(Part 3) Reddit mentions: The best motivational books

That loving a tree thing gave me a really weird visual... but here is some of the best advice I can give you, I hope it helps.

~Get your body healthy. Start eating right, cut out as much sugar and soda as you can and bring in to you diet as many vegetables and fruits as you can. Start exercising 3-5 days a week, maybe jogging or going to a gym. But if that seems like something you wouldn't be able to make a habit, maybe just try taking a walk everyday or something, just getting outside and moving my legs really helped me through some of my hardest times. Also maybe consider quitting smoking if you feel that is the right move for you, it totally changed my life for the best when I quit cigs and tree.

~Start journaling or somehow writing your thought and feelings down. This sounds like it wouldn't be that helpful if you have never tried it, but trust me, it can do wonders for clarifying what exactly needs changing in your life. I think journaling can be 100x more effective than any form of therapy.

~Hang out with your friends and don't talk about how you feel depressed, talk about stuff that feels nice and get your mind off of what is making you not feel so nice.

~Check out stuff by Anthony Robbins, he is incredible. I recommend Lessons in Mastery. It really gave me a huge boost and changed my life for the better permanently at a time when I felt like how you have described you feel now.

~Get some hobbies, get outside, get your mind off your troubles and into books, sports, action, anything that makes you feel better. But make sure your not pushing your emotions under the rug, make sure to figure out (maybe with the help of journaling) what exactly the message your emotions are trying to send you is. Once you know what their message is, then it is fine to move on and take action based on those messages.

~I also recommend a book called One Small Step Could Change Your Life and also Switch.

Here are amazon links to my recommendations below (each one changed my life for the better permanently)...

If you want to talk about anything or ask me questions about how I got through some very hard times just PM anytime. I sincerely wish you good luck with everything :-)

http://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Mastery-Anthony-Robbins/dp/0743525159

http://www.amazon.com/Small-Step-Change-Your-Life/dp/0761129235/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318486356&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/Switch-Change-Things-When-Hard/dp/0385528752/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318486377&sr=1-1

First of all, kudos to you for having aspirations of starting a company in the future. I think it is awesome that you are thinking about this at a young age. You also bring up a lot of valid concerns which show that you've really been thinking through this. I can imagine myself writing this post in my younger days. Please, keep the fire and passion. Here are a few of my thoughts as I read through your post. I'm really excited about your journey and I'm sure there are great things in store for you in the future!

1.Sometimes starting out in a company isn't so bad.
> I'd be very grateful to earn a 9-5 job with a nice company, but I want more.

That's great you don't want to work a 9-5 your whole life! Sometimes working in an already established company will give you great insights on what to do and what not to do in the world of business. You could look for a smaller startup company to get a feel for what the roles and responsibilities would be in a more lean environment. Even if you worked for a large corporation you could gain valuable insight on what makes it tick. It could also be an opportunity to understand how non-technical things, like workplace environment can have an effect on business.

2.Understand your motives before diving in.
> I want to be able to be my own boss and start a software company of some sort.

We all want to "be our own boss" in a sense. What else compels you to want to be an entrepreneur? Take some time to evaluate why you have have such a desire to do your own thing. What are your true motivations? Is it money, freedom, status, etc? How will your life look 2-5 years down the road if you are successful? Many times people have a delusional idea of what entrepreneurship will look like which can sometimes be heart-breaking.

3.Traditional business classes do not teach you to be an entrepreneur.
> I would imagine I would have to partner with someone with business knowledge, possibly a student majoring in business. Do I need to take business-oriented classes or should I just focus on the software aspect?

I received my MBA a few years ago. There's one thing you should know... the typical business classes do not teach you to be an entrepreneur. In fact, they really teach you how to be a higher-up cog in a conventional business. I know that this is a blanket statement and is not true for ALL business classes and schools but it holds true for a majority.

4.Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.
> I don't have a clue about what our product would be... Is this a good area that I could create a company on, or is it too early in development?

My advice right now would be to not rush in too quickly. It is obvious that you have many many many more things to consider and learn. Developing anything, whether product or service is about solving a problem or meeting a need for someone. The idea is to bring value to someone who will in turn pay for this value. The journey to finding the person, problem, need, market, solution, etc. takes time and should not be taken lightly. This is not to say it can't be don't quickly but don't expect anything to happen overnight. Once you start speaking the language of your target market and communicating the value you bring you are on the right track.

5.Good luck!
> Is there anything else I need to learn/do before pursuing this dream?

Yes :) - You have LOTS to learn and do. Be ready to fail, learn more and repeat. I have no doubt you're up to the challenge. Here's a couple resources that may help you in your journey and good luck!

Will it Fly by Pat Flynn. Talks a lot about how to find and validate ideas

Get to know Steve Blank. This is one of many of his videos

I've even read that the two may be related - that the OCPD behaviors may manifest as a way to impose order on the chaos resulting from ADHD. (Take this metaphorically, though - I didn't read it in a medical journal, just from accounts of others' experiences with both disorders.)



I know I've struggled with perfectionism and other OCPD symptoms nearly my entire life, and wrestled with problems likely due to ADHD since adolescence. I'm no expert, but here's my advice from my own learning journey these past few years:


1. Don't get too hung up on the perfect diagnosis
I did receive an official ADHD diagnosis at the age of 27, which allowed me to start taking stimulant medication. But I've never been 100% certain if it's true. Like you and others in this thread, I've wondered if it's OCPD masking as ADHD, or both disorders, and I've been told by doctors that it's just anxiety, etc. The truth is, these are both hard to verifiably diagnose. Better instead to understand what your symptoms are and experiment to find treatments/habits that work for you, and worry less about the labels. There's so much we still don't understand about both ADHD and OCPD.


2. That said, read up on both disorders so you can best advocate for yourself with doctors and best explain your issues to friends/family
Two resources that helped break things down for me most clearly:
The book Too Perfect
This Russell Barkley video series. I don't necessarily love Barkley's books on the subject - they feel a bit too simplified - but this video series is great.


3.As others have said, find a new doctor.
I think it's perfectly appropriate for a doctor to be careful about handing out ADHD diagnoses - but saying he doesn't believe it exists is a total non-starter. It's NOT too late to get an assessment - symptoms often don't present (or become problematic) until precisely this time. I wish I had been diagnosed at the start of university, rather than six years later when I was demoralized and struggling to finish. See if you can find a doctor who specializes in adult ADHD in your area. I actually had my assessment at a university as part of their clinical research - you might be able to find something similar.


4. Start getting acquainted with gentleness and acceptance, you're going to need it
There isn't a cure for either ADHD or OCPD. That's the truth.
There is much you can do to manage the disorders and live a great life, but these challenges will always be with you, so it's important to start accepting that and being gentle with yourself along the way.

For me this was a bit easier with the ADHD - it's clearly a brain chemical disorder, it can be treated with medication, and it's something other people are familiar with. The OCPD is much more insidious because it's ego-tonic - it feels like a normal (and of course correct!) part of your personality - and fewer people (including doctors) are aware of it.

The fact that you're aware of these symptoms now and are seeking help for them puts you WAY ahead of the game. But even with good treatment and lots of self-awareness it isn't always easy. So remember to be gentle and forgiving with yourself when you can.


Here's another unusual resource that's been very helpful to me in recent years: Constructive Living. It's sort of an anti self-help book that really encourages you to get out of your own head (great for OCPD) and ground yourself in meaningful productive/physical activity (great for ADHD). Similar to some CBT approaches.

Sorry for the wall of text here - hope something in this can be helpful to you.

I wake up early fairly consistently. Most Saturdays I sleep in until 8am, but throughout the week 5am is the norm. Today just happened to be 2:30am, so consistency as far as exact time isn't really a thing for me.

My morning routine I've adopted from Hal Elrod's Miracle morning. I originally read a synopsis found here after hearing about the concept. I read some reviews and thought the book was pointless to read, but I'm finally reading it now and not hating it. I thought the synopsis would be enough and the book itself would be full of fluff, but it's both inspiring and informative.

Essentially, the morning begins with 6 things. How much time you spend on each is up to you. Depending on homework, work and other tasks I have planned, I'll spend up to 2 hours doing these things and sometimes I just rush through it so I can work. Of course, again not so consistent, I do skip the routine altogether some days and I notice those days don't go too smoothly afterwards.

1. Silence/Mediation/Prayer. I'm not religious at all but strangely, I find myself praying in the morning. I find entreating myself is a way to solidify who I want to be and forces me to visualize solutions (#3). Silence and mediation is pretty self explanatory, it helps you relax. I often defer this part of my routine so that I can work on something and then meditate to relieve any stress it causes. Finally, this is a good time to remember to stretch.
   
   
2. Affirmation. I do this in two ways. I either in my writing (see #6) or during/after my mediation I'll start. Affirmations for me basically consists of repeating my goals and my personal Mission Statement (if you don't have one you should, this idea I adopted from the The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). I end essentially forcing myself to be very excited. Not really a though process just a feeling, a rush of energy to get started.
   
   
3. Visualization. As I mentioned, I do a little prayer routine most mornings. This forces me to visualize my goals. Sometimes I just visualize something specific, like the other day I had a bench trial. Maybe I'm planning a hike or learning something new. Today I visualized next week and thought about what the week would look like in retrospect. Then I did the same for the month, and thought about my goals as if they had been achieved.
   
   4.Exercise. I usually wait till about 6 or 6:30 to wake my girlfriend up. We take our dogs for a walk and I usually run off midway with our bigger dog (she walks the little dog back to the house). Sometimes I just walk the whole route with everyone. Afterwards I'll either follow up with a workout or hit the shower. Exercise really awakens the body and of all of these things is the most important. I feel like it's great for depression, axiety and many other ailments, but then again I'm not a scientist and don't care to back up this claim for the sake of this post.
   
   
4. Reading. Not necessarily following this order, I'll often read something during the first part of my morning, before exercise (then I can think or talk about it while I jog/walk). I try to find something good on reddit, pick up a book I'm reading, or I'll work on a tutorial (web development, programming) which often involves reading. I avoid the news and negative articles for obvious reasons. Today, this thread was my reading, so it can be anything in my opinion.
   
   
5. Scribing. I usually write last. I try to write something very simple so that I don't lose motivation. The reason that writing is important in the morning is, if you write about the day before you are forced to remember something that would easily be forgotten. Writing also is a good way to do Affirmations and Visualizations, as well as plan out your day. This used to be really hard for me but then I just decided to keep it simple-stupid. So in other words, a few sentences suffices when I'm not in the mood. On the other hand, this morning I wrote a blog post and now I'm writing this. The point is, though, whatever I write doesn't have to be the length of a book.
   
   Speaking of which this post is becoming a book so I'll stop it here. Hope that helps or inspires someone. I recommend the books I've mentioned, but from what I understand Miracle Morning has basically been summed up in this post but like I said I'm enjoying it so far. As far as when you wake up, I think the earlier the better, personally and 6am just does not cut it for me.
   
   Lastly, I should mention a good way to remember the above is the acronym SAVERS. Thats why I didn't put things in order of what I do necessarily, but in the order that fits the acronym.

Funny - I went through a similar transition when I was only a year or two younger than you.

What you need is a goal outside of your relationship - a driving force for yourself and your career, dreams about what kind of kickass life you want to be living, ideas on where you want to travel and live, and plans to make those things happen. You need to be fearless about deciding what you want in life, and all the assertiveness, confidence, and self-reliance that are inherent in womanhood will come as a result of that.

You need to think long and hard about what you want out of life, and then decide to make it happen. Nothing is too grandiose - do you want to live in the South of France? It can happen. Do you want to eventually own your own company? It can happen. The luxury of your age is that you have time to make these things happen.

To me, being a "woman" means you don't give a shit what other people think about you because you've got your goals and desires figures out (but you are still kind and polite). It means that you're life isn't dictated by fear - and it means that you are self-reliant. Therefore, any man, any career choice, any group of friends that comes into your life is evaluated by you according to whether it brings good or bad to the table for you. You don't settle for anything out of convenience.

It comes down to assertiveness, confidence, and a willingness to shamelessly ask for what you want. You already sound intelligent, you just need to learn to be stronger; with strength, you gain sex appeal. Lots of it. All of a sudden, you're a hot item, because you need to be won, you don't seem to just settle for whatever comes your way.

Know your value, know your worth. I can guarantee you it's much higher than you think right now.

Regarding your partner: if you want to still be with him, do so, but it would be a red flag for me if I hadn't had sex for months with my BF - especially at 25. Why spin your wheels at your age with someone who isn't setting you on fire with excitement? I'll tell you why: because you're afraid to leave him.

Don't live your life out of fear. Ever. Dive in full-on, take risks, and push yourself to keep growing.

Read this ridiculous book: Why Men Love B*****s - just get it! It's great, it summarizes the idea of being kind, but also prioritizing yourself first.

Read and complete the exercises in this book: The Assertiveness Workbook - a wonderful, scientifically backed-up personal course in being more assertive.

Read this great book: The Defining Decade

Get better at socializing: How to Win Friends and Influence People

In terms of motivational books to figure out what you want to do with your life? Jesus - there's too many good ones out there. Google any list of "top motivational books", "books about planning life" etc. To start - the books Willpower and Grit were useful for me.

Additionally, there's Brene Brown for a softer approach to finding what you're about as a human being. Braving the Wilderness is a great pick - and for something a bit more direct, read Unfu*k Yourself.

This is going to sound nuts, but read all of these. If you play videogames, stop. If you spend too much time on reddit, stop. Read to pass your time now, and keep growing. These books will help you learn to be strong, sexy, and give you control over your life.

cracks knuckles

Here's my top /insert quantity here/. I read these all regularly (most once a year, some of the smaller ones, once a quarter), and listen to them during my commute more than is perhaps strictly healthy (might as well make good use of the time.)

• The Richest Man In Babylon by George S. Classon (Great book about money management, but also very useful inspiration for digging yourself out of a hole. The audiobook is particularly well read.) "Die in the desert? NOT I!"
  
• Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. The title is a little bit misleading and the language, being almost 100 years old, is a little hokey. But don't let that stop you. Every self-help/success/motivational book written since this contains a small fragment of the information that's in here.
  
• As A Man Thinketh by James Allen. This is a tiny little book. But it's absolutely impeccable. It would be easier to call it a work of philosophy than anything else. But it distills everything down so very well that it can't be ignored. The unabridged audio version (from Brilliance Audio) is exceptional, and only about an hour long. I just re-listened to this on my way home today.
  
• Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude also by Napoleon Hill with W. Clement Stone I came across this before I read Think And Grow Rich, so maybe I have a soft spot for it. But it's one of the few that I read pretty frequently.
  
• Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get A Life by Larry Winget. Larry's awesome. He's written a lot of books and they all say more or less the same thing, so I couldn't really recommend more than one of them, though I think I've read 6 or 7. He doesn't pull punches and he doesn't coddle.
  
• Do The Work by Steven Pressfield. This one is relatively new to me. I just finished it yesterday. It's a great little work about Resistance; the things that get in our way when we set out on a project, big or small. He talks in a pretty practical way about the phases of bringing an idea to life and the setbacks that seem strangely common to most endeavors. His writing is a little unrefined an colloquial. But I found it refreshing. I highly recommend it.
  
• How To Read A Person Like A Book by Gerald Nierenberg Since you mentioned body language specifically, this is my favorite. It's been a long time since I've read it. But it was extremely enlightening.
  
  That ought to do it. It's really all there. Plus, if you start searching around through that kind of stuff, you'll undoubtedly find more that you're drawn to for one reason or another.
  
  There are a couple well known names that are intentionally absent. Tony Robbins, for one. Tony is keen to blow sunshine up your ass so that you buy his next book, bigger program, seminar, etc. If that's the kind of thing you need, read The Giant Within. I can't stand his stuff. I find it patronizing and egomaniacal.
  
  AMA. I've read hundreds of these things.
  
  Enjoy o/
  

You may already be familiar with this, but I can't recommend enough Steven Hassan's books and website. He's probably the country's leading expert on cults and getting people out of cults.

The BITE Model demonstrates how cults get their hooks in you; and from this, it's clear to me that a mission is like a cult-within-a-cult, similar to the Sea Org with Scientology.

His book Combating Cult Mind Control fleshes out the BITE Model and does a great job helping us understand how the whole process works. For me, having this understanding has helped me to be kinder and more compassionate toward my TBM loved ones, and just help me to not go crazy when dealing with them. His explanation of the divided self (indoctrination creates a second, "cult" personality that suppresses, but never fully destroys, one's true self - even with people born into these groups) also gives me hope to rescue my family before too long.

Freedom of Mind, which I've only just started, appears to show the process he uses to help get people out. He goes into some of it in this excellent video.

I really hope this helps. Best of luck.

You're welcome! I got hyperfocused on fixing my ADHD once and learned some good tricks, haha. Here are some good books to look into as well:

First: "Attitude is Everything" by Jeff Keller. Very short book. It explains how your attitude basically controls how you feel about everything in your life. This relates to learning because you can choose how you feel about learning. Especially when armed with methods for studying & remember stuff, you can start each study session excited & confident instead of feeling repressed by having to actually do the work of learning instead of the idea of how exciting learning something would be:

https://www.amazon.com/Attitude-Everything-Change-Your-Life/dp/0979041031/

Second: "Unleash the Warrior Within" by Richard Mack Machowicz. As mentioned, one of the core takeaways I got was that you have to learn how to setup targets for yourself and then knock them down. A simple but kind of mind-blowing concept because you grow up getting work handed to you, and having to break things like studying down into chunks, put them on a schedule, etc., isn't really ever a skill we're taught. And that applies to studying for school, painting your house, following a workout program, etc. Setup targets, knock them down. Great concept:

https://www.amazon.com/Unleash-Warrior-Within-Discipline-Confidence/dp/0738215686

Third: "The Talent Code" by Daniel Coyle. The basic idea that talent is somewhat overrated & consistent work is really what makes people successful. There are plenty of smart kids out there who never end up applying themselves in college, for example, and end up being under-achievers. Second concept, slow failure - learning & mastering individual concepts, slowly, and learning not just how to get good at it but how to fail at it is important (the part about the Link Trainer is great). Third concept, myelin being an actual thing in your body that represents the work you put in to build "talent" or skill through repetition. Excellent book:

https://www.amazon.com/Talent-Code-Greatness-Born-Grown-ebook/dp/B0026OR1UK

Fourth: "Getting Things Done" by David Allen (aka "GTD"). The basic concept is to capture 100% of your commitments (both to others & to yourself) in a system off your mind (notepad, smartphone, whatever), and then process them by asking what's the outcome desired & what's the very next physical action, and then grouping them by context so you always know what to do next when you're actively working on things. If you want a bulletproof system for never letting things slide or dropping the ball on anything ever again, this is it. It's a somewhat difficult system to learn because it is very comprehensive, but it's also very much worth it:

https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity-ebook/dp/B00KWG9M2E

Fifth: "Grit" by Angela Duckworth. First, watch her TED Talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H14bBuluwB8

The basic idea is that people who have "grit" are the ones who are the most likely to succeed, with grit being defined as basically picking a goal & sticking with it. This goes back to what I was talking about with having to be overly-organized when it comes to managing my ADHD...I have to not only pick something, but also break it down & make sure I work on it every day, because as you'll learn in GTD, you can't really "do" a project, you can only do actions related to the project, and when enough actions are completed, then the project is considered "done". So it's not about being superman and reading a book overnight or rushing through stuff, it's more, as the author puts it, like running a marathon & keeping a steady pace, which is really really really hard to do & counter-intuitive, because no one likes feeling stuck to a schedule. But by breaking stuff down like that...whether it's weightlifting or studying math or whatever...you will grow & learn over time.

https://www.amazon.com/Grit-Passion-Perseverance-Angela-Duckworth-ebook/dp/B010MH9V3W/

Sixth: "The Seven Hidden Secrets of Motivation" by Todd Beeler. You have to take this one with a grain of salt, but the concepts are good. These are basically good tricks for "motivation in the moment", i.e. how can you trick yourself into getting started on things? One trick is perspective. To cite a (hardcore) example he uses: "FloorboardQ, how does your difficulty with the process of learning compare to a blind child dying of terminal cancer?" Well suddenly it's not such a big problem, right? Similar to the "Attitude is Everything" book, we can shift our perspectives & our attitudes and change our moods & how we approach things so that we can kind of shrink the problem down to make it feel more manageable.

https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Hidden-Secrets-Motivation-Unlocking/dp/B000F0UUDM

I spent most of my high school years playing video games, jacking off, and reading. None of my time ever went towards anything productive and as a result, I became severely depressed to the point where suicide was my only option. I hit 20, and things didn't seem to get any better. I tried going to the gym, and would kill it for about two-three weeks only to get hit with a wave of depression and sink back to old habits. At some point, my girlfriend decided to break up with me. She couldn't grow with me and I was holding her back because of my negativity and lack of discipline. Every day I would wake up, barely eat, not do anything but play video games or smoke weed and after two years she was sick of it.

Eventually I found this book and picked up some small habits explained such as:

1. Drink WATER, lots of water as soon as you wake up and right before bed
   
   
   
2. Create a simple, easy, MORNING ROUTINE: Here's Mine:
   
   Wake up (no alarm)
   
   Drink water (A LOT, it wakes you right up)
   
   Play music (upbeat pump up jams)
   
   Stretch (GET THAT BLOOD PUMPIN)
   
   Pullups/Pushups (bought this pull up bar)
   
   Clean room in between pullup sets
   
   MORNING SHAKE (recipe bellow)
   
   Morning walk/listen to ebook (so many great apps with free books about motivation/success)
   
   get home, meditate
   
   breakfast (usually oatmeal with almonds, fiber one bar, soy milk, and two bananas)
   
   Then I do whatever is on my todo list...usually this starts around 930.
   
   
   
3. DIET: I drink veggie shakes in the AM with chia seeds, flax seeds, kale, spinach, dates, bananas, strawberries, and blueberries first thing in the morning. I eat vegan except for the occasional fish at work when I'm underfed.
   
   
   
4. SLEEP, I began to take this Sleep aid which regulated my sleep pattern. I sleep at 10 every night and wake at 7, no alarm clock.
   
   
   
5. EXERCISEL: I created my own routine that has been working incredibly well and I finally feel confident enough to take off my shirt. I work out 6 days a week and ignore most bro-science shit out there and just listen to my body.
   
   
   
6. GOALS: I wrote out what I wanted to be in life: I chose, Bartender, Cook, Fit, MMA Fighter, DJ, Artist, Traveler, YouTube Star
   and work on these every day as much as possible.
   
   
   It's been about 2 months of steady discipline and things have been great. Almost at 700 subscribers on youtube (cooking channel), have released 5 mixes on soundcloud. My drawing skill has greatly improved. Gained about 8 pounds (recovering from anorexia) Sleep at least 8 hours every day now and have listened to many great ebooks.
   
   
   My advice is: start with small goals such as increasing water intake or eating more clean. The small steps will always get you closer to your goals as long as you don't stop
   
   heres a tip: download "audible" for a smartphone and sign up using an amazon account. You get a free trial where you can download 2 audiobooks. Use that to listen to Gorilla Mindset every night as you try to sleep. Pair that with the sleep aid, and you're on your way to a better sleep
   
   SLEEP AID INFO (copied from other comment)
   
   The sleep aid itself isn't a magical sleep pill. In fact, it has these ingredients: Melatonin, Gaba, L-Tryptophan, and Vitamin B-6
   
   Benefits of
   
   Melatonin
   
   Gaba
   
   L-Tryptophan
   
   B-6
   
   
   I started by taking 2 of the sleep aid pills which is 4mg of melatonin but that barely helped. It wasn't until I stumbled upon this thread suggesting I lower my dose and surely enough after I switched to 2mg I felt a great change. An hour after I take the sleep aid I'm sleepy and drowsy. Of course, you can stay up on it and it wont knock you out, but if you're genuinely trying to sleep it will make a huge difference. I recommend playing a positive audiobook outloud (GORILLA MINDSET) while you sleep and I promise you'll pass out either from boredom, or tiredness. Plus you get a book read to you? HELL YEA

Hey man, i hope you're ok. The fact that you're messaging asking for help shows to us all that you don't want to go through with this, but you feel that it's the only way out. So first it's great you're seeking a solution and I hope I can offer some guidance to you.

(Some context on who I am) I'm in my mid twenties, reasonably successful and heading in the right direction (it's not easy though). My background is in Psychology, I've provided counselling before and at one stage in my life I also contemplated kicking the bucket. In fact I set a date and gave myself a goal. "If nothing has changed by xxxx I'm calling it quits, but first lets make sure I've exhausted every option". I too had self image issues and it's completely normal.

There's a theory that depression is an evolutionary advantage as it allows you to access a state of mind that makes you avoid pain. It also gives you access to a greater mind of clarify, allowing you to be super critical on yourself. This is useful as you can outline your problems to work on them.

It's unfortunate that you've been given a shitty hand but it's also a blessing in disguise. I guarantee if you get through this, this is the lowest you will ever feel in your entire life. Nothing else will move you and you will be unshakeable. Knowing that you and you alone pulled yourself out of this rut will give you skills and a mentality that will be advantageous to getting what you want and dealing with shit times later on in your life better than everyone else.

I'm going to start with your recent breakup as i'm going to assume she offered you some happiness in your life and was a support structure to you. With her leaving it's made you feel extremely isolated, you've got mixed emotions and no more support but it was the right decision. You need to process these emotions and grieve for the relationship you've just lost. THE best way to grieve for lost relationships is to write 2 letters. One from you to her, this is where you say everything you wanted to say to her "I appreciate the time we had together, ill always remember xyz but also you're a massive cunt" (you get it). Then the second letter you write from her perspective to you and you write it as a response to your original letter "I'm sorry I was such a bitch, I should have been more xyz". This isn't some hippy bullshit, just do it. read it and anytime you feel sad about the relationship, re read the letters. Trust me on this one, it helps you get through the grieving process quickly.

Baldness How to look good if you're bald and How to prevent baldness

Career If you're struggling to get a job I don't mind you pming me your C.V. and I can revamp it for you. Other things to consider move to a bigger city, get a fresh start, the larger the city the bigger the opportunities. Ok, so what If you don't have money to move to a new city ? and what if you don't have an education to get the job you want. Don't fear, look for an entry level sales position as they don't require much experience, it will force you to become more social and you'll make friends and a lot of cash in the process. Butttt what if you don't want to do sales ? Learn Copywriting you can self teach, and hire yourself out/start your own business from just learning this skill. Also if they're no good, have a read of this.

Happiness : You should go to the gym for this alone. You mentioned you don't have much time so I'm recommending cardio. However you need to set yourself daily goals so that you can complete them and by doing so you get a feeling of self accomplishment. This ads to your self worth. By building up your self worth through accomplishments you begin to lay the groundwork to feeling happy again, as you're pushing yourself and you're seeing improvements.

You should be supplementing with Vitamin D3 (5K IU's perday) this will boost your mood, also eat a lot more bananas , protein and fat. Read Gorilla Mindset it's a short book, you could read it in 4 hours. This goes into how to "think" correctly and you will see improvements from day one. It also touches on how to supplement correctly to banish depression forever.

Friends : Fuck them, they did you a favour. Fuck them seriously. So how do you get new friends at 19 ? Join a contact based sports team. Yanno the way army vets always stay in touch with one another after wars ? it's due to this great thing that happens when you and your team are pushed into a conflict situation and you look out for one another, strong bonds are made. It's the same for contact sports and you could have a new best friend in a couple of months if you committed yourself . On top of that, you will also develop social skills and future job connections. It also gives you something else to occupy your time up with so you're not feeling sorry for yourself in your home. It's also very easy to speak to everyone as you all share the same common interest of the sport you play.

I hope this has given you some actionable advice, if you need someone to speak with then shoot me a PM.

