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Reddit reviews on The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Sentiment score: 34
Reddit mentions: 140

We found 140 Reddit mentions of The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Here are the top ones.

The Body Keeps the Score Brain Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Found 140 comments on The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma:

u/RestrainedGold · 158 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

There is a book called The Body Keeps the Score

It talks distinctly about how sometimes talk therapy can open wounds rather than heal them. Sometimes the body is so caught up in the wounds that the mind isn't ready for traditional therapy. It makes a whole bunch of suggestions on how to deal with trauma in other ways. Perhaps this may give you some of the relief that you desire.

You have every right to be angry. I hope that no-one judges you. And if they do, then they obviously haven't the foggiest notion what you have been through.

u/HubbleSaurusRex · 43 pointsr/TrollXChromosomes

I know this isn't an easy road, but I want to congratulate you for bravely stepping onto it. Feeling alone, outcast, and alien is a near universal symptom of trauma...just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

r/ptsd

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1537026534&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score

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u/Ghrave · 35 pointsr/todayilearned

Yeah, /u/Electr0freak is correct. I have both CPTSD and ADHD. The ADHD presents as my inability to focus on tasks, auditory processing issues, inability to schedule, think or plan for the future, frequent forgetfulness, and inability to manage time. The CPTSD, on the other hand presents as my inability to be in close proximity to people for very long (minutes at a time, tops), due to an instinctive protective mode from blows from others, an acute inability to self-regulate emotions such that if I am having an attack, I hit/punch/elbow, choke, scratch, bite and pull my own hair. I tell people curious about it that the sensation is a hot "cold sweat" and the internal sensation of being held down against my will, and to escape I will do anything, and my body interprets that as "Skin yourself alive. Cut your own throat. Choke yourself to death." That's not ADHD. My brother, also diagnosed with ADHD did not have these symptoms growing up either. I am now taking Lamictal to counter these symptoms, which is an anti-convulsive med used often to treat people with BPD. This is all very recent, the new med is about 3 weeks in and I have never felt better, I never get the body sensations that I was getting causing me to react like that. I'm 29, and have been doing these things since I was 6 or 7, and my father left when I was 5, which I attribute the majority of my emotional self-blame to, followed closely by corporal punishment as a child. Read the book The Body Keeps The Score. If someone thinks CPTSD is not a thing, they're wrong.

u/Littlerach7 · 35 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I just read the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kerk and found it immensely helpful. You mention an abusive childhood, the effects of which are covered extensively in the book and include anxiety and depression (particularly of a kind that simply trying to reframe your thoughts cannot help). Traumatic events leave their mark on our bodies as well as our minds and hearts. I highly recommend checking it out. It's even on sale on Amazon right now: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_3HRqDbJ8YCPFA


(33F here. I have similar feelings)

u/heart_on · 31 pointsr/sex

I'm so so sorry, this is a tough thing to go through. As others have said, the biggest thing is finding some professional help. Be patient with yourself, there is no magic thing that will make this less challenging to walk yourself through. But you absolutely will, and you are not alone.

Reading your post was like something I could have written myself a few years ago. I'm still working on it. Learning to have respect and patience for where I was at in the process was a thing I really struggled with, because I just wanted to be done with it and put it behind me. When I couldn't afford therapy, I read a lot of self help books and these two really resonated with me: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. Please feel free to PM me any time if you want someone to talk to.

u/ferguson-ross · 25 pointsr/Entrepreneur

I'm neutral to the Gary V. inspired 'hustle' 'grind it out' attitude.


Reality is that your baseline socio economic status gives you your set point, both with physcological wiring and also resources, skills, networks, mentors and life lines (read: poor people = none)


My mom is dead. And my dad is a dead beat living with a crack head who has 3 children in subsidized public housing. My 'step mom''s 3 kids, to no fault of their own, are all fucked. I watched them go from 10 years old - 20 years old, and get into drugs, jail, deliquency. When people at your housing project are regularly in jail, it's normalized. When your mother and father are drunk all the time it's normalized.


You know the strangest observation I've had? Poor people don't have desks, they have couches (because why would they need to sit at a desk? That's for learning, or creating, or reading, or getting organized)


Now I have rich friends. Centi-millionaire rich. Also I live in nice areas of Vancouver and have friends who are young yuppies / lawyers. Guess what - half their parents are also lawyers.


What wonderful advantages you can provide your kids. Even if it's not financial, it can be psychological resilience.


