate everything under the sun and could barely maintain. Around 35, that shit ended. I did keto to lose it, but now eat a low-carb diet to keep it off. How are your cooking skills? What eating habits do you think are hindering your goals? Mine was beer and late-night carb snacking.
   
   
2. What stopped? I'm guessing a combination of stress, depression and too much fucking life! Something else, maybe?
   
   
3. Ooooh! What did you create before? Sounds interesting!
   
   
   Stuff for your daughter:
   
   
4. A walk before or after dinner. Every day. Teach her to observe. The birds and bugs. The spray paint markings on the street. See a plane in the sky? Ask her where she thinks it is going. Ask her why she thinks the leaves on the tree are changing color and falling off. It is a great chance to bond with her and help her learn (and for you to learn from here). It also helps with your first self-improvement item. During our walks, we end up playing tag, sumo wrestling (she wins a lot), a stripped-down fartlek (you might call them Indian runs), or her invention--running while holding hands. She loves these games and it gets my ass out of a chair. Again, the bonding time is unmatched.
   
   
5. Temper your expectations here. I say do it with gusto, but know that you will need tough skin if the PTA is mostly moms. They will see you as an intruder (as they do with most men in early education). I'm not one bit saying not to do it. Just know that you'll have to be extra tough and persistent. I would suggest also joining a dad's group. It's a good way for you to meet other motivated dads and learn additional dadcraft skills. PM me if you're having a hard time finding one in your area.
   
   
6. 4-5 books a night. This is the best damn thing you can do for your daughter. Your local library is awesome. Don't forget that they can order other books from other neighboring libraries. We have dealth with death (The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, When Dinosaurs Die), potty training (Potty), divorce (Two Homes), science (Baby Loves Thermodynamics or Scientist Scientist), anatomy (Contemplating Your Belly Button), personal conduct (any of the Toddler Tools books from Free Spirit Publishing). I also throw one Dad book in each night like Kisses for Daddy, Grizzly Dad, Daddy Cuddles, Because I'm Your Dad and others. The DC Superheroes Character Education series is pretty nice. It also helps your bond with your daughter along with improving her reading skills.

Hello,

I think I may be able to help. Firstly, PTSD fucking sucks when it's uncontrolled and your spiralling, I've been there and I'm so sorry you're going through it. I was super upset and frightened when it happened to me but here I am, a few months later, symptom free. Two therapies got me there - Somatic Experiencing and EMDR. EMDR was awesome and can be successful in just a few sessions, so if you have any money at all to scrap together then you wouldn't need a lot of sessions at all as it works super fast (in a few sessions). Somatic Experiencing was also super helpful for me, I used it with a therapist and now I do it myself. There's a book that guides you through it https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healing-Trauma-Peter-Levine/dp/159179658X

Also, go running, they did a study and it has been proven to help PTSD symptoms. And I suggest this book - it's mandatory reading if you have PTSD, it's great and lists all the treatments that will help (some being free, such as yoga). https://www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-Score-Transformation-Trauma/dp/0141978619/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_15_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=W1V3FFYSKP1TA07DYQY5

I didn't find Theoretical Neuroscience particularly readable as others in the thread have said, but it is the go-to book for the classic topics in the field. I found Fundamentals of Computational Neuroscience to be a much much better book for introductions. From Computer to Brain : Foundations of Computational Neuroscience was fairly approachable. On the more cognitive side, From Neuron to Cognition via Computational Neuroscience was pretty good. If you like the nonlinear systems side, Dynamical Systems in Neuroscience: The Geometry of Excitability and Bursting was pretty tough to read but full of good content.

It really depends on what subsets of comp neuro you're most interested in. I worked mostly on the cognitive side, and I was never super satisfied with any books on comp neuro in that area. I think the field is just too young for a great summary to exist beyond the neuronal/small network level.

There is a ton of interesting mathematics that goes into other areas of neuro that wouldn't typically be included in Computational Neuroscience. Different imaging methods, for instance, have some pretty fun math involved and are very active areas of research.

> One mentioned something about the judgement and that the world wasn't going to be around forever, or something, which again really shocked me. I thought these people were trying to do good to the world, but apparently not. Just "saving souls" or whatever. Seems most of the answers I've received in this thread are along the same lines.

Ah interesting, yeah I mean we are trying to save people's souls, but for me it mostly means just sowing and sharing the Gospel. Because I have no idea how people will respond to it (I've heard stories of people replying hostile, but then later did really think about the message and even came to Church after!).

> I've always thought of heaven and hell as metaphorical conditions of life. I.e. if you do good and are good, your life has the highest chance of being good, which is like a heaven of sorts. On the contrary, if you do bad your life will become hell (imagine going to prison, or having to live with yourself after perpetrating grievous sins). TBH I'm quite surprised Christians don't really see it this way?

Aha, yeah I used to also think this way, but then I started wondering why do 'bad things happen to good people?'. Don't get me wrong, I used to think just like that and thought that if people were/are good, then good things will happen. But then I started seeing around me (and to myself), that bad things started happening, or bad things happening to people without any influence of their own. Now I don't consider myself a 'good person' anymore, but before I was Christian I did. I noticed how bad things can happen to everybody, regardless of how good or bad that person lived. I read this book and it totally changed my mind on it. A small spoiler, the guy in the book lives a completely 'good' life and then his daughter dies of a disease in her young years.. why does something so terrible happens to him, who always lived a good life?

And there are many more questions! Like; if we call ourselves good, by which standard? By our standard, or God's standard? Goodness and badness must have a certain standard, otherwise it's meaningless. If I use my own (subjective) standard (or yours), I can never actually call myself 'good', because it's based on a subjective standard, so then the question becomes; Am I good? And by which standard of goodness? And the same goes for 'bad', what qualifies as bad and by which standard?

See, if we take God's objective standard, then we are all not good, because God is perfect and we can use His objective Law (10 commandments) to measure our own 'goodness'. But when we do, we notice that we fall short of it, if we're honest with ourselves. This is why Christians (and myself as well of course) believe that no one is 'good enough' by God's standard. That's why we can only get to Heaven if we believe in Jesus Christ that he died and rose, then we are saved by faith in Him and not by our own 'good' works. We are then saved by God's grace, not by our own 'goodness'.

Oh and I when I speak of speak of something objective, I mean something that exists outside out our own opinions. So God's standard is an 'objective' standard, because God's standard is the same regardless of our own opinions.

Does any of this makes sense to you?

Remember: Depression lies. It makes disappointments seem like disasters, it makes everyday activities seem like monumental chores, it makes other people's lives seem unattainably better than our own. Even worse, it often makes us think that the way we feel is permanent.

The good news? There are resources to help you with this.

Counseling can be tremendously useful in the short-term as a way to vent, as a reason for introspection, and to learn coping mechanisms and social skills that will make it easier for you to function in the world.

And while antidepressants don't always work in the same way for everyone, there are dozens to try at different doses that could help you at least get a bit of a breather from the unrelenting weight of depression. I remember when I took Wellbutrin after about 2 years of major depression; it was the third medication I'd tried, and the first that didn't cause me any serious side effects. When it kicked in, I wasn't suddenly blissfully happy, but instead, I actually just felt more things and my mind didn't automatically trend into a downward spiral. I thought, "Oh, is this how other people normally feel?" and it significantly helped me get over a bad period in my life. Please give some serious consideration to reaching out for mental health assistance--either counseling or medication, or both--because it can be truly life-changing when you need it.

I'd also urge you not to completely dismiss the Self Help aisle of the bookstore. There are lots of options; look for something that piques your interest and is reasonably well-reviewed and you're likely to find something useful.

My own favorite option as a starting point is Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life. Whether or not you believe that your thoughts can literally cure what ails you, Louise Hay's approach to creating a more positive mental space, replacing negative and critical self-talk with thoughts and affirmations that are uplifting, will help you deal with your self-esteem issues. There's also a movie based on the book that provides a nice overview of Louise Hay's teachings. If you don't get great feelings about her, maybe try Dr. Wayne Dyer's work instead. I'd suggest The Power of Intention or his classic, original bestseller, Your Erroneous Zones.

The truth is, until you are able to get a handle on your depression and bolster your self-esteem, you probably won't be in much of a position to make good friends or be a good friend yourself. But if you put in a bit of work now--daunting though it may seem--you will be in a much better position to develop a social life that works for you. Hang in there. It really can and does get better.

