Reddit mentions: The best art therapy & relaxation books

To begin...

I'm glad to hear that it sounds like I haven't offended you with trying to be silly, as that wasn't my intent. :/ I was pretty worried about it, honestly, and if I did and you're just not saying, I really do apologize. I'm in a very similar ship, so I meant to commiserate. My self esteem is getting better, but it's still quite low and fluctuates a lot.

> It's also very hard to try and be positive about myself when people treat me like I'm garbage. It validates my core negative beliefs about being unlikeable, socially inept, unlovable and just plain worthless and undeserving of love. :s

Sadly, I understand that all too well, and I unfortunately don't have any real advice to you other than that you have to keep trying to counter those thoughts. Which, if you're feeling like I've felt, can be one of the hardest things ever. What I had to do was say positive affirmations to myself religiously in the shower, OUT LOUD. Every day, over and over again. They were really uncomfortable, and I thought they were hokey, but they helped. I couldn't really face myself in the mirror and do it, and the noise of the shower helped me feel less self conscious. I also had a therapist that would harp on me (kindly) if I didn't do it, so I eventually did it regularly.

However, I understand completely how hard it is to say these things when you don't feel like they're true. That's why I was trying to focus on the logical aspect. Heck, I know that what other people think only affects me if I let it (technically), and that what really matters is my own self esteem, but that's really bloody hard to translate into reality.

As for failed relationships or whatever, you have honestly no real idea what happened there. I'm sorry to be the one to inform you, but you're not a psychic. :P I pretend to be too, and I have to remind myself all the damn time that I don't honestly know what is going on in someone else's life. I'm pretty good at reading other people and picking up on non-verbal cues, but if someone is upset, I jump to the conclusion that it's because of something I did. I still do, but less than I did. Really, just being aware of this mind-reading is the most important thing you can do. Actively combating takes time, but it CAN be done.

Take a moment to really think about it. Have you ever been upset or grumpy at work or around others because of something totally unrelated? I certainly have. I've had people think I was upset with them because of a face or visible discomfort, when all it really was was an upset stomach. I've also flaked out on plans with friends simply because I was feeling too depressed to go out that day, but I was too ashamed to fully communicate that fact to them. They thought I was upset with them, but really, it was just a personal matter. Is it not fair to think that that could be the case with some of your interactions with other people too? Sadly, some of your suitors could have been scared away just because you maybe were anxious and your body language was screaming, "Don't come by me!" As such, I stand by my statement that your first and most important step would be to try to improve your self esteem/anxiety.

Yes, it's a long process. Yes, you will fail. Again, IT'S OKAY. It's totally okay to mess up. It's TOTALLY fine. It has NO reflection on your worth as a person if you mess up. I am straight up giving you permission to fail. I hope when you're a little stronger, you can give yourself that permission too!

As for what particularly happened with Nick specifically, I honestly have no idea. I'm guessing it's just that he probably felt like he was putting himself out there and didn't understand your more subtle signs that you returned his affection. :/ Sadly, some people just don't seem to be patient in matters of love, but that's okay. Honestly, it took a really long time to get with my fiance-we met online, we're both shy, and the only way he ever found out I liked him was that I got super emotional one day and just flat out told him in an email. (I was sick of him telling me about all his little crushes actually.) Then, I literally ran away to a friend's house several states away for a mini-vacation. X_X Luckily, he was my best friend by this point and things didn't get very awkward after my confession. He didn't realize how much I meant to him really until I ran away either, so I guess it worked out in the end. It wasn't exactly the best response I could have had, but I needed it at the time.

My point is that love is a tricky thing that cannot be easily evaluated. Sometimes you just have to accept not knowing as the answer and try to move on. Sometimes, you have to go way outside of your comfort zone and just be totally direct with someone.

Of course, I felt the same about not finding anyone, and it actually was about 5 years from my last real relationship. I sort of just tumbled into it on accident. It's a bit trite, but hobbies are a great place to find like-minded people. With the internet now, it's a lot easier to find others that enjoy the same activities. I happen to be a big dork, so my SO and I met on World of Warcraft. It's an LDR, but we've met in person a number of times, and I'm positive that he's the one for me. This is not something for you to use to flog yourself with if you're feeling that compulsion (as I would if the situation were reversed)-it's to give you hope!

As for meditation, I liked Headspace a lot because it's very novice-friendly. There's a lot of positive affirmations in it, and you start off with only ten minutes a day. If you need "assistance" finding the files, let me know and I'll give you some pointers.

I would also like to recommend this DBT workbook, as I found it to be helpful for me in starting to overcome my default negative thoughts. I think DBT works a little better than CBT in that regard, and it 's written in such a way that is very forgiving.

As strange as it might sound, The Now Habit helped me a decent bit with my self-esteem too. It focuses on procrastination, but procrastination stems from perfectionism/fear of doing poorly.

Anyway, I'm not a therapist. I've been to plenty throughout the years, and I've been in this boat before. My best advice to you is truly to try to focus on caring about yourself. When you can love yourself more, when you can feel worthy of love, that is when you make the connections that last a lifetime.

The only constant you'll ever have in this life is yourself. I'm not saying you're doomed to go it alone, just that if you can learn to at least tolerate yourself, it'll make the going a lot easier. :)

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Here you go:

The NUMBER ONE thing that helped my BPD tendencies was meditation, which I did as part of getting sober. It allowed me to find a pause between the emotion and my reaction. I still FEEL the same shit I used to - but I do not feel controlled by it any longer.

My favorite meditation teacher is Tara Brach. She posts all of her meditations online and on her podcast. Her book 'Radical Acceptance' was a life changer for me.

I also use a lot of binaural beats meditations (you can find these on Spotify or YouTube, I use the Profound Meditation Program by iAwake Technologies).

I have immensely enjoyed Sam Harris' book Waking Up which is about developing a spiritual practice without religion. He has an excellent podcast but it is expressly NOT about mental health, I just think he has a lot of great perspective to share.

Susan Elliot - Getting Past Your Breakup - this book looks like a cheesy self help book but it was awesome. Really really wonderful exercises. I also got her workbook.

Susan Anderson - Journey from Abandonment to Healing - this book was the first one I read, it was very helpful in understanding the science of what is happening in rejection and abandonment. This was useful because it allowed me to see my reactions were very, very normal.

Vicki Stark - Runaway Husbands - very specific book about men who walk out without warning. This helped me identify warning signs and feel less alone.

Lessons From The End of a Marriage - this blog is from Lisa Arends. Her story is hard to read. But this is the best divorce blog I've ever read! Such wonderful advice here.

Glennon Doyle Melton - First the Pain, then The Rising - I watched this every single day for a month. For a while, it was the only fucking thing that got me out of bed.

Overcomer podcast - hosted by a woman I met in one of the support groups, just lots of great insight on abandonment recovery.

Attached - great book on attachment theory

DBT Workbook - this is a GREAT resource on how to build distress tolerance and skills to face a lot of BPD type issues. DBT was a therapy style designed for BPD.

Edit to add: Forgot the best one!

Pema Chodron - When Things Fall Apart - Pema is a buddhist nun and I absolutely love her. She became buddhist when her husband left her. This book is incredible. So much wisdom! I always carry my Pocket Pema with me, literally Pema is THE BEST! She also has a lot of recorded talks that I find so calming to listen to.

No problem! Sorry to hear you’re in that situation right now, but I respect that you do want to put in some work of your own to get better.

DBT was more or less designed to help treat BPD, so it’s probably the right recommendation.

Regarding resources, well, I’ll say that it kind of depends on what you’re looking for. Clinically speaking, there’s some solid research on DBT, including for BPD. It’s been shown to help with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. So if you want to learn more about its efficacy, I’m more than happy to shoot some more studies over to you.

If you want to learn more about the practice of DBT itself, that Wikipedia article I linked up above is useful to begin with. It sort of shows you what the therapist would do, the order in which they would apply the ideas of DBT, and what those principles are meant to do. I’d start there, if I were you. If you want to know more about any specific portion of it, I’m more than happy to help you find those resources you’re looking for, but DBT and mindfulness and such are extremely broad topics.

I will link you two resources for sure though.

First, I must admit I have no experience whatsoever with this book or this method. I don’t know how useful it is, but, I also wasn’t in your position where I had to wait to start seeing a therapist. I’ve been made aware that there are workbooks for DBT, and this might help you to start developing and refining the skills you’d learn with a therapist. Again, I do not know if this works or even what’s in it, so I really don’t feel great about recommending this to you, but I figure you might want to be made aware of it too. I kind of hate the idea of people selling these skills for profit, and I hate self-help books so the whole thing makes me feel really scummy. But if this book or any others look like they might be helpful to you, then check them out. See if you can find them for free anywhere first though.

Second, something I can feel far better about recommending to you. Guided fucking meditation. I’ve fallen out of love with Sam Harris because of some of his personality traits and political leanings, but, he’s got some amazing insight on mindfulness and meditation that really helped me personally. When I first started learning about these ideas from him, it helped me more than most everything else I’ve ever learned or tried. This is a good video of him talking about anxiety and meditation. I could probably link a dozen of his talks or articles but again, I’m not a big fan of the guy anymore. But those ideas are great and extremely useful.

I could link and talk about this stuff all day, so really few free to ask questions or ask for more links.

Thank you so much... I needed that today. For some reason, even though I should be jumping up and down cheering (I biked somewhere instead of driving, enjoyed the weather, did well in classes, even turned an assignment in, and am getting together with my friends tonight to go to my favorite bar, a speakeasy) but instead it feels like I've been in a shell for the past 3 months and I'm finally realizing how actually torn up I am about my break-up. It's like I took the blanket off over my head and I'm suddenly realizing just how far I have to go to get back to being the woman I loved and respected a year ago.

So I needed that. You rock too!

And I'm glad you have support... a support system is so fucking important for us borderlines. Some love can go a long way for us.

Anyway, on to the DBT advice! Buy this book. Buy a copy for your friend if you can afford it. It's $13 and worth every penny. I started with this book and it has ALL the skills, plus relevant worksheets. There's a tracking sheet in there to fill out weekly which helps monitor emotions and habits which I would highly recommend, although you could probably find something similar for free online. However, the book is easy to understand, well-organized, and has a lot of examples. My parents say that therapy for me is like 2 full-time classes, and it's true. Skills are practice, practice, practice, until you rewrite your brain patterns until coping healthily becomes habitual.

My therapist started me on distress tolerance... and radical acceptance, which is the hardest skill of all. You can read up on this stuff online but I would really recommend the book. Depending on your situation, you could start with any of the modules, really, but definitely radical acceptance.

Best of luck, I love you! All of you. We're not broken, we're strong as fuck. Our brains have been telling us we're in crisis most of our lives, and each time we've gotten through it.

>If you're going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill

Hi, welcome to the club :) Do you have any questions in particular?

Ideally at this point you should be thinking about the best way to incorporate BPD treatment into your daily life. Whether it's actual therapy or researching it on your own, you would ideally want to set yourself up so that you inevitably have to think about it all on a daily basis. This ensures that, over time, you'll become more of an expert on the subject than a simple patient of the illness. By knowing how it came to be and how it works, eventually you'll be able to catch yourself and deal with yourself before getting into episodes.

Ultimately it comes down to being able to identify your emotions as they occur, and being able to diffuse the destructive ones before they take over any rational thought. Some helpful resources:

• Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), if you can afford it, has proven to be highly useful for BPD. BPD used to be considered an untreatable condition until DBT was put together. It is essentially a spinoff of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) that has incorporated elements from buddhist philosophy (thus the Dialectic part). DBT can be hard to grasp at first. Don't worry about it too much, just keep showing up.
  
• One of my favourite workbooks that teach DBT is The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. The link I shared is to Amazon, but you can also go to r/dbtselfhelp and search for pdfs of many helpful books on the subject.
  
• You may be prescribed medicine. This is done in the hopes that it will help to take the edge off, not to cure you. The cure comes from actively training your brain to think differently under duress.
  
• There are many apps that can help you keep up with self-care. Some deal with symptom relief, some have diary cards. Here's a useful list. I personally really like an app called SuperBetter, very customizable and fun, created by this lovely lady.
  
  You will often read and be told that BPD is something you're going to live with for the rest of your life. This isn't exactly wrong, but it isn't as severe as it sounds. There are many success stories. There are even success stories that didn't require years of therapy. What cured people generally have in common is a keen interest in learning more about the condition, dedication, and compassion towards oneself when there are slip-ups. They are deemed success stories not because they no longer get triggered by silly things, but because their way of dealing with these triggers is no longer problematic most of the time.

In a sense, yes. A formal diagnosis is not a requirement, but could be helpful if that is really what is going on. It could also be a hindrance. Unfortunately, the situation in the mental health field nowadays is really complicated, particularly with the fact that so many practitioners have significant problems with pathological narcissism themselves. It is absolutely critical, if you are having a problem with pathological narcissism, that you do take the reigns in addressing the problem. In that regard, narcissistic psychopathology parallels addiction very significantly. Many practitioners even recommend 12 step programs. As you may already know, narcissistic psychopathology is very common among M.D.'s in the U.S. and elsewhere - particularly among surgeons (current estimates of NPD as high as 40%, and my guess is that is low).

Another route is to also consider how your childhood and familial experiences effected you. A good book to read is "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists". Another good one is "Why is It Always About You?" (ignore the preachy Christian parts). Trying to think deeply about the stories and lessons of these books and how they relate to you, your life, and your family and friends is critical. Almost everyone is surrounded by pathological narcissism in some way in the U.S., so there will be useful lessons, to some degree, on practically every page. In particular, if you start realizing that you are suffering/effected by narcissism in your life, heed the lessons pointed out in the Wizard of Oz book - they are extremely useful, but MUST be put into practice, not simply "understood". If you seek out treatment from mental health clinicians, pay very close attention to the sections of the book where she describes how to spot pathological narcissism in clinicians and put it into use. This is critically important regardless of what your condition turns out to be. A clinician with traits or full NPD can not only be unhelpful to your treatment, but even dangerous, and they are all too common. Avoid any religiously preachy clinicians like the plague, as a rule.

Have you considered doing some workbooks? That may be helpful because it removes the personal aspect of the intervention. A good one is:

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

You might benefit from neurofeedback. Some is better than others, so don't be put off if it doesn't work well the first place you try.

It sounds like you'll want to really pay attention to the covert/introverted narcissism components. If you read about these topics and things start resonating (which can lead to intensely strong feelings, "good" or "bad"), then you are probably on the right track. The absolute key is to be extremely honest with yourself. Really, really extremely honest and non-morally-judgemental. You may also find a lot of value in a concept called "radical acceptance". You seem to be struggling significantly with not being able to be the "Great Savior" to your patients that you wanted to be. You'll probably nee to do a lot of reflection on that and think about how it figures into your life story. Developing a journaling habit, if you don't already, would probably be an excellent idea. Getting your life story out and thinking about why things happened is key. Reflect, integrate realizations into your life story. Rinse and repeat.

I went through a multi-decade ordeal in assisting a family member (also a doctor) who was in a nearly identical situation as you. There was NPD, but also comingled with addiction (substance), mood disorder, and bipolar. It was pretty difficult to sort out, but that person is doing much, much better now. Of course, this is all routed in childhood trauma, so it may be helpful to do some basic reading on that:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Tiger-Healing-Peter-Levine/dp/155643233X

Learn what your triggers are, and mind them.

Finally, a really important concept is discussed by Ronningstam, which is often overlooked by even very good practitioners who understand narcissism quite well. It is the critical component of redirecting ego-drive into healthy behaviors; Understanding the difference between healthy narcissism vs. pathological narcissism. This is, IMO, the #1 reason why NPD, pathological traits thereof, and addiction treatment fail so often. She discusses this very well in other parts of her book.