I don't know how I got so lucky, because my siblings all had similar struggles and didn't make it out okay. I guess I had the right set of factors to still be positive enough, but also be really fucking pissed off.


I do yoga every day, otherwise i'm too angry. Vipassana did a lot for me too. I've done three 10 day silent retreats, and certainly overdue to do another. For anyone traumatized as a child, or with rough upbringings you gotta sort it out because the market - the world doesn't care (I care- I want to help you, but it's a difficult problem to solve)


This book changed my life in finding a more peaceful way of living (all emperical up to date scientific literature on a tough subject:)


https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748


Reading a lot helps too.


But also, I'm YMCA + Public Library + Canned Tuna proof. I have been so bitterly down and out, I have no fear of failure. Some people can't make cold calls becuase they are nervous. Or they are afraid of confrontational high tension conversations HA. FUCKING HA. What a joke, I'll fucking steam roll you if you can't pick up a phone and make someone like you then give you money (but I learned how to do it)


Look at this guy. In a library late at night, learning something - doing something. Not getting 100 emails a day. Using free public services. Big consolidated blocks of time to explore. WOW. If you shower at the YMCA and eat canned tuna, you can do this (more complicated with kids though). But failure, the worst case, is in a way liberating because you're free again to explore:

https://imgur.com/a/wWC3swP


Also one note - if you TRULY go hard, every year you should be getting poached. I've turned down multiple offers to be CMO or director of marketing over the years. The offer rates go up. Headhunters make loose offers for 400k comp packages to parachute in as CEO to a different company (FUCK that, it's so easy to discount domain expertise, I would be a terrible CEO in any industry but this one, for the time being) But it's just itneresting.




So, what makes me think I can sell Dildos better than anyone else? Because I'm a fucking monster.


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I've slept on concrete floors outside gas stations, dumpster dived to eat, hitchhiked. I put myself through university playing internet poker. I ate canned tuna and wonderbread for as long as I can remember. I've worked every New Years eve and Christmas for the last 15 years. Because I've been bootsrapping since I was 15, and I have no backup. No parents basement. And now I have a daughter and a family, so I have to double down and I cannot let them down.


But also not so much having a chip on my shoulder, I have overwhelming gratitute most of the time. Especially for everyone on our team. I love our team and respect everyone equally. I'm more lenient and generous with our bottom staff and a lot harder on people the more they get paid, but we have no willful turnover, and most people say this is the best most exciting job they've ever had and they are just grateful to be part of the ride.



AND, at least in sex toys - there's not a lot of competent executives in this industry. Not many people have put in the requisite 10,000 hours in the industry AND done so from a systems perspective but also been in the trenches picking up customer service phone calls and talking to 1000's of customers


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u/Erincredible · 24 pointsr/asktransgender

I searched for some older threads that might help you:

One
Two
Three
Four

There are more out there.

Read the WPATH SOC if you haven't already. Past versions of the SOC gotten people killed and many people are hostile toward WPATH, but the current version is alright IMO. I am still bitter though because I feel that past versions contributed significantly to ruining my life.

In the past, I've been really turned off or upset by doctors that didn't have a good understanding of how to properly do HRT (i.e. refusing my request to have my hormone levels checked via blood test, using nonstandard medications before mainstays, setting arbitrary max dosage limits such as 100mg spironolactone), that didn't understand the effects of HRT (i.e. being told it would change my sexuality to only liking men, being told it would give me a maternal instinct), that commented on my appearance (I was told that I will never pass), and that knew nothing about what being transgender is.

A lot of trans people become extremely anxious when going to the doctor. If the clinic you're at is gatekeepy, things are going to be 100x more difficult as far as building rapport goes. I could never trust a doctor at a clinic that didn't follow the current SOC and that had gatekeeping measures in place.

It might a good idea for you to familiarize yourself with trauma if you aren't already familiar with it just because so many trans people have dealt with it or are dealing with it. The Body Keeps The Score is a good book on it.

u/MellorineMoments · 23 pointsr/Codependency

\> I know they say you have to be okay on your own before you can be in a healthy relationship- but it seems like a tall order if you have no support. Just wondering if anyone else can relate.

I used to believe that you have to be okay on your own, but now I disagree with statement. Based off of my personal experience and information knowledge of trauma and attachment, I've revised my belief: Even if we don't need one (1) human to be our other half, we need the right social circle and the access to the right resources to have a solid foundation in order to have the skills, motivation, and support make progress toward their goals, feel secure, and be happy.