I've heard 'What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't" by Dr. Novotni get recommended at least once on this sub, and saved it for later consideration/purchase. It is a social skills book specifically designed for adults with ADHD. Haven't read it yet, so I can't personally speak to it beyond to it being exactly about this topic, and liking the title.

I am sure there are also other social skills books that might not be specifically geared to ADHDers that would be good -- maybe even better?

I was scanning some papers I still had laying around, and that included some copies of chapters from two separate books that I remember thinking of as being potentially great resources. The first one is 'The Assertiveness Workbook' by Dr. Paterson -- which I suspect would be targeted more towards social anxiety, but might be helpful in that it would be explicit about how to assert yourself without being too submissive or too aggressive. Though, a potential drawback is that it might assume basic social skills -- though it might not, given that social anxiety would potentially cause one to doubt their understanding of social skills, thus making a review of social skills more defensible. The other was 'The Feeling Good Handbook' by Burns, a psychiatrist, specifically a chapter on "five secrets of intimate communication" -- I am not sure that would be worth buying the whole book or not, but the chapter looked good to me.

Note, I linked to Amazon on all books because it is a fairly standard, mainstream place for reviewing and purchasing books via the internet, and because it often includes previews of books -- it might be worth googling any one of these titles if any of them seem interesting enough. The lattermost one, for instance, is from the 1980s, so I am not sure what else you could find on it at little-to-no cost, and certainly local libraries may have one or more of these in stock as well. I was surprised to find my college library has some workbooks online for unlimited viewing (though limited copying/saving) through their website.

Hope this helps!

With only my phone on me, I'm just going to list out some of the non-fiction I've enjoyed on my commute recently.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory - Caitlin Doughty Great reading for the morbidly inclined.

Silver Screen Fiend: Learning About Life from an Addiction to Film - Patton Oswalt I would only recommend this book for true cinema fans. It's enjoyable if you get the references and are also a procrastinating creative.

God'll Cut You Down: The Tangled Tale of a White Supremacist, a Black Hustler, a Murder, and How I Lost a Year in Mississippi - John Safran sort of reminds me of Jon Ronson. Good true crime, fish out of water stuff.

Yes Please - Amy Poehler Great advice, hilarious. Get it on audiobook.

Carsick - John Waters John waters being John Waters.

Manson - Jeff Guinn A super fascinating breakdown of the 1960s, and the environment that held Manson is much is a biography. I'm really excited to read his new book his writing about Jim Jones and the 1970's.

Currently on Girl in a Band by Kim Gordon, very excited about it.

i've been dealing with some similar things. i found Peter Levine's work on trauma to be eye-opening. this book, for example. he offers some practices though i haven't actually tried them.

Tsultrim Allione provides a modern layperson's interpretation of Tibetan chöd practice which directly addresses this kind of thing. it's kind of intense, but then so are our demons.

it's often said that trauma is stored in the body. there are a lot of somatic meditation techniques available out there. i'm a huge fan of somatic work, especially for its applicability to this kind of thing. Touching Enlightenment is an excellent introduction to somatic meditation from a Tibetan Buddhist point of view.

hope you find something in there that's helpful. best of luck.

edit: clarification: Tsultrim Allione isn't a layperson. her book is written for the laity. :)

I try really hard too. It's a struggle to stay on track with structure. When I was diagnosed with BP2, I told a friend I knew had BP1 and he told me to do a few simple things: No drugs or alcohol, 8 hours of sleep a night, limit if not avoid caffeine, and read this book

Of course I try to do these things but it's difficult and currently it's really not working. It takes a lot of effort and sometimes we slip up and then start forgetting to stop and take care of ourselves. My ideal plan is to: sleep 8 hours, only 1 cup of coffee/tea a day if I decide I'd like one, remember to eat substantial healthy food everyday, at least one hour of quiet time before bed to pray/meditate/whatever spiritual or comforting activity fits, consult r/bipolar for understanding and encouragement, take meds at same time each day, try to stick to structure, always remember that my life is not just my own - it is dedicated to helping others and helping my family. exercise. Currently, I'm trying to get back on track after the semester has just ended and I've met a new schedule shift.

It's hard. But I believe our suffering is something to be learned from. I try to accept what comes my way and most days I believe the hand I've been dealt is for some sort of strange unknown reason. You're alright, not alone. We just get stuck.

I can't advise on applying to PhD programs, but a book you should definitely look into is Dynamical Systems in Neuroscience by Izhikevich.

Slightly related, the intersection between neuroscience and topology will either by through ODEs (think phase plane analysis type stuff, which Izhikevich covers in detail) or analyzing neural networks via network analysis (so more graph theory type stuff) or algebraic topology (i.e. topological data analysis).

I think penn state has an active group doing neuroscience with topological tools. Specifically Carina Curto is someone to look into; if she doesn't do stuff you're particularly interested in, one of her collaborators likely will. She also wrote a survey article in the bulletin of the ams recently. I skimmed it and it looks like it will give a you a good flavour of how topology is used in neuroscience nowadays. Good luck!

I wouldn't rely too heavily on Cullen's book for 100% facts, he's discredited by most communities that have a common morbid interest into the shooting. I do recommend the following if you're still curious for more about the incident after reading his novel.

http://www.acolumbinesite.com/ - an extremely informative site that appeared the day after the shootings. It has the most information out of anywhere else I've seen about the event.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNyX90HKWTM&feature=youtu.be - Informative documentary about the shooting. Doesn't have everything, but it's definitely interesting.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007PS0Q3Q/ - Brooks Brown's autobiography with an emphasis on the shooting and the events that took place before and after. Highly recommend, it was a great read and it definitely helped me find answers.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1101902752 - Susan Klebold's novel; the mother of Dylan Klebold. Haven't gotten around to reading this one yet, but from what I've heard it's very informative and interesting.

Hope I helped you (or anyone else) learn more about the tragedy.

I read a lot of non-fiction, but only one book recently i took to heart: How to Be a Stoic: Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern Life.

​

I never though that from all things i'll fond a philosophy book. It's great! It's written in beautiful, modern language. It's make you think new things. It's connected me to the past as no history book ever could. And, as the title says - Stoicism is superbly relevant to our times.

Highly recommend it.

Long time listener first time caller.

My uncle died when his kids were 7 and 4. It was sudden and he was still pretty young.

The older daughter had a really hard time sleeping at night because her father always put her to bed and had done so the night he had a stroke.

The 4 year old didn't understand but she wanted a picture of her and her father almost right away and would fall asleep with it.

My suggestion is that you be as open as you can be. If things should take a turn for the worse sit down with them and talk to them about what is going on. There is a great book that my cousins got from their teacher after their dad died called When Dinosaurs Die http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0316119555

As far as what you can do I suggest taking a lot of photos together doing various things. Try to do special things with each child separately and of course together but really try to find something special to do with each of them. Maybe make beaded bracelets with the older girl or something. Something she will have to remind her of you.

You could also have pillows made with your favorite photo of you and that child so that way they have something to squeeze when they want to hug you.

If you always read bedtime stories or sing specific songs you should record them. I would personally love to hear my uncle's voice again.

But I think memories are the best. You could buy gifts for them to be given on their 16 or 18th birthdays if you so choose. Something a bit fancy with a hand written letter.

Watching my cousins grow up (they are now 14 and 17) these are the things I see they miss the most. There are photos all over the house of their father. The 17 year old misses him dearly. The 14 year old doesn't really remember him at all.

Going to jump in and take a stab at responding, if nobody minds...

Neuropsychology uses mathematics very rarely. Neuropsych is more about brain injury and rehabilitating the person around whatever neural issue they have. Neuropsychologists typically operate as part of a clinical treatment team, working alongside a neurologist, maybe a neurosurgeon if there was some intracranial or CNS trauma involved, and some sort of physical, behavioral, or cognitive therapist. In this team, neuropsychologists usually run the tests to diagnose disabilities or track symptoms over time. If you're interested in the neuroscience of psychology/cognition, you may be more interested in cognitive or behavioral neuroscience. These fields rely on mathematics but in a different way because the observations at that level are so hard to quantify. Mathematics in cognitive neuroscience (and even neuropsychology) is more about measurement theory: quantifying abstract or immeasurable phenomena and then attempting to explain how high-level function is tied to low-level events. Stuff that comes to mind includes the neurobiology of autism, visual attention, information processing in sensory networks, etc. This will lead into Bayesian decision theory, information theory, psychophysics, probability models, and from a very theoretical side, graph theory and looking at the mathematics of network topology and multi-sensory integration.