Of course I could be completely wrong, but that's my opinion, for what it's worth. As I mentioned, if you start digging, stay honest, and it starts resonating (good or bad), you're probably on the right path.

Good luck.

You sound EXACTLY like me. It's always hard to live like we do, and I'll give you some book recommendations, but I want to give you some pointers too that have basically kept me alive.

I saw so many therapists who did next to nothing for me. I ended up committing myself to a 100% voluntary psychiatric hospital. Everyone was basically in the same boat; we weren't crazy but we weren't healthy either. The treatment plan that they gave us was based on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which is I guess somewhat new. It's meant for borderline personality disorder, but as someone who has PTSD, general anxiety, and clinical depression, I would HIGHLY recommend any books or workbooks or videos you can find on it. I like it because it helps you treat yourself rather than making you dependent on therapists, etc. It's all about reshaping the way you think and the way you handle certain situations. It's the best thing I've ever found that helps (and I spent 15 years in near-useless therapy before that!)

I also found that reading people's memoirs and even some fiction books really helped as well because they reminded me that I wasn't alone. See, it's hard with mental health because it's not like any other "diseases" that you can see. I think we often feel alone because it's so hard to tell when somebody is like us since depression and anxiety aren't conditions that are readily visible to the human eye. It's a sneaky illness that creeps up on you like a parasite and getting it to go away is a process, but it's still possible.

Just think about any positive thing you can, and don't let yourself find cons to it. There may always be negative aspects to things, but there are almost always pros as well. No matter how you feel, there's always somebody out there who could use your help. If you're feeling really bad, try volunteer work. It helps me sometimes. Also try going outside your comfort zone with things. Give yourself a thrill and discover something new that you can enjoy. I know it's hard to get the motivation or energy to do anything like that when you're depressed, but you have to force yourself. (It's called "opposite to emotion action" in DBT. Life saver.)

Anyway, here are those book recommendations:

• The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
  
• DBT Made Simple
  
• The Expanded DBT Skills Manual for Self Help
  
• The Buddha and the Borderline: A Story of Recovery
  
• It's Kind of a Funny Story
  
• Anything by David Sedaris. He seems to be able to take what would seem like shitty situations and make them sound funny. I think it's kind of inspirational.
  
  A personal favorite author of mine is Douglas Adams. I'd recommend the Salmon of Doubt. No particular reason, he's just funny and it's nice to get your mind off things sometimes.
  
  I hope you feel better. I really really do :-)
  Feel free to PM me with questions.
  
  

I understand! There is no nearby DBT help but the one that is ofc isn't covered by my insurance. So instead I have a therapist who has an idea of how to help but not really. It's a lot of hw. A lot of self help, effort and patience/ dedication. It has to become a mindset something you always carry around/ not something that ends once you look away from the page. I would recommend printing up a couple of DBT worksheets and working on them. Work on one each day/ find ones that relate to what your dealing w. Or invest in a self help book I got mine at Barnes and Nobles but they have many on Amazon ofc.

I personally own this copy and really like it
https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131
I skip around in it a lot just whatever helps me more at the moment. & I would be good to find some bpd related books to read that may help you relate. There are several but you just have to choose one that you would be interested in. Many suggest this book
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2097142.The_Borderline_Personality_Disorder_Survival_Guide
I have yet to get it myself but I look forward to investing in it. Also it's important to have a prevention plan and a support system. Also if you don't have a set schedule make one so that you are up everyday and take care of your basic needs. & if your on medication make notes on your phone / sleep is v important for bpd and avoid any d/rugs of alcohol as it can worsen your symptoms. Also look into vitamins / or get to the doctor and have a basic /can't remember the term but check up on your vitals to make sure everything is in order and not further aggravating your symptoms.
It's a whole process it takes more than just therapy it's about changing your attitude and life style. Definitely something I'm still working on and it's a battle but worth it in the end. As you get older your symptoms will lessen and become more manageable if you keep up with your recovery. Best of luck to you and I hope this was of some help.

tl;dr Check nearby cities, college towns, places with hospitals, etc. for better healthcare. I know it's hard, but try not to judge yourself for wanting to cut again; relapse is part of recovery, we just have to pat ourselves on the back for not cutting and try to move on.


Is there a city you can drive to? I also live in a rural area and although it's not ideal, I drive two hours to a major city for all my healthcare needs. It might not need to be an NYC size city; some college towns have excellent healthcare options, if, for example, they have a medical teaching program.

I wouldn't give up on help from the medical field in general, you might just have to give up on getting help in a way that isn't also unpleasant. I know that doesn't sound much better but I find it weirdly empowering. It's like saying to the medical community, fine ass holes, I need you for certain things so I'll get what I need from you but other than that you can all go screw yourselves. So when a doctor is a jerk to me I just think, "well, I got what I needed so feel free to be bitchy; I stopped listening after you gave me what I needed." By the way, that's kind of my philosophy on dealing with everyone. Sometimes people are jerks, but I find it empowering to know that their effect on me is often less than they want it to be, because I've already started ignoring them the moment they turned out to be jerks. Sorry, I got a little side-tracked there, but my point is, like many things in life, doctors can extremely helpful but often come with strings attached. I try to take the good, move on as fast as possible from the bad.

Your face is very girly. And by the way, the whole obsession over tiny, cutesy noses is pretty recent and American. Especially around the Mediterranean, more pronounced noses have always been in style. Don't let these silly Americans with their button noses convince you there's anything wrong with having a defined nose. That said, if you don't like your nose, I think making it a little smaller is a relatively simple surgery.

Okay, so here's my general advice, as someone a bit older with some overlapping psychological issues.

1. I've found psychiatrists to be much better at therapy than therapists, psychologists, social workers or anyone else without a medical degree. The requirements are much, much higher; the therapist you're seeing could have made an impulse decision two years into college because therapy seemed like an easy, lucrative career, studied for a few years and then is out there acting like a medical professional. At least with a psychiatrist you know they made a long term commitment. Of course, this doesn't mean they're not, for example, evil, but after many years and many, many medical professionals, my opinion is that your chances of finding someone good at talk therapy are better if you look at people who have an M.D.
   
   
2. Self harm behavior fades slowly and self esteem builds slowly. There was a large (like, two years or something) lag time between when I stopped the self harm behavior and when the idea (and often desire) for self harm stopped popping into my head. An anti-depressant helped a ton, living a generally healthier lifestyle (especially not fixating) also really helped, but once something becomes a significant part of your life, it doesn't go away quickly. The good news is, it totally does go away. Like, to the point where if and when self harm thoughts do jump into your head, it no longer seems appealing. Triggers don't trigger me anymore because there's not a part of my brain waiting to be triggered. As for self esteem, once we've taught ourselves something (like, "I suck at life,") it takes a while to reteach ourselves to something else (in this case, "I don't suck at life.") Every day you don't cut yourself brings you closer to the day you don't think about cutting yourself and over time that starts to feel really nice. Also, I always heard the slogan, "relapse is part of recovery." So it's okay that after six months of not cutting you want to do it again, that's still six months without cutting and that's huge progress! And every time you relapse or think about relapsing, it'll be less intense and easier to resist than the last time. A very helpful psychiatrist once told me that often my problem isn't my emotional reaction, it's my emotional reaction to my emotional reaction. You don't have to feel bad about wanting to sink back into old, harmful patterns. I try to gently remind myself I'm moving on, that's good but takes time.
   
   Wow, sorry about the unending flood of text. I really relate to what your going through so I hope you find something of value in there. If you're looking for more sources of support and wisdom that don't require a doctor, I've found existentialism and dialectical behavioral therapy to be very helpful.
   
   Here's a lecture on Sartre that's short but very deep:
   
   http://www.anselm.edu/homepage/dbanach/sartrelecture.htm
   
   And here's the dialectical behavioral therapy workbook my wonderful psychiatrist suggested to me.
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131
   
   P.S. While DBT is specifically for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, it builds off of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) which is great for everyone.

Sounds like ADHD, but also some anxiety. I really really doubt autism, I mean ask this question, can she share her emotions and feelings with you, if yes than probably not autism.

Sounds like the anxiety is the major problem right now, and he way you describe her mania sounds a lot more like panicky anxious energy, very common with ADHD. Real mania as in bipolar is indicated by heightened euphoria, grandiosity, like believing she destinies to be the president or has super powers, and she would believe those things quite literally.

I think the best thing you could do for her right now, is to get her baseline emotional level, which right now sounds like it's about a 9-10 on the anxiety scale, by doing some relaxing things. Some good guidelines would be to stay away from the news, social media, tv, people she doesn't like, anything that might be triggering. Do some simple things like talk some long walks if possible, get out of the house as much as you can, go to dinner and movie, maybe go to the mall. This whole process might take days to weeks for her slowly enter a more relaxed state, where her logically al brain can take over and start making some better decisions to help deal with the ADHD.

This is a difficult combo to deal with, and I think you understand that, but I'm glad she has you to help her.

Here are two books I highly recommend
Smart But Stuck: Emotions in Teens and Adults with ADHD https://www.amazon.com/dp/111827928X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_1Z77ybAG4Y3T7

This is one of the newest books that ADHD, it will give you a good understanding of the disorder and also the best treatment strategies.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_w177ybX2H1TS4

The book is more of a workbook that focuses on behavioral techniques that would be beneficial to anyone suffering with any kind of mental disorder.

Okay, fair enough. That sucks - but it is possible to learn about DBT by yourself (I have done a bit so far, I am on a waiting list for DBT in my country).

This is the book I'm using which was given to me by DBT therapist who sadly I can no longer afford to see, but it is very helpful and can be followed on your own without a therapist. I have also got Borderline Personality Disorder for Dummies which while may not be too well received due to the title but has really helped me to understand the condition better - which I think is the first real step to putting things in perspective. It's hard to fight a demon which you don't know anything about!

Definitely make sure you are not dragged in too far to the point where your own emotional well-being is in jeopardy. Make sure to encourage her to seek professional help as much as possible. Deceiving therapists is something I (and I think most people with BPD) have done. Make sure to talk through with her why it's best to be honest with her therapists, for example "if they don't know they cannot help, you have nothing to lose by telling them" etc. It's positive reinforcement that therapists are not my worst enemy which helps me - because it often feels to me like they are and I get overwhelmed that they know so much! It sometimes helps if someone helps me to rationalise that is what they are there for etc.

I will try and think of other things, but my brain seems to be working too slowly today. If you have any questions myself and everyone else will definitely try to help you :)

I'm sorry for some of the responses you've received on this thread.

I think it shows insight into yourself and that you have compassion for your partner that you're interested in your own mental health. Keep up the good work!

u/LadyWithCats' advice is top notch. Sliding scale therapists can be found. I sincerely recommend asking your parents for help, much like LadyWithCats advice. Sometimes our parents don't do all we'd like to support us, though, and you'll have to pursue some things on your own. In either case, I suggest a fair amount of reading.

I recommend acquiring a workbook so that you can practice some mental health skills. Much like seeing a physical trainer, it doesn't matter what shape you're in when you show up and start such a workbook, you're going to walk out in better shape when you're done. Emotional growth doesn't stop once you reach 18—it never really stops. Workbooks require patience in the face of what doesn't look like much progress at first. They can be frustrating—just like a physical trainer. Stick with it. :)

It's always good to see the strengths of what you possess as well as the weaknesses. One strength of people with borderline traits is they are more expressive of their emotions than the average person. They are often in tune with how they are feeling from moment to moment, which is something that can elude others. This makes it easier for other people to attune to them and connect with them.

These are the resources that helped me:

After Psychotherapy -- Blog run by a psychotherapist. I particularly like his theory that the source of all mental illness is hiding shame. Find your shame and accept it. I haven't found an instance that debunks this theory.

Why do I do that? -- Book written by the same author as the blog above. Again, his insights are very helpful. I really enjoyed this book to help me understand other people so I wouldn't get angry at them. My issue is abandonment, so when someone does something to trigger it I A) know it's just a trigger, and B) know it has nothing to do with me personally because of whatever issue that person has. I haven't read any of his other books, but I would guess they would be helpful, too.

Attached -- Details of attachment theory. I personally don't like attachment theory too much, but my boyfriend thought this book was wonderful and that it helped him understand things better. My psychiatrist gave him this book after I brought him in for a group session. A lot of people believe in attachment theory, so I'd recommend reading it.

Jungian Psychotherapy -- I believe in jungian psychotherapy instead of CBT. How I view it, psychotherapy uncovers and heals your hidden shame, while CBT helps you to better cover it up. If you have serious problems, I just don't think CBT is going to work.

Now, the rest are more about borderline personality disorder, which I believe I have. If you have emotions that you feel just aren't regulated and keep bursting out, then you will likely benefit from looking at BPD resources.

Understanding the Borderline Mother -- This book changed my life. I got the book because of my mother, and after reading this realized I have BPD, too. I'm the hermit, based on her classification, and I'm even dating a huntsman! I had to keep putting it down as it blew my mind and made my world, my family, my past make so much more sense.

Putting the Pieces Together -- The author's account of working through recovery, what helped her along with details of BPD itself.

Books authored by Marsha M. Linehan -- She has BPD herself and is a psychiatrist, so she has intimate understanding in what the problems are and how to best fix them. She invented DBT.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook -- DBT is a type of therapy that focuses on emotion regulation skills. I actually haven't read this book -- I started doing so well, working on my mental health got lowered in priority. But, it's well recommended and could be very helpful.

I was in therapy on and off for 14 years. It wasn't until I started doing my own research into psychology and read all of the above that I finally started making huge strides in progress. I'm now pretty stable.

The body tries to protect itself by hiding things even from you. It make take awhile to widdle down those defenses so that you can self analyse thoroughly enough. Reread things and you may find you'll find "new" stuff.

It's a lot of work, but well worth it.

Hey there! I'm new here, on day 2 of total sobriety after a week of cutting wayyy back. I am older than you and in a different place (mid-30s, married, homeowner) but what you said about feeling like smoking is holding you back from something - even if you're not sure what that is, even though there aren't hugely negative impacts for you - is a big part of why I decided to quit, too. Mainly, though, weed was great for helping me gain some perspective and turn down the noise in my head and heart, but I want to learn to do that myself, without chemical aid, so here I am.

You mentioned being interested in resources, so I'm copying some stuff from another comment I made, in case any of these things might appeal to you:

• Meditation - I started using the Headspace app in the mornings, and then meditating independently throughout the day as needed, and it definitely helps to get some perspective on (and distance from) the cravings, the boredom, the self-judgment and other weirdness in my head, etc.
  
  
• The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook is really helping me develop skills (in addition to meditating) to deal with life sober, instead of having a smoke or a drink to chill.
  
  
• The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself is great for the philosophy/spiritual side of it. Separating myself from my thoughts and emotions - learning that I am not my anger, my depression, my anxiety, that I am not my obsessive thoughts - is something I need a lot of help with, and this is really hitting the spot.
  
  As far as your roommates and social circle go, I wish I had some ideas or helpful perspective for you, but I don't think I do. Honestly, wanting to separate myself from old "friends" who I've recently realized are not positive influences and are actually never there for me unless I go get fucked up with them and manage to fit a word or two in... That's another reason I'm quitting, I just don't want people like that in my life anymore. It doesn't sound like your friends are that kind of negative influence, so that's good. But I don't have any experience trying to be sober in a house full of people who are still smoking, and I imagine that is really, really hard. My husband has never been a smoker - just not his thing, made him feel paranoid and weird - so now that I've quit, no one here smokes, so there's no smell or giggling to remind me of what I'm giving up. Hopefully someone else here can give you some help with that one.
  