You can certainly support him in this, but you can't do it all.

His primary doctor or oncologist should refer him to a psychologist or social worker or to an integrative care specialist who can can do the same. They can point you to programs and classes to help people facing illness handle stress, e.g., meditation, yoga, etc. Anti-anxiety medication like lorazepam can be pretty effective.

Also, he should consider joining a cancer support group. There is something about sharing with other people going through similar things that is very powerful.

If he is actively religious then you may want to speak to his clergy person. You can do this even if you are not religious yourself.

You can do your part by simply being there, listening, and not judging or correcting him. What he is feeling is part of a natural process. In fact, it is a healthy sign that he is sharing his fears with you.

Some specific books that you may want to take a look at both for yourself and for him include:

• On Death and Dying, by Diana Kubler-Ross creator of the Five Stages of Grief model
  
  
• When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron. Has a Buddhist bent to it, but you don't have to be Buddhist to benefit from the wisdom. She has an audio book version and I find her voice to be very calming.
  
  
• The Last Lecture, by Randy Pauch. You can actually watch Randy Pauch's "Last Lecture" on youtube. Have some kleenex handy. Many feels.
  
  Those are just off the top of my head. I will let you know if I have any other ideas. Both my parents died from cancer and I went with them through it pretty much every step of the way.
  
  Make sure that as you go through the process of helping your father, you also take care of yourself. The more mentally and emotionally centered you are, the better you can help him. It is like when they tell you on the airplane to put on your own oxygen mask before helping a child put on theirs.
  
  Peace and good wishes to you.
  
  Dan
  
  EDIT-fixed a link

Depends on how old you are.

• Middle school: I really enjoyed this, this, and this, but I don't think I can read those books now (29) without cringing a little bit. Especially, Getting Things Done because I already know how to make to do list, but I still flip through all 3 books occastionally.
  
  
• High school: I really enjoyed this, this, and this, but if you're a well adjusted human and responsible adult, then I don't think you'll find a lot of helpful advice from these 6 books so far because it'll be pretty basic information.
  
  
• College: I really enjoyed this, this, and started doing Malcolm Gladwell books. The checklist book helped me get more organized and So Good They Can't Ignore You was helpful starting my career path.
  
• Graduate School: I really enjoyed this, this, and this. I already stopped with most "self help" books and reading more about how to manage my money or books that looked interesting like Stiff.
  
  
• Currently: I'm working on this, this, and this. Now I'm reading mostly for fun, but all three of these books are way out of my league and I have no idea what their talking about, but they're areas of my interest. History and AI.

joelst :

Hi Joel! I've been taking cold showers since January and gotta say, CST really

changed my life. Two quick questions, have you consider taking a course with

Wim Hof (aka the iceman)? What are your thoughts on his approach to cold?

Thanks!!

joelrunyon :

I don't know any of Wim's specific courses - so I can't say. I like to learn

from smart people though. I like the cold :)

: joelst :

:

: During my first weeks with the CST I researched on the cold effects on the

: body and found a lot of info on this dutch guy. With breathing exercises

: and cold exposure he can regulate his body temperature and produce even

: some sort of enhancement of his inmune system. He climbed mount Everest

: and the Kilimanjaro(with some of his students) just wearing shorts. You

: should check out [Scott Carney](https://www.amazon.com/What-Doesnt-Kill-

: Environmental-Conditioning/dp/1623366909)'s book. A really good read if you

: are into cold. Keep up the good work Joel! Thanks!!

:

:: joelrunyon :

::

:: Yup - I know about Wim! I've read parts of Scott's book as well. I think

:: the caveat on the Everest climb is that he climbed to base camp or just

:: above it - I don't believe he summitted (please let me know if I'm wrong)

::


-----------------------------------------------------------


A_Man_of_Routine :



what's next, Joel? ...and when is enough? Ever think about settling down?

wife, kids and a few dogs?

joelrunyon :

I have some personal fitness + strength goals I want to hit. I have a few new

impossible challenges, I want to launch at the beginning of the year. I

would love a dog! I don't think all of them are mutually exclusive :)

-----------------------------------------------------------


milkywaylava :



Hi Joel, One of the most helpful things I've found on your blog is the clod

shower trick. It is something simple and short that I can do every day that has

a huge impact on how I think. Do you have any other short exercises for brain-

training/dramatic thought change like that, or any advice on how to develop my

own?

joelrunyon :

I'm working on them :) Here's a few: Blackmail Yourself -

https://impossiblehq.com/blackmail-yourself/ The Impossible List -

https://impossiblehq.com/impossible-list/ Workstation Popcorn -

https://impossiblehq.com/workstation-popcorn/

-----------------------------------------------------------


canigetagobears :



What is your favorite breed of dog? Is it Wrench?

joelrunyon :

Pitbulls (and wrench)

-----------------------------------------------------------


coryrenton :



food wise what are the most palatable foods at the beginning, in the middle,

and at the end of a marathon?

joelrunyon :

Before - I don't like to eat very much before races. Maybe a couple of eggs

on toast. Middle - Gummies are my go-to. End - Pizza.

-----------------------------------------------------------


digitalnomadic :



How do you feel about Maneesh being way cooler than you tho?

joelrunyon :

If only that were true...

-----------------------------------------------------------


mrlozza88 :



Fair play to you mate! An incredible achievement to have. Ive done an ultra

marathon myself, 62miles (100km) so know what you went through, but not after

your 1st one I dont. I cant imagine the pain you went through, I nearly lost my

big toe due to doing mine. A question about entrepreneurship: How does one

go from having an idea to getting it to be real, with zero cash? Kind Regards

Lozza

joelrunyon :

Make your idea as small as possible. Find out if people will pay for it.

Like cold call them, do it by hand, whatever you have to do. Get paid for it

before you do the work. Then, once you get a couple customers, build it.

: mrlozza88 :

:

: You need to patent it first surely? How does one even get to that point, I

: spoke to many people in regards to my ideas and all have said a brilliant

: idea, however I dont want to tell companies of them as they have the money

: to patent it for themselves

:

:: joelrunyon :

::

:: Depends on what it is. Patents can cost thousands and thousands of

:: dollars. And that's just the patent. Then you have to enforce it. At

:: some point you have to jump. If you can't do the patent idea, there's

:: gotta be another idea that you can do that will provide the funding to do

:: the patent idea.

::


-----------------------------------------------------------


kesmaster :



Hey Joel, I was just curious about which towns in Guatemala the schools were

being built in? Keep up the good work. These are the fights worth fighting.

joelrunyon :

We're still waiting on those details. Our first school was built in a school

outside Panajachel [(in Las Palmas)](https://impossiblehq.com/impossible-

school-2013-pop/). The HQ in Guatemala has moved to Guatemala City, so I

think the schools are being spread a bit more evenly across the country - but

we should know in the next few months!

-----------------------------------------------------------


wafflez707 :



Hi, what was the hardest part of the marathons?

joelrunyon :

Doing so many of them back-to-back. After the Finland race, I thought I

broke my foot. After spending all day in the hospital, the nice Finnish nurse

heard what I did, shook her head and said "you work it too hard."

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IamAbot_v01. Alpha version. Under care of /u/oppon.
Comment 5 of 7
Updated at 2017-09-28 10:38:49.739045

Next update in approximately 20 mins at 2017-09-28 10:58:49.739078

Ok, so I don't know if this will help, but for texting the friend, type up the text then save it. Then at a later time, when you think you really want to text that friend again, send the text immediately without thinking more about it. Then what's done is done and everything is in the wind and let the chips fall where they may. Another thing that may help is imagining the worst thing that could happen. This is where I can help you: she says no. Will that crush your soul and your will to live? no. You'll be sad for a little bit, but you still have your friends and now you know and you can move on. That's the worst thing that could happen. You can survive that. I guess I'm just trying to put things in perspective. Ask yourself, would you rather be mauled by a bear or ask someone out for dinner. If the bear seems more attractive, I'd suggest going for a hike every now and then. It'll help clear your mind and increase your chances of crossing a bear.

As for paying bills and getting work done, I'd say start off with telling yourself that you're only going to do ten minutes of work. That's not a long time. Then you are going to give yourself ten minutes or maybe even half an hour of justified goof off time. This is key. It has to be justified goof off time.

What most people find is that starting is the hardest part. Once you start, it is orders of magnitude easier to continue for longer than the ten minutes that you set for yourself. This is basically what is promoted in the book The Now Habit.

As for anxiety and depression, I hope you've seen a doctor or someone qualified to tell you whether or not it's serious.

I suffered from depression all through high school and college. I felt like I didn't deserve to be part of anything or worthy of attention. One of the things that helped me was realizing that we are all made of stars. Every atom other than hydrogen was once a part of a star. That means you and me, we both came from the same stuffs and we both have a right to be where we are doing what we're doing. From there, I extrapolated that life is all about making ourselves happy without hurting other people in the process. So now the difficult part for me is figuring out what makes me happy. It's actually kind of fun. It has led me to new hobbies and new friends.

I hope this helps!

TL;DR Text the girl before you even think about it. Read The Now Habit. We are all made of stars.

Glad you enjoyed it!

I tend to place a high priority on looks in apps. Not always, but many times. Reddit is no exception. RiF looks too dense to me, the font is too small, and it resembles the website way too much. I like Relay for how nice and airy it looks, there's a bit of space between posts. It's smooth, and I can scroll between comments using the volume key.

I greatly prefer My Effectiveness over Todoist. The main reason that made me shun Todoist was it's complexity and the requirement to sign up with an account or login using Facebook/Google. In contrast, ME is free and is based on your phone. But the biggest thing keeping me with ME is it's philosophy. It helps you keep everything in context, to sort to dos (or "actions", the way they call them) by not priority but objective ("Importance") and subjective ("Urgent") urgency. The way it is designed is based on the book 7 habits of highly effective people (Amazon, university PDF), which I haven't read but just based on this app is probably worth a read.

I highly recommend you check out their description of how the app is intended to be used.

Edit: Just saw your edit. Yeah, aCalendar and Etar are pretty familiar. What sold me on Etar was that it is open source and completely free, no in app purchases even. The developer even put his github source on the app page. I've been trying to move to FOSS (free and open source software) apps as much as possible. My only concern is that the app hasn't been updated since December 6. Not really a major concern for now, since it works great and looks great with not bugs that I can tell, but it makes me wonder if it is still in development.

So just to get the ball rolling I'll share a key lesson that I've learned from my mentor, who's pretty high up there in the corporate world. As in this guy is featured in business magazines, works with billionaires and meets with CEOs of household name companies on a regular basis. That kind of level. That's not to brag (and he's not even the type that would himself anyway), that's to give weight to the advice he's given me that I'll share with you guys. Because it's coming from "the top of the mountain" so to speak.

The buzzwords at that level are CREATIVITY and INNOVATION. CEOs and leaders of all kinds of fields are desperate for creative thinkers who can come up with new ideas and solutions. No matter how competent and masterful you may be at doing what's already established in your field, if you don't have any drive to innovate then the furthest you will ever get is a "Worker Bee of the Year" award and a company mug when you retire.

Now this is obviously not "new" advice, since it's been out there since the 1930s. But in a shitty economy that is nothing like the one your parents faced, it is more crucial than ever. My mentor has told me that in this day and age, unless you are very highly specialized and rare, then getting someone capable of doing "typical" work processes is becoming much easier (and cheaper) every day. Somewhere in the world there is someone who can also do your job, is way more desperate for it, and will probably do it for cheaper than you.

What companies are willing to pay and pay well for is creativity and leadership in your field, because they will come to YOU for that.

This applies across all fields. STEM, or non-STEM. Whether you're on Wall Street, or in academia. Innovate, innovate, innovate. Don't just be "good" at what you do. Be a person who is pushing your field further in whatever ways you can. It doesn't have to be groundbreaking or revolutionary, though of course that would be great. It's not that you have to be the next Steve Jobs. But at least demonstrate to your superiors (or to whoever matters for your career advancement) that you aren't succumbing to inertia and that your focus is on the future of your field--not the past.

And if you don't care enough about your field to even want to innovate in it, you might want to reconsider what you're doing. Unless you're OK with mediocrity, which is really fine if that's all you really want. (Not being sarcastic here, I know not everyone has career as their #1 priority and believe me I can understand that.) But if professional/career success is your priority, this is what I'm being told is essential in these times.

It sounds like you are on a road to burn-out. I've crossed the precipice and fallen into that abyss many times. At 31, I finally have some real insights on this subject.

The transition from student to professional can be daunting, and particularly so when you enter into an arrangement that resembles being a student -- i.e., working from home, especially in a research capacity. All of those old pressures come back -- you end up having the same lifestyle/problems as a professional that you did as a student. If you don't develop any better stress and time management mechanisms than you did back then, there's no reason to expect that the outcome will be better or different. Online jobs are especially bad for procrastinators, especially since Web 2.0 and its explicit focus on distracting you.

It sounds like you are employing avoidance as an anxiety-abeyance strategy against the rising tide of work, which never seems to wane no matter how much you work. Then you feel like you are always busy, always behind, always need to be working -- even if you instead spend your time procrastinating, online shopping, etc.

Making endless to-do lists and schedules is another penchant of the avoidant-obsessive personality type. The problem is that the schedules themselves become a visual manifestation of your anxiety, hence you tend to avoid them too, and end up feeling worse.

It might be beneficial for you to go to the office more often, to feel more viscerally-connected to your work and your colleagues. Perhaps you'll find the millieu motivating -- perhaps this is the solution to your problems. But maybe not, because as someone with these tendencies who has worked in an office building, I can tell you that it's just as easy to feel buried in that situation.

The resentment in your relationships, caused by not spending time with them owing to a sense of dread over work un-done, is just going to get worse and result in those relationships withering and dying. I would recommend taking a notebook to the park and trying to understand the root of your work-related issues. It won't happen immediately -- you'll have to devote time to it regularly in order to develop the sort of self-psychoanalytical facilities that allow you to view your self from a detached perspective. Once you figure them out, explain them to your friends and family, so that they might gain a sense that your absence from socializing with them is not personal.