Mathematics is used in neurochemistry (or, more precisely, in fields like biochemistry, neuroendocrinology, neuropharmacology, biophysics, etc). In those fields, math is often used to describe the dynamics of whatever system you are studying, whether it's some kinetic process like diffusion or changes in protein conformation or receptor/chemical binding dynamics or even chemical metabolism. For this, you'll really want to know your differential equations and dynamical systems. The Dayan and Abbott textbook is great for this, but also look at http://www.amazon.com/Dynamical-Systems-Neuroscience-Excitability-Computational/dp/0262514206/ and even check out the journal Biological Cybernetics. Bertil Hille's book is also really good for things happening in and around the neuron.

Are you sure it's not covered? I only ask because I didn't think mine covered therapy but I did some digging and found out it does cover at 100%, so long as the appropriate approvals are gotten by the provider. Check your card for something like "behavior health" or "employee assistance" and if you can't find anything, call your HR department (assuming it's via work).

A few other thoughts:

• A lot of counselors will give self-pay patients a discount
  
• You might consider paying for just a few sessions and tell the counselor up front that you're here for X amount of sessions and you want to meet X goals (i.e., cover the basics of your situation and set you up with some resources / books / etc so you can take it from there yourself).
  
• If you can't make any therapy work, there are tons of books out there that can help. I really recommend at least reading some of the books below, even when you start to feel better, so you can be sure you properly and completely grieved, and avoid burying your feelings (they WILL haunt you later).
  
• There are also a bunch of great resources in the sidebar of this subreddit
  
  Books:
  
  
• How to Break Your Addiction to a Person - When, and Why, Love Doesn't Work
  
• Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
  
• Grief Recovery Handbook

I’m sorry for your tragic loss. I also lost a parent suddenly five years ago. It’s a different kind of pain than losing a loved one after a long illness. The shock often makes it harder to make sense of, and there is less ability to feel a sense of closure because we aren’t prepared to part ways. The book I Wan’t Ready to Say Goodbye helped me a lot in that respect. It’s important to use every moment we are blessed with to love and care for one another.

I sometimes tear up, or cry during mass when the readings touch on something close to my heart, or to something I think my mother would have loved hearing, or practicing. It is nothing to feel shame about. On the contrary, your emotional reaction is a display of your intense understanding and connection to the messages of our faith. Remember that we all have two fathers, our birth father, and our spiritual father. Return to Church knowing that your birth father would want you to be comforted by the spiritual father through our church (he brought you there while he was with you). Pray, speak with a priest, and read the Bible, you are stronger than you think.

With my therapist, we worked through The Grief Recovery Handbook. It requires a LOT of introspection, and I had to do some pretty painful soul searching, but it was very much worth it. It MUST be done in order- don’t skip to the end since the last assignment won’t have as much weight. It actually reaches into every kind of loss in your life (loss of childhood, loss of relationships, ect.,) and I made some unexpected personal breakthroughs as buried memories came to light.

If you’re dedicated you don’t necessarily need a therapist, but they really, really stress having someone else to go through it with you in your personal life. There’s a lot of stuff you need to share out loud, and it makes a huge difference in your recovery. If you don’t have someone you’re comfortable sharing difficult emotions with IRL, a therapist would be a great choice. I know a lot of them use this, and it’s probably something you could call around and ask.

The book is very practical and matter-of-fact, which I needed. I’m not a fan of spiritual mushy-gushy stuff, if that makes sense!! It’s homework that really changes things.

I’m so sorry for your losses- that’s too much for anyone to bear. I hope this book can help bring you peace like it brought us.

Here's a few skills which may help you(cause I've been there too...and it's a crappy place to be.) You know you best, there have been days where I've called it a win if I've gotten out of bed, eaten a decent meal and into clean clothing.

Exercise (cardio) helped me a lot with anxiety and feeling out of control. I started feeling better when I incorporated running/brisk walking before my therapy sessions

You say you're resistant to completing a task... think about why are you resistant? What's holding you back? For this I would suggest two skills.. specifically
Willing vs. Willful #1

Willing vs. Willful #2

and Opposite Action. (Or the Nike equivalent of 'Just Do it')

Opposite Action #2

If you like movies there are two movies that cover this in a humourous way, (at least I found them funny and relevant during a pretty dark time in my life. I am in no way suggesting these movies will fix anything... but comedy can be helpful in the face of misery and tragedy.) Yes Man with Jim Carey - Willing vs. Willful and What about Bob with Bill Murray - Opposite action / babysteps.

As for other skills, distress tolerance stuff when you feel like you're pushed over the edge and can't deal with it anymore. Emotion Regulation skills (eating right/exercising/sleeping/self care) helps things from getting worse/declining and Mindfulness skills help slow things down (so you don't go from zero to 100).

Other things that can factor into your wellness, (and are not limited to)

• Time and Practice. Sometimes you just need to keep trying and keep working what you've got the best you can. If you're already doing that.. just keep going. Be kind to yourself. Change takes time. :)
  
  
• medication (if you need a medication change, you've recently changed meds or are not taking your medication as directed) I recall trying DBT when I was doing a medication change / washout and.. it just did NOT work because I was too damn sick from the change of meds.
  
  
• Toxic or invalidating people / relationships (if you live with /work for someone who is invalidating you all the time, hateful family member, abusive partner) This does not help, you may want to change your relationship with said person. I left a job where my boss was a total asshole, and removed an aunt from my life who was a thief/liar.
  
  
• Tragic Life Circumstances - Sometimes, life is just shitty. And for that I suggest this books When Bad things happen to good people and The Tao of Pooh. There are bunches of others.. but generally be compassionate to yourself and take care of yourself if this is the case.
  
  Hang in there!
  

Hey, so sorry for your situation. I went through something similar in July. I wrote a LONG post as part of my healing. You may find it helpful. https://www.reddit.com/r/Petloss/comments/92k19h/sharing_my_peace_after_a_week_of_losses/Check the links at the bottom, too, there are some great resources. If you want a guide to help with grief, this is really good: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536347988&sr=8-1&keywords=the+grief+recovery+handbook+20th+anniversary+expanded+edition. Also, I found it really comforting to post a memorial on "mydogjustdied.org" when I was ready, which was about a month after he passed. https://mydogjustdied.org/post/177317363990/mr-chango-the-sweetest-dog-ever-you-were-loved Hope this helps. Hugs.

So sorry for your loss... Here are a few resources you might take a look at:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/death.html

http://www.pdhealth.mil/wot/downloads/helping%20a%20child%20cope%20with%20loss%20and%20grief.pdf

http://www.childbereavementuk.org/files/5614/0117/9770/Explaining_to_young_children_that_someone_has_died.pdf

Someone already recommended the book Lifetimes, which I would suggest reading in combination with a more what-you're-going-through book like I Miss You. The book When Dinosaurs Die takes a question-and-answer format which might help you find the right words to explain death to her -- it even has a section on suicide, although as others have mentioned you probably want to be vague about the cause of death with a child this young.

It might also be a good time to read some general books on feelings together, like My Many Colored Days or The Way I Feel. The book Visiting Feelings is absolutely beautiful and might be therapeutic for you to read right now, as well.

Most of all, don't forget to take care of yourself, and surround yourself with as much love and support as you can -- this is really the most important thing you can do for your daughter as well.

Autogenerated.

[#997|+1730|119] Over the past 30 years I’ve witnessed over 1,000 deaths. I’ve realized life’s precarious nature, and appreciate its preciousness. AMA! [/r/IAmA]




-----------------------------------------------------------


underpopular :



>Hi reddit, my name is [Frank Ostaseski](https://fiveinvitations.com/about-

frank-ostaseski/). I’ve spent the past 30 years sitting bedside with a few

thousand people as they took their final breaths. In 1987, I cofounded the Zen

Hospice Project, the first Buddhist hospice in America. In 2005, I founded the

Metta Institute to train healthcare clinicians and family caregivers in mindful

and compassionate approaches to end of life care. > >Some people that I

companioned came to their deaths full of disappointment and turned toward the

wall in hopelessness. Others blossomed and stepped through that door full of

wonder. All of them were my teachers. These people invited me into their most

vulnerable moments and made it possible for me to get up close and personal

with death. In the process, they taught me how to live. I wrote about those

lessons and more in my book [The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can

Teach Us About Living Fully](https://www.amazon.com/Five-Invitations-

Discovering-Death-Living/dp/1250074657). You can read more about it here if

you’d like www.fiveinvitations.com > >If you want the tl;dr of the book, the

main points are: > >1. Don’t Wait >2. Welcome Everything, Push Nothing Away >3.