While I'm not a professional psychologist, what's working for me is trying to be vulnerable but being careful about who I do it with. There needs to be some thought about who I share it with, like what am I trying to do by sharing it with *this* specific person. Am I feeling some inner pain that I believe this person can ease? Am I sharing an experience that I think they will understand? If they don't understand, am I sharing this because I still trust them and I want to bond with them?

I believe healthy relationships is a balance of *relying* (as opposed to needing) on the *appropriate* people depending on the situation (as opposed to relying on the same person for every situation). Sometimes we will take risks and be let down. Over time by doing so, you refine your radar to know who is the best person for a feeling, situation, or experience.

Wishing the best in your healing.

u/aradthrowawayacct · 20 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

Childhood sexual abuse and assault, like he experienced, is often a huge issue for people's sexuality later in life. Especially when their body responds to the sexual stimulation as a child, even if they didn't consent to it (and that is extremely common)

It can be harder for boys, because of societal beliefs that they should be happy and grateful for this kind of sexual attention from adult women.

There are a lot of therapists who help people heal from sexual trauma like this, and some great self help books out there too, if he wants to go that route.


Edit:

This is my go-to list of rape recovery and sexual abuse recovery self-help books, including some of the precious few books for male victims, as well.

The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-by-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault by Aphrodite Matsakis

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The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz

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Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines

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The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Laura Davis & Ellen Bass

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Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child Laura Davis

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Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect by Ruth Cohn

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

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Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew

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Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuseby Mic Hunter

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Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys by Michel Dorais

u/[deleted] · 18 pointsr/explainlikeimfive

This is mentioned in the book about trauma called The Body Keeps the Score. The author points out that even though memories can be fabricated, the visceral terror that goes along with true trauma cannot be faked. Find the book here.

u/1ClassyMotherfucker · 17 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

> There is no evidence of repressed memory being a real condition, and it can in fact be dangerous to believe so.

You're wrong about this, please don't spread this kind of misinformation to abuse survivors in this sub. Repressed memory of abuse is real and has been documented extensively. --

"There have in fact been hundreds of scientific publications spanning well over a century documenting how the memory of trauma can be repressed, only to surface years or decades later. Memory loss has been reported in people who have experienced natural disasters, accidents, war trauma, kidnapping, torture, concentration camps, and physical and sexual abuse. Total memory loss is most common in childhood sexual abuse, with incidence ranging from 19 percent to 38 percent"...

..."[Dr. Linda Meyer Williams] interviewed 206 girls between the ages of ten and twelve who had been admitted to a hospital emergency room following sexual abuse. Their laboratory tests, as well as interviews with the children and their parents, were kept in the hospital's medical records. Seventeen years later Williams was able to track down 136 of the children, now adults, with whom she conducted extensive follow-up interviews. More than a third of the women (38 percent) did not recall the abuse that was documented in their medical records, while only fifteen women (12 percent) said that they had never been abused as children. More than two-thirds (68 percent) reported other incidents of childhood sexual abuse. Women who were younger at the time of the incident and those who were molested by someone they knew were more likely to have forgotten their abuse."

~ The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, pgs 192-193.

This book is an excellent resource and I encourage everyone with any kind of interest in the subject to read it. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

Citations included in the above text:

B. A. van der Kolk and R. Risler, "Dissociation and Fragmentary Nature of Traumatic Memories: Overview and Exploratory Study," Journal of Traumatic Stress 8 (1995): 505-25

J.W. Hopper and B.A. van der Kolk, "Retrieving, Assessing, and Classifying Traumatic Memories: A Preliminary Report on Three Case Studies of a New Standardized Method," Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma 4 (2001): 33-71

J.J. Freyd and A.P. DePrince, eds., Trauma and Cognitive Science (Binghamton, NY: Haworth Press, 2001), 33-71

A.P. DePrince and J.J. Freyd, "The Meeting of Trauma and Cognitive Science: Facing Challenges and Creating Opportunities at the Crossroads," Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma 4, no. 2 (2001): 1-8

D. Brown, A.W. Scheflin, and D. Corydon Hammond, Memory, Trauma Treatment and the Law (New York: Norton, 1997)

K. Pope and L. Brown, Recovered Memories of Abuse: Assessment, Therapy, Forensics (Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 1996)

L. Terr, Unchained Memories: True Stories of Traumatic Memories, Lost and Found (New York: Basic Books, 1994)

E.F. Loftus, S. Polonsky, and M.T. Fullilove, "Memories of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Remembering and Repressing," Psychology of Women Quarterly 18, no. 1 (1994): 67-84

L. M. Williams, "Recall of Childhood Trauma: A Prospective Study of Women's Memories of Child Sexual Abuse," Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 62, no. 6 (1994): 1167-76

L.M. Williams, "Recovered Memories of Abuse in Women with Documented Child Sexual Victimization Histories," Journal of Traumatic Stress 8, no. 4 (1995): 649-73


edit: formatting

u/galactic_mycelium · 17 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I turned my life around in my 30s - abuse by family of origin, mental illness, depression.