As for how I've dealt with these issues:

• Have a morning ritual to get you ready to go. Although it's obvious, I find that waking up, eating something, showering, brushing my teeth, using mouth rinse, and washing my face brings me from a drowsy, non-alert state to fully on-line and ready to go.
  
  
• Exercise! Every god damned day. No excuses. It provides me with the clarity of mind and energy necessary to approach my work.
  
  
• As you mentioned, sleep is absolutely critical. I try to get up at 8:30 or earlier every day, so that I can put in productive time, and actually feel good about what I have done at the end of the day -- good enough that I don't feel guilty about doing non-work-related things.
  
  
• The book Getting Things Done has a lot of good advice for organization. In particular, write down everything that you need to do in every area of your life, and have it on a piece of paper in a file folder. When it's written down, it's not in your brain floating around causing you anxiety. Make sure your to-do lists are task-oriented and not goal-oriented. For example, "cure cancer" is a goal, not a task. "Read XYZ paper on cancer research" is a task, not a goal. Write each task on its own piece of paper so that you can consider them in isolation without getting overwhelmed by the totality of the work.
  
  
• Keep daily progress reports. Writing down something on a paper that says "DONE" at the top of it lends visceral satisfaction to progress.
  
  
• I find it helpful to regularly re-frame my work. I.e., rather than just having a to-do list of actionable items, I devote some time every day to writing down where I am within a project, where I want to go with the project, and the steps I can take that will get me closest to it.
  
  
• If it is possible for me to work on something off-line (i.e. if I am editing a document, programming, doing mathematics or whatever) I often disconnect my internet connection. If I need to look something up, I either do it on my phone or plug in my internet connection temporarily. Perhaps that isn't an option in your case.
  
  
• If you struggle with getting started on your work, focus on that specifically. Don't spend an hour repeatedly checking Facebook and reddit. Do it once, and then find a way to get your head into your work. Perhaps by reviewing the work you did yesterday, reading your to-do actions, or taking a walk. I like to go to the park with a print-out of yesterday's progress report and my to-do list.
  
  
• Take breaks during the day. Some people like the Pomodoro technique. I tend to work for about two hours at a time, before my eyes start glazing over, at which point I go for a walk around the neighborhood, take care of chores around the house, etc. Anything to take your mind off of work for a bit -- and resist the urge to let your mind wander back until you sit down to work again.
  
  
• Take dedicated time off. When 5/6PM rolls around, you are done for the day. Stop thinking about work. Don't do any work at all on the weekends. Eventually, you will re-frame your thinking so that you come to think that a particular block of hours is dedicated to working, and the rest of life is yours to do as you please. This mindframe itself is beneficial to productivity: given that I only have N hours to work, I certainly want to make the most of them so that I am less buried tomorrow, and can enjoy life even more tomorrow.
  
  
• Don't discount circumstantial factors -- in your introduction story, surely the stress of being in a different country apart from your loved ones was detrimental to your mental state. We like to think that we should be infallible, but circumstances can definitely affect your mood and productivity. For me, I find that keeping my apartment clean (spotless, in fact) is very important. When there is miscellaneous stuff strewn about in my perihperal vision, it leads to anxiety. It makes me view the world as homeostatic, which is not what I need when I need things to change (i.e. the amount of things on my to-do list).
  
  
• If you drink alcohol, it will affect you the next day. Keep it limited to two drinks except for special occasions and the weekend.
  
  You might benefit from books on personal psychology. I found Too Perfect excellent and insightful. The NOW Habit had some useful advice in it as well.

Sorry for the long post. Take it for what it's worth, this is just one person's experience 15 years in:

$50-$70k is certainly possible if you know what you're doing.

However, if you're going to freelance, you're going to be up against those bargain-basement Fiverr guys until you can grow your skill set and command a premium.

Honestly, I don't see "website development" as a growing field. The low end is a race to the bottom. You're never going to make real money chasing local businesses such as pizza shops, hair salons, etc...

The Mom & Pop's and Small Businesses can't pay, so they DIY with WIX or WordPress, or go to Fiverr or Freelancer.com. The ones that actually seek out a developer are not worth your time or your effort, and they want everything for nothing.

Mid-size business don't want to pay because they think they should be able to get everything at Fiverr/Freelancer prices.

They want to know why you want $10k to do what someone else offered to do for $1k. It's a bitch (and often a complete waste of time) to educate them on why they're paying more and what it means for their bottom line.

When the above people eventually have trouble, well, that's been my bread and butter for the past 3 years. I get a lot of word of mouth work as a "fixer" of sorts. The rest of my income has been internal web application development for smaller companies (things like client portals, data collection, inventory, etc...), but those jobs are a bit more rare.

My favorite example (which is a little worse than my typical client): "My developer no longer has time to maintain my site, and things are broken everywhere. My SEO has tanked and I'm losing more money in sales every month.

This site had 76 active WordPress plugins (and some were most definitely duplicate functionality) on top of a do-it-all theme AND Visual Composer (yes both). This site was assembled by an "agency".

So, yeah, this is what you're up against. Ruthless, sometimes unscrupulous people who will tell the client everything they think the client wants to hear, and then desert the client when things eventually fall apart.

This isn't a rare thing. Like I said, it's been my bread and butter for a while now and I hear the same stories from colleagues.

Anyway: to give you an idea where I'm at: I have 15 years experience in web development and graphic design. I have a design education through High School and Vocational School. I also have an MCSA (which provides me with a ton of relevant knowledge).

I have enough experience and education to provide meaningful data and solutions with clear explanations. I don't make a move without a reason, and it shows in my proposals.

That's freelance Web Development in 2019.

My advice: If you find that your passions can lie in one of the paths at the following link, become a rockstar on that path.

This link provides a great overview of what is required to become a developer in 2019: https://github.com/kamranahmedse/developer-roadmap

Start off working for an agency and get some real-world experience, learn as much as you can about things that are peripheral to your chosen path where you can (because the more you know about how your role fits with other roles, the better).

Resist the desire to become a full-stack developer until you have many years under your belt, and the room in your educational bandwidth to take on more learning about things not directly related to your chosen path.

Once you've gotten some real-world experience, then start considering a career freelancing. Keep in mind that freelancing is more than developing and designing.

A lot of your time will be devoted to sales, marketing and accounting, so you'll need to become at least adept at those fields as well.

A couple of great resources for those thinking about freelancing:

The E-Myth Revisited. This should be essential reading for anyone looking to strike out on their own.

Mike Montiero's, Fuck You Pay Me. Should be mandatory watching.

Lots of valuable information at The Futur YouTube channel.

Personally, my plan at this point is to get out of "doing" entirely and move into consulting for larger businesses and startups with money to burn.

There's too much to keep up with. The technology moves so fast that it's impossible to learn everything and keep up with the intricacies of the latest frameworks, techniques, standards, etc... .

The plan/build process consumes too much time and has become too specialized for one person to handle effectively (if they're really trying to turn out quality results and not just slapping sites together).

My plan is to become the planner and let other people do the work.

ConorTurk - Thanks for the question. I think the best information that you will find on e-commerce / marketing is actually online as opposed to in actual books.

Here are a few resources that I recommend:

• Smart Passive Income Podcast - Great source for general tips / stories on building an online business
  
  
• Will It Fly Book by Patt Flynn on how to start an online business
  
  
• Smart Blogger Jon Marrow is a successful blogger and online business coach
  
  
• Growth Lab Ramit Sethi has several courses that help people start online businesses. I've taken a few of them and think they're great.
  
  Hope this gets you off on a good start!
  
  As a way of background I have newsletter where I share proven case studies of successful entrepreneurs. I outline step by step how they made money and got freedom from their day job. If you’re interested let me know and I can PM you the link to the newsletter or if you have any questions.

First, congratulations! Exciting to be going out on your own.

Getting your contracting license is just the first step to running your own business. There is SO much to know. You may know the contracting field backwards and forwards, but as a business owner you also have to know accounting, bookkeeping, marketing, legal (business formation), management, and more.

While I can't give you any advice about contracting, I've owned a company for more than 17 years. I'd like to suggest a few books I think will really help you on the business/marketing aspects.

The E-Myth Revisited by Michael Gerber

How to work ON your business, not IN it. Great book on building systems and processes in your business.

Financial Intelligence for Entrepreneurs

What the numbers really mean. How to read the financial statements and know what they mean to your business.

Getting Things Done by David Allen

The best productivity book out there.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Not as much a book on productivity as it is on priorities, leadership, and purpose. Probably the most impactful book I've ever read... it was given to me at my first job (almost 20 years ago) and I reread it every couple of years.

If you aren't into reading books, at least take some online courses in business, marketing, management, etc. Watch some TED talks. Go to a conference or two.

And be sure to post here and ask questions when you're stumped... lots of really helpful people here in /r/Entrepreneur!

I've been studying the Wim Hof method for about five years. I was one of the first people to learn it from him in Poland. I'm also an investigative journalist and someone who was very skeptical of the super-human sounding claims that he makes. When I went to visit him my plan was to out him as a charlatan, but it didn't turn out that way. In a week I really started to see the benefits. And it just got better from there. I've accomplished pretty amazing things with the method--most notably hiking up Mount Kilimanjaro shirtless last year in January. I have a book coming out about my experiences with him in a few days. You can see a trailer about it if you're interested.

If you want to learn the method there is a 10-week course online that will keep you to a schedule as you train, but it's not really necessary if you don't want to splurge on it. The core is learning the breathing method and becoming comfortable in cold water.

I met a girl a couple summers ago during an internship in NYC. At the end of the summer I left to go home to Illinois, and we parted knowing that we had had a great relationship over the summer, but it was probably over since I was going home.

As I was waiting at my gate at Newark International (a good hour before my flight boarded), I got a call from her saying that she had given a friend of her's who worked at Delta a couple gifts to give me, and he would be there in half an hour. Half an hour later, she called to tell me that instead she was there herself. I left my gate, and found her at the ticket counter. She was actually able to get a special non-boarding pass from the man behind the counter to let her through security. Of course it didn't matter, because I had come out, but it was amazing nonetheless.

She was in tears, told me how much she was going to miss me, and gave me two books: one copy of The Last Lecture, which I hadn't told her, but I had already seen the lecture video, thought it was amazing, and didn't even know there was a book; and one empty moleskin journal, since I had told her I needed something to keep my ideas in. As a guy, it was one of the most romantic things anyone had ever done for me.

She is now my fiancée. We've had a 2-year long-distance relationship, and I'm moving out to be with her at the end of January.

tl;dr

It's happened to me.

I'd then also recommend Robert Greene's Mastery. I've written all over my copy, great for taking notes if you want to pursue a singular passion like the greats.

Certainly not historical, but Ferriss' Tools of Titans had a great mix of improvement like 48 Laws that you could dip in and out of. I'm not a huge fan of Tim Ferriss, but I enjoyed sampling through what caught my interest.

There’s a ton going on here, so sorry for the block of text, but I’ll try to touch on everything.


I'm just now emerging from a prolonged battle with anxiety/depression. I feel like I've progressed a ton from where I was 4 years ago, but I'd be misleading you if I said it was a quick fix.


I find that my depression gets worse the more I fall into a routine. When you feel tired and down all the time, it's easy to get stuck in a rut where you just wake up, go to work/school, go home and eat/watch TV. It's easy, and you already feel like shit, so why would you do anything that seems like it would be even more stressful? However, your life gets worse because you're doing nothing to improve it, so you retreat deeper into your hole in an attempt to feel safe. The cycle worsens. You really need to bombard yourself with stimuli to force yourself out of that comfort zone. Your survival instincts kick in and it at least allows me to feel a bit more in control of my life.


Anxiety is a bit easier. If you can identify the situations that cause you anxiety, confront them regularly. Start with baby steps and move on from there. Example: If you have social anxiety, start by asking an old friend to grab coffee with you before trying to hit a nightclub. If you're like me and just have general anxiety with no specific source, exercise is the only thing I've found that really seems to help.


You may want to try reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People . I read it a few years ago, and with a bit of tweaking to fit me, I've been able to use the first portion of the book to really help me set and reach goals. That could really help improve your self-esteem.


As for the guys you're meeting online, make sure you're being clear about what you want. I think 90% of the problems between people of opposite genders are just breakdowns in communication. You're telling us that you feel like those guys are just in it for phone sex, but are you telling them that? What exactly is your end goal perusing r4r?

I don’t think being sober or celibate (at least for the time being) is a major problem if you understand the connotations they carry. A lot of people will assume you’re boring when you tell them you don’t drink. They may also feel uncomfortable drinking around you which would lead them to avoid inviting you to social situations where alcohol is involved (See: almost every social gathering in your 20s). You need to go out of your way to be fun and outgoing. You also need to abolish any urge to criticize anyone ever about their drinking habits. These two things will shut your social life down as a non-drinker.

Not wanting sex right away is understandable. I haven’t slept with most of the girls I’ve dated. However, the lack of sex definitely carries a connotation. When I’m in a relationship with a girl and things aren’t really escalating physically, I tend to assume she’s just not that into me. If the sexual holding pattern persists for too long, and she doesn’t do anything else to show that the relationship is escalating in her eyes, I’m grabbing my parachute and jumping ship at the next possible opportunity. If you’re getting more interested in a guy, but you’re not ready to make that jump, you’re going to have to discuss this with him and respect his decision one way or the other.


TL;DR – Focus on self-improvement first by setting long term goals and creating a plan to attain them. Respect your own beliefs and feelings, but be aware of how they may make other people feel.

Hi, im currently a CS major and just wanted to recommend you some of the resources I used when i started with CS at home:

Java (prob. easiest language to learn) -http://docs.oracle.com/javase/tutorial/

Java video tutorials -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hl-zzrqQoSE

Daily programing challanges, still try to do one each day for fun (great place with like minded people) -
http://www.reddit.com/r/dailyprogrammer

Never used this one but suppost to be good: http://www.reddit.com/r/LearnProgramming

Books on the subject of learning: I honestly loved Mastery, amazed by the way people like da Vinci, Darwin etc were learning their crafts http://www.amazon.com/Mastery-Robert-Greene/dp/0670024961?tag=s601000020-20

Other CS resources i use frequently is:
http://stackoverflow.com/
http://serverfault.com/

We live in the age of internet, its never been easier to find other people that are learning the same subject and are willing to share knowledge and experience.