Bring Your Whole Self To An Experience >4. Find A Place To Rest in the middle

of Things >5. Cultivate a ‘Don’t Know’ Mind > >Happy to explore those in more

detail or anything else you’d like to talk about. AMA! > >My Proof:

http://imgur.com/a/kcxN9 > >UPDATE: Thanks everyone for the great questions.

This has been a ton of fun, but I've got to sign off for now. Thanks again!




-----------------------------------------------------------

IamAbot_v01. Alpha version. Under care of /u/oppon.
Comment 1 of 1
Updated at 2017-09-02 09:04:19.312254

This is the final update to this thread

If you like the idea of a final farewell or 'living funeral' you should read Tuesdays With Morrie it's a true story of an amazing man who celebrated his life like this with his closest friends

If your mother has BPD, I'm very sorry for everything you have undoubtedly been through. This is one of those disorders that makes even the most experienced, educated and competent of shrinks absolutely dread the career they've chosen, so don't feel bad that you've been unable to manage. The way I've coped is to learn as much about the disorder as I can. It helps me feel less responsible for all of her madness (which is what the BPD mother instills in her children from birth). It has also helped me forgive her, understanding that she didn't choose to have this disorder and can't ever escape from it the way that we can. Some really good books that I've found to be very helpful in terms of learning about this disorder and how to cope with this are:

http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Family-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/1592853633/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280355017&sr=1-4

http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280355076&sr=1-1

Therapy has also been invaluably helpful. Best of luck to you, from one BPD kid to another.

a Buddhist teacher who works in hospice has something to say on the subject.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1250074657

The two negative reviews (both 3-star) seemed to share good information. I didn't read the 5-star reviews.


>Frank Ostaseski is a Buddhist teacher and leader in contemplative end-of-life care. In 1987, he co-founded of the Zen Hospice Project and later created the Metta Institute to train professionals in compassionate, mindfulness-based care. He has lectured at Harvard Medical School, the Mayo Clinic, Wisdom.2.0 and teaches at major spiritual centers around the globe. His work has been featured on the Bill Moyers PBS series On Our Own Terms, The Oprah Winfrey Show, and in numerous print publications. In 2001, he was honored by the Dalai Lama for his compassionate service to the dying and their families. He is the author of The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully. More info: http://www.fiveinvitations.com

Your girl has trauma points on several levels that should be addressed. I'm going to hit you with a library of reference material. Self-help books are not a replacement for therapy! That said, knowledge is power, and these are excellent resources.

1. Family of origin issues: this is where shit begins. We learn our self-worth (or lack of it) here. Toxic Parents (Susan Forward) will give you, and her, the concepts and vocabulary to begin to understand and process the effects of a fucked up family and how to deal with it.
   
   
2. Self-esteem issues: Stemming from above. Almost certainly what's behind the 'long, abusive relationship' with some guy who ended up cheating on her. People who stay in abusive relationships (physical, emotional or a cocktail of both) do so as a direct result of issues with self-esteem. Ten Days to Self-Esteem (David Burns) and The Self-Esteem Workbook (Glenn Schiraldi) both give background and practical exercises to help understand the concepts and make progress toward repair. You should both work through this!
   
   
3. Post-Traumatic Stress Issues: Like I said above, you've both been through trauma here. CLEARLY, her trauma is on a completely different level from yours, but you're exhibiting signs of a variation of PTSD yourself. Many people (myself included up until a couple of weeks ago, actually) think PTSD is reserved for war veterans. Not so much. The bible of PTSD is The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook (also Glenn Schiraldi). Buy this book. You can buy a Kindle edition and read it on your computer with a Kindle app if you want it right now and can't find it in a bookstore locally.
   
   
4. Anxiety Issues: I'm betting she has them. Even if she by some miracle doesn't, you clearly do. For your back pocket -- Feeling Good and The Feeling Good Handbook (David Burns). Excellent Cognitive Behaviour Therapy manuals - you feel what you think, and CBT is brilliant for helping you understand and adjust faulty thought patterns.
   
   You need to be able to talk with her about this. Your relationship depends on it. In order for that to happen, she needs to feel safe talking to you about it. You should be able to express to her that you are upset by what happened to her, but no upset with her. You need to be very, very clear in your mind that that is true before you can be expected to convince her that that is true. Help her to understand that terrible things have happened to her - not just the rape, but all that shit going back to her abusive family of origin - that those things are not OK (that may sound ridiculously obvious, but someone that has grown up in that kind of toxic environment needs to hear that loud, clear and often), that they are not her fault, and that you love her and are prepared to support her when she needs you.
   
   She needs to talk to a professional. Do you have access to a women's counseling center or women's shelter where you are? If you PM me your location, I will be more than happy to help you look for resources. Given what you've explained about her background, chances are very, very good she's suppressing post-trauma reactions. Children of abusive situations learn that it's futile - maybe even counter-productive - to express physical or emotional pain. She needs to get with someone who is trained to hear below the surface and help her.
   
   Wow - I'm verbose.
   
   tl/dr: Giant, waiving red flags all over her background. Get her to a trained rape counselor, educate yourself on the probable issues, be there for her.

There's a wonderful biography of Phil Hartman called You Might Remember Me: The Life and Times of Phil Hartman that's very much worth reading.

http://www.amazon.com/You-Might-Remember-Me-Hartman/dp/1250027969

Blatant plug/Full Disclosure: I narrated the Audible Audio edition of the same book:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Bios-Memoirs/You-Might-Remember-Me-Audiobook/B00OP9EM1U

The book is a very interesting look at his life and career, and I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in knowing more about Mr. Hartman.

So sorry for your loss. Having been through a few losses, what you're feeling seems normal--it completely sucks, but it's to be expected suddenly losing your best friend. Here's a very helpful guide to accept and work through it: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077

It sounds like it helped. I'm glad.
I'm sorry that you've had some difficulty in your past. Take free advice for what its worth but try this book: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1525806750&sr=8-1&keywords=the+grief+recovery+handbook&dpID=41kRq5y%252BFTL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

I'm using it to fully grieve my divorce but to also map out my relationship with my parents and other family. The book directs you to make timelines of relationships and give you a process to uncover what unresolved emotional issues you need to resolve. It's really helped me and I hope it helps you.

I feel especially qualified to answer since I am a lady, a metal fan, and today is my birthday. I got Metal Cats which is perhaps the best present I've ever received. Concert tickets would be a good bet too. I always appreciate gifts that are more experiences rather than things.

A book on loss - it's something she might not read right away, but it's something (I found at least) super helpful, and would be hard to buy yourself. I recommend this book

For many the first exposure to faith was presented by the Narc parent. This can color our faith - or eliminate it. As we grow we begin to see that that things are different. Good book on the topic:
When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner
http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

Rabbi Kushner's book is a great resource for people trying to answer this question and one's similar.

Disclaimer - my background is Roman Catholic.

Yes! If you haven't already, you should read her books, From Here To Eternity and Smoke Gets in Your Eyes. Her writing style and humor reminds me a lot of Mary Roach, who actually inspired me to change my career path. Such a wonderful human.

There's Turtles All the Way Down which is brilliant, about a girl with OCD, not exactly what you're looking for, but it's such a good book.

Are you looking for a memoir/non-fiction type book? If so, There's An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness

Edit: Didn't see that another commenter had already mentioned it. So you know it must be good!

Tuesday's with Morrie by Mitch Albom will always be my go to favorite book. I read that in high school first after my boyfriend gifted it to me....I've read it two more times since. Sooo many great life lessons! seriously, it always brings me back to reality when I'm frazzled and stressed or having a hard time. It's so lovely. I don't want to give anything away though ;) Even if you don't read it for book club, read it on your own, it's a short, easy read :)

“Accept who you are; and revel in it.” -Mitch Albom

Oh I did. It's awesome. I have read a bunch of stuff of his. Have you read this? It's a very good (however long) read. It's a bunch of letters and stories written by his friends trying to capture what Hunter went through during his life.

It's terrible, I've been through it, as have many others. The silence is stifling not feeling a winged breeze against your cheek. Over time the house became the bird's, it will be the worst feeling--and, you're right, most people don't understand birds to begin with... don't be mad at them for not "getting" how deep your loss runs. They just don't have your perspective, it sucks, we've been through it.