  Best wishes, I'm cheering for you. ❤️

It sounds like living with your dad might be the best of those 3 options. You'll still be in contact with the girl you like but you wont be challenged with as many changes. BPD is EXHAUSTING, I know. I find that the solution that is driven as equally as possible by both logic and emotion fits best. Suicide may seem like a good third option, but remember that there is always a possibility for even more options than you listed. I would sometimes confront that idea with "I''m pretty sure I've explored every option and angle and this is all I got", and I did....with the information I had at the time. Group therapy helped me with finding more options to help solve my problem from my peers and from the ppl running the group. I think it's important to be open to gathering up more information on what you can do and what support you can get. This forum is the perfect place!

Also, Dialectical Behavioral therapy (DBT) is extremely usefull in treating BPD. You can find a number of online resources and workbooks to help you. There are also DBT group therapies out there that take insurance or do sliding scale. I'll link the books below. Some of the worksheets inthese books can be found on forums or other websites for free, uploaded by wonderful ppl that just wanna give ppl access to something helpful.

Book 1: DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_C12QybM6GZ5PF

Book 2 (my personal fav): The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_w22Qyb6Y42T7S

I promise I'll give some specific recommendations at the end.

So, actually being able to do DBT and call it DBT is involved and fairly difficult. DBT folks (at least the bigwigs) are really big on treatment fidelity, which means faithfully reproducing what has been shown to work in their outcome research, which means a lot of resources. I'm not sure where you work and what resources you have available, but Linehan herself states that if you're not running skill groups in addition to individual therapy, along with having a treatment team for consultation, then you're not actually doing DBT. I've noticed that without all of these components present they prefer to call it "DBT-informed CBT." Just putting all of that out there for informational purposes.

That being said, you can most certainly integrate DBT concepts and techniques into your individual work, if that's what you do. It's just that there are a TON of specific skills and worksheets to choose from. It's a really involved therapy. There are many books available, but here are the ones that I've personally found useful in individual therapy and they seem to generally get favorable reviews:

DBT® Skills Training Manual, Second Edition is straight from the source. Tons of information and reproducible handouts...almost overwhelming.

DBT Made Simple is a really good, simple (obviously) primer on basic DBT philosophies and techniques to get you started in individual work.

Doing Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Practical Guide is really good. More in-depth than the Made Simple book and really gives a solid understanding of what to do in session.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook is a solid DBT-based self-help workbook. I have recommended it to several clients and it's usually connected each time. It's a handy way for the client to think about concepts in-between sessions without it feeling like "homework" and it helps as a roadmap for therapy. Kind of acts as a little skill trainer in place of the group (I know, still not the same) since there's not enough time to focus on all of the skills in individual therapy alone. It actually works well for emotionally dysregulated clients in general, regardless of what the primary diagnosis is.

There's also a video of Marsha Linehan demonstrating DBT in session on psychotherapy.net that you may find useful. It offers CE credits as well.

These are the books I have, and if I've read them (as a lot are still on my To Read pile - uni keeps getting in the way of my reading!) what I thought of them:



Book, Author | Reaction
---|---
I Hate You, Don't Leave Me Kreisman & Strause 2010 (a later edition than the original) | Like many, I came away from this book actually more depressed about my condition that I was going in. It is based on older research, when the prognosis for BPD wasn't as good as it is now. Personally, I also found Kreisman & Strause had an assumption that the formative trauma or emotional isolation would come from the maternal figure, which isn't the case for me.
The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide Chapman, Gratz & Hoffman, 2007 | This book was really, really helpful. Not only does it have a more optimistic take on treatment outcomes than I Hate You, it's also (IMO) better written. Very good at navigating how to take steps forward when you are first diagnosed. This is the book I would recommend everyone get when they first receive their diagnosis.
Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder Aguirre & Galen, 2013 | Some people find the concept of mindfulness to be new age hippy dippy shit. Not me. I love it. This is how my brain works best at coping with BPD, and I've found this book to be extremely helpful as a self-help option. No, this is not full DBT - but it's a really good starting point and management mechanism to keep things in check. It's also really good to develop skills at realistic self-analysis, to be mindful of when your borderline behaviours are going off, so that if you can't stop them to begin with, at least you can recognise what you're doing, pull back and apologise where necessary.
The Dialectal Behavioural Therapy Skills Workbook McKay, Wood & Brantley, 2007 | This is not helpful, and to be honest when I showed it to my former psych and said I was struggling with it, he said that it wasn't the best DBT workbook. The exercises are very hard to do solo. I suspect it works better as a prescribed workbook to a group DBT course. Save your money on this one!
Coping with BPD Aguirre & Galen, 2015 | Yet to read this one properly, but from skimming through it so far, I think it will be good. Very structured, and very targeted at "when you feel X, you can do Y, Z...."
Sometimes I Act Crazy... Kreisman & Strause, 2006 | I'm reading this at the moment. In the foreword, Kreisman & Strause explicitly say "wow, we got lots of feedback from people with BPD for I Hate You that they came away very despondent and feeling negative about their treatment chances, which is not what we intended.... so this is a new version designed for patients, psychology students and professionals." It more constructive and focused on positive treatment options than I Hate You but I still find their style of writing a little ... blah. And it needs more case study examples than Princess Diana. That's not helpful. I mean, it kind of is, because like Marilyn Monroe she's a famous figure whose "dramatic" behaviour can be post-death explained by a diagnosis of BPD, so it helps people come to grips with "oh, THAT's what BPD is like" but personally? Not that helpful.
Beyond Borderline: True Stories of Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder Gunderson, 2016 | I haven't read this yet, so can't really give any feedback. But as you'll note from this and the next book purchased at the same time, I'm seeking out more than just "OK, so you've been diagnosed with BPD, what does that mean?" now and looking specifically for "this is manageable, you will be OK, it just takes work"
This Is Not The End: Conversations on Borderline Personality Disorder Martin, 2016 | As above - can't judge it yet as I haven't read it, but hoping for some reassurance that things might be OK in the future.

I think, unless I come across a really well recommended book, or a future psych recommends something, I might put the brakes on buying more books on BPD, just because most of them deal with the same stuff - diagnostic criteria, how BPD manifests in people, how to treat it, how to manage mood swings and maladaptive behaviours, etc.

I could TOTALLY see myself being jealous of my friend's treatment if I were in your shoes. Relationships with your therapist is usually really personal and meaningful, and I feel like I would definitely feel similar.

As for DBT, I enjoy it a lot. I don't do a super structured version of it, but we talk about a lot of DBT skills and I study the workbook on my own. I have a few other workbooks that I study as well, I think they have a lot of benefit and I just enjoy them so sometimes I'll flip through a workbook as like a soothing exercise. When I started, though, we did a much looser and talk based approach. I don't know if that's what she thought I wanted, or if she thought my reasons for therapy were better suited for that method, and we stuck with that for a month or two. I tend to have pretty strong ideas about how I want to do things, and therapy was no different so I started finding books and bringing them up in my sessions and generally we sort of work from whatever I bring in, but my therapist will sometimes guide me and say, "hey it seems like you're onto something with this, why don't you do some more exploring with it and we'll see where it takes us next week." Most of the time I follow her guidance, but sometimes it doesn't interest me at the time so I don't until it sparks something.

I have the Marsha Lineman version, but this book is the one my therapist recommended when I expressed interest in DBT.

It sounds like it would be beneficial to bring up using DBT in your sessions. It's your therapy, so it can be whatever you want it to be! I understand feeling frustrated that your friend is doing a more technical strategy. That would be something I would also talk about in your sessions. Your therapist might have a reason they were doing it that way.

It sounds like you're in a truly hard place. 8/10 on the ACE scores is terrifying for a young child to go through.

> Meds

The way my therapist described it was some problems were caused by a brain chemical imbalance, and some are learned through shitty childhoods. My opinion on meds is if i had an infection in my foot I would have no problems taking something to support my body in healing, and just because you can't see it doesn't mean brains are different. The thought of having to be on meds sucks, but if it can make life easier. My husband had a devastating breakdown before we met. He found the right drugs, adjusted them when he felt like they weren't meeting his needs, and they've changed his life. I've seen how positive they can be, and know that it's just brain chemistry playing up. You say you're sitting in a daze, it sounds like you could be a little depressed? Is it kinda like this? You need to be able to sort that to be able to interact with your daughter - that's a priority here.

> Therapy

It sounds like that psychiatrist is not the one for you. You need to find one you can trust, keeping in mind trust doesn't appear from the start, it's a relationship that grows through subsequent visits. You have to build a relationship with someone, and then eventually you will feel like opening up. And in the meantime you deal with small things. While you find someone you would like to form a therapy relationship with, why not look at something like the dialetical behavior therapy workbook. It's designed for people with BPD (Im working through it with my husband), and although I personally don't have BPD, I've found the concepts in it life changing. I think you'd get a bit out of this workbook, it's bought a sense of peace to my own life, and it's very empowering. It takes awhile to work through because it is emotionally taxing, but it's quite freeing at the same time.

It's time for you to start this, your little girl needs it to, and it sounds like you are a very caring person that is paralyzed by everything you've been through.

Yes, you can. But not without therapy. It is possible to apply therapy to yourself, so hope isn't lost! It does require a lot more effort than seeing a therapist does, and for some people just having another person help with the problems is key. There is an advantage to healing yourself. Your therapy will be perfectly targeted and personalized in a way that even the best therapist couldn't, if you are able to gain the right knowledge. And change will happen faster. You're free to spend as much time as you want at no $$$ per hour instead of once a week or whatever.

Basically, your end goal is to understand yourself fully so that you can change. The best way I've found to do this is reading. In my case in order to have the motivation to change, I needed meds. Perhaps when I'm fully in control I can come off them, but for now they are necessary. You of course have to decide for yourself on that issue. The next issue is finding the right books, which will also be different for each person. Once you've read a book on BPD, you'll start to see the nuances of the disorder that you do or don't have. Every personality disorder covers a wide range of traits and not every person has them all. But to make a diagnosis being too specific isn't helpful. So you may find that you don't have what you thought you did or you may be more certain than ever. Whats the next step? Find a good book targeted at your best guess as to your issues. Amazon has been a wonder for me on this. As well asking for opinions on forums specific to your disorder is a great way to get good recommendations. You can also find people that have done this before you by just googling 'best books xxxxx'

Here is what I recommend - read I Hate You--Don't Leave Me and if afterwards you are certain you have BPD, continue on that track. Probably read this next - The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. If BPD doesn't seem entirely like you, then use what you learned you aren't to narrow your diagnosis and try again. Also, you're going to see mindfulness thrown around a lot. Its essentially the first step in meditation. It works. Its real, we have reinvented the wheel in order to treat mental illness caused in part by not teaching meditation in the first place. Probably.

If you want to get the books and read them on your computer, I can help you do that for free. If they help you change your life, then buy the hard copy. If you need the hard copy or just prefer it, they aren't that expensive.

Ohh, if you can't afford a counselor I super suggest this book on DBT therapy.

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

If you've got BPD/BPD traits DBT is seriously amazing.

Also advice wise, it's probably going to take a bit to patch things up? Mostly because for other people freak outs like that can be super traumatizing. I'm sure you totally know this but there is no way, in any shape or form someone is going to be able to quell your deep seeded abandonment issues. It can become a real long term problem in a relationship.

It's kind of hard to give advice because it doesn't seem like you've known each other too long? If he's looking for something a bit more casual that's something pretty heavy he just had to deal with. You also said you guys basically are super sexual every time you met. Aside from sex do you have anything else you guys connect on?

I feel like any relationship that's going to be involved like this requires lots of healthy boundaries and honesty. It becomes even more complex when one of the people involved have a hard time with emotional regulation.

I think something I'd suggest is being honest with him about your fears and the possiblity you may have borderline traits if you haven't already. Ask him how he feels about continuing the relationship. Ask him what he needs from you out of the relationship. Like wise if there are reasonable things he can do to accommodate you bring them up.

As for apologizing I'd be 100% real with him. Ask him how that situation made him feel. Ask him how he feels now. Try to validate and empathize with him if you can. Like "I know what I did was probably a bit scary and I apologize. Sometimes when I get too much into that head space with out immediate after care I can really lose myself. Is there anything we could to make sure I get that after care asap next time?"

I'd also ask him if there is anything he needs you to do next time.

One thing that's going to be mind numbingly awfully hard is when people want their space to take a break for a moment you've got to let them. I def get it can be a trigger and feel that crazy abandonment fear, but giving people that freedom makes them less likely to abandon you long term. I had to learn that and it super sucked. If you can look into self soothing techniques I suggest it. You learn them a bit in DBT.

In any case I'm sure you can do it and work it out! It's just going to be tricky and you might need to be super self aware. Sorry if this makes no sense it's like 4am and my brain is melting lol.

Thank you, so much this. I'm seeing a lot of posts lately that appear to be making this mistake. It's my opinion that you may be a little, you may love being comforted and cared for by your caregiver, but first and foremost you are an adult and responsible for your own mental health. We can strive for healthy interdependent relationships, but being in a CGL relationship is not an excuse to be codependent. Or in other words, to recognize "that you need your partner and your partner needs you., but both of you also need to be individuals."

I'd like to add if therapy is still out of reach for folks, this DBT workbook could be a great stand in for now to help you develop mindfulness, as well as better emotion regulation and self care.

I don't mean to invalidate anyone's feelings or imply that it isn't hard -- It's so hard! And scary! But after taking so many difficult steps forward, it does get easier. Better. And the process is forever ongoing, I'm still learning the tools I need to be a healthier self, partner, and little.

​

EDIT: Better yet, here is a CBT workbook you could use in Little Space!

What is it that you don't want to keep up? What hope do you want to receive here? It sounds like something must keep you going right now -- even if it is crushed and damaged hopes for a better life, that seem so out of reach that it hurts even to think of them long enough to put them into words. Is there any chance you could share what those are? What kind of better life you are holding on for (but, it sounds like, losing hope in)?

Often, growth in the Enneagram system has to do with stopping the unhealthy behaviors that are related to trying to meet your deepest needs and avoid your deepest fears, and, instead, doing something that seems counter-intuitive. I am drawing some on my Enneagram books in the following response when making suggestions, but I am also drawing on my own understanding.

As an adolescent 5w4, I remember one of the things that bolstered my sense of identity was the depths of my negative emotions. This is seen sometimes in Type 4s, who tend to overidentify themselves with their emotional state and use that to support a sense of meaning and identity -- and because emotions shift and change constantly, it can lead to a feeling of emptiness and of being lost. Feeling poorly understood can also become equated with feeling special, unique, and valuable.

However, you may find identity and happiness by putting yourself in their way -- finding work, taking care of yourself and your needs, and expressing yourself to people so that they have a chance of understanding you. If you are needing extra help, finding someone who has experience in Dialectical Behavior Therapy can be useful, or you can also try research-supported self-help workbooks, and supplement that with self-help from internet resources.

One of the things I had to do as growing up, though, was to really evaluate what I get out of feeling unhealthy and unwell, and actually develop a genuine interest in being happy. I used to feel like happy people were stupid, simple, or limited in some way, and letting go of that was a part of developing happiness.

That said, it sounds like you are also facing a lot of other challenges -- poverty and homelessness are not at all easy, and I don't want to make it sound like it is just a simple fix to find happiness while you're struggling to feed yourself and stay alive. Another thing that one of my Enneagram books suggests for Type 4s is to get involved in practical community service. As they say it, it can make you less self-conscious, and give you some insight into the good that exists within you. Personally, in sober moments, I've considered that if I ever wanted to commit suicide, a way of doing so might be to dedicate my life to some kind of community services -- essentially donating the life I don't want to live to the service of others.