Just pm if you ever have any cs questions when you are stuck

I felt the same way as you before I started going to the gym. Here's how I overcame it:

I walked to the gym everyday without any intention of actually working out. I got there, turned around and walked home.

I just made it a habit to get to the gym, chiseling off the smallest barrier and tackling it.

Then one day I decided to take it to the next step: walked in, signed-up and left. Second barrier down and I'm starting to feel good about myself.

The next day, I go in and just bike for a bit. I wanted to lift weights eventually, but felt more comfortable biking so I did that.

I was already in the habit of getting to the gym everyday, so I just kept walking in and biking everyday and turned that habit into working out everyday.

Eventually, I felt that I belonged there and became naturally comfortable spending my time there however I wanted.

So, the general idea is to isolate action-steps, breaking them into their smallest pieces and then conquering them one by one, allowing your success to build upon itself.

It seems like that would take awhile, but it's a lot faster than wishing you could do something for years and years.

More recently, I read this book which complements my experience perfectly: http://amzn.com/0761129235

Pasted from a comment I made the other day:

Dude, I love you asking about books!

•Codependent No More

•No More Mr. Nice Guy -I was raised by a very Beta father, and influences significantly by feminism over my education through teachers and friends’ parents. These two books helped break that and accept it is okay to be a fucking male and make your own way in this society.

•The 3rd is not a book but a podcast: The MFCEO Project also available on SoundCloud, and stitcher. I linked episode 107 because it greatly influenced how I structure my approach for life. I also highly recommend episode 141, the battleground mentality, it also helps address approaching society and how we make excuses.

•Way of the Wolf - teaches business principals with a tried and true system. It isn’t for everyone but Straight Line selling is a very powerful tool.

•Discipline Equals Freedom -This wasn’t as influential for me as I had already placed the development tools it teaches into place, but for anyone starting off on their self development journey I highly recommend it.

I realized the importance of using love and desire as stimulants to raise your vibration, not just semen retention. I’ve always felt that I lacked in love energy from past suffering, and have been told to start using my love energy more by an astrology reader. I remembered the last time I was in love and it’s true, my vibration was extremely high then, even before I knew about SR.

Here’s the book I have:

https://www.amazon.com/Think-Grow-Rich-Landmark-Bestseller/dp/1585424331/ref=asc_df_1585424331/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312009828129&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12753329312955903371&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9012661&hvtargid=pla-406163951913&psc=1

As a fellow over-thinker, I completely understand the different trains of thought you describe here. What helped me was to gather a little perspective by widening my scope. Over-thinkers have a tendency to fall into a very narrow scope when it comes to how we view certain things, because we spend so much time delving into the depths of those things that we lose sight of the why, or the bigger picture. I'd recommend listening to some Alan Watts, especially his talks about "purpose," and maybe taking some time to redefine your why. Why do you go to the gym? Why do you want to go? If you feel pressured to do something because of someone else, or a community of someone elses, then you aren't going for you and of course you aren't going to be satisfied/happy. That was seriously a massive wake-up call for me.

Secondly, try to look past the insults from those people. They are projecting because at some point they were in a situation where they lacked discipline and that type of aggressive insulting was probably what they needed to hear to develop self-discipline. And that's okay. But it's clearly not what you need. That being said, the discipline answer is really the right answer once you strip away the insults. Once you've rediscovered your why I'd recommend reading the book Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual by Jocko Willink. He examines the idea of building discipline and looks at the idea of discipline from multiple mental perspectives. That and look up the psychology behind Mel Robbins' 5 second rule. Those two things provide a pretty strong framework for how to cultivate self-discipline. Ultimately though, it's going to boil back down to your why. For me it turns out my why was simply because I like the way it looks and feels to be in shape and to be able to help friends and family with manual labor like moving or gardening, or go rock climbing with my buddies. Once you know your why (it's likely going to be very simple once you zero in on it) you will have won half the battle.

Good luck on your journey and know that you're not alone.

Just looking at your user page, I too can see that we share the all too elusive 'capacity for critical and intelligent thought which aims to achieve higher and broader levels of consciousness and personal growth' ...on a good day at least...on the other days I go back and forth from one WTF extreme to another...Crazy times we're living in right? If you haven't heard of it this book Tools for Titans is just up your alley I bet...Here's the author Tim Ferriss on the Tonight Show ...Not only did the content and idea of the book itself hook me instantly, but I was amazed at how graceful and relaxed Tim Ferriss was from start to finish in this interview, he even managed to calm Fallon down which is no easy feat, it left me thinking "I want to do what that dude is doing" Thank you for the compliment; when I am tripping I tend to listen to Led Zeppelin, Steely Dan and The Grateful Dead, my thoughts probably couldn't be reigned in enough to write...are you some kind of chemist? I have a big 'Breaking Bad' style camper, let's get a bunch of rye berries, harvest the ergot fungus on them, then you do your chemistry thing and bring it back ala' Stanley Owlsley! haha

That way of thinking has been shown to be a fallacy.

I highly recommend this book.
My recommendation might not mean a lot to you, but trust me, I’ve heard it HIGHLY recommended by some VERY wealthy and successful people. Many of whom were not born with the resources to get where they are now.

It's not about a prohibition, it's about sanity and productivity. There is study after study showing how being a complete workaholic can be very counter productive. Tim Ferris interviewed hundreds of highly successful people and a common them is how to boost their productivity they set times they walk away from work and energize their batteries. No phone or email or anything else work related. Often it was time filled with spiritual enrichment like meditation.

Almost all of them admitted working 7 days a week is both a sign of time mismanagement, a drain on efficiency, and a lack of awareness how humans need more fulfillment than what comes from work. Some even indicated they found productivity is higher when one works 40 hours a week over a 4-day week as opposed to a 5-day week to have an extra day to recharge. And companies are taking these findings seriously

In other words, once again the gospel was way ahead of it's time. God let people know taking time to step away from work is one of the most important things you can do in life - top 10 commandment - thousands of years before people like Tim Ferris thought they were on to something new.

In other words: can you study on Sunday? Sure. You can also probably even try and stay away 20 hours a day to study even more. But the real question is whether this will accomplish anything more than inefficiency and time mismanagement. God realized it wouldn't from the beginning and science is now realizing the idea is... very inspired.

My advice is: study hard 6 days and on the seventh, recharge yourself spiritually. Every indication is that you will dominate the competition if you can learn to do this.

Do you have a lot to do? Or is the issue more with distractions? Either way, here are some suggestions:

1. Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength helped me understand the science behind self-discipline -- what helps and hurts your chances as well as how to organize my day according to the science.
   
   
2. The Practicing Mind describes what goes into the process of actually doing things and how to get them done most efficiently. The focus is on full engagement.
   
   I don't really have a book suggestion for time management (like making calendars and schedules). There's the 7 Habits or Getting Things Done. Those are the two most popular books in this genre. I've read them both. The problem is that time management is highly personal based on your life obligations. I've had the most success just reading blogs and watching youtube videos about time management. I take what can be helpful to me. I then created my own personal time management system fit to my life.

Happy Birthday, you're now a man.

• Congratulate yourself, you have shown resilience, motive, and self-respect
  
• Read Bad Childhood, Good Life
  
• Make your bed daily
  
• Go to bed, and get out of bed at the same time daily
  
• Take up a team sport (Meetup)
  
• Walk 3 miles min daily
  
• Hang out with positive, driven, friends (Meetup if none)
  
• Don't complain: write down 10 potential solutions for each complaint, pick the easiest most direct step to improve your situation
  
• Diet: Visualise soda, fast food, and sugary foods as 'the opposition' trying to fuck you over, don't give in
  
• Environment: remove/ignore/minimise what doesn't serve you in your progress, only let in what does
  
• Forgive and move on: you are a man now, be mentally independent
  

i'm probably not the best at selling this idea, but it has been helpful for me and it might be helpful for you. if you want to read more about it and you're down to commit some time to it, read this book https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702 or if you are interested and want less investment i'd say google the phrase fixed mindset vs growth mindset. Or not, just trying to help.

Books are a fountain of knowledge especially non-fiction.

You have to think deeper in life. Why aren’t you where you want to be? What does my dream day look like? How I can I start creating my dream day? Ask questions of yourself to learn more about you.

One of the books I’d recommend you read is Discipline Equals Freedom by Jocko Willink EX-Navy Seal

Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual https://www.amazon.com/dp/1250156947/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9kGMAbA9YZ894


https://youtu.be/78I9dTB9vqM

Also above I have linked to a ex-navy Seal David Goggins who was once in your place, it will help give you guidance.

Please, please, please do yourself a solid and read The E-Myth Revisited by Michael E. Gerber. It has nothing to do with e-commerce but rather what happens when ambitious individuals start their own business and the pitfalls they encounter as the business grows and has to hire people and do boring business stuff that founders generally don't like. Seriously, it's super useful.

Even if you don't agree with the main thesis of standardizing and automating your business, having a road map of the challenging mental space that you will navigate as a founder will be very useful.

Don't make me buy it for you ;)

My friend,

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Most of us are only good while things go our way, and start to fall apart to different degrees when things don't go our way. You also cannot change what has happened in the past. The Stoics would say you need focus on what you can control now, in the present, to do what is truly best for you.

To put things in perspective, I have also had my own personal fight with cancer, albeit a different one. I was diagnosed with testicular cancer last November, at age 27. Thankfully during that time, I was able to draw upon a lot of what I learned from the Stoics to help me during my own surgery and follow up treatments, it was still a difficult time though.

I can tell you that during my ordeal, reading through my copy of Meditations and Seneca's Letters helped a great deal. If you are looking for a Modern intro to Stoicism before going into the classic texts (which are very readable and inspirational, but don't give you the full theory) I would suggest How to be a Stoic as a good introduction to the topic.

One of the cornerstones of Stoic theory is the Dichotomy of Control. This idea basically asks you, ultimately, what in your life do you control? Do you control how much money you have? Not really, the depends a lot on what other people are willing to pay you, what skills you have, what country you live in,etc...Do you control if you have a ton of friends, and if people like you a lot? Again, not really. You could be the nicest person in the world, but somebody could still not like you for some reason, since that judgement is up to them, not you. What about your body? Certainly your body is under your control? Well, as you and I have become somewhat more aware, no, your body really isn't under your control. You can get into an accident, get sick due to no fault of your own, etc...What about our thoughts? Not quite, lots of times, seemingly random thoughts come to us, general ideas and impressions. So what do we control then? Our reasoned choice. We have the ability to make reasoned choices. When a thought comes into my head, I can reason through it and decided whether to act on it or not. That is where our power lies. In focusing on making the best possible choices with what we have, on making wise choices.

I found that focusing on that was very liberating. I couldn't control that I had cancer, that was a fact. But I could control what I did with that fact. How I worked with it and reacted to it. And honestly, some times I handled it well, and other times I handled it poorly. We are all imperfect, but we can improve.

If you have questions about anything or just want to talk, feel free to PM me, I'll be around.

I'll leave you with a passage from Meditations that I read through and kept in mind during the day of my own cancer surgery:

> So henceforth, in the face of every difficulty that leads you to feel distress, remember to apply this principle: this is no misfortune, but to bear it with a noble spirit is good fortune. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.49

Well, it just so happens that I have a list prepared to tweet out—figured I'd share here as well :)

How to Win Friends & influence People

Never Eat Alone

The E-Myth Revisited

Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook

Tribes

Linchpin

A Whole New Mind

The Neatest Little Guide to Stock Market Investing

The millionaire Next Door

Cashflow Quadrant

Why We Want you to be Rich

Drive

Rework

The 4 Hour Work Week

Entreleadership

Thou Shalt Prosper

Driven

How to Get Ideas

The Go-Giver

YES

If you have the opportunity to make your dreams happen, do it. If you want a good book to help you figure out a few things, read Crush It! by Gary Vaynerchuk. There are many other books too, hang out in a library or a book store for a couple hours.

If you have a dream and other people might want what you are selling, also look into Kickstarter for funding - but you have to market your idea to pull it off.

Good luck and follow your passion!

This is the story of my (academic) life. Add in being bullied (abused, actually) at home and at school, very low self-esteem, and concomitant social skills. Never learned how to study, but was always the top of the class until university. Admitted to private, competitive university in the engineering school. Utterly crashed and burned.

Something I discovered just last week that's been helping me in my quest to re-learn/learn-for-the-first-time calculus and physics is this book on procrastination, the Now Habit. It was recommended on reddit; it's different from most stop-procrastinating books. It emphasizes behavioral modification, not just a get-tough approach that fails to understand why smart people procrastinate.

I'm presently not in school; working as an electrician apprentice. I would recommend staying in college and staying on track, if you can. If you can't, there is no shame in taking a year off to learn what you didn't learn in high school. But, you'll have to be very disciplined to not let it degrade into a situation where you tell yourself that you're working on this, but really are just fooling yourself with behavior that fails to address and rectify the crux of the problem.

Make sure you are being honest with yourself. I would also recommend meditating (Full-Catastrophe Living). This book literally changed my life. Also, think about doing a 10-day silent retreat. You'll finally have to actually see yourself without distraction.

Edit: Don't be shy about trying other textbooks, reading about the topics that you're having trouble with in Wikipedia, posting questions on forums like physicsforums.com. I'm presently working through Michael Spivak's Calculus. It's working for me better than the standard university textbooks (like Thomas, for instance), because it is more in-depth and relies less on hand-waving to prove the material. I have trust issues, so hand-waving doesn't work with me. :)

Edit: markdown.

I just picked up The Complete Idiot's Guide to Overcoming Procrastination, which looks good (haven't finished reading it yet. Actually, I haven't started. I've had it for two weeks. It's sitting on my shelf. I want to read it. I haven't got around to it yet.)