And don't question it or blame yourself. I lost my best friend, a grey, a few years ago while he was under observation at our Avian Vet. He passed of hardening of the arteries--nothing could have be done. I tortured myself wondering "what if" and "should I have kept him here?" It was a total shock as we thought he had a skin issue (he was a naked plucker).

Life happens whether we get the results we want or not. This book helped a lot:

https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482805924&sr=8-1&keywords=grief+recovery+handbook

One of the first things I did was I made a sizable donation to a parrot rescue in memoriam. It was surprising how good it felt to give to help other birds. It helped me a lot.

After a long while, almost a year, I had rescues and sanctuaries wanting to get me a bird. I've been active with local parrot communities and greys just "click" with me. I wasn't ready so I decided to force myself to go hold a bird... that was it.

We have a local long-standing family-owned pet store that had some greys. I went there just before closing to hold a bird. A CAG got onto my finger and wouldn't get off. He's my bird. I have a picture of that first night home with him asleep on my shoulder his head tucked under his wing.

Give yourself time, if and when you're ready to open your heart to another bird I hope you choose each other. So sorry for your loss--it's not that most won't understand, it's more that they just can't.

My mom is currently reading and really enjoying "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" by Caitlin Doughty. Your mortician friend may already have it, so maybe have someone ask her? It's pretty new.
http://www.amazon.com/Smoke-Gets-Your-Eyes-Crematory/dp/0393240231

I used to suffer from death anxiety quite a bit, coupled with a mind that likes to go all existential and philosophical when I can't sleep.

I totally agree with what some others have said about trying counseling. It doesn't hurt to try.

What helped me the most, and it may sound weird at first, is to kind embrace death. I started out by getting into youtube videos from Caitlin Doughty Ask A Mortician on YT. Curiosity and love of her sense of humor led me to her book, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes. Another author I recommend is Mary Roach.

I started to see death as less of this ominous, negative presence waiting like the stoic reaper with his scythe, and more of just a part of the cycle of life. Its not as much something to be feared, as it is natural and more like a transition from this version of life to whatever may be next. What I find kind of funny about it is that now I'm more morbidly curious than afraid, and that can get some... interesting reactions during family discussions. Some of the things I have read and learned have even helped me cope through the recent loss of my mother.

Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you. Whether that's counseling, reading, learning, or even just sitting down with family and talking. Best of luck to you, and my inbox is always open if you need an ear.

This book might be of interest to you. It's honestly just pictures, but some of them are really awesome.

There are two books I highly recommend you (and your parents) read:

1. Stop Walking on Eggshells, by Randi Kreger
   
2. Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, by Shari Manning
   
   I haven't read Randi Kreger's book The Essential Family Guide to BPD, but I imagine this might even be more appropriate for you/your family given this is your sister. Randi is one of the leading authorities on the subject.
   
   Good luck, I'm sorry to read that you and your family are going through such a rough time.

>Hi reddit, my name is Frank Ostaseski. I’ve spent the past 30 years sitting bedside with a few thousand people as they took their final breaths. In 1987, I cofounded the Zen Hospice Project, the first Buddhist hospice in America. In 2005, I founded the Metta Institute to train healthcare clinicians and family caregivers in mindful and compassionate approaches to end of life care.
>
>Some people that I companioned came to their deaths full of disappointment and turned toward the wall in hopelessness. Others blossomed and stepped through that door full of wonder. All of them were my teachers. These people invited me into their most vulnerable moments and made it possible for me to get up close and personal with death. In the process, they taught me how to live. I wrote about those lessons and more in my book The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully. You can read more about it here if you’d like www.fiveinvitations.com
>
>If you want the tl;dr of the book, the main points are:
>
>1. Don’t Wait
>2. Welcome Everything, Push Nothing Away
>3. Bring Your Whole Self To An Experience
>4. Find A Place To Rest in the middle of Things
>5. Cultivate a ‘Don’t Know’ Mind
>
>Happy to explore those in more detail or anything else you’d like to talk about. AMA!
>
>My Proof: http://imgur.com/a/kcxN9
>
>UPDATE: Thanks everyone for the great questions. This has been a ton of fun, but I've got to sign off for now. Thanks again!

I love to read stuff like that too. My family always looks at me strange because I like reading about serial killers. The psychology behind what they do fascinates me.

Here is Sue Klebold's book. It's really well written:
https://smile.amazon.com/Mothers-Reckoning-Living-Aftermath-Tragedy/dp/1101902752/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482350571&sr=8-1&keywords=sue+klebold

I will have to check out Brain on Fire. I haven't heard anything about that one.

Like you said, so many victims get overlooked because they're not the right race or socioeconomic status. Or their family isn't invested in them.

I can't choose one.

I have Best Of Silent Hill: Music From The Video Game Series

And

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory

Both would need to be used to fit under the $15 limit.

Since you are seeking creepy, this is a favorite song of mine. I always play it when I'm painting.

Texts and Reference Books

Days in the Lives of Social Workers

DSM-5

Child Development, Third Edition: A Practitioner's Guide

Racial and Ethnic Groups

Social Work Documentation: A Guide to Strengthening Your Case Recording

Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond

[Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life]
(https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3ZW7PRW5TK2PB0MDR9R3)

Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model

[The Clinical Assessment Workbook: Balancing Strengths and Differential Diagnosis]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0534578438/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_38?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ARCO1HGQTQFT8)

Helping Abused and Traumatized Children

Essential Research Methods for Social Work

Navigating Human Service Organizations

Privilege: A Reader

Play Therapy with Children in Crisis

The Color of Hope: People of Color Mental Health Narratives

The School Counseling and School Social Work Treatment Planner

Streets of Hope : The Fall and Rise of an Urban Neighborhood

Deviant Behavior

Social Work with Older Adults

The Aging Networks: A Guide to Programs and Services

[Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415884810/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)

Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy

Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change

Ethnicity and Family Therapy

Human Behavior in the Social Environment: Perspectives on Development and the Life Course

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Generalist Social Work Practice: An Empowering Approach

Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents

DBT Skills Manual

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets

Social Welfare: A History of the American Response to Need

Novels

[A People’s History of the United States]
(https://www.amazon.com/Peoples-History-United-States/dp/0062397346/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1511070674&sr=1-1&keywords=howard+zinn&dpID=51pps1C9%252BGL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch)


The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Life For Me Ain't Been No Crystal Stair

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Tuesdays with Morrie

The Death Class <- This one is based off of a course I took at my undergrad university

The Quiet Room

Girl, Interrupted

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

Flowers for Algernon

Of Mice and Men

A Child Called It

Go Ask Alice

Under the Udala Trees

Prozac Nation

It's Kind of a Funny Story

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Yellow Wallpaper

The Bell Jar

The Outsiders

To Kill a Mockingbird

Organized support groups are incredibly helpful.

This is excellent: http://www.amazon.com/The-Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder-Sourcebook/dp/007161494X

Therapy from someone with a doctorate in Psychology who specializes in PTSD is best.

Start on one or all three of these things immediately.

You're not alone. Others have the same problems. Others have recovered. You can recover. It won't feel like it sometimes, but you can. You just have to keep fighting for it. Find someone who's been through it whom you can talk to in person over a burger or a beer. /r/ptsd isn't going anywhere, either.

If you'd like to say what town you're in, you might find someone here who'd be willing to meet sometime. ;)

http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728 Kushner provides a masterclass on this one.

For Humans to have free will, they cant always just choose the good option. They must be able to freely choose evil. God is still 3O's because he did not create that evil but rather Humans did as they could always choose the good option but did not.

Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman probably saved my life a few years ago. I don't really remember if that's because it was such an amazing book or because it's just what I needed during a dark time in my life. Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom is another really good book, but I wouldn't describe it as self-help.

I just read a great book about cremation and funereal practices that might help you.
http://www.amazon.com/Smoke-Gets-Your-Eyes-Crematory/dp/0393240231?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

That sounds awful, I'm sorry about that. I can say that the treatment method I've found to be helpful for myself is Somatic Experiencing (traumahealing.org). It's a method of getting in touch with your body to safely release the tension built up from the trauma. I meet with a therapist who uses these tools and I've made a lot of progress.