This isn't necessarily feasible for someone who is depressed and in so much pain that living itself is excruciating... but if you are looking to find a place in the world and that sense of loss is fueling the suicidality, being of service to others for some preset amount of time (e.g., 2 months) might put you into connection with the struggles of fellow humans (giving you a sense of belonging and kinship), and into the things that drive and move you (whether through talking to the people there, or feeling in yourself what seeing their struggles moves for you). It may give you inspiration for art, or a desire to give more to the community, or... who knows? Worst case scenario, you've done something good for other people while still trying to find your place in life.

I hope you find this helpful.

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get back here. Now the baby must have arrived.

I don't think it would have been good to start now because DBT has a great deal of homework. It takes a great deal of time. You only get out of it what you put into it.

Plus it is expensive, and I know DBT therapists say their clients should take it twice.

Of course now it will take awhile until she is in shape for it again. But she can do things on her own. But there are other options.

Here is a dbt site for clients: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/index.html

I wrote a blog piece about that site and its owner:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201409/dietzs-dbt-site-has-helped-thousands-borderline-folks

Here is a blog post I did of resources for people with BPD:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201410/resources-people-borderline-personality-disorder

Here is a DBT workbook:
http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

I suggest buying a new physical copy. Ebooks you can't print or write in, and old copies will be partly filled in.

Here is another good book, probably less technical, called Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life.

The following. looks like a really good book, and probably the simplest one. It is also a diary. Best wishes.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Diary presents an overview of each of the four DBT skills-distress tolerance, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness-and includes a journal you can use each day to monitor your successes, chart your progress, and stay on track making productive changes in your life.

With this diary, you can:
•Learn over twenty techniques to use when you feel overwhelmed
•Observe and record your progress each day
•Find out which coping strategies work best for you
•Discover nutrition and lifestyle changes that can make you feel better

Soooo much of what you wrote reminds me of my job.

DBT stands for Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
>The theory behind the approach is that some people are prone to react in a more intense and out-of-the-ordinary manner toward certain emotional situations, primarily those found in romantic, family and friend relationships. DBT theory suggests that some people’s arousal levels in such situations can increase far more quickly than the average person’s, attain a higher level of emotional stimulation, and take a significant amount of time to return to baseline arousal levels.

I worked in a group home setting with these young women. We were trained to actively work on DBT skills to get through periods of intense emotions. After the incident that meant getting out work sheets and having them go through and answer questions about how they felt and reflect on what they could do different next time. If you're at all interested in learning more about it, this is what we used.

This is another good video resource that kind of just is a general overview of what it's about. Distress tolerance is what you'd probably want to focus on at home if you look into DBT more.

I swear I'm not related to the creators of this or anything, I just know from past experiences it's worked pretty well. For our girls we focused a lot on natural consequences, positive reinforcement (like you mentioned her behaviorist said), and validation.

I've found that validation is really key. If they're out of control you'd say something like, "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I bet it's not fun to feel frustrated." You're not condoning their behavior but you're recognizing that feeling out of control isn't a fun thing. Validation is awesome because you never have to actually agree with them, you just validate that their frustration isn't a good thing.

With that comes natural consequences. With your example of her over serving herself I would actually use much smaller plates. It's a pain in the ass but it's a proactive way to get her to do what you want. Before you do it let her know, "If this happens again we're going to use smaller plates." The natural consequence would be that she undoubtedly will do it again to push the boundary, and then you'd have to follow through with supplying smaller plates. She can have as many seconds as she wants but it limits her to the amount at a time she can take. I wouldn't be surprised if she stacks it as high as she can but I'd bet that after a while (if it doesn't get a response) she'd get bored of it.

With offering her choices of chores to do, personally I think, there should also be some kind of consequence (not a punishment) if she doesn't do it. Say she wants you to take her somewhere but "Oh, we can't leave the house because there are dishes everywhere. Maybe when things are cleaned we could go." If you can find ways to restrict things from her until it's done and then reiterate that it's her decision to choose to do them or not, that can work pretty well. I'm not sure how doing that would fit in with what her behaviorist recommends though.

Positive reinforcement (praise) has be proven to be more useful at changing behavior than negative reinforcement (punishment). However, I don't think you should blindly praise things for no reason (doing chores hours later). Catching her doing something good and praising that (when she's not expecting it) encourages her to do more of that good behavior.

Above all, I think you just have to choose your battles. It's exhausting and stressful and be sure to take care of yourselves along the way.

Sorry to hijack all of this into DBT, but I really think a large part of her over sexualization has more to do with all of this and less about her genuine sexuality. It's fine if she identifies as whatever she identifies as, but the problem I see needs to be addressed is why is she acting out in those ways and how could she learn to discuss it in a healthier way?

It's okay to feel worse right after if you've been discussing things that are difficult to talk or think about, but it shouldn't be your therapist making you feel bad. They should be able to help you identify goals! It's not your job to know how to do all of this, it's their job! It's okay to look for a new one. You're not giving up, you're strategizing.

In the mean time I love love love do it yourself DBT. I love this book. But I think any of the online (free) programs or books can help. Honestly for me the best thing is just being able to name the problems I have and being able to identify ways to work on them. Like oh, this is [common thing], I need [DBT skill]. I like when my therapist can help me name the problems I have. I think of worse case possibilities a lot. Just naming it helps, because it means I'm not the only one with that problem!

I really recommend the DBT Workbook (available on Amazon, http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572245131/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1451072829&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX118_SY170_QL70&keywords=dbt+workbook ) for everyone, but especially for anyone with mental health issues. It can work well on its own, just take your time going through it and give yourself time to practice the skills. Maybe recruit a friend to do it along with you.

That said, it'll work best in conjunction with the right antidepressants and a good therapist. If you don't find the right antidepressant or right therapist on the first try: keep looking.

Also, I like the GridJournal app for iOS for journaling. Writing in a journal, writing regularly, and practicing gratitude will all help.

Also, I like calm.com's app (also for iOS but available via their website too) for mindfulness practice. It'll help a lot.

I would suggest starting slow, maybe even just with a sponge bath or baby wipes in your room. Then maybe try washing your hair and your face in the sink. After that, you could try moving on to a sink bath in a t-shirt and shorts, and go where you are comfortable from there.

If this is interfering with your life to the point it’s affecting your basic needs like hygiene, I am really not sure why they would tell you you’re not eligible for therapy. I would argue that’s grounds to put you at the top of the list. Therapy is to give you coping techniques and tools to make stuff like showering easier. In my (fairly extensive and repeated) experiences with intake workers, whatever they have on your file is not you, or your life. You know best what you need.

Would you be comfortable speaking to your family doctor (not necessarily in detail) about your anxiety/PTSD and asking for a referral? Sometimes doctors can help fast track you to support services. Would you be comfortable bringing someone with you to advocate for you and try to get in to see someone again?

If you’re having a very difficult time with access and cost is a factor, workbooks can be helpful. The wait list is only as long as it takes to get the book, you can go at your own pace, repeat steps, and when you do find a counsellor you can work through some of the exercises with them too. You can find them online or at bookstores like Indigo and Coles in the mental health section. This is the one I have, it’s focused on skill building, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and self-acceptance. I also have this one that’s trauma specific. There are many, many others and I recommend that if you haven’t had a lot of experience worth different types of counselling that you should try going in person to find one that you like. These books are kind of like therapists themselves, there’s lots to choose from, some of them are exactly what you need, and some of them aren’t.

You’ve got this. You can heal, you can access the tools you need to feel better, you can move forward, and you don’t have to listen to some awful intake worker who doesn’t know you. You deserve the best that life has to offer.

Wow, your experience sounds in some ways eerily like me. I made a throwaway so I could reply.

First, I'm sorry you've had to deal with all this. It doesn't sound easy at all. I don't think you're fucked up. You just have a harder hand dealt to you than most others. But you're clearly very resourceful, capable and self aware, and willing to improve yourself. That you have this attitude already is amazing.

I also have anxiety, have had panic attacks, and periods of depression. I had the worst time of my life the past few months being in a graduate program and some personal issues which intensified all those to the point that I couldn't function like you for months. I had brain fog for a while, meaning months. I'm still at a point where it's hard to do creative work, which is quite problematic. A friend of mine has the same thing after going through an accident and divorce within the same year. Im not sure if this is the case for you, but it might be a problem with your brain associating work with pain, like if you tried to do too much at once, or simply there being too much stress in your life. Are there any unnecessary stressors you can eliminate? Perhaps responsibilities you don't need, people you don't need to be around, etc. I haven't been diagnosed with bpd but I can relate to many of the symptoms and I've been self studying from a dialectical behavior therapy workbook - do you use it as well? I highly recommend it. Here's a link to the one I use.. Also, like you I'm also very sensitive to substances such as caffeine, drugs or medications.

Anyway, the point of me sharing that information is that I can empathize with at least some of your issues, and perhaps can suggest some things that might help. Specifically for nootropics, I sometimes use L-theanine, especially if I have caffeine, and valerian root if I have trouble sleeping. That's it. Honestly, nootropics are only the icing on the cake for larger issues, and the first things that must be in order are: sleep, exercise, diet, therapy, and medication (if you use any - I don't though I also have benzos for emergencies, only had to use it once.) It seems like you have most of these in order, so kudos! That is awesome! It's hard to build and maintain those habits but you'll see a difference once you do.

However if you have panic attacks and general anxiety, I strongly recommend you stop taking caffeine. Learn to function without it. It might take a few weeks to adjust your sleep schedule and exercise routine, but is it really worth it to have heightened anxiety? In my opinion, no. Or, you could try taking less or only on days when you truly need it. Also, why modafinil? I took that once and also had an intense panic attack. Is it worth it?

I must say that two of the things besides therapy that have helped me the most is 10 minutes of meditation a day, and practicing self compassion. I use the Calm app on iOS for meditation. I have a gift subscription for a year, you can pm me if you think you're interested in it. Meditation and being mindful of my environment for a few minutes a day, every few hours, keeps me grounded. And people have started noticing, so it isn't just my own analysis either. :P

About self compassion, I took a few weeks workshop through my schools counseling center. It was basically like group therapy and very helpful to me. You can read about it by googling Kristin Neff. I suspect that you, like many high achieving people, are way too hard on yourself. That might give you way more anxiety and suffering than you already have, which you don't deserve. At least, this has been my own experience, and I've finally learned, to a large degree, to stop beating myself up for things I can't control. I can't tell you how weird and new that was.

Anyway, I hope this helps a bit. It's one perspective, at least. Good luck to you. Feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk btw.

I'm so sorry. But please be easy on yourself. You're going through a TON of stress right now. Of course you're going to look for pleasure and comfort in the midst of this storm.

All I can offer is some namby-pamby stuff I learned through dialectical behavior therapy. It struck me as super corny at the time but it's starting to help me now when I'm also going through a lot of stress. Basically one of the things I did through this workbook was make a list of things I could do to give myself comfort/pleasure when I felt stressed instead of binge eating or other destructive behaviors. (It gets more detailed than that, but that's the gist.)

Anyway, making a cup of tea or taking a bath or smelling my favorite perfume sure seems like a weak pleasure compared to getting stoned out of my gourd and shoving my stomach full of food. But just making myself run through those options, even if I don't use any of them, frames it differently for me. Binge eating feels inevitable, most of the time. Like the ONLY way I can comfort myself. But realizing I DO have other options, and that I CAN make a choice, has been really empowering.

And also, congratulate yourself on being honest about your calorie consumption and tracking. That's huge. And give yourself credit for dealing with everything, even if you make less than healthy food choices along the way.

I know exactly what this is like and I'm currently in the same situation as you. Although I've been nearly BPD symptom free for a couple years, this relationship has set off firing signals to my BPD yet again because I actually really deeply care about this person. Things have been incredibly smooth sailing up until a week ago when the BPD demon snuck in out of nowhere and made me start questioning every little thing that could be perceived negative due to a simple bad mood that my partner was in. Because I'm very good at controlling my reactions now due to many self help books which I will recommend in a minute, it hasn't yet affected my partner. The only reason I know (or am hopeful at least) that this relationship will work is 1) I'm a very self aware BPD, and 2) my partner is incredibly stable, emotionally mature, able to discuss and communicate things openly and actively seeks to understand me which makes me (and, surprisingly, my BPD) feel very comfortable.

The books I recommend are the main DBT book that you can buy on amazon here https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1524974674&sr=8-1&keywords=dbt

as well as this one https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Dialectical-ebook/dp/B00CFV8UP4/ref=sr_1_8?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524974698&sr=1-8&keywords=borderline+personality+disorder

Reading these books was incredibly eye opening for me and taught me a lot of things I never knew before about how to control my emotions, be non judgmental towards myself, and incorporate very simple skills to begin building new patterns in my brain in how I handle emotional situations. Good luck :)

Okay, so first of all, I'm just gonna let you know that when you are a teenager, you go through a lot of emotional swings and impulsive behavior, BPD or not. I'm not saying you definitely dont have BPD or do, cause I am not an expert at all, but I'm just saying that impulsiveness and mood swings and being emotional and insecure often are part of being a teenager and hormonal.

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I'm sorry your dad is an alcoholic and distant, and your parents weren't emotionally available. I understand what it's like to not have friends, it sucks majorly. I'm sorry about your friend leaving. That sounds really, really rough. I understand you said therapy isn't an option. If the reason is because you're scared to go, then I would strongly suggest you give it a shot. It's really very helpful. If you actually cant, then never mind about that.

DBT therapy is something that is supposedly really good for BPD individuals, and people who dont have BPD seem to benefit from it as well. There are DBT work books online you can order and go through, sort of like doing therapy for yourself. The ones I have are https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1HXBOGNHXKA54&keywords=the+dialectical+behavior+therapy+skills+workbook&qid=1565319927&s=gateway&sprefix=the+dialect%2Caps%2C209&sr=8-3 and the journal book https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Diary-Monitoring/dp/1572249560/ref=pd_sbs_14_10?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1572249560&pd_rd_r=434fbe52-a699-48bf-bf5e-dfcb61528ba3&pd_rd_w=9mcuY&pd_rd_wg=VHCUJ&pf_rd_p=1c11b7ff-9ffb-4ba6-8036-be1b0afa79bb&pf_rd_r=9QS2A03AZ9JZMZS5CN7D&psc=1&refRID=9QS2A03AZ9JZMZS5CN7D

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those are the amazon links above. If you are needing to talk to people, there are support groups out there. I dont know where you live, or what funds you have or if you have transportation, but you can search for support groups here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/ or google it. There is sometimes support groups that are free at various places, I have found some depression support group at a local church near me once that ended up being great, (even if you aren't religious). There is tons of information online about BPD, and dealing with stress online. Perhaps if you have a school councilor that you trust, you could talk to them?

If you feel you are in a crisis and live in the USA, you should call 911 or the national suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255

or go to http://suicidehotlines.com/ to find a hotline for you.

About your friend, keep in mind that she is human and she cant cure you, and that she will mess up and fail sometimes, and that it's not your fault that she feels suffocated and felt she needed to leave. Sometimes people just cant take on another's problems, even if they love them so much and that other person is just doing their best and not trying to hurt anyone, sometimes people just need to take time for themselves. I'm sorry, I know you must be in a lot of pain after what she said to you, I know I would, but please hang on. It's going to be okay. You are not alone.

I'm glad you've found somewhere you can spill your thoughts out and I'm glad you're finding it therapeutic. We're always here, any time. :)

Yes, you can come back from this. With support, and maybe therapy and/or medication, you can make a full recovery. You will always have it, but as I understand it the therapy tools you can learn will help train your brain into stopping that first gut-reaction and analysing how best to respond to things. This is a good place to start. Personally, I've found medication useful in helping my impulses dull a little, enough for me to find a more healthy way of handling the things life throws at you.