Too Perfect, which IS good. It helped me understand my procrastination habit as coming from obsessive personality traits.

I really like the Zen Habits blog, Leo has great tips on focus, organizing, and finding motivation.

There's a procrastinators forum where you can go for tips & support:
http://www.procrastinators-anonymous.org/

They have a reading list there (which is where I heard about Too Perfect)
http://www.procrastinators-anonymous.org/forum/31

Here's a few articles on it:
http://psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20030823-000001.html

http://zenhabits.net/2008/01/7-powerful-steps-to-overcoming-resistance-and-actually-getting-stuff-done/

http://www.zmelifetips.com/productivity/how-to-overcome-procrastination/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Procrastination

Finally, psychotherapists (psychologists) can help you with behavior modification therapy, if you want to and can afford/have insurance to go that route.

http://www.cognitivetherapynyc.com/problems.asp?sid=255

Been single for about 8 months feeling that pretty hard man


Edit: everyone else who’s going through worse shit than me I feel for you. I’d reccomend two books if you are interested in getting your shit together particularly if you are a young male although these could help anyone of any gender or background in my opinion:

12 Rules for Life by Jordan B Peterson

And:

Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss

12 rules for life is more just a good book to read if you are lost and need a book to get your shit together while tools for titans is more of a reference book for life that you can look back on when dealing with a particular part of your life that is difficult. It’s split into 3 sections called: Health, Wealth, and Happiness. Each section has people who’ve really succeeded in accomplishing great things in those categories writing about said success. I wish you all the best.

I understand how you feel – I've been going back and forth between paper and digital for a long time. I love the feeling of paper planners, but it's a bit iffy to change dates etc., and that one day when you forget your planner you wish you had a digital one in your phone.

I've settled for two great apps which I enjoy to use and help me greatly with planning. The calendar app is Timepage. The second app is OmniFocus, which adheres to the Getting Things Done mentality.

Both apps are for iOS, not sure what's out there for android.

25 years is not old, dude. Not in the slightest.

Don't compare your life to anyone else's.

The Church doesn't have a 'right' path that you are 'supposed' to follow, as far as career / educational development is concerned.

Life doesn't work that way.

Follow your heart, your brain, your curiosity, and your passion.

Don't spend another day worrying about how you thought things would have / should have / could have worked out.

Just embrace where you are now, and make today the best you can.

(Also, when I was in your shoes, I found some inspiration in 3 surprising sources:

• Steve Jobs' Stanford Commencement Address
  
  
  
• Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture
  
  
• Ken Robinson's The Element

Discipline. Ambition and motivation are worth nothing if you don't have discipline.

My old man used to tell me

• create a routine in your life and stick to it
  
• make your routine uncomfortable
  
  My routine is simple: 1) I wake up at 4am daily 2) I have an exercise routine 3) I take a cold shower.
  
  It sounds crazy but it works for me.
  
  You'll have more energy, and focus that you can't even imagine. The more energy you have, the more motivation. The more motivation, the more results. Your ambition will be fed by the results you produce.
  
  I'd recommend this book by Jocko Willink
  
  Check out Gary Vaynerchuk too.

Ha. Ok then there is always this book to help you prepare. Steven Hassan is the creator of the BITE model. His insights are world renown on the subject. One thing the video and his books tall about is to not go in wanting to get them out. The key is to try to get them to think for themselves. The rest will follow. Maybe

Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs https://www.amazon.com/dp/0967068819/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ZczQBbHC8BKSF

Massimo Pigliucci is a big part of the resurgence of Stoicism, along with Donald Robertson.

Massimo wrote a book entitled How to Be a Stoic available here:

https://smile.amazon.com/How-Be-Stoic-Ancient-Philosophy/dp/0465097952/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8&sa-no-redirect=1

Donald wrote a book called Stoicism and the Art of Happiness available here: https://smile.amazon.com/Stoicism-Art-Happiness-Teach-Yourself/dp/1444187104/ref=pd_sim_14_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3SXSFTKVEAPPFGRZA2GN

I myself have spent a lot of time in Stoicism and have enjoyed it tremendously. I'm truthfully moving a bit away from it more towards Epicureanism and Buddhism, but it has served me well in every way.

If you'd like more resources let me know. Feel free to message me any time.

Getting Things Done (GTD) is a classic for a reason. When I've implemented it I had the "mind like water" that the author puts as a goal. The other thing I love about it is that it allows for bottom up organization. You can just dive in and use it to better your life immediately. Lots of books want you to sit down and plan you perfect life before you can use the system. This doesn't do that and that's great.

How to win friends and influence people is another classic. I've been impressed with the people who took dale carnegie courses and the book has some good stuff in it, though I haven't re-read it recently so I'm not sure how actionable it is.

The Tools is a great book. It isn't for everyone and every part isn't for everyone. But it gives 5 actionable brief mental exercises that do what they purport to do. Each exercise or Tool is designed to counter a specific problem many people have. The authors are therapists and the Tools come from their practices. Many of them are very woo sounding, but if its stupid and it works then it ain't stupid. Every Tool I've used has worked, often shockingly well. But I haven't used them all because they don't all apply to me.

Robert Greene has a good series of books that probably help you out. Art of seduction / Laws of Power / Mastery. You can always check out the always helpful How to Win Friends and Influence People.

I haven't read any of the five that made the list, but I absolutely recommend Fight Club and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. They're both very good for anyone - man or woman - to read.

This episode and Equestria Games fit into the category of bad episodes with fantastic lessons.

Equestria Games was based around "forgive yourself," which is one of most difficult things to learn and apply. However, that episode has since been eclipsed by Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep? as most effective way that moral has been taught in MLP.

Applejack's Day Off's lesson was about productivity. Pretty much every business book ever, from The Four Hour Workweek to Getting Things Done, is about doing things faster.

These are critical, crucial skills in the modern day and can help people get jobs. But the way the lesson was packaged in this episode was frankly pretty boring. Although a realistic apple harvesting productivity workflow with spreadsheets and cost-benefit-analysis charts could have also been pretty boring.

All in all, they did an okay job for the moral they were trying to teach.

Understanding that there are always details in these situations...however, regardless of all those details, short of your either one abusing the other or the kids, your parents are lost in their dislike of one another to the point of not realizing how selfish they are being. Well at least one of them, show ever is insisting on the divorce, obviously if they both want it they are both being selfish.

Like I already said, aside from the exceptions your parents have a sworn DUTY to FIND a way to satay together till the youngest is 18. I can't stress this enough...THIS IS THEIR DUTY and one or both are FAILING to follow through. You are of age to have this conversation with them, an honest and CALM ADULT conversation. IF you're unable to do that a intelligent letter will also get your point across. REMEMBER...HONEST not bitter.


As for the rest of your stemming issues...there really is no way to figure all that out now, it may end up being just one of those things you'll have to go through when/if it happens. They will have to worry and figure out how to address the situation with your brother...that IN FACT is NOT your problem. DON'T misunderstand, I don't me don't give a fuck...I mean it's actually is NOT your responsibility. IF the divorce comes to be...BE a good brother, help him with dealing with it. Show him how to deal with it, YOU be the example for him...how to be strong, how to NOT lose your self in the difficulty. Be his BIG brother.

Lastly, as for the money your dad gave to his friend...all he has to say is that he gave it to him or lent it, I don't think there is a way to get that back. ( of course I'm NOT a lawyer so I could be very wrong ) As for the bank money, I can't imagine that a good lawyer wouldn't be able to get his hands on that. UK isn't some 3rd world shit-hole.


I'm sorry for you and wish the millions of selfish parents would stop and think about what they are doing when they divorce with minor kids. It's shameful but it's a reality. One last FACT...having said what I said about the act of divorcing with minor children, the FACT is it's NOT the end of the world and YOU as well as YOUR brother can grow up and have NORMAL lives. I would urge you to pick this book up, I honestly think it can be a life saver, especially for your brother.

http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Childhood-Good-Life-Blossom-Childhood/dp/0060577878


I wish you all the best, but I don't wish you luck...you don't need it, all you need is to make the right CHOICES...remember there are ALWAYS choices, your parents have them and so do YOU.

The fact that I'm seeing this today is crazy; Amazon had recommended me a book a month and a half ago called: "What Doesn't Kill Us," really great read from another journalist named Scott Carney, he had followed Wim Wof and trained with him. I just finished it last night, a great read if you think this type of stuff is interesting.

https://www.amazon.com/What-Doesnt-Kill-Environmental-Conditioning/dp/1623366909/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1500402291&sr=8-1&keywords=what+doesnt+kill+us

This is one of the best things I've read in a long time. You've crystallized an inkling I've had for a long time but couldn't quite put into words -- certainly not words this cogent and accurate.

So, THANKS!!

For people who want to read more about this: check out this amazing book:

http://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702

Set yourself small targets, say yourself: for this week, im going to walk on the treadmill for 1 minute each day. not more, not less. Only this 1 minute and do it for 1 week. There almost no way of how you could fail that. And even if you do, set your target lower, like standing on the treadmill for 1 minute.

I know how silly that sounds, but its importent to circumvent your mental blockage of starting it. Youll be a bit proud of yourself that you fulfilled your target and that will motivate you to raise your targets, but again, dont plan too much. Your next target should be like walk for 1 minute twice a day, and so on.

Just try it out, and if you think that method applies to you, this technique is called kaizen. I recently read about it in a book by robert maurer. It was called the kaizen way. (edit: amazon link

I just want to say I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you everything will be ok. You are operating from such a place of fear and feeling unsafe. It's almost like PTSD from your childhood. Never feeling safe, never feeling ok. And it just keeps perpetuating itself. When a parent should have been there to teach you, "hey it's ok, it will all work out, you are doing a good job, just keep going, you'll be fine". They weren't there. So you never received that essential reassurance.

And none of it is your fault that you are having this difficulty. Can you find a way to confide in your girlfriend? It may help.

As for what to tell the Dr.- I think you might consider showing him your post. I don't think you sound crazy at all-- you just sound like you are hurting and need to reach out for help (which is very brave).

You don't have to keep living in the shadow of your childhood. Here's a book for you-

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0060577878?pc_redir=1411845038&robot_redir=1

Get this book

http://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1346189240&sr=1-1&keywords=Why+we+procrastinate

Authors are procrastinator themselves but actually do a goddamn good job in explaining what procrastination is and ho it work on all the different levels. very very good read.

it will not cure your procrastination, but help you understand it and provide some solid advice along the way which for me was a big first step.

But please dont use it to procrastinate.

Dr Pausch's "Last Lecture" was truly an inspiration to many people, including myself. While he may be gone, his words, wisdom, and passion lives on. If you haven't already, help spread his legacy by watching his "Last Lecture" and purchasing his book.

Last Lecture Video: Google Video link

Last Lecture Book: Amazon link

Chronic procrastination is a tough flaw to live with, please ignore all the trite responses in this thread like "get off reddit." The best resource I've found about procrastination is this book: Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now. The authors have studied procrastination more than anyone you know and have distilled their knowledge down to some great insights and advice. Buy it and read it.

It's tough to change yourself, but you can do it. Good luck!

Wattles' book is not too bad but the content was polished up nicely by the generation 2.0 author Napoleon Hill.

Think and grow rich

That is the free online archive.org version. Here is the amazon page.

Occult pursuits are not necessarily contra material pursuits, but they are mostly orthogonal. In some places Hill's book seems like a good recipe for giving yourself an obsessive compulsive disorder. Anecdotally, there is no lack of unhappiness amongst the most (materially) successful people I know.

The Now Habit by Neil Fiore is pretty awesome.

This review on Amazon pretty much nails it.

/r/raisedbynarcissists/ may be helpful

https://www.amazon.com/Bad-Childhood-Good-Life-Blossom-Childhood/dp/0060577878 may be helpful

finally achieving adulthood and getting the heck out of there may be helpful

IF if if if your parents are better now, then do try to at least be civil to them. They both love you in their own way, but they have obviously some personal issues that prevent showing it properly. Ask them to put you in counseling because you obviously have some things to work through, and they may not be the ones to help with it.

I know this doesn't directly answer your question, but before you operate a business, I highly recommend this book on identifying and validating your idea prior to investing in your business (my personal favorite book on entrepreneurship): Will It Fly? https://www.amazon.com/dp/0997082305/

Interesting that you have two very disparate ideas in which to enter into business. I liked your question "Could this idea fly?" You are just the person to read Pat Flynn's book "Will it Fly?"
https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0997082305/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_kLm7CbD97Q9RQ

He takes you through many exercises to get you thinking about yourself, and what type of business is right for you, before you vet your best ideas. Get the physical version or the Kindle version, whichever you are more likely to read. And do the work! (The exercises) You will come up with something that will fly!

I'm not sure what the library system is like where you are, but maybe look for some books on the subject. There are probably some online as well.

When I was in your shoes, someone recommended the Dr. Laura Book, Bad Childhood, Good Life. It was helpful to me at the time. Until then, I thought she was sort of annoying to watch on TV, to be honest. http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Childhood---Good-Life-Blossom-Childhood/dp/0060577878/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373927708&sr=1-3&keywords=dr+laura

I have not read this one, but others like it:
Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthough Program to End Negative Behavior...and Feel Great Again
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452272041/ref=cm_cr_asin_lnk

The best advice a therapist ever gave me: Stop being your own Big Bad Wolf. It's no longer about your parents and what they did. It's about you being too hard on yourself about what you could have done to prevent what happened to you.

You need two things. The actual business knowledge, so read some technical books on the different facets of business. law, accounting, management, sales, automation, etc. Then how to think like an entrepreneur. A lot of the other book suggestions here could be boiled down to a one page summary and the rest is a lot of hot air. If you want to think like an entrepreneur, I'd suggest "Crush it" or "Thank you economy". Still lots of hot air, but he talks about the mindset, which is the definite key to being a successful entrepreneur.

You've admitted your dietary control issues, which is the first step. The next step is to realize that [Discipline Equals Freedom](Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual https://www.amazon.com/dp/1250156947/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_PQuTAbV2QKGJ0) and simply do what is necessary. Good luck.

Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Here is a really short trick -
Try to make it seem as though you are taking a real interest in what they are saying, and then ask at least two follow up questions about their topic, making sure these are not yes/no questions. Most people are just waiting for their turn to talk. The key to charisma is making the other person feel that you genuinely care.

This book is great:

https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Mind-Helping-Controlling-Beliefs/dp/0967068819

If I were you I would get the kindle version (because you would get it immediately + it is only $10) and start reading through it ASAP.

Basically - what the author says - the best way to get someone to change their mind (after being brainwashed) is to encourage them to think for themselves and to think critically. When people have been brainwashed - or in an abusive relationship or group, etc. - their ability to think critically goes away - allowing them to be sucked into everything and believe total garbage.

So you wouldn't want to try to change his mind and convince him that Trump is bad - you would instead try to get him to think for himself. Once he is able to do that he will be able to see facts and will be able to see that Trump is bad and his mind will change.

You might see that the more you say that Trump is bad the more your dad believes in him. Instead you should ask your dad questions that challenge Trump. Give him the idea that you have an open mind and are genuinely interested in Trump and your dad's support of him. If he resists you say something like - if it is true then it should hold up. If you challenge a fact the fact is still a fact so your dad should be able to answer your questions... but he will find out that he can't answer your questions factually and things will start to fall apart for him.

The book does a wonderful job of explaining these techniques in detail and why the author uses these techniques now - compared to deprogramming techniques that were in vogue many years ago.

Don't give up! Be patient! Be calm! It will probably take a good amount of time while he slowly realizes the truth. And always keep your chill - even if your dad spouts out the worst Trump stuff - if he gets angry don't get angry. He will eventually change.

During my first weeks with the CST I researched on the cold effects on the body and found a lot of info on this dutch guy.
With breathing exercises and cold exposure he can regulate his body temperature and produce even some sort of enhancement of his inmune system.

He climbed mount Everest and the Kilimanjaro(with some of his students) just wearing shorts.

You should check out Scott Carney's book. A really good read if you are into cold.

Keep up the good work Joel!
Thanks!!

If you get the chance, have a look at Massimo Pigluicci's new book, How to Be a Stoic.

It has a great section on the basis of morals and why virtue has an absolute definition. It would be worth a read for you.

Relapses will occur time and time again. Best way to deal with those relapses is to prepare ahead of time not to fall prey to them. Plan well in advance for situations where you think you'll relapse (Uninstall games, stay away from streams and gaming websites).

Watch this video from John Sonmez maybe it will help.
Also read Jocko Willink's Discipline Equals Freedom. (You can also find the audio version on Spotify or Amazon Music)

I recently read and can recommend:
How to be a Stoic
by Massimo Pigluicci
https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Stoic-Ancient-Philosophy/dp/0465097952
It's a great introduction, easy to understand and there is a part with practical exercises.

http://socalskateshop.com/index.php?l=product_list&c=439 get something in this range and some Independent 215s with risers or some 169s, some OJ hot juice wheels some bones reds bearings. A set up like this will help you learn to cruise around and get a feel for carving you can use it as a cruiser or a pool deck when you downsize yourself and your setup. Skating is a great way to inspire yourself to lose weight, I recommend this book it helped me with a lot of bad habits and reprograming myself to live a better life. https://www.amazon.com/Gorilla-Mindset-Control-Thoughts-Emotions-ebook/dp/B0100Q4S7E

Also I can't recommend this book enough.

Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs

Steven Hassan is considered one of the foremost experts on this topic, and many, many people have benefited from this book and his other books, Releasing the Bonds (2000) and also his earlier book, Combatting Cult Mind Control (1989).

If reading isn't your thing, here is Joe Rogan with Steven.

I've been using these techniques to speak with those in MLMs but also those with opposing political beliefs to mine in regards to our current POTUS (sigh) and I found it extremely successful.

thank you make sure to buy my book for more great advice

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gorilla-Mindset-Control-Thoughts-Emotions-ebook/dp/B0100Q4S7E

I don't much appreciate self-improvement books. I kinda hate the preachy attitude.

That said, I would recommend Mastery. It's not your typical self-help book but I found it really motivating.

Also, this other book by the author seems interesting; though I haven't read it yet.

I have found this book to be very helpful. It doesn't address religion at all, but absolutely the need to be perfect and not disappoint other people.

Honestly, it is old school and has a title that makes it sound shallow and superficial but Think and Grow Rich is one of the best books I've read. It does not talk about specific business strategies (or secret recipes for success) but instead goes into details on the lives of some of the early business leaders of the US.

Great idea.

It made me think of an exercise concept I heard of from Kaizen.

There were two groups of people who wanted to get fit. The first group was given gym membership, vouchers for gym gear etc. The second group was told to take a flight of stairs and every day add one more stair. A few months (?) later, the gym group weren't exercising, but the stair group was in better shape and still going.

Got to read this: Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength Kindle Edition

You are probably in great shape and have active brown fat deposits for thermogenesis and fat burning. Ever heard of Wim Hof?

Great guy! Would really recommend reading his book.

https://www.amazon.com/Last-Lecture-Randy-Pausch/dp/1401323251

It’s called the “Win Hof Method.” It uses breathwork and controlled cold exposure to achieve conscious control of some autonomic nervous system functions, such as vasoconstriction and vasodilation. This Book is a pretty easy read and comes at the whole like like a seasoned skeptic.

Dude, I think I understand what you are going through. The best course of action for you would be to, first, ctfo.

Then, start here. What-ever you do, start by reading this book. You must dramatically improve your self-talk.

You (as maybe 99% of the rest of us) need to radically change your mindset BEFORE you can understand what you're dealing with.

Take one day at a time. Remember, just for today...

I suggest reading the book I wrote on helping people be empowered to think for themselves. it is called Freedom of Mind I think making friends with other folks, ex members from other groups, other activists.

There are many, many ideas for how to help.

Donot hide them. Look at their bullshit and laugh at them.

Always put yourself against opposition and never let up.

But above all make yourself stronger. The centipede is a predator.

Learn from the God Emperor, read based Dilbert Merchant, read Gorilla Merchant, take a break, stay focused, come back stronger.

After what you described - I don't see how you can think you are at fault/ in the wrong. Give it a day when you have calmed down. Then, re-read your original post. Look at it closely... Does that sound like something a loving parent would do? Sometimes, it is easier to look at other people's problems instead of your own... If you had a friend who came and told you this story - what advice would you give them...

I have not read this book, but it has been recommended to me by someone once. Maybe you should check it out: https://www.amazon.com/Bad-Childhood-Good-Life-Blossom-Childhood/dp/0060577878

I am a huge Tim Ferris fan he has two really good books about general business not specifically automation (I have never seen specific to industrial Automation.

​

https://www.amazon.com/Tools-Titans-Billionaires-World-Class-Performers/dp/1328683788

​

https://www.amazon.com/4-Hour-Workweek-Escape-Live-Anywhere/dp/0307465357

The thing here that sticks out to me is that not once did you mention any specific thing that you enjoy doing or have a passion for.

Your goal was to make money and prove your dad wrong. That is not a sustainable way to direct your energy. I think it's very lucky that you were able to identify your problem as rooted in your dad and not money per se.

A lot of people pursue money as it's own means and own end and it ends up never being enough and it destroys them. You have to fail, sometimes spectacularly, to learn that kind of lesson and here you are, still young and in the prime place to learn from that mistake so don't feel bad.

I think you really need to sit back and try to figure out what really drives you. Why did you start an online company for example? There are a lot of ways to make money.

Why go that route specifically, and what did you sell? Were you drawn to that for some intrinsic reason other than you thought you'd make the most money that way or did you stumble on something that spoke to you and you were able to drive that to success because of passion? Generally, people aren't able to reach that level unless they're somehow interested in that field.

the short but powerful guide to finding your passion

coaching the artist within - this is geared towards artists but it starts out with trying to get you to find what you're passionate about and then lessons on mastering anxiety, mental blocks and fear of failure. It also sounds like you want to be self directed rather than on a career path which is similar to the 'artist life'.

Drive: The Surprising Truth about what Motivates us

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength

Meditations

On the Shortness of Life

The Wisdom of Insecurity

The Art of Nonconformity:Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World

Things Might go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety

Here are a few things to get you started. They don't have 'the answer' per se, but I think they'll go a long way in helping you reframe your idea of motivation, discipline, and how to deal with fear of failure. And get you started on the right path.

I will also add: do not be afraid to find a good therapist (preferably one trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) especially if you are still under 26 and are on your Mom's insurance.

I am not suggesting you have an illness from the DSM-V per se. However, I think any time you're unhappy and are struggling to reach goals, at a certain point that is a 'mental health issue' you need help with and a therapist is the ideal 'coach' to get you through it with tested and verified methods (and likely in a finite amount of meetings.)

Excellent reply. In the last round of discussing procrastination somebody posted a link to the book Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now in which two psychologists explain what was learned in the 25+ years they've been working on that subject.

The first part analyzes all the possible reasons for procrastination. If you suffer from procrastination, you'll often find yourself described in the many scenarios that are given and causes that are portrayed.

I'm one 3rd into the book and I feel like my eyes have been opened. I have read other books on the topic without much long-term success. What was missing was the meticulous analyzation of the reasons WHY we procrastinate - other books only scratch the surface, if even that.

Figuring out my personal reasons for procrasting alone already helped me get stuff done, yet I'm looking forward to learn even more from the rest of the book.

To give an example: I wanted to learn how to use a physics library of which the documentation seemed lacking (and does in fact lack because of a rewrite). I avoided doing that like a plague, even though it was really important to me. What I figured out by reading the book was that I had low confidence in succeeding which kept me from even trying.

Upon further analyzation I came to the conclusion that that low confidence in succeeding wasn't justified and in fact I learned how to use the library by playing around with the demos and changing them a bit here and there. But BOY did I avoid that task and beat myself up about it before I started reading the book.

Another problem is that if you avoided a task because of some worry you can later on forget the original reason and your subconciscousness simply reacts with "fear" for no reason. It is explained that it takes one such impulse to create a lasting repulsion. They give an example of a patient which lost memory. Every morning she couldn't remember the very same doctor to whom she spoke the day before. One day the doctor decided to try something new and put a pin in his hand. When they shook hands she was pinched, obviously. The next day she still didn't remember the doctor but she refused to shake hands, even though she couldn't explain why.

So, morale of the story: the subconscious can get in the way for no reason. But that's just one example.
The book has a lot more to offer. I'd say it's pure gold, thus highly recommended.

Hope that helps somebody :-)

Getting started is easy. It sounds stupidly simple but it is this one step that separates those that have and those that have not; just start making videos!

In my day job I give a lot of presentations on startups, blogging, and what it takes to be 'successful' and, it is very sad to say, people just don't do things.

Starting out do not worry about your 'voice' or what game you want to cover. Don't worry about what topics to talk about or that one video was about HoN and the next about SC2. the only thing that matters is your schedule. Tell yourself twice a week I am going to put up a video - who cares what it is on or about.

Over time you will find your 'voice'. You will find what you like to cover and what you don't. Seriously, the only advice I can give you is just to start making videos. You are going to have haters, that is the fact of the internet. Period.

Here are some resources I link to in my presensations

Guy Kawasaki's 'Art of Start'

Tim Ferris: Dealing with Haters

Gary Vaynerchuck's 'crush it'

These are just a few things to get you pumped. What you do from here is up to you.

GL HF

Steven Hassan (who has created the BITE model) has several books about helping family members in high control groups. I think Freedom of Mind is the most resent.

Avoid being too confrontational about the JW beliefs. JW will teach that new converts might face persecution by the family members and that that will show them that the religion is the truth.

Steven Hassan recommends reading his newest book first, he said he learned a lot since his first book that you linked to. Both are great of course .

On procrastination, I recommend this
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0738211702/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1

There's perhaps more of a focus on the "why you do it" than "how to beat it", but I found that very useful.

I don't know why this message does not have more upvotes. I have looked up both books and they both seem very interesting. Mastery seems worth a read as well.

I’ve found [the ebook on Amazon](The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work and What to Do About It https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000RO9VJK/) for those who would be also interested.

Thanks for your recommendation!

> And not to forget things

I hope you're not trying to keep it all in your head. Your head asplode. In the absence of external issue tracking, I'd likely roll all the issues (or at least the ones I've spotted) into my personal time management system so they don't get lost. If it's not written down somewhere, I will forget it. (I don't know where you are with WRT time management; for myself, I'm in the middle of trying personal Kanban against my current GTD setup, but if you're new to TM, Limoncelli's book is a good place to start.) But all that is just a temporary fix.

> because no issue tracking exists her and some people actually vocally despise and reject this idea.

The "why" here would be as interesting as the "who." If it's fellow IT teammates, I'd find out if it's opposition to performance metrics. I've long resisted using ticket metrics to judge personal performance because they're crap for that even when people aren't gaming the metrics, so you might need to get assurances that your management won't try to do that. If it's your users, perhaps they've had problems with tickets falling into a black hole never to be seen again, in which case you have some organizational issues to sort out and some trust to rebuild.

In any case, it sounds like you know the value of an issue tracking system. Hold onto that in case it takes a while to get everyone to come around on the idea.

Is this the book you're talking about? It sounds like a good one.

This is supposed to be a very good book: http://www.amazon.com/Now-Habit-Overcoming-Procrastination-Guilt-Free/dp/0874775043

Of course, if you're like me, you will buy it and never get around to reading it.

Good advice, and this book should help: http://www.amazon.com/Crush-Time-Cash-Your-Passion/dp/0061914177/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266437902&sr=8-1

Hi, I have OCPD. I can definitely to feelings of empty/flat/boring-ness: I've struggled with isolation and lack of fulfillment in life and relationships, because mostly I'm just trying to hit all the beats in a script.