Dr. Peter Levine is the person who initially developed this method of therapy, and he has written a number of books. There is one called Healing Trauma that is written in a way that you can work through it and do the exercises yourself. I haven't tried it but maybe it could help you, since you're finding it difficult to find a therapist?

https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Trauma-Pioneering-Program-Restoring/dp/159179658X/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now, but I'm glad you're looking for help. <3

http://www.amazon.com/Gonzo-Life-Hunter-S-Thompson/dp/0316005282/ref=sr_1_16?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1289500932&sr=1-16

^ I really enjoyed that book. Interesting stories from his associates and friends/family throughout his life.

Adam opens the show discussing some delicious salami that was entrusted to Mike August, only to be eaten by his dogs. He also talks about his new police uniform policy, and takes a fan phone call about the media’s response to ‘Road Hard’. Adam then speaks to Mike Thomas about the life of Phil Hartman. They also discuss some hilarious career highlights, and the circumstances of his tragic death. Bald Bryan then discusses the film ‘Chappie’ for this week’s Hooray for Baldywood. Later, Adam takes fan calls about his thoughts on tipping for takeout, and bachelor party etiquette when you’re in a long-term relationship.

The news opens with a story about Obama’s statement on why some people don’t vote. They also discuss a British Airways flight that had to turn around after somebody had left a disgusting mess in the bathroom. As the show wraps up, the guys react to a survey that says half of married men find their mother in law attractive.

 

Click through our Amazon link to get your copy of ‘You Might Remember Me’:
http://www.amazon.com/You-Might-Remember-Me-Hartman/dp/1250027969/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1426802474&sr=1-1&keywords=you+might+remember+me

 

SCTV Mel’s Rockpile

Chappie #1

Chappie #2

Chappie #3

Obama Voting

 

Producers: Mike August, Mike Lynch, and Mike Dawson
Co-Producers: Gary Smith, Chris Laxamana, and Matt Fondiler
Newsgirl: Gina Grad
Sound Effects: Bryan Bishop

["Youtube Video", "Youtube Video", "Youtube Video", "Youtube Video", "Youtube Video"] This post was generated by ACSBot from http://adamcarolla.com/mike-thomas/

I'm glad to hear that you already have someone you're comfortable with. If I could, I'd like to suggest the following books that have helped me a lot in understanding the unique grief for very young widows:

https://smile.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://smile.amazon.com/Im-Grieving-Fast-Can-Widowers/dp/0882820958/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://smile.amazon.com/Wasnt-Ready-Say-Goodbye-Surviving/dp/1402212216/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

JW bullshit aside, I'd like to recommend that you read this book: The Family Essential Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not saying they are, or aren't, but I think there's a lot in there you might find useful. Holy f*ck.

For books, you might consider:

The Center Cannot Hold by Elyn Saks, a professor, lawyer, and psychiatrist who has suffered from schizophrenia much of her life.

An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison, an esteemed psychologist with bipolar disorder.

Also, some Memoirs by psychiatrists:

Danger to Self

Weekends at Bellevue

Sometimes Amazing Things Happen

Welcome to the field! Where are you going for residency?

I know how you feel. That's how I felt when I decided to go to therapy and it changed my life and healed me of my constant panic attacks.

I strongly recommend seeing a therapist, and then adding on group therapy when you are ready as it does things even individual therapy cannot.

You can take control of your life back. Wishing you the absolute best.

Also, this book is amazing... BUY IT: http://www.amazon.com/The-Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder-Sourcebook/dp/007161494X

If you like Hunter S. Thompson, have you read this biography of him? http://www.amazon.com/Gonzo-The-Life-Hunter-Thompson/dp/0316005282/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370561799&sr=8-1&keywords=gonzo%3A+the+life+of+hunter+s+thompson

He's a crazy S.O.B. that's for sure. Also, his book on Hell's Angels is really good.

Have you read Smoke Gets in Your Eyes?

By Caitlin Doughty. She has some insightful and amusing views including more natural internment methods.

?

Reading rainbow!

I'd love this book!

I would start by asking your child's therapist to point you towards resources that they recommend.

Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents is a good read, as is The Essential Family Guide.

I'd sign up for bpdfamily.com boards and ask for advice from the son or daughter board.

I'd also look into your local NAMI chapter and see if they have a monthly support group for family members.

Why Bad Things Happen To Good People is a wonderful written by a rabbi from Natick, Massachusetts. It was a very big seller years ago, but it holds true still.

He should know.
http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Wow. That's a tough thing to process - both the sudden nature of her death and the unresolved problems in your friendship.

I would recommend this book (http://www.amazon.com/Wasnt-Ready-Say-Goodbye-Surviving/dp/1402212216) to anyone struggling in the aftermath of a sudden death. Despite the cheesy title, it is super helpful. It addresses a lot of the issues surrounding unsaid things and unresolved matters (which are common when someone passes away very suddenly).

Hugs to you.

I didn't want to hear anything. Books I read with my mom (When Dinosaurs Die and Saying Goodbye to Daddy are both excellent) helped me a lot more than any religious counseling ever did. To hear that a God you have grown up loving and knowing that he is good, to hear that that God has killed your father and that you shouldn't be sad because he is in a better place, that is really awful.

There are two books which I have found beneficial, on the topic of clearing.

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I've used this to heal a severe attack of gout in a matter of minutes, before. Louise' material is based on affirmations, which to a skeptical mind can initially seem very trite and New Agey, but I would strongly encourage people to give it a try, because I know from personal experience that it really does work. I was actually amazed that it did, because I went into it with the assumption that it wouldn't.

Self Clearing by The Pilot. This online document is a distillation of the more legitimate and valuable material discovered by the Church of Scientology. Again, this one might really scare you, because we all know how much harm the CoS as a group has done. Some of the techniques here truly are incredible, however; the Pilot was apparently someone who was part of Hubbard's original study group during Scientology's very early days, before things largely went as bad as they did.

Be proactive in your therapy. There are lots of good books out there to help people with PTSD.

Here you go: "Metal Cats" - Metal musicians and their cats.

Today in the news, I found the link on the homepage of Germany's (by far) largest online magazine.

This is the best photo!

The book "Metal Cats" (Amazon)

I love Catlin Doughty. She is amazing. I enjoy looking at her blog, YouTube, and most recently reading her book Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.


Link to her blog.
http://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/


Link to her book.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393240231?ie=UTF8&at=&force-full-site=1&ref_=aw_bottom_links


And lastly, link to her YouTube.
http://m.youtube.com/#/user/OrderoftheGoodDeath


You may already follow her, but for those that dont, I recommend it.

Hi! I'm glad you're curious, but I'm not the best person to ask. I work with animal cremations, not human, but it's essentially the same process on exactly the same machines, just smaller loads. Also, I stumbled into this job completely on accident. We needed coverage in the animal shelter I worked in at the time, so I ended up not having to apply or really even search for a job in the field.

Something I wish I had known beforehand (although not a deal-breaker) was that I'd end up being as much a grief counselor as I am a crematory operator, so having good interpersonal communication skills is an absolute must. Most places that I've seen in my area (Upstate NY) also require at least a two-year college degree, but maybe it's different for wherever you're at.

If you're really interested, I'd suggest calling around to funeral homes or crematories in your area and first asking if they're hiring, and if not, asking if you can possibly shadow them for a day. You can read about dead things all you want online, but it's something completely different having to physically handle them and get blood and goo all over yourself (if you're unlucky, that is).

Also, I read a book awhile back called Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty. Although this book is written by someone who works with human cremations, it has enough similarities with my position that I can definitely say it's an accurate representation of working in this field. She also has a youtube channel that I find very interesting.

Wish I could be more help, sorry!

Izhikevich has a great book for mathematical descriptions of neurons and circuits, some cartoons and interpretable descriptions
https://www.amazon.com/Dynamical-Systems-Neuroscience-Excitability-Computational/dp/0262514206/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1543300294&sr=8-1&keywords=dynamical+systems+in+neuroscience
Edit: spelling

A great book for anyone who's ever asked that question (for both religious and non religious people as long as you're not an extremist in either direction):
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1400034728?pc_redir=1414479233&robot_redir=1

Maybe check out some of these books which could help her work through the process that is provided in therapy in a self-guided way. What I would recommend is that she set aside an hour or two a week to devote to this to keep herself consistent, but not overwhelmed by over-reading:

the sexual healing journey

overcome trauma and ptsd

the PTSD workbook

the PTSD sourcebook

Then these are not workbooks - but might help provide her insight and healing:

quest for respect

resurrection after rape

OP, I'm sorry for what is happening to you. I don't have any financial advice, but I recently also went through the death of someone I loved and I found this book very helpful, maybe you will too: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077

Not OP, obviously, but I wanted to share some good books with you that might help.