The diagnosis is not a death sentence. You can overcome this, and in the meantime, we're here for support. x

I read at a 9st grade level!! Is this a meme from something? I’d like to know!
Thank you for just being kind enough to do this! Especially a book one!

The book I have been eyeing “The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance” (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_0M0EAb6ST3PXV

Been wanting it mostly because I have heard very positive things about this workbook, and I would like to get it in the future to try and be the best person I can possibly be and practice key components the book emphasizes to be a mindful, anxiety-free (lol)person.

The reviews and people on Reddit have given it a lot of positive feedback and said it’s made a powerful and meaningful impact in their lives. Has helped people save their relationships, and in turn helping people from themselves and their negative tendencies. An overall beneficial workbook id like to try!

I've been LC with NMom for 15 years, since moving across the country for college. I'm getting better and better at being medium chill (I didn't know that was a thing until I just read about it, but I've been doing it on my own!) and I've found some things that work:

• "It sounds like you're upset and need some time to calm down. I'm going into the other room until you're ready to talk calmly." (AMAZED that this actually worked. I hope it keeps working.) She once started going all N in front of my toddler son, so I told him "Grandma is upset. Let's go play in the other room while she calms down."
  
• DBT! For me, and now I got NMom doing the DBT Workbook since I told her it helped me a lot with my depression. I really can't recommend this enough for everyone, it has helped me SO much: http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451574781&sr=8-1&keywords=dbt+workbook (It was actually developed to treat people with BPD!)
  
• Frequent short phone calls with "I have to go now" as soon as she crosses any boundaries. Slow-paced training is working!
  
• I've been talking with my son about boundaries ("we only touch others how they want to be touched," "we don't hit/pinch/bite even when we're angry") and that grown-ups make their own happiness but that Grandma forgot how to make herself happy. I hope this works.

That really sucks. I've been hospitalized 3 times in the past year and I'm currently on my 4th IOP/PHP and recently diagnosed BPD too. My IOP and PHP was in the same place and I've been to that place all 4 times for IOP/PHP. I agree that the hospital sucks and it honestly serves no purpose other than to keep people safe in really bad times. My therapist and psychiatrist think that hospitals are the absolute last resort.

I also want to say that even though you may feel like you shouldn't need the help to get what you want, you may need the help and it's okay to need help. Now what I'm not saying is that the PHP program is fine, it could be shitty, but trying to find one that will work for you is important. Think of yourself as an investment. You are investing into your mental health so that you can get a job and strive toward the goals you want. You want to get the best possible care so you can get yourself to those goals. Maybe you "should" be able to shrug off your BPD, but "should" doesn't help us actually get what we need.

You can certainly tell me to shove it and what I'm saying comes only from personal experience, but I would look into finding a DBT program or therapist, though I'm going to say that you're going to have a really hard time finding one that accepts Medicaid. DBT is built from the ground up for BPD and designed by someone who has BPD, Marsha Linehan. I've been through DBT programs and they have saved my life. There are cheap books on Amazon or websites like DBT Self Help that I've personally used and can vouch for.

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=asc_df_1572245131/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=266184041033&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12171493090164689952&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032194&hvtargid=pla-437102392715&psc=1

Definitely think the couples and individual therapy is a great idea.

It’s Dialectical Behavior Therapy; but you can also do a workbook yourself. It helps you cope, distract, and accept your emotions. There’s also YouTube videos too on DBT.

Also the best form of medicine is sleeping right (7-9hours), eating right, and exercising.

Maybe you two can do physical activities together and separately. Exercising release feel good chemicals and let’s you think clearly and hence communicate better.

There’s also meditation apps too.

Hey,

Congratulations on your decision to get help! You can do it. In you post history, I can see that you struggle with depression.

First, where are you located? Are you in Europe, in the US, somewhere else? In most places, you can find therapists. Are you still in school or studying? Many schools and universities offer free mental health councelling. Check those out! Depending on your situation, you might be able to qualify for government assistance. I am not in the US, but I believe you can check HealthCare.gov to find out if you qualify and take your next steps from there. If you don't qualify, there is a very cool blog post by a psychologist on how to get mental health care on a budget: http://slatestarcodex.com/2018/04/25/mental-health-on-a-budget/

Let me quote from that article:

"This section is on ways to do therapy if you cannot afford a traditional therapist. There may also be other options specific to your area, like training clinics attached to colleges that charge “sliding scale” fees (ie they will charge you less if you can’t afford full price).

1. Bibliotherapy: If you’re doing a specific therapy for a specific problem (as opposed to just trying to vent or organize your thoughts), studies generally find that doing therapy out of a textbook works just as well as doing it with a real therapist. I usually recommend David Burns’ therapy books: Feeling Good for depression and When Panic Attacks for anxiety. If you have anger, emotional breakdowns, or other borderline-adjacent symptoms, consider a DBT skills workbook. For OCD, Brain Lock.

2. Free support groups: Alcoholics Anonymous is neither as great as the proponents say nor as terrible as the detractors say; for a balanced look, see here. There are countless different spinoffs for non-religious people or people with various demographic characteristics or different drugs. But there are also groups for gambling addiction, sex addiction, and food addiction (including eating disorders). There’s a list of anxiety and depression support groups here. Groups for conditions like social anxiety can be especially helpful since going to the group is itself a form of exposure therapy.

3. Therapy startups: These are companies like BetterHelp and TalkSpace which offer remote therapy for something like $50/week. I was previously more bullish on these; more recently, it looks like they have stopped offering free videochat with a subscription. That means you may be limited to texting your therapist about very specific things you are doing that day, which isn’t really therapy. And some awful thinkpiece sites that always hate everything are also skeptical. I am interested in hearing experiences from anyone who has used these sites. Until then, consider them use-at-your-own-risk." (end quote)

There are also sections on prescription medicine and on supplements in that article. Check it out!

If you are in a particularly bad spot or just need somebody to talk, there are lots of phone lines and services where you can call in for free. One example: https://www.crisistextline.org/depression/ (US-based).

There are also subreddits like /r/depression where you can get help from people who actually know what they are talking about.

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Good luck and hang in there!

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amazon link to workbook I use

This is the book I use. I just skip some of the activities that feel like old news, but I’m onto the Love & Kindness section after the Radical Acceptance section, and I know it’s helped me. I almost don’t fit criteria anymore, and it’s good to have this structure. I’d see if your psychologist would work through it with you (mine isn’t technically trained in DBT but she has no problem giving me “homework” from this book, which we then talk about for part of the session). Wishing you well!

I wish i could help you more.. I deal with a lot by using dbt skills.

https://psychologytools.com/dbt.html

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

The actual book has helped me a lot, but i had found a free pdf version while using the computer. They get uploaded and taken down regularly..
It really helps to retrain your thoughts to not break yourself down. Like if you do the best you can and failed thats okay just dont make yourself feel worse by constantly replaying what could have gone better or why you suck and that youll never succeed. That is literally the key go having a good life; training your mind to acknowledge negative thoughts and actually learning how to replace them with good ones. Everyone knows it yet we all get lost on how to replace the thoughts..like we wont allow ourselves to change them.

If i were yoy i wouldnt stop posting what happens even if you think you know what everyone will say it never hurts to have people remind you that youll get through something and that youre worth something and you deserve to be happy. And it potentially could reach someone who is experiencing something similar and help them or it reaches someone and stops them from getting into a similar situation.

I just logged back into my account, so I'm just now seeing this. Take the tools that work, ditch the ones that don't. Plenty of inventions were intended for one thing and work across a multitude of problems. DBT is really good me, and I'm interested in CBT as well - I've heard really good things about it. Here's an awesome DBT workbook that isn't that expensive. Also, if you google "free dbt" there look to be a bunch of good free workbooks, websites, etc.

Hang in there, you'll figure it all out. :)

You could take a peer support class. This one is from NAMI,Peer Support Specialist and here's another, NAMI Basics. If you are not within the USA, just google peer support training + your area to find a training program near you.

Some DBT programs offer a Family type DBT curriculum that helps teach DBT skills to family members/spouses. The one program I was involved in offered something like this for family members.

You can also read books about DBT.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook,

DBT® Skills Training Manual, 2nd edition

Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder (this is the first edition and is cheaper. It also has some of the worksheets in it as well

Watch some youtube videos about DBT, or visit dbt websites.

https://www.dbtselfhelp.com

https://ilovedbt.com/

Remember to take care of yourself during this time as well. You can't help someone if you yourself are stressed or overburdened. Good boundaries are essential for both parties.

Take good care!

The second best thing to therapy is self-therapy workbooks. CBT and DBT are both used for a variety of issues with a great deal of success. These workbooks are cheap, they're easy to follow, they are surprisingly very effective, and you have nothing to lose. You can take all the time you need by dedicating a little time each day to read and do the activities in the books.

FYI: DBT in particular has been noted for being more successful than traditional therapy in at least one study for suicidal tendencies.

Dialectical behavior therapy, mentalization based therapy, transference focused therapy - all created for people like us. With the diagnosis you can now know that other people suffer in the same ways you do, it's not hopeless, and you're not doomed to a life of being alone. I was in therapy for 10 years before confirming the diagnosis and starting DBT - I've made more progress in the last year than I ever did in those 10 years. I think probably there's nowhere to go but up.

DBT workbooks:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_JBD3zb2DPCBBR

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_qnD3zb1J2N742

When I was waiting for therapy to start I soaked up as much info as I could in video form on youtube, which I actually found more helpful than DBT in terms of feeling real validation and emotional healing.

I found a torrent of From Chaos to Freedom which is basically Marsha Linehan (creator of DBT) teaching the skills herself. I like her, she’s pretty weird. Here’s a clip: https://youtu.be/Im3aLArs2nc “If it lasts forever and you think it’s a crisis... it’s your life, it’s not a crisis”

Tons of short videos of experts talking about borderline and DBT:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0RQwa3uLto4y2R8Eg1hKTg

This one is full of lectures (many by the same experts) on more specific topics that I really liked:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDSIYTQX_dk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvfe3n2SGow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ux8-7EniZBM

I suggest checking out this self-paced workbook, for you and anyone interested in seeing what DBT can do, written in a digestible, section-by-section format. It doesn't overwhelm, you can do a little a time, and it really helps you gain insight into why you do the things you do, and how you can redirect that behavior, slowly, over time. Like building a new habit, like making sure you brush your teeth at night.

It's $12, and you can write in it like a journal, so if/when you can get traditional therapy, it's helpful to show your therapist or psych professional.

I'm so glad you are doing better after that six months; keep fighting the good fight! We can do this!

Many, many things actually. I like the following books. They contain tons of helpful information and techniques without fluff:

• Coping with BPD: DBT and CBT Skills to Soothe the Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder - Nice little simple and concise guide on how to handle almost anything. It's especially helpful to reference when you're feeling overwhelmed, which is what I mainly use it for.
  
  
• The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook - The basics of DBT. Has exercises to do on your own.
  
  
  
• The Feeling Good Handbook - Basics of CBT. Also contains exercises to do on your own.
  
  
• Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World - DBT doesn't do mindfulness justice imo, especially considering it's "the core of DBT." This book helped me to actually understand it, its value, and how to incorporate it into my life.
  
  edit:typo

hello :)

i'm pretty random but i love leopards/animals/moomins/high quality paper (i just use gel pens as i love the shiny finish)

i acquired this https://www.amazon.co.uk/Moomin-Colouring-Macmillan-Childrens-Books/dp/1509810021 (which is where i mentioned moomin)

and yes i am aware of alot of the different styles, i guess i'm being picky and just want to find a clean cut book if that makes sense; sometimes i find a good book but it seems they give up half way and the pictures don't turn out great towards the end which feels a shame

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the gold standard for depression and anxiety (and many other things as well). It works wonders for me. If your therapist does it, that is wonderful, but there are excellent books which you can use on your own. One of the core principles of CBT is that you need to work on your own to acquire skills to deal with your problems, reading and doing "homework" and mental exercises.

This is an excellent book, with a strong emphasis on anxiety. I recommend the paperback, so you can write in it (it has lots of worksheets).

This is another excellent book that I have.

Mine focused on my abuse and my dream of getting a college degree (I succeeded, I have a master’s degree now), so Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown, and On Course by Skip Downing. On Course has so many great self-esteem projects in it, but it’s written for students.

I also like a lot of self-compassion meditations, like these: link . She actually wrote a workbook too that’s on amazon, that might be something to look into if you like her mediations as well: link

For those really stressful feelings that come up while healing, I recommend ACT mediations: link

I’ve also been thinking of picking up a DBT workbook—just to learn more about other self-work projects so that I might be able to weave it into my teaching. You might like to look at it too: link

Thriftbooks also has some options! link

Hope this helps :)

This kind of behavior could certainly stem from BPD, but not necessarily. Regardless, I think it's less important to find a label for your behavior. I struggled with BPD-like behavior for a few years and what helped me was DBT therapy. I highly recommend it. If you can't find a therapist in your area that specializes in DBT, there are some good workbooks available for you to try by yourself. I liked this one the best. It's helpful without being condescending or hypercritical (like some books about BPD).

Agreed that you've already done the hardest part of recovery: You acknowledge that you need help.

You may also check out some tips on how to redirect these feelings/energy. Most tips are directed at exes, so some things won't apply, but a lot of them do: starting a "cyberstalking jar" or picking up a new habit that you distract yourself with when you start thinking about your professor (video games, knitting, exercise, etc.). Here are a couple of lists to try: one | two. You've got this OP - best wishes.

Maybe instead of pushing it down, you have to finally start to deal with it and face it.

Someone said to me that emotions are like a balloon - you push the balloon under water (pushing it down) and it pops back up even higher (i.e. pushing it down makes things progressively worse).

If you can't afford a therapist, etc. then I would suggest looking things up online. There is a brilliant workbook that I would recommend to anyone - its called the DBT Therapy Skills Workbook.

I just looked and you can buy it used for less than $10 (as I'm assuming you're in the US). It is really helpful and goes through the four different modules of DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) which is the foremost therapy used specifically for those who have BPD.

Also there is a forum on here which can be helpful, called DBT Self Help which has all the different exercises you can do for DBT. There are a lot of links to useful things on there.

You can also look up 'Mindfulness' online (here is a link to an article, I just googled 'how to do mindfulness') - mindfulness is something they talk a lot about in the DBT workbook and it's based on bhuddist meditation and simply just being in the here and now with no judgement on how you are feeling.

Meditation can be good for relaxation, especially if you are feeling a lot of anxiety.

So basically, although you can't afford a therapist, there are things you can do to try and learn different ways of coping and dealing with things that are stressful, or the symptoms that you are experiencing, like fear of rejection from your partner.

Having a baby is an extremely stressful time, I'm not surprised you are finding things difficult at the moment. I think even people without mental heath problems have a hard time with a new baby!

I hope some of those suggestions and links are useful to you.

Take care :)

Hey there! I really recommend this book: DBT Skills. I'm fortunate to have access to a great therapist, but these are the skills she is teaching me that have been helpful. I also just bought this book and will be working through it myself. If you do end up buying it, please let me know - I'd love to chat about it!

DBT has worked really well for me. If you can't find a therapist right away, this book is a good place to start.

As cheesy as it sounds, mindfulness is the most important element of dealing with BPD. I sympathize with the anger freak outs--I used to get them practically every other day and my poor SO was wonderful enough to hang on for the ride. They now only happen every few weeks (fingers crossed!) but you have to accept that you're not perfect and treatment takes a while before you can see results.

Don't get discouraged. The first step is accepting that you have BPD and committing yourself to making things better. Take care of yourself (sleeping, eating right, no drugs/alcohol, etc), read up as much as you can about BPD and coping skills, and get thee to a DBT therapist. You will be ok--good luck!