Like you my perfectionism doesn't just manifest in workaholism; for example I have really good work-life balance, because based on experience and observation, that's part of being perfect. Even if I've grown outwardly less Type-A over time, the reality is I've just adapted my internal definition of perfection with new unrealistic standards.

I do find that said periodic redefining of standards has led me to sort of divide up my life into eras. I have a tendency to malign past-tense me (I was a terrible friend, a shitty person, an abusive girlfriend...)

This obviously black-and-white thinking manifests in the form of deeply negative self-talk. Taken to its extreme, I suppose that could turn into total dissociation of the past self ("that wasn't the 'real' me being shitty to my ex")--and same line of thinking for times that you feel over-emotional / not in control.

I haven't personally experienced this to the point of actual dissociation, and haven't heard of that in conjunction with OCPD. THat's not to say it doesn't happen, I really have no qualifications to say.

Per my therapist, some of my past behaviors would classify me as "OCPD with narcissistic tendencies"--so I think it's very possible you display features/traits of other PD's (in your case the dissociation).

If you haven't read it already, I highly recommend Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control which does a really good job illustrating patterns of thought and behavior that aren't as obvious as the typical Type A "neat freak" / tightwad stereotypes (of which I am most certainly neither)

PM me if you want to chat more. Cheers

There certainly is no easy answer, but there is much more to say to someone who procrastinates than "get to work".
I can suggest a very good read on that matter : The Now Habit.
Some ideas you can find in the book:

• Stop feeling guilty, you procrastinate only because you have very good reasons to do so.
  
  
• YOU decide what you want to do, nobody else.
  
  
• change the way you talk to yourself, say "I will" instead of "I have to". (try it, it is not as easy as it sounds)
  
  
• ...

> Dating is 100% based on mindset

I'd like to introduce you all to a book by my favorite Mike

Great idea! https://www.amazon.com/Gorilla-Mindset-Mike-Cernovich-ebook/dp/B0100Q4S7E/

Willpower: best book I’ve read all year.

https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength-ebook/dp/B0052REQCY

Coincidentally, I've been reading the book "One Small Step Can Change Your Life - The Kaizen Way" by Robert Maurer,
about making super-small, very easy increments. That basically side-steps one's tendency to resist larger suggested changes.

If it interests you, check whether your local library system has that book.

Work on your branding and messaging first, target a specific audience and make sure that you are somehow different before you go investing a ton of time into marketing something that is bound to be doomed.

​

I recommend you read the books The 22 laws of marketing, Magnetic Marketing, and the e-myth by michael gerber.

​

Yes those are links to amazon, if you don't want to buy it on amazon just go to the dollar store. Get the books and learn marketing. It will help you avoid the guru speak and start building a real business.

>the guy that wants to sing kumbaya with the trees and whales

Good one.

>So yeah, how can I not let their comments get to me?

Try with this and this.

It seems viable to me because it's niche and not a general clothing line, however, like /u/GoodLivinPete mentioned, you should do your research and validate your idea. Take a look at Pat Flynn's book "Will it fly?"

https://www.amazon.com/Will-Test-Business-Waste-Money/dp/0997082305

Here is a good source as well
https://smile.amazon.com/Gorilla-Mindset-Control-Thoughts-Emotions-ebook/dp/B0100Q4S7E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1497065532&sr=8-1&keywords=gorilla+mindset

If you're only going to read two, I'd recommended: E-Myth and Positioning.

The first will teach you how to think about, structure, and systemize a business.

The second will teach you how to create products / services that customers actually WANT and how to market to them. It captures very succinctly everything I learned about developing products and brands at P&G.

Credentials: I've worked in the consumer product industry for 10+ years and have started multiple businesses of my own.

If you're serious, then this will be the best $5.75 that you've ever spent.

Why does your experience mirror mine and so many others? Because moronism is a cult. It's very similar in scientology, jehovah's witness, seventh day adventist, fundamentalist christian churches, etc. This book helped me find understanding and much later peace. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0967068819/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2?pf_rd_p=1944687582&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0967068800&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=02N0ZFYZNWWWM33FS3RN

I hope this gets upvoted so it can help more people.

Let me save you some time, read the book THE NOW HABIT by Neil Fiore.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Now-Habit-Overcoming-Procrastination/dp/0874775043

It's the fucking ultimate weapon against procrastination. Everything else is useless.

Have you read the book? Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control

Read this book of you have time, it is essentially the same concept, this book is written beautifully, makes me year up. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1401323251/ref=mp_s_a_1?qid=1347589720&sr=8-1

Take a look at Robert Greene's book titled Mastery. Mastering something can provide much purpose and happiness. He talks about finding your purpose a bit too.

http://www.amazon.com/Mastery-Robert-Greene/dp/0670024961

Hmm... this is tricky.

The rule is: Never, ever date a JW, and never date an ex-JW unless they can say with confidence that they will never go back.

If she is still mentally attached to the cult, you (and she) are in for a world of pain.

You should read this book, and soon:

http://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Mind-Helping-Controlling-Beliefs/dp/0967068819/

> I know my time management needs to improve

You need Getting Things Done.

I use my Outlook task list to store everything I need to do, rather than trying to keep it all in my head, and it reduces my stress enormously. Every morning I start the day by cleaning out my Outlook inbox.

1. If an email can be answered or a task completed or delegated in under 2 minutes, do it right then and there and delete the email.
   
2. If it will take more than two minutes and need to be done at a particular time, turn it into a calendar item.
   
3. If it will take more than two minutes and doesn't need to be done at a specific time, turn the email into a task. I use Quick Steps for calendar and task items, so it's a single click.
   
   If someone needs something from me that I can't complete the same day, I reply back to them letting them know I'm working on it.
   
   Throughout the day, I check my inbox periodically and clean it out again. I have new email notifications turned off, so they don't distract me.

My thoughts:

• Meditate every day for at least 10 minutes (and build on this)
  
  
• Do something boring at night around bed time (napflix.tv is great)
  
  
• Exercise every day (not so much that you're super sore the next day)
  
  
• Long walks when you're feeling like shit
  
  
• Listen to your "inner voices/emotions" throughout the day — I think they get bottled up and are simply trying to speak at night after you've repressed them all day
  
  
• Start loving yourself more and address your inner critic (your post has strong negative wording "what the fuck is wrong with me?"). It may sound like woo-woo stuff, but loving every part of you is essential, even that part of you that is trying to keep you up there late at night. Trust that it's trying to keep you up for a real reason, and not merely to fuck with you. Maybe you haven't "listened" or felt your feelings throughout the day and this is your body's way of say, "dude, we're not addressing these issues"
  
  
• Stop trying to "do things" — if you feel like you're in a hole, the worst thing you can do is continue to struggle. Take some time and assess your mind, your body, and your environment. There is no rush, and rushing this process will only make things worse (in my experience)
  
  
• Read books and watch YouTubes — do your research. Mike Cernovich is a good place to start.
  
  Take care.

I've had similar problems with procrastination/perfectionism and the depression that goes along with it.

You need to make a massive effort to do SOME exercise and eat some good food. They will kick start the body to slowly get back into balance and will make the next exercise effort a little easier to motivate yourself to do.

Also I highly recommend this book on procrastination:
Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now
http://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702

How to be a stoic by Massimo Picliucci.
https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Stoic-Ancient-Philosophy/dp/0465097952

Great read and very complementary to the TMI and Buddhism in general.

Honestly, I bought this book.

http://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1300839436&sr=8-1

Been on my bookshelf for years, still unread.

> Have you found a cure?

I found the "The Now Habit" by Neil Fiore to be a good book.

That's a lot of fucking words to say "have an abundance mindset."

Better:
https://www.amazon.com/Gorilla-Mindset-Control-Thoughts-Emotions-ebook/dp/B0100Q4S7E

Except he teaches people how to do it.

This guy went to debunk him and was convinced he's legitimate.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Doesnt-Kill-Environmental-Conditioning/dp/1623366909

Come over to r/smallbusiness, and definitely read The E-Myth Revisited.

Garfield is from a Virgil thing, Jared innocence project, and elevators are a twitter thing. [X]cel is a Reddit thing that the dry boys picked up on, Gorilla mindset is Cernovich's ethos and Metal Gear is the most apt cultural zeitgeist of our time.

Podcasts:

• Online Marketing Made Easy
  
• Growth Marketing Toolbox
  
• Social Media Marketing
  
• Build Your Tribe
  
• Everyone Hates Marketers
  
• Pat Flynn Smart Passive Income
  
• Masters of Scale
  
• How I Built This
  
• Tim Ferriss
  
• Startup School with Seth Godin or Akimbo
  
• GaryVee Audio Experience
  
  Books:
  
  
• Anything by Seth Godin
  
• 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing
  
• Blue Ocean Strategy
  
• Small Giants
  
• Crush It
  
• The Tipping Point
  

The sidebar has an overview of writings of Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius or Seneca or modern books on Stoicism from Donald Robertson or William B. Irvine.

For introductory reading, I'd also like to add Massimo Pigliucci's "How to be a Stoic".

For a deeper understanding of Marcus Aurelius' Meditations and Stoic principles in general, Pierre Hadot's "The Inner Citadel" is a must read.

If you like Tim Ferriss, his new book is coming out in a couple of weeks: https://www.amazon.com/Tools-Titans-Billionaires-World-Class-Performers/dp/1328683788/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1479234626&sr=8-1&keywords=tools+of+titans

Probably like, The Last Lecture or something...

Looks like u/FI-or-fly is talking about this book.

Rather than job specific comments, your mindset could use some work.

If you agree, read this and you will make it.

this book was really helpful to me in learning about this concept. It's important to realize when you're going to have trouble making the "right" decisions and how to keep yourself out of those situations.

I have read Meditations, it was good. But i dn´t know if it was really transcendan great. I like Stoicism in general, but i kinda fear that a lot of it just pseudo science.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1518707606&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Power+of+Habit%3A+Why+We+Do+What+We+Do+in+Life+and+Business

https://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Equals-Freedom-Field-Manual/dp/1250156947/ref=pd_sim_14_4?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1250156947&pd_rd_r=CEA4PP557N8GZNSAB8MW&pd_rd_w=gO35n&pd_rd_wg=gFxuC&psc=1&refRID=CEA4PP557N8GZNSAB8MW

Im also considering these two books.

This book is worth reading - if you're trying to make change in your life, you may be trying to change too much at one time

https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/One-Small-Step-Can-Change-Your-Life/0761129235/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1497694039&sr=8-2&keywords=one+small+step+can+change+your+life+the+kaizen+way

http://www.amazon.com/Last-Lecture-Randy-Pausch/dp/1401323251

I am in no way shape or form advertising this book for purposes of making money. But this book really helped me to understand life from a different perspective. The Last Lecture could be a good read for you in this time.

Seeing as your account is still here, I'm gunna take the time to tell you about how to become a gorilla like me.

First thing's first, stop this stupid game of Reddit account chicken and follow through. Gorillas follow through. Cuck's start threads about how they're going to follow through. You a gorilla or a cuck?

Second of all, buy my book, Gorilla Mindset, for when you're away from this shithole and have to take control of your life: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gorilla-Mindset-Control-Thoughts-Emotions-ebook/dp/B0100Q4S7E

I always recommend the E-Myth Revisited. I think its critical to the proper mindset of being a business owner, but that's just me.

See Crush It! by Gary Vaynerchuk.

To be fair...he wrote A book. And it wasn't particularly ground breaking, his first book was basically the TL;DR version of "The One to One Future" by Peppers and Rodgers:

http://www.amazon.com/One-Future-Don-Peppers/dp/0385485662/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414407616&sr=1-1&keywords=the+one+to+one+future

http://www.amazon.com/Crush-Time-Cash-Your-Passion/dp/0061914177/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414407524&sr=1-3&keywords=Gary+Vaynerchuk

Procrastination - Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702

THIS BOOK has helped me out TREMENDOUSLY.

This is very similar to another book I've seen regarding the Kaizen way: http://www.amazon.com/Small-Step-Change-Your-Life/dp/0761129235/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1331427874&sr=1-3

Read this.

The Now Habit

Don't whip yourself.

We are all trying to figure this out. I just saw this post the other day check the video.

The author of several books about getting people out of high control religions. The latest and most inclusive of his current thinking is called Freedom of Mind

I'm going to get this and start learning.

I'm in the exact same boat watching this thread closely

been meaning to check this out: https://www.amazon.com/Will-Test-Business-Waste-Money/dp/0997082305

I second all four of these recommendations. Especially the personal MBA for aspiring business owners. I would also add a few more: Profit First, Lean Startup, and Will it fly?

Reading that book right now!

Link:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1328683788/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472838474&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=tools+of+titans&dpPl=1&dpID=51dztzJihTL&ref=plSrch

> https://www.amazon.com/Gorilla-Mindset-Mike-Cernovich-ebook/dp/B0100Q4S7E/

Just bought!

https://www.amazon.com/Gorilla-Mindset-Control-Thoughts-Emotions-ebook/dp/B0100Q4S7E

buy the book

One might say she needs a

( ••)

( ••)>⌐■-■

[Gorilla Mindset](https://www.amazon.com/Gorilla-Mindset-Control-Thoughts-
Emotions-ebook/dp/B0100Q4S7E)

(⌐■_■)
YYYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Not sure if you have already but you should take a quick read as The E-Myth Revisited basically talks about your exact situation.

Gorilla Mindset

Not sure if there were others.

Not sure if it's what you're looking for but there's Crush It! (i haven't read it/don't plan to).

not true. depending on the seller/company they do ship to Nepal I think.
For eg this book says it ships to Nepal:
https://www.amazon.com/Tools-Titans-Billionaires-World-Class-Performers/dp/1328683788

You should ask your mother to give you any advice she wants you to have when she gets older, advice she wants to give your children, and things she wants to tell your future wife.

Also, you should read The Last Lecture and watch it on youtube. This is something you and your mom will relate to...

I'm very sorry.

Doesn't look like it is in Kindle Unlimited, but I got a lot out of Getting Things Done
https://smile.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity-ebook/dp/B00KWG9M2E/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1543589702&sr=8-3&keywords=getting+things+done