The Essential Family Guide to BOrderline Personality Disorder
http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Family-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/1592853633

And

Stop Walking On Eggshells
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572246901/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687682&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1592853633&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0B9Z1FD4N51N5S9K72NC

That's horrible, and I'm so sorry you and your family are dealing with this right now. I hope you can reach a new normal that you can live with sooner rather than later. I read this book over and over again when my brother died of an overdose. Super corny title, but they describe all kinds of amazing coping skills and it helped me process I was feeling. I felt like I was going crazy in the months after the funeral, and the text made me feel normal.

You reminded me of an excellent book I read years afo.

https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

Seriously, go pick up this book.

So many great stories in there told by the people closest to HST.

As someone who has been into HST for 20+ years, there was nothing unresolved or mysterious about any of this. In Gonzo the people closest to him talk about how afterwards thinking back they could see how he was actually saying goodbye. Even his son said he never had any doubt this is the way Hunter would go. It's really a good book if you're at all into HST.

Marc Brown (who wrote the Arthur series) has a really good book called When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death that's really good for younger kids to learn about death, the grieving process, etc. Best of luck. My thoughts go out to you and your family.

Edit: I just saw that /u/Brym suggested it as well.

I highly recommend this Book

I think This Video kind of summarizes the best way (imo) to think think about death and how it impacts our lives.

You can find the full Interview here

They’re both by Massimo Pagliuci...

I’m gonna guess it is this first link here
How to Be a Stoic: Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1541644530/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_lu20CbT2HRD2H


Here’s the other one
How To Be A Stoic: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Living https://www.amazon.com/dp/184604507X/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_iv20Cb2NSJT2N

That is "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory", by Caitlin Doughty (of "Ask a Mortician" fame, I think).

It's definitely a printing (or, more accurately, a layout) error. If you go on Amazon and 'Look Inside' the book, the table of contents has numbers.

Thanks just checked this out on amazon, and I'm going to order it.

I'll post the link here for it. If linking not allowed, Mods please remove it.

https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343

The question of why God allows bad things to happen to good people is one of the most difficult to answer in theology. The aptly named book When Bad Things Happen to Good People is by Rabbi Harold Kushner who was trying to find the answer to this himself after his 3 year old son was diagnosed with a degenerative disease. It's been a really long time since I've read it, but it's supposed to be a good start for how someone could find solace and comfort in a god who seemingly created the tragedy they are going through.

I saw a rec for this book. Might be useful?

https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1886941343/additudemagaz-20

I also highly recommend Sue Klebold's memoir, though I found it so emotionally heavy I couldn't bear to finish it. Maybe I'll get back to it someday.

Look into Peter Levine's work, called Somatic Experiencing. Even reading his books, either Waking the Tiger or Healing Trauma will give you a ton of insight on how to deal with trauma beyond the basic "giving respect ".


Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body https://www.amazon.com/dp/159179658X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_V3w0AbCFGAJT4

Considering this is on top of my wishlist, and this is one of my favourite tumblrs...I'm going with "appealing". My SO was not hugely fond of my 2 cats at first (generally likes dogs more) but he loves them and spoils them rotten now.

Your question has no easy answer, but it is still a question worth asking.

Here's an orthodox answer: God is omnipotent but, for reasons we don't understand--and perhaps some that we do (i.e., testing us, part of his plan for us, respect for our agency, etc.)--He does not always intervene when his children experience extreme suffering through no fault of their own. A proponent of this view might argue that our inability to understand the purpose of our suffering does not mean that there IS no purpose, in the same way that a baby getting vaccinated may not understand the purpose behind the painful shots it receives. Some things, including the suffering we experience as a part of (or by-product of) God's grand designs, are beyond human comprehension.

The alternative that you propose, which is fleshed out well in the Jewish rabbi Harold Kushner's When Bad Things Happen to Good People (which is an excellent, inspiring read, by the way)--that God does not always alleviate our suffering because doing so is not always in His control--is helpful in explaining God's seeming failure to intervene in the most painful parts of our existence, but it is problematic insofar as it fails to articulate the boundaries of God's influence. If we assume that God is unable to cure my 12-year-old's cancer because even God is subject to natural law, then what is the mechanism/natural law that allows him to (at least) provide emotional solace to my son and me? Allowing for a God that is bounded in power raises the thorny question of where those boundaries lie.

My personal view is somewhere in the middle. In some circumstances, we may suffer because it is part of God's plan that we do not understand, and in others, we may suffer because it is out of God's power to stop it. I've seen the former born out in my life, where painful circumstances have seemed, in retrospect, to be divine stepping stone to something better than I could or would have chosen for myself. The rational part of me realizes, however, that even God must have limits on his power. He cannot, for example, create a stone that is too heavy for even Him to lift, to cite one omnipotence paradox. Another boundary on God's power is raised in Alma 42, which, discussing justice and mercy, asks, "do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit. If so, God would cease to be God" (verse 25). Assuming this scripture is true, we can conclude that God may be able to allow mercy to rob justice, but He cannot both (1) allow mercy to rob justice and (2) continue to be God. Even he cannot do that.

I’m sorry to hear that, OP. You’re going to have a lot of emotions as you process all of this, and it’s ok to let them come, feel them and then let them go. I read a book after a loss called The Grief Recovery Handbook, which was super helpful. If you like to read, I would suggest it for you.

The Grief Recovery Handbook

When you first lose a pet/when will it start getting better
https://wokesloth.com/old-man-advice-about-dealing-with-death-anthony-bourdain-kate-spade/noah/

Grief recovery book
https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077

Helping children with petloss
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/well/family/when-a-pet-dies-helping-children-through-the-worst-day-of-their-lives.html

Memorial ideas
https://www.thehonestkitchen.com/blog/interview-coleen-ellis-dealing-pet-loss-mourning/

Stages of Grief
https://www.thehonestkitchen.com/blog/pet-loss-the-5-stages-of-grief/

Petloss links (membership costs money, but they have good resources for non members)
https://www.aplb.org/

Petloss experience
http://drandyroark.com/5-lessons-learned-losing-pet/

I understand completely and I'm in my 30s. I still feel like I miss some things even though I do my best to be aware of everyone around me. But like today, I felt really dumb at work. I'm not even sure if it's in my head, or I did something to make things awkward with a certain person. I broke down and bought this after having it in my cart for a while:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1886941343/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Not sure if that would help out you or anyone else here, but I thought I would give it a shot.

Hard to tell without knowing their age. If young, then there are several books that can help, eg:

http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555

I suck at social skills. I haven't had training, but I did find this book, (which I've read like 10 pages of): https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343

Well there is a list of the bands here for the paperback: http://amzn.com/1576876772

I struggled with this for many years growing up. One day I was visiting my grandmother and her friend, a Jewish woman, gave me this book entitled When Bad Things Happen to Good People. It changed my hermeneutic from then on.

Worth a read. http://www.amazon.com/You-Might-Remember-Me-Hartman/dp/1250027969

Yes, very much so. It is probably the worst part of ADHD.

Reason: Most communication is complex and most meaning is conveyed non-verbally. That means tone, body language, context, etc is important. All those details, and I'm too busy thinking about the trying to remember the words alone. Effectively, a person with ADHD isn't great with people early on and that builds on itself. Others will be pushed away, less social experience to practice right and wrong ways to interact, and still having the disorder that makes good listening just out of reach.

Great source, though a relatively old book: https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1494214727&sr=8-1&keywords=what+does+everyone+else+know+that+i+don%27t

These books helped when my mother passed unexpectedly:

I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye
When Things Fall Apart
No Mud, No Lotus

It might be worth revisiting Columbine for yourself, because there was a lot of reactionary hate there as well, not just 'oh killing our bullies'.

Klebold's mom released a book earlier this year, and she's talked about making public the tapes she found of her son talking with Harris for prrrrrretty much exactly this reason.

[When Dinosaurs Die.] (http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555)

I'm a funeral director and I absolutely recommend this book above all others.

I liked this book for sudden/unexpected death - in our case, a loved one in a motorcycle accident. The main points are summarized and easily digestible which is helpful because it's hard to focus when one is grieving

Metal Cats

Here are some links for the product in the above comment for different countries:

• UK: amazon.co.uk
  
• Spain: amazon.es
  
• France: amazon.fr
  
• Germany: amazon.de
  
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Link to a copy of the book on amazon

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1576876772/ref=cm_sw_su_dp

Any book that talks about people in crappier situations than you...a pick-me-up: http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

I came across this book Metal Cats at the library that shows the other size of some these metalheads. Hmmmmm cats, foxes......