You don’t need a BPD diagnosis to benefit from DBT. It’s like any other group therapy - it’s not closed off like AA or NA or something... where you must fit x criteria. My DBT group is a mixture of BPD, EDs, Depression/Anxiety, Bipolar and Addiction.

No idea where you are but I’d suggest contacting your local psych hospital/facility - they will know what’s available or where to point you. I would guess the first port of call would either be to your family doctor for a referral or a self referral to a therapist who participates in DBT.

If you can access it under health insurance or public healthcare pursue it... if it’s there then just keep chipping away to access it. Paying for DBT is expensive...the groups, individual therapy...

Alternatively there are some amazing books that cover it. They are the same skills, the same examples as in group... they’re workbooks not just boring theory encyclopedias.

Lots of people recommend the big green DBT book Nobody knows the name, it’s just the green book. Like the Bible. I’d recommend looking online - it’s floating around out there and available in various formats, I’ve seen it linked in this sub before.

It’s not an online research, but please buy this book (available in most countries I think):
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

It’s the book used by most DBT therapists and contains detailed exercises/goes into depth about the four modules of DBT. I have it at home and have been going through it before my actual therapy starts. It is a compassionate, non-patronising, eye opening and helpful book written by professionals.

I hope it helps. x

I think, when you can afford it, a therapist will be your best bet. The triggers are there, they just might not be obvious. It took me a couple of years with a great therapist to realize what usually set me off. Maybe start journaling your episodes? A good way to vent and track your moods.

Here is the book I bought. They might carry it at a local library.

I hope you start feeling better. Just remember you're not the only one who deals with this and it doesn't have to be something that's a defining trait forever.

I have...had?...BPD. Long-short, I never thought I'd ever get better, especially after 2 years of individual DBT therapy that did nothing. Finally learned there is no such thing as individual DBT and joined a group. After almost 2 years of the group and then continued individual DBT support, it's amazing the changes in my life. BPD is curable!

I know the problem from both being the one with BPD and having to remove from my life someone with BPD for my own sanity. It's a shitty thing to deal with from both ends. You don't need anyone to center yourself and your recovery around; you are the center of your own universe. Find a DBT group and give it a try.

BTW, I'm 40 years old and was diagnosed in my early 30s. I lost my soulmate over this, but I'll live. You'll live, too.

You can try this workbook for the time being to tide you over. I like McKay much more than Linehan.

Oh, I read through some comments before submitting. Yeah, find a therapist, not a psychiatrist. Shrinks are just pushers where I live. If you need meds, ok, but for therapy, your best bet is to not count on them for much in the way of patience. BPD times a lot of time, understanding, and SKILL to overcome!

First of all, kudos to you for looking to work on this! I think the best things you can do for starters would be read through the BPD support subreddits here, and read up/watch videos on the topic. There's a ton of informative material that will help you on your journey!

This might be a great start for DBT - link to Amazon

I'll start of by relating a bit about myself, not in an attempt at vanity, but because it'll explain what I"m trying to communicated. I have had OCD for quite a long time, though there was a lul inbetween two major outbreaks. The first wave of my OCD began shortly after my grandfather died. After a few years it largely decreased, but than it became extremely severe when, on last minutes notice, I had to move from California to Virginia where I began law school, whcih was very difficult, and had no money (and stress from not having money) and was unable to make any friends. My OCD quickly and severely manfiested. I had not been to a doctor yet, but when I went, the doctor told me that OCD, while remaining fairly insignificant for a large portion of your life, can begin to manifest excessively when certain large events occur in your life to trigger it.

The stress from the abrupt break up with your boyfriend (which I'm assuming was unexpected) is probably a trigger event for you. An important first step is understanding why this event triggered, and accepting why you need to let go of your pain (of course easier said than done).

One important thing is to not think of your OCD as something you will conquer. OCD is a chronic illness, and it cannot be defeated; however, it can be very well managed, to the point where it is as if its is nonexistent. Resist the temptation to tell yourself that your just being irrational and should stop, or that your ridiculous, because OCD is inherently irrational disorder and thus does not require rationality to operate. Instead, work on identifying improper behavior when it occurs, and disassociating that behavior from who you are and what you want to do. In other words, think of OCD as a pestering bully who keeps yelling taunts at you; don't try to fight it, as it will just encourage it and make it stronger. Instead, recognize that it is a bully, and ignore it. It will continue to taunt you at first, but it will not have your attention as fuel, and will die down. If you don't allow OCD to suck you in, it will be less able to suck you in in the future.

Here's one tip. When you face a manifestation of your OCD-i.e. when your obsessions start and/or you feel compelled to take a certain action, try to link it in your mind to this stress as an indicator that this is an external event. Disassociate from it, and take a step back. One technique that I have found helpful when faced with a bizarre thought is to, instead of saying "oh this is irrational and I"m being crazy," try to convince yourself of the opposite. For instance, when I think "if I don't start clicking my mouse repeatedly, my sister is going to die," I tell myself "no, actually, if I do start click my mouse repeatedly, than my sister is going to die, but if I do nothing, than she will be fine." I usually than contemplate how the potential outcomes are infinite, and there's thus no reason to believe the OCD thought anymore than I believe the exact opposite thought. I do realize that this seems sort of unalligned with my previous advice that OCD shouldn't be conquered; its a subtle distinction, I find. Of course I am no doctor. However, I find this helpful. Basically, I think it works by giving your mind a lot to think of, and thus serving to minimize the size of the OCD voice, by crowding it out. I should make one note of caution; while I find this technique very helpful, it can lead to great distress about the uncertainty of life (though I'd also note that my OCD manifestations often deal with existential questions, so existential fears are a bigger problem for me). However, the tactic can be effective. Based off what you have said, it seems like you may be in a situation where you don't necessarily contemplate directly "oh this is what I have to do and for this reason." If that's the case, try to vocalize it. Sometimes, just hearing it can help expose the ridiculousness of it (although, OCD is ultimately a disorder where peoples symptoms continue to occur despite the fact that they realize their fears are unbased).

Therapy is a very helpful thing, but I understand that it may not be an option. There are alternatives, however. While my therapy expereince has generally been bad, the one good therapist I had (I lost him due to an insurance change) recommended that I do exercises out of a book, and suggested that this would help me. Now, admittedly, I never followed through, so I can't say reliably how helpful it is; however, the therapist I had was a very smart, good man, and I trust his opinion (additionally, the book is well ranked by users on amazon, with 69 people giving it a five star ranking and 12 people giving it a 4 star ranking, while only 4 people gave it a 3 star ranking, 4 people a 2 star, and 3 people a 1 star). You can find the book here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572245131/ref=oh_details_o02_s00_i00

Another helpful thing I have found is to educate yourself on what OCD is. Knowledge can be very soothing, and you'll realize that this is just a behavioral problem, not "craziness."

Finally, while its hard to open up to friends, and your certainly going to expose yourself to some lack of understanding, its very important to have a support system. One of the reasons that my OCD became so bad in Virginia was because I had no support system, and no way to release my feelings. The awkardness of telling your friends is far less painful than having years of OCD. It will not cure the OCD, but it will help. If you still feel like you can't, perhaps try reaching out on reddit more, like you're doing now. Reddit is a wonderful place where you can feel the sympathy and support of a friend while at the same time having the anyonmity that allows you to fully express you problems without having to fear looking bad in front of people. People here are here to help.

I apologize for the length of this post, and do hope it proves helpful.

That sounds hard! Have you seen a doctor about your ADHD and anxiety? Are you on the correct meds for you? Nothing wrong with taking something to function properly. Another thing a lot of people find useful is dialectical behaviour therapy, which you can do at home with a book like this. My husband's therapist described it as a great way to learn coping mechanisms for anxiety, he did such a good job explaining it even I want to do it.



Don't forget to look after yourself, which can be difficult when you have young children and anxiety etc, exercise can help. Doing things you enjoy (or finding a new hobby) can help you meet new people and also gives you something to talk about.

Reading your post, it's like we are the same person. I've struggled over a year with do I have ASD or BPD because no one ever listens to me so I try to figure it out myself. Not self diagnosing but I do wonder. I just really relate to everything, I think, even your last paragraph. You're not alone. I hope that helps.

What's been helping me in the meantime is therapy, especially in-home and family. I don't know if that would be an option for you though. As another person mentioned, DBT is very helpful. I bought this book which I like. I'm not very far into it though but I've talked to other people who really liked it.

If you have a good rapport with your current therapist, maybe she would be open to getting a workbook that the two of you could work through together. I've used this workbook. I haven't used this but that is a reputable publisher (New Harbinger) and looks good.


DBT is a very "manualized" treatment; meaning it's standardized and books and workbooks are used. There is a clear structure and process for DBT. All DBT includes the same basic principles. It's pretty standard stuff for a therapist.

DBT was originally conceived by Marcia Linehan as a group therapy model, but it's been adapted to individual therapy. There are specialized training courses in DBT, but as far as I know, any licensed therapist can use the basics of DBT as long as they've done some reading and understand it. You can read more about it on Dr. Linehan's website.


Even if you're not totally convinced of the BPD diagnosis, the skills in DBT are really excellent for emotion regulation, tolerating distress, and relating better to the other people around you.


I would talk to your current therapist and see what she says. She may be willing to do this with you, but she may not. Ultimately, you'll have to rely on her to be the judge of whether or not she feels comfortable working with DBT with you.

There are also books you can buy that explain cbt therapy and have plenty of exercises.

https://www.amazon.com/Calming-Emotional-Storm-Dialectical-Behavior/dp/1608820874/ref=sr_1_1?crid=144ZF786QXEUR&keywords=calming+the+emotional+storm&qid=1565134082&s=gateway&sprefix=Calming+the+%2Caps%2C203&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_2?crid=144ZF786QXEUR&keywords=calming+the+emotional+storm&qid=1565134082&s=gateway&sprefix=Calming+the+%2Caps%2C203&sr=8-2

I bought these a few months ago when I was feeling down and they helped. Just remember emotions come and go and you won’t feel like this forever. Being pregnant is especially hard because hormones but you have the most wonderful thing ever to look forward to! I wish I could relive that very special time in my life!

yeah, I found audiobooks helped because I could put it on and go for a walk/lay down and just listen. Slightly more passive but it's a start. Self-Therapy by Jay Earley and Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg are the two I tend to recommend because they helped me a lot but I'm sure there's more out there. I also found elements of this https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131 useful as it's super structured, but it's harder work for sure.

Retrain the way your mind reacts to certain categories of events! as others have mentioned, CBT is helpful, it’s like a diagnostic and tuneup for your mental habits.

DBT is also useful and this workbook has been pretty good to me so far.

You can also consider therapy. In my eyes there is no difference between a physical therapist and a mental health therapist. They both help you live the life you should be living.

I recommend this book to nearly everyone with anxiety/depression/anger issues. Check it out. Its helped me immensely!


https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131


It may feel stupid at first but if you take it to heart, and actually stay committed I promise you'll come out a better person.

I don't know if you still have an issue with your personality, or if you've gotten help for it, but I figured I'd share my story. I've got a myriad of issues going on upstairs, but my most conflicting day-to-day is my boarderline personality disorder. Part of that entails extreme emotion swings and impulsivity/addictiveness. One thing being I'd become obsessed with something, invest way too much time and money, and at the drop of a hat I'd be 100% done and over with it. Even if I'd try to convince myself to love it again, it would never work. This has included cycling, hiking, running, shopping, took up sewing once, scotch drinking, and the list goes on. Once I found out I had BPD, my psychiatrist/OT recommended DBT (dielectical behavioural therapy). Because of where I live, the nearest place that offered DBT was over a 2 hour drive, which wouldn't have worked out. Instead, my OT recommended this book. It has worked tremendously for me and a lot of other people. You have to put the work in, but it could very well work for you. The amazing thing about DBT as opposed to CBT, is that it's effective if worked on by yourself. I'm no psychiatrist, but I thought I'd give a little suggestion.



And for anyone who thinks they have no control over buying too many clothes, DBT is a potential solution.

I have found going through the process of DBT using this workbook helped me to define the activities that cheer me up:

• Nice Smells
  
• Going to a gourmet grocery store and buying myself flowers and treats
  
• Seeing a friend for coffee
  
• Exercise, Yoga, Meditation, Tennis
  
• Gardening or going to an arboretum, spending time in nature or on a hike
  
• Hot Bath
  
  Generally meditation is the thing that gets me most energized to start a new interest or hobby.
  
  

Sunday Funday!

44 is my lucky number.

This book on zentangle. I love drawing. However, I end up not finishing a lot of things because I'm a perfectionist and I get frustrated. I think this book would be a fun way to get out of my comfort (and perfection) zone :)

I'm so glad you feel a little better. If you ever need someone to talk to, hit me up.

Just remember that sometimes your brain distorts what is really going on, and people do in fact want to help you and you are never alone or without options.

If you have insurance with your parents, try to see about getting into programs like DBT. It's great for emotional regulation and learning mindfulness. https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131 This book also comes highly recommended for distress tolerance.

I wish you well!

Have you done any Dialectical Behavior Therapy? In DBT they teach a skill called “distress tolerance”, which is, in a nutshell, the ability to experience painful (distressing) emotions without being overcome by them, just like you describe. Trauma kind of wrecks our distress tolerance, but DBT does an excellent job of restoring it. It gives you the seatbelt that everyone else seems to have.

Personally I like this book for a broad introduction into learning DBT skills like distress tolerance and mindfulness, and then you can branch off into more specific DBT books after you read this one and you’ll have a good framework of understanding to take with you: The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

I bought as many books as I could on DBT and ACT not all at once only when I could afford it.

I started by reading http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Treatment-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898621836/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1408057792&sr=8-2&keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+for+bpd

&

http://www.amazon.com/Doing-Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Individualized/dp/1462502326/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408057888&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=doing+dialectical+behavioural+therapy

to get a better understanding of BPD and DBT. and right now I am working with these workbooks:

http://www.amazon.com/Training-Treating-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898620341/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1408057792&sr=8-3&keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+for+bpd

and


http://www.amazon.com/Expanded-Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Training/dp/1936128128/ref=pd_sim_b_6?ie=UTF8&refRID=1H69WV6FGR18FCSQ5TSQ


and I have just ordered this one.

http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408057792&sr=8-1&keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+for+bpd

the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy book I got is (I have yet to start this one):

http://www.amazon.com/Acceptance-Commitment-Therapy-Second-Practice/dp/1609189620/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408058093&sr=1-1&keywords=acceptance+and+commitment+therapy


I do what is on the workbooks and I also do further research on the skills online so I can understand it better and see what works and what doesn't for me and I test them out forcing myself to do exposure sessions ( or try to get used to using them in the moment they are needed or helpful) and I write down everything so I don't forget and kind of monitor myself and my progress.

You have a valid concern about these certain behaviors around the children. Children are keenly in tune with thier parents moods and the things she is saying must be frightening on some level to them and confusing if she is at other times more stable. It will absolutely effect thier sense of security and well being. My inclination would be to give her the ultimatum that you won't tolerate this around the children. But you have to have a plan in place for how it will be handled. She needs to learn new coping skills and unless she has the resources the whole thing could get even more volatile around the children. The best thing would be to get the advice of a professional. In the meantime, you could try something I did. I bought a DBT workbook and told my husband that I thought it would be a good thing to do together. We went through the exercises in it and it was very helpful. He did learn alternative ways to manage his feelings. This is the one we used.
http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

For what it's worth, for me, a lot of it came down to mantras. Telling myself over and over and over again that I was good enough, I was strong enough, I was lovely. Telling myself that even when it felt like a lie. Telling myself that when I was crying. Telling myself that when I was furious at myself. Over and over and over and over until I started to believe it. A little here, a little there.