Reading Rainbow! Or this one or even this one...

Super fucking relevant

Tuesdays with Morrie

http://www.amazon.com/Miss-You-First-Look-Death/dp/0764117645/ref=pd_sim_b_2

http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555/ref=pd_sim_b_3

Shirt?

Punk kitty?

Hair metal kitty?

A book?

It's nothing, new, really.

Check out the Metal Cats photo book.

I have been seeing the proverbial light as of late, that aside read
book

edit: more description on the 'light'- Been watching a lot of Neil deGrasse Tyson -- nough said --

My cousin is friends with Corey Seymour, Hunter S. Thompson's former assistant and author of this biography. One year, for Christmas (we're bad Jews), she got me an autographed copy of the book, but what really blew me away were the 3 faxes and letters from Hunter S. Thompson that Corey included.

You might get a lot out of this book: "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"

https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

Read a bit about Stoicism. It may help you with these stressful moments in life.

SECTION | CONTENT

--|:--
Title | Why Are We Morbidly Curious?
Description | My twitter: http://www.twitter.com/tweetsauce My Instagram: http://instagram.com/electricpants THE SMOKE GETS IN YOUR EYES book: http://www.amazon.com/Smoke-Gets-Your-Eyes-Crematory/dp/0393240231 Everyone Loves A Good Train Wreck book: http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Loves-Good-Train-Wreck/dp/0374533709/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1412758187&sr=1-3&keywords=eric+g+wilson Google Glass + Vsauce PARODY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymebYkl2lA0 V1 and V2 and V3 eat gross jelly beans: https:...
Length | 0:13:51






****

^(I am a bot, this is an auto-generated reply | )^Info ^| ^Feedback ^| ^(Reply STOP to opt out permanently)

Same. Organ donation if possible, then toss me out in the woods! I want my dead flesh to become the living tissue of another plant or animal as fast as possible. It's my version of eternal life. :)

ETA: If you haven't read Caitlin Doughty's book, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes yet, you should.

He doesn't.

edit: try this if you actually want a real answer to what I think you are trying to get at through the lens or religious people. - Oops I originally linked to the wrong book of same name...

http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728/ref=pd_sim_b_1

I can actually help a bit as I am going through something very similar right now.

First of all - I am sorry about your loss, it doesn't take the pain away but realize you aren't alone.

Have you built up a good support system? People are going to be asking you 'what can we do', let them help in any way they can. One of the moms from my daughters school setup a meal delivery thing on some website, I have food in the cooler every night and haven't had to grocery shop in a while.

Here are some books to help you talk with her about it:
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide To Understanding Death

The Fall of Freddie The Leaf

Edit - Remembered the third book
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

There was another one that the school counselor gave me but I can't recall the name. The dinosaur one was the one my daughter most connected with.

As far as telling her. I just sat my daughter down, and reiterated how mommy had been sick for a while, and that last night she died. We cried for a bit and then that was it, she went back to status quo. She cried a couple more times after that and aside from the occasional 'I really miss Mommy' there hasn't been any outward signs of grief. From talking with the school counselor and the bereavement center this is all normal for her age range (my daughter is around the same age as yours).

I feel for you friend, feel free to reach out to me anytime.

When Dinosaurs Die?

https://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555

We avoid all thoughts of death in the west. We just don’t want to think about our loved ones or ourselves dying. That’s why we let funeral services deal with the whole thing and you pay them the big bucks.

A really great book by Ask a Mortician lets you get comfortable with the idea that you’re going to die and everyone around you is going to die and there’s nothing you can do about it, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

I'm not trying to plug religion but this book helped me through some shit.

https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

My father and brother recently died and I've read a ton of the kids books about death to my 3 year old daughter. . The Fall of Freddie the leaf was too wordy for my 3 year old. She ended up really liking When Dinosaurs Die and I Miss You.

> And all the unnecessary pain and suffering that comes along with it. I'm sure the people dying of AIDS in Africa are thrilled to have free will.

A rabbi, Harold S. Kushner, wrote a whole book on the subject, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"

I don't understand all of human suffering. Some comes as a result of our bad choices. Some just happens. I have faith that all of the suffering is a part of God's plan, although it's our obligation to relieve what suffering we can.

Choose your weapons:

>I often get sexually harassed, as most twenty-year-old girls do, and it kills me inside

Read everything in order by violent acres

Read what you can find by Thich Nhat Hahn

If you care to, read "The Post-traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook" by Glenn R. Schiraldi.

You can probably find it through your college library for free. . .

PAX

MCW

You could try Richard Goodall Gallery for music/movie posters, not sure how many metal bands they have...if any. Also I'm not sure if anyone sells prints of Weegee's photographs but he is famous for arriving on crime scenes before the police to grab his shots, here are some examples and here's a decent looking book. There's also this book that I've been trying to track down a copy of in the UK, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes about working in a mortuary.

If he's into vinyl, a lot of metal bands put out limited edition releases which you can probably get for somewhere around £30-50 or even if he's an Argento fan, the Goblin soundtrack to Suspiria would be pretty cool

Fright Rags and Rotten Cotton do horror T-shirts and Rotten Cotton even has an Italian-Horror section with a few Argento items

Nobody should make diagnoses over the internet, but, based on what you've said about her here, it's my personal opinion that your sister most likely has BPD.

To answer your question: there is a very high correlation between BPD and drug/alcohol abuse (just as there is between bipolar and drug/alcohol abuse). People with these disorders often turn to substances in order to numb the emotional pain that they're feeling when they're unable to use healthier coping mechanisms. Of course, the mental illness and the drug abuse combined make each respective problem even more problematic, so it's a particularly difficult cycle. It sounds like your sister would benefit from some dual-diagnosis-oriented treatment, but I'd say that the therapeutic work regarding her personality is the first priority here.

As far as how you should conduct yourself around her: this is a very complicated issue. I would personally recommend that you get your own therapist; even though they may not have specific experience in working with family members of those who have BPD, they should be able to help you deal with some of the difficulties that have arisen in your life because of your relationship with your sister. Also, I'd suggest getting some books about this topic, here are some good ones:

The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells

I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

I'd recommend the first one for starters, and the second is good also.

Sorry to have misunderstood you. My 4 year old has been getting up at the butt-crack of dawn for the last few days, and since I'm always running on an energy deficit because of my MS, now my reading comprehension has taken a bit of a hit. He's back in school today, so he should be pretty worn out, and I'll get some freaking sleep.

On Death and Dying is the number one resource that I recommend. If books on grief had a gold standard, this would be it.

Healing After Loss is another good one that I often recommended.

I wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is one I wish I'd had during my brief time doing grief counseling, because almost all of my patients lost someone suddenly and tragically.

How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies is another old one that's still relevant)

Getting to the Other Side of Grief is one that is specific to losing a spouse.

I personally used The Grief Recovery Handbook and I recommend it so often I should really put it on business cards, but your friend might do better with the workbook that goes with I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye.

A Grief Workbook for Skeptics is brand new and I haven't had a chance to flip though it at the library, but it's nice to see a book address the grieving process for atheists/agnostics. Not that the other books I recommended are religious-y, but atheists (like my husband) do have different grief needs than theists, and it's good to see those getting addressed.

Incidentally, I'm not a social worker anymore. I quit this morning. Not my job, I quit my career. I have MS, and it has finally come to the point that I can't work in any capacity, whether as a social worker or a dog walker or one of those people who dress up in banana suits and stand on busy streets spinning signs to get you to go buy a cellphone or something. I'll be applying for disability tomorrow. So henceforth, take my opinions as that of a former social worker.

Please give my condolences to your friend. They say that losing a child is the worst kind of grief imaginable. And it was (and sometimes is) pretty fucking horrible. But despite going through that, and two traumatic pregnancy losses, the thought of losing a spouse is terrifying to me. I can't wrap my brain around how I could function after that, and I'm saddened to hear that your friend has to live that nightmare. I hope one or more of these books is helpful. The only thing I think I can contribute is something someone once told me after my son died, when I was drowning in grief and wanted to know when it would go away. It never goes away, but one day you wake up and find that you don't mind carrying it with you anymore. It becomes a part of who you are. If you think that your friend would be helped by hearing that, pass it along, but if not just tell them that I'm sorry for their loss.