I've been telling myself that now for over fifteen years, and I still don't believe it all the time. But I believe it most of the time, and more and more deeply the longer I'm at it.

Also of recent use is this wonderful book: https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1466552544&sr=1-1&keywords=dialectical+behavioral+therapy

I cannot say enough good things about the coping and soothing mechanisms, the reframing, the ideas, and the gentleness contained in this book. If you can't do therapy now, I'd strongly recommend it. It's been enormously helpful to me.

I'm not going to go against the advice of your professional, so I'll leave that one alone :)

DBT stands for dialectical behavior therapy. It's sort of a more intensive CBT that focuses on the way you interact with the world.

DBT is expensive, and it's newer so harder to find, but there are some good workbooks that have the potential to help a lot. This workbook is one a friend of mine absolutely swears by.

It can be helpful to know simply because it gives you a course of action that would be the most successful way to handle things. And even if you don’t have one, dbt skills can help. Check out a green book called the dbt workbook - it helps with interpersonal skills and setting healthy boundaries.

For workbooks, I recommend one on Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT), which I've found very helpful and which is recommended for a variety of emotional issues. This one looks really good:

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/

Mindfulness meditation can be helpful with emotional issues. It doesn't have to be used as a spiritual practice, but can be viewed as a tool to keep you focused on the here and now and prevent ruminating. There are lots of apps and recordings that you can use available online. I haven't used it yet, but recently found Meditation Studio, which was listed as one of Time's 50 best apps of the year:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/meditation-studio-guided-meditations/

Personally, I've used the UCLA Mindfulness Awareness Center's recordings, which can be found here:

http://marc.ucla.edu/mindful-meditations

As well as their weekly podcasts, found here:

http://marc.ucla.edu/meditation-at-the-hammer

Both have been helpful to me with depression and anxiety.

For insights into what depression feels like, I highly recommend William Styron's memoir, Darkness Visible.

https://www.amazon.com/Darkness-Visible-William-Clark-Styron-ebook/dp/B00BBPVYUS/

Unlike the other resources I mentioned, this book doesn't provide practical help but it describes what depression feels like from the inside.

You have some great resources and advice already, so I'll second all of it and try to stick to ones I haven't seen yet. I really like Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It's similar to CBT but with a meditative bent, and it emphasizes radical acceptance. I really liked this workbook in particular.

Therapy and medication have been very important tools in my recovery, but it took a while to find the right balance of everything. I know you can't afford that right now, but I think it's worth continuing to keep it in mind as an option for when you're able. Medication is different for everybody, but I can tell you my experiences. I tried some drugs that were not helpful or that had side effects that negated their benefits. It was difficult finding the right medication for me. Even the medication I'm on now took a while before the side effects went away. But it makes me feel like I'm just myself but without the depression. My experiences with it have convinced me that depression is a fundamental part of my biology. That doesn't mean it's the same for you, but I do suspect that a lot of people could be helped by mental health drugs but resist them due to internalized stigma or life circumstances.

Another thing is that I know a lot of mental illnesses become more acute in the late teens and early 20s. It sucks and it is so painful, but it doesn't mean you will be that depressed forever. I was suicidal for about two years and very, very depressed for another two years before that and one year after. Now I still have depression, but it's very well managed. My depressive episodes are rare and mild as long as I'm mindful of my treatment regimen. I hope that you can get to a better place soon, too.

It sounds like you're being really proactive about this. I wish you the best of luck!

Ok. It sounds like the goal right now is to get through 6 or so weeks, and then you’ll have your therapist again. So, in that time I’d encourage you not to make any more major decisions. Live with the ones you’ve made, but wait until you’re back in the therapy routine until you make any new ones.

In terms of coping for right now, you don’t have therapy but you still can have access to tools. Since you posted this online, I’m assuming you have access to a computer or a smartphone. If it’s a smartphone, I’d encourage you to download a mindfulness app like Headspace or Stop, Breathe & Think and start applying it. If you can afford to pick up a book, try something like The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. Avoid interacting with your mother in law and grey rock her when you have to see her until you are in a befter place (because your finances as a couple are none of her business).

You can do this! It’s not that far from January.

I've just started using this workbook with my therapist and it's been great so far. It will help you get more familiar with the process and a jump start on your journey. Good luck!

Dialectic behavior therapy (DBT) was created to help people with borderline personality disorder to deal with "splitting" (i.e. black-and-white, or all-or-nothing) thinking. My borderline sister suggested this workbook for starting with DBT.

We're just getting into it this week, but it seems to resonate with her. Specifically, she generalize from relatively simple events (deserving a 2 on the volume knob of emotional response) to holy fuckballs the world is over (a 10 on the knob). That's what it looks like DBT is for. Hopefully the commitment is there to follow through!

Dude most definitely! https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=dialectical+behavior+therapy&qid=1565054115&s=gateway&sr=8-3

Order it. Do the exercises even if they feel dumb or pointless. Remember you can't fix yourself by yourself. You need guidance. Your brain is like a muscle you have mental abilities that you can strengthen that once unlocked and trained you will be able to zap away intrusive thoughts automatically.

The other aspect is most important is radical acceptance. This right here is the key. You will learn a lot about radical acceptance.

Hi: I have some recommendations for your situation, bit I want to ask: do you exercise or do any type of physical activity? The reason I ask is exercise is one of the most under prescribed treatments for depression. Now, that is not to say it is a cure. I am advising you utilize it in addition to whatever the current treatment plan is. Also do you do any sort of volunteer work? Here is the list:


The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression: A Step-by-Step Program https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608823806/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_QowNwb2YFXFRX


The Mindful Way Workbook: An 8-Week Program to Free Yourself from Depression and Emotional Distress https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462508146/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_BvwNwbB34MG86
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_jwwNwb4GE76DB

Lastly and most important: I applaud your desire to make positive changes in your life. Don't be afraid to get professional help, and if you ever feel suicidal, please please please reach out to someone. A doctor, a friend, a stranger at /r/suicidewatch whatever. Don't make a permanent decision about a temporary problem. Keep striving and trying. Best wishes! You can do this ☺

I have never trusted therapists, so my first step in recovery was to study DBT on my own. After I realized how helpful it is in making me feel better, I found a therapist who is knowledgeable about DBT and who I felt I could trust enough to work with. It takes time and you have to commit to the long term, to doing little lessons every day. A DBT workbook can be extremely helpful in this process.

http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

Although I prefer paper, there are also online resources. http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

This one! https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572245131/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

It's challenging the shit out of me to do it, but it seems to be helping. I also dove back into Love Me, Don't Leave Me last night, which is a really good book about negative self concept and how it affects relationships!

I normally don't push the podcasts I listen to but here is one that really, really helped me out when I was in a really bad spot. It is called Mental Illness Happy Hour. They have a sub on here called r/mentalpod/. Give it a try.

There is the DBT Workbook you can purchase off of Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_lmf_tit_3. I recommend it. It is helpful to do read the information and do the exercises.

Doing this on your own will be a bit of a struggle. But going to the library and getting books on this subject will benefit you. Just put in DBT in google and read what comes up. I cannot stress enough that this will be a difficult journey. I have been doing DBT for about 20 years. You learn skills like Mindfulness and how to use your wise mind. Just take it slow.

I've found group therapy super helpful. I was able to get into a 12 week course through my doctor, but even paid ones are typically less expensive than one-on-one. It seems counterintuitive, like it'll be harder to be open in a group, but it's such a relief when another living, breathing human says a thing you've thought, word for word. Knowing, so viscerally, that you are not alone can help so much!

I also like this book. It's even helped me to read through a section when I was in crisis.

You're not alone. What you've written, I've thought. It sucks. I'm sorry you're going through it. Hopefully, places like this can help us get through this shit together.

[this book] (https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131) doesn't solely deal with self esteem, but that is part of it. I'm still making my way through it myself and I love it, I think most people could really benefit from the skills in this book. I'm getting so much better at being in control of my emotions and how I interact with people.

Couple days late but I'll add that Dialectical Behavior Therapy has been a huge help for me. It's a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that centers on stressful emotions that, if the person doesn't learn to manage, can lead to more harmful behavior.

But you don't need to be at risk for those sorts of behaviors. It's one of those things anyone can benefit from reading about. I never even went to a course. Just picked up books from the library. I highly recommend this one.

Also it's not a terribly active sub but /r/dbtselfhelp/top/ has some helpful quick stuff posted.

Oh yeah, this has poor self-care written all over it. He’s repressing a lot of pent up shit to be more “Domly”, and the dynamic doesn’t lend itself well to a Dom that needs therapy, because therapy requires a level of vulnerability you can’t really access in that mental state. I’d suggest buying a DBT workbook

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_xmB2Bb0VBXTDT

Or looking for free at some of the DBT practice at ilovedbt.com

It helps a lot with self-care practices involving very intense emotional reactions, and it’s cheaper than seeing a therapist. Plus, it can be tough finding the right therapist anyway.

I’m a Dom myself, and I can tell you that it works. The toxic shame is so draining, and he’d be much healthier and happier letting it go, because the deed has been done. There’s no “de-kinkifying” oneself. What gets us off is what gets us off. Good luck!

Wait. Your mom took you out of something that could help you as punishment? That's really crappy. I wish you the best of luck in continuing to deal with this; if you can afford to pick up a book, at least, I suggest The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook--it's quite thorough and easy to use, and may be a good tool to use in the meantime.

I wish I had found out about behavioral therapy after finding TRP. Would have been so much more helpful. If you can't get to therapy, you could look into reading Marsha Linehan's books. She is the psychologist who developed the DBT program. She's got a lot of stuff out there. I recommend this site and this book in particular. I Hope things work out for you!

The two I found the most useful are This one which is the first one I started with. Once I went through that book I then got This one along with the manual. I then got myself this diary to keep track of using the skills.


I didn't find all the activities helpful, I think it's about picking and choosing what feels good/works best for you.

Changing thought and behavioral patterns are actually what CBT and DBT therapy were created for. If you don’t want to see a therapist to help you, there’s lots of work books you can do on your own.
It’s proven very effective, it’s actually the most commonly used therapy (though part of that is it’s also quick.)
It’s helped both myself with PTSD/bipolar/social anxiety and my mother who had BPD.
Disclaimer: it’s not fun or easy, but it’s easier than trying to change on your own.
Here’s a really good DBT workbook.

What really helped me was learning emotion regulation skills (part of Dialectical behavioural therapy). This workbook is excellent. The problem is, when your emotion is overwhelmingly intense, it's pretty much too late to be able to change it. So, you should learn to identify your triggers, and use distraction, self-soothing and coping skills to help you regulate emotions when you feel a shitstorm (to use a technical term) coming. Others I can think of are mindfulness, relaxation, radical acceptance, self compassion etc. It takes a lot of work, but managing your emotions better is something that can be learnt.

Just bought this one today: The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1572245131/ref=pe_386430_126088100_TE_item_image

Trying to learn how to manage my emotions and have been recommended DBT. Also ordered An Unquiet Mind today as well. Another few reads: 'Madness: A Bipolar Life' by Marya Hornbacher, 'Detour' by Lizzie Simon, 'Manic' by Terri Cheney, and 'The Dark Side of Innocence' by her as well.
Happy reading!

I can definitely see a connection of the loss of your therapist who passed away, and giving up on therapy temporarily - abandonment is such a huge trigger, and is so painful for us, it's unbearable enough to walk away. I'm so glad you're going back!

Here is the DBT book I really like: http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1457043050&sr=8-1&keywords=dbt+workbook

Here is the other book I bought with it which is written in a very compassionate tone. I went through and highlighted everything that applies to me:http://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1457043208&sr=8-1&keywords=borderline+personality+survival+guide

These were integral in the beginning of my acceptance of my diagnosis and becoming more self aware.

YEAHHHH coloring! Adult coloring books were the #1 Christmas gift of 2015, so I heard somewhere. It's so therapeutic to zone out on a page, and end up with something beautiful. My roommate got this one and last week we all sat down and started on a page each, then randomly started a mini-group therapy session, absent-mindedly ranting about our heaviest struggles to each other and giving support and advice. IT. WAS. AWESOME!!!!

we call this “flooding” in our house (overwhelming feelings from whatever) our first line response “move your body, change your feelings.” then: “what occupies your mind better than an obsessive emotional loop?”

DBT teaches a bunch of self soothing techniques that are great for us intense ADHD peeps. The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_PKQ-BbAR7J86E

I found some bed bound yoga you might like here just take and use what you can and ignore the rest. I have severe anxiety and this really helps.

Also, maybe try to do a daily writing prompt journal like this or an anxiety one like this this also looks super cool

Good luck with your surgery!!

Helen to survive we all need a plan.

It is well known that many of us are in situations that are hard, impossible or impractical to change.

Even so we still have one powerful tool at our disposal.

We are the only ones who decide how we are going to react to our environment.

The whole theory of DBT therapy is very powerful it may become part of your plan.

Their are many books on it.

http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

Learn how it works maybe you can create a little hope for yourself.

To add to this, there is a self help workbook that helped me so much while in therapy. I'm so sorry you are going through this and I applaud your courage in asking for help.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572245131/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521639195&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=dialectical+behavior+therapy+skills+workbook&dpPl=1&dpID=516VuY2krdL&ref=plSrch

This is not a cure and I 100% recommend seeing a doctor, especially to check your hormones and/or rule out a physical illness.

I hope this helps.

Hi there! I am the same way. I saw a psychiatrist when I was younger but I honestly don't have much recollection from those days and my parents would sit in on some sessions so that obviously wasn't helpful.

Last winter my depression was really acting up and I decided that I needed help, so I reached out to my boss and he helped me get in with a psychiatrist but that ended up being pointless because I felt like she was judging me...I admit now that this was probably in my head but I wasn't ready to go back and face my fears so I bought the following workbooks:

The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD -

https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1684032733/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

and

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical Dbt Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation

https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1572245131/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o06_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I also bought the book - I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality - for my partner to read, to help him understand me a little bit better. I bought it because it's really hard for me to express my feelings and all the things that go on inside my head. It's a hard read because we can relate to a lot of it but it's healing as well.

https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/0399536213/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

All of these books have been extremely helpful. I hope this helps you out a little and can get you started on your journey towards healing!

This workbook may be of interest. Some states have sliding scale clinics and colleges have cheaper services, provided by their students. It's worth checking out. Your girlfriend has to be willing to change, but be careful how you say things. Wording is everything. Good luck to you both.

As has already been said, it is best to get a formal diagnosis. However, there are some good websites and books that can teach you some of the DBT skills you would learn in therapy. Even if you don't have BPD, there are a lot of really helpful skills. Some of the websites I have used are:
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/dbt.htm
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/
I have also used this workbook: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1452450669&sr=8-3&keywords=dbt

http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

OK. What about a workbook? This one is good and can be had for 12 bucks. Emotion regulation is a set of skills you can learn with practice. A therapist is super helpful but if you can't make that work then a workbook might be better than nothing.

I have both of these:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1572245131/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1936268868/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

The diary is really good for keeping track of how I feel and keeping healthy. The workbook is great for more in-depth work when I have time, I've learnt a lot from it.

Feel like I should say this obviously is no replacement for actual DBT. Unfortunately it isn't offered on the NHS where I live!

Hi! I’m glad we understand each other. I think this behavior is way more common than we think. And yes! Dbt is a form of therapy! I don’t know if it’s offered where you live. But there is a workbook for it on amazon that I just recommended to my friend who is struggling with his emotional health. Basically it helps you in 4 areas: mindfulness, distress tolerance (being able to handle when life sucks), interpersonal communication, emotional regulation. It did a lot for me in terms of realizing why I procrastinate so much and why I spend most of my time researching things but never doing them. It basically helps you to cut the bullshit out out of your life and replace it with a logical and healthy lifestyle.

If you ever want to talk about it further or just want help with anything, send me a message.

Here is the link to the book I was talking about.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_meDjDbMHVBYK3

Hey! I recently bought this workbook for DBT - https://www.amazon.ca/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131 for $28.00. I've been finding it helpful but I really need to dedicate time to actually trying out the activities they suggest. I'm only about two weeks in and I haven't been super consistent lately but I think it could go well if you really discipline yourself and commit (I know it's hard to commit, I have commitment issues) but therapy just isn't for me right now.

Art therapy has been my supplement to trauma therapy and it really, really helps. If I were you, I’d consider getting a second therapist or purchasing an art therapy book.

This is the workbook I’ve been using with my art therapist.

If you haven’t already, you ought to make an appointment with a psychiatrist who has experience with trauma. For reference (as someone with both complex PTSD and multiple acute traumas), I take neurontin as needed for hyper-vigilance, latuda for paranoia, trazodone for insomnia/nightmares, and lexapro as my main “PTSD drug”.

Best of luck! Don’t hesitate to message me if you have any questions on supplemental/alternative therapies. I’ve been doing all this shit for two years now and I’ve been (generally) pretty successful.

Hey, welcome to /r/AdultColoring!

Well, you can first start with these: http://www.hellokids.com/c_28552/coloring-pages/cartoon-coloring-pages/moomin-coloring-pages/moomin-characters and then check out the colouring book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Moomin-Colouring-Macmillan-Childrens-Books/dp/1509810021.

And something similar:https://www.amazon.co.uk/Million-Cats-Fabulous-Felines-Colour/dp/1782435697/ref=pd_sim_14_5?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=NJFSH28333ED0VB6D7NP.


There are plenty of books to colour around the world, if you'll tell me what you prefer, I can come up with a few suggestions.

For example: do you like flowers or butterflies or doodles?

Have you seen Johanna Basford's books? Maybe you'll like them.

This is a lot more common than you might think, including outside of Asian families. r/cptsd was a massive help to me in figuring out my issues, I hope it can help you too. (C (complex) PTSD differs from regular PTSD in that it is instilled over an extended period of time, especially (but not exclusively) a formative one like childhood. Abusive adult relationships can cause cptsd but it seems slightly less common than parents causing it during childhood.)

One of the therapeutic treatments for cptsd is DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), basically distress tolerance training. The DBT Workbook that was used by the therapists leading the DBT therapy group I attended is available on Amazon at 13.59usd, and I spotted a digital PDF version on ebay at the moment for 3.99usd.


Of course I must recommend getting into general therapy, and learning about your other options for specific types of therapy. DBT is just one piece of the healing puzzle, (another one to try is EMDR) but if you can't access general therapy or face a long wait for access, the book is a great start.

Yes, the DBT workbook was extremely helpful for me. They have slightly different formulations of the book depending on your comorbidity - I'm comorbid with anxiety so I bought the anxiety version. A word of warning, it's not necessarily a "this is the best treatment for ADHD" type of thing, but it can be definitely helpful for someone who has trouble regulating/processing emotions and being assertive like I do.

Hullo! Have you heard of Zentangles? I was doing my own when I was young, before I knew they were a thing. Many an hour passed this way. Really relaxing, and a great way to pass time. Carpe Diem!

I cannot find my other book, but a close friend said she used this in her DBT group and enjoyed it.

this one

DBT book !!! I’m still waiting for a appointment with a psychologist too, and this book is giving me skills that are literally saving my life in the meantime. I HIGHLY recommend you get it :)

Happy Friday!

This coloring book is on sale right now, it is a cool midnight edition.

Thanks for hosting a contest!

Buy a CBT or DBT workbook this is a good one. It will teach you how to rewire your thinking so that you can go from thinking "I can't do it" to "I can do it but it will make me uncomfortable" to "I will do it because I can cope with being uncomfortable"........i'm really really hoping the formatting turns out right for that link.
edit: success!

Oh sweetie.. I feel so much of what you wrote. With the issue of waiting for health coverage to start therapy, I suggest you buy this DBT workbook and start it on your own. It helped me a lot. Keep your chin up and tell your inner demon to fuck off. You are worthwhile, you are strong, and you can come out on top. 💖

I'm in the same boat, waiting for my first therapy appointment. I picked up a DBT workbook on Amazon. Only one chapter in, but I grabbed a pen and did some work and reading. Very helpful so far.

Book

This sub is also good stuff.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=dbt+workbook&qid=1565714156&s=gateway&sprefix=dbt&sr=8-1 I had to practice exercises from this when doing group therapy.

Good luck (:

DBT can be useful for any strong emotion. This workbook can be helpful on it's own.

First off you’ve identified not only an ongoing issue you are having, the trauma that help form the behavior and solid reasons and motivation for wanting to end a cycle of behavior that is HUGE.

As for recommendations I’d urge you to first get The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. Don’t be put off by the fancy name, it’s easy to work through.

Texts and Reference Books

Days in the Lives of Social Workers

DSM-5

Child Development, Third Edition: A Practitioner's Guide

Racial and Ethnic Groups

Social Work Documentation: A Guide to Strengthening Your Case Recording

Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond

[Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life]
(https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3ZW7PRW5TK2PB0MDR9R3)

Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model

[The Clinical Assessment Workbook: Balancing Strengths and Differential Diagnosis]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0534578438/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_38?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ARCO1HGQTQFT8)

Helping Abused and Traumatized Children

Essential Research Methods for Social Work

Navigating Human Service Organizations

Privilege: A Reader

Play Therapy with Children in Crisis

The Color of Hope: People of Color Mental Health Narratives

The School Counseling and School Social Work Treatment Planner

Streets of Hope : The Fall and Rise of an Urban Neighborhood

Deviant Behavior

Social Work with Older Adults

The Aging Networks: A Guide to Programs and Services

[Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415884810/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)

Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy

Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change

Ethnicity and Family Therapy

Human Behavior in the Social Environment: Perspectives on Development and the Life Course

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Generalist Social Work Practice: An Empowering Approach

Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents

DBT Skills Manual

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets

Social Welfare: A History of the American Response to Need

Novels

[A People’s History of the United States]
(https://www.amazon.com/Peoples-History-United-States/dp/0062397346/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1511070674&sr=1-1&keywords=howard+zinn&dpID=51pps1C9%252BGL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch)


The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Life For Me Ain't Been No Crystal Stair

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Tuesdays with Morrie

The Death Class <- This one is based off of a course I took at my undergrad university

The Quiet Room

Girl, Interrupted

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

Flowers for Algernon

Of Mice and Men

A Child Called It

Go Ask Alice

Under the Udala Trees

Prozac Nation

It's Kind of a Funny Story

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Yellow Wallpaper

The Bell Jar

The Outsiders

To Kill a Mockingbird

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

Here's the one I have. There's a free copy floating around somewhere online. DBT was created by a psychologist who felt cognitive behavioral therapy was lacking, so she incorporated meditation and found it to be effective.

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=asc_df_1572245131/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=266184041033&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12596778426642219786&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9061285&hvtargid=pla-437102392715&psc=1

this one is good and each bit is in super short sections

This workbook for DBT is really great. I used it maybe 10 years ago and recently bought a new one to help me work on the skills again.

You can buy workbooks at Amazon or wherever that focus on management of emotional intensity and emotion dysregulation to help you learn how to recognize and intervene with self-soothing and regulation strategies. Anything that is influenced by the work of Marsha Linehan is good.

Edit: https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1511050966&sr=8-1&keywords=dialectical+behavior+therapy+skills+workbook

I got this book and It helped me a lot. It gives a lot of advice and is interactive so you can write out and think through everything. you can write out in here and it is also a good tool with therapy, because you can choose what you want to share, if you want to share.

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

Here.

I recommend it for sure :)

So I finally got back to that store. This book has colored-in examples, but they're all mandalas:

http://www.amazon.com/Color-Yourself-Calm-Mindfulness-Coloring/dp/1438007132/ref=pd_cp_14_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=0YBYVZ0B6QJZ90EDH1VA

But they also had this one:
http://www.amazon.com/Beautiful-Copycat-Coloring-Pictures-Complete/dp/1438006365

And apparently there's another one by the same publisher:
http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-Copycat-Coloring-Pictures-Complete/dp/1438006357
and this one!
http://www.booksamillion.com/p/Creative-Copycat-Coloring/Emily-Golden-Twomey/9781438008400?gclid=Cj0KEQiAzO6zBRC25Ju1idGJiZkBEiQAP3Sf6AIfP6tKjPl6R46njcj3hibmdlpE9ZRaGRZNah1OoXcaAohY8P8HAQ

Of course your results would not be identical,because colored pencils or markers are not going to look exactly like colored pages in books -- but I think having the illustrations would certainly help you get past the initial "choosing colors" block.

I'm currently reading The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

I don't have BPD but I'm emotionally sensitive. So far the book has been a great tool.

I had the dialectical behavioral therapy workbookdbt workbook I got it at the California treatment center I was in and it’s amazing. Highly recommend it.

I have both a dialectical and cognitive behavioral therapy book. Here are links to Amazon for them:

The Anxiety and Worry Workbook: The Cognitive Behavioral Solution https://www.amazon.com/dp/160623918X/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_TkInzbEA1SPKC

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_-lInzbVZ0BS9H

I also recently saw a book called "Anxious in Love" that looked interesting.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ZiQVCb4CDBH72


This is the Amazon for it, mine is currently on the bookshelf under my bed closest to my pillow- if you get if I hope you find it as useful.

My doctor just recommended this book: The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

He said is typically designed for personality disorder but the techniques in there can be applied to managing emotional struggles with ADHD.

He also said to remember that I'm not bipolar, even though there will be things in the book that will make me feel funny inside. I ordered it, I freaking can't wait till it arrives!

Good luck.

Happy B-Day Kmyrin!

This would put a goofy smile on my face.

I don't like to make book recommendations often, but this book helped me a lot in learning new ways of coping with extreme emotions, and in learning how to express emotions, and to regulate them. It sounds like it might be helpful to you?

Anyway, if you ever want to talk to someone feel free to PM me.

EDIT: FIXED LINK I"M DUMB LEL

Thank you so much! The book I am using is Dialectial Behavior Therapy Skills. It is a textbook format book. I like it because it actually tells you how to actually apply these skills, as well as when and why you should apply them.

I’d really like this workbook focused on people with borderline personality disorder. It’s a recent diagnosis I’ve been struggling with and would like to be able to work on creating healthier skills outside of therapy. What a great thing to offer people! link to book

You are very welcome. This is the book I use and find very helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/5jxai2/bpd_links_resources. There is this another reddit person posted, and I highly recommend this book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131.

It's visual, practical and has everything to help you and people in your life to understand this disorder.

And this might also help, https://www.psycom.net/personality-disorders/bpd-and-relationships/ it isn't the best article on why us and our relationships are difficult but it is a start, if you begin to know the signs etc you might be able to manage them better.

Here are a few workbooks that can help:

cbt for depression

dbt skills


act workbook


These are all solid workbooks to help build your coping skills even when you do not feel like it. Treating Depression can be like cleaning the dishes. Even if you do not feel like doing it, it gets better once you do one at the time. Otherwise it just piles and piles.

I'd suggest these two, the first is more of a "here's what BPD is and is not" educational book, it's the first one I read after my diagnosis. The second is a book full of different DBT exercises, it's a pretty good sized book so there's tons of different things to try out. I picked up both from my local chapters store.

https://www.amazon.ca/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077#productDescription_secondary_view_div_1481504174484

https://www.amazon.ca/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

I have a diagnosed mental health issue so what I'm saying comes from my own experience. Depression is a clinical illness and if you think you have it, talk to a doctor to help confirm that diagnosis. That's step one. Step two is start to adjust your expectations of yourself. The stigma of being mentally ill versus physically ill is very different. Having a diagnosis of something like cancer allows both yourself and the people to adjust your expectations of what you'll be able to handle. Mental illness, for me anyway, allows me to argue with myself and insist I'm not sick and belittle myself further.
Step three is look into therapy. I'm not joking about how difficult it will be. You might not find the right therapist on the first go but you'll know they are the right fit when they help you develop skills to cope with what you're facing. Here's a good start, it's really helping me. https://www.amazon.ca/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=asc_df_1572245131/?tag=googleshopc0c-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=309622281255&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=10262631424818152864&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9000803&hvtargid=pla-437102392715&psc=1

I suggest this book https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1500397843&sr=1-2

You can get it also as a PDF on various sites.

It's an approved and effective self-help book by the ABCT.

Amazon is the best bet, they have a few different ones on there I'll try and find the one that helped me and link it in an edit

Edit: https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

I've read that one too. Personally I preferred the DBT skills workbook. It focuses more on useful skills such as self-soothing and awareness training, while the ACT book uses more metaphorical language and has a focus on values that isn't relevant to me.

Now if I could just find the darn book...

Take a look into DBT programs:

http://www.family-institute.org/therapy-counseling/specialized-services/mindfulness-behavior-therapies

The Family Institute has a good program - but a long long wait list - the workbook is a good starting place.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy

http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

I am going through a lot of this myself. And, I've found myself being deeply affected by the "hypotheticals", and mental images of things happening.

For me, DBT based therapy has been very helpful in developing skills to handle my emotions. I'm working through a workbook on Amazon that's made me vastly more capable.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572245131/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521575691&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=dbt+workbook

I’m sorry you’re struggling with developing a new support network. I don’t have any particular suggestions, so I can only share what I do. I go to a local zen (meditation) center regularly, codependents anonymous, and practice a lot of what I read from self-work DBT books, particularly this one.

It mainly hurt reading how they’ve declined to work with you after hearing your diagnosis, so just trying to offer some support the best I know how.

I have been practicing myself using this book: Amazon Link

I can say so far that I have made a lot of progress in terms of learning how to deal with stressful situations and how to control my anger/behavior.

I would definitely prefer to be a part of a therapy group or do DBT with a professional than by myself. I used to attend therapy groups when I was in college, those were free. I'm out of college and can't afford the therapy. But working by yourself does bring a change.

I feel like i just read an entry from my own journal. I understand where youre coming from. All i can say is, you are doing good by writing that all down. Yes, you will feel shame because you are admitting you know something is wrong. Plenty of people deny it to everyone else AND themselves, preventing any change for the better.

Might i suggest the book i suggest to everyone? Its what my therapist suggested and you can buy it on amazon for like $13. Its Dialectical behavior therapy workbook.

You can use that without the help of anyone else. Its helped me a lot.

I hear you 110%. I'm glad you are deciding to be "med-compliant" I am a strong believer in medication and therapy. Also you might want to start looking at DBT. I recommend this workbook if getting therapy consistent therapy is an issue for you. Wishing and hoping nothing but the best for you. You CAN get through this!

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=nodl_

Wonderful workbook! And much much cheaper than day treatment!

This is my favorite:


The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_B2jTzbCBQ542N

I think it helps that I'm going through a Dialectical Behavior Therapy workbook as well.

It directed me to make a few index cards to look at when I get overwhelmed. I picked it up because I sort of fall apart when I get stressed and needed help.


this is the book https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/1572245131/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Take it extremely very very very slowly.

This book comes pretty highly recommended for BPD people to do "self-study" - https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131. Why can't she afford therapy? Is her mental health a priority for her or not?

For you, I recommend the books "Stop Walking On Eggshells", "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" and "Codependent No More". They will all have good tips, communication strategies, and self-care techniques that will help you over the course of your relationship.

This DBT workbook is great for both individuals and groups.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

This book will help you. It’s a therapist in a book. I have overwhelming emotions this book has helped me calm down and learn the skills I need to thrive in my life.