It sucks, but it will get better. Find a job, then find a therapist who can help heal from the PTSD. Maybe find a support group for other men with trauma.

The Body Keeps the Score is a helpful book on how to heal from PTSD... at least it helped me a lot.

It's not too late. Keep healing.

u/ohgeeztt · 13 pointsr/ptsd

Deeply sorry to hear about your struggle. This sounds like a monumental amount of effort to deal with. Id highly recommend checking out this book to get a better understanding of trauma. Do you have a good support system?

u/efffootnote · 13 pointsr/Adoption

Absolutely. It is a topic that was covered extensively in our adoption education training as adoptive parents. Regardless of age when adopted, it is a traumatic event and can lead to a lot of feelings of loss/grief throughout life. I haven't read this book personally, but I've heard a lot of people recommend The Body Keeps the Score on the topic.

u/CrushItWithABrick · 12 pointsr/blogsnark

Technically, it's not a straight copy/paste. (it's a slow day at work so, let's compare!)

From the IG post:

> I didn’t write this in the book because it happened while I wrote the book. The last six weeks of writing the first full draft of ENOUGH, I had hundreds of hives all over my chest and abdomen when I started to write for the day. Four times my lip swelled up, along with half my face, so I had to stop to go to the clinic, the emergency room, the fire station, to make sure I wasn’t in danger of losing my breath. It always calmed down after an hour or two away from the computer. I had allergy tests, specialists looking at me, and it all came up with no answer. It was terrifying, again.
❤️
At least 8 or 10 times I’ve had occasions like this, mostly focused on severe abdominal pain. And most of those times, there was nothing wrong, at least on tests. I never had anyone suggest it could have been the trauma in my body talking to me.

And, from the "Leaving LA" newsletter:



>I didn’t write this in ENOUGH because it happened while I wrote the book. The last six weeks of writing the first full draft, I had hundreds of hives all over my chest and abdomen when I started to write for the day. Four times my lip swelled up, along with half my face, so I had to stop to go to the clinic, the emergency room, the fire station, to make sure I wasn’t in danger of losing my breath. My body calmed down after an hour or two away from the computer. I had allergy tests, specialists looking at me, and it all came up with no answer.
>
>At least 8 or 10 times I’ve had medical mysterieslike this, mostly focused on severe abdominal pain. And most of those times, there was nothing wrong, at least on tests. I never had anyone suggest it could have been the trauma in my body talking to me.

I bolded the differences. (I love that one of the differences has a typo, too!)

The next paragraph IS 100% copy/paste.

IG:

> My doctor, a wonderful woman who trained under the doctor I mention in my book, sat me down about a month after my manuscript was in. And she told me that idiopathic uticaria (hives for no reason) is generally stress, deep body stress. My body, hardwired to protect my mom and keep the secrets, was trying to make me stop writing. I persisted.

Newsletter:

> My doctor, a wonderful woman who trained under the doctor I mention in my book, sat me down about a month after my manuscript was in. And she told me that idiopathic uticaria (hives for no reason) is generally stress, deep body stress. My body, hardwired to protect my mom and keep the secrets, was trying to make me stop writing. I persisted.

The last two paragraphs have only one slight difference:

IG:

> She diagnosed me with complex PTSD from my childhood. She put me on an SSRI for the first time in my life. And I started a deep dive into reading (please read @nadineburkeharris”s book and The Body Keeps the Score) and acting on what I know now. I’m still learning how to take care of myself. I will probably write about this journey too.
❤️
I know how to admit to myself when I have had enough now. When I found my jaw was clenched most of the time in LA, I knew it was time to come home.

Newsletter:

​

>She diagnosed me with complex PTSD from my childhood. She put me on an SSRI for the first time in my life. And I started a deep dive into reading — if this resonates with you, read The Deepest Well and The Body Keeps the Score and acting on what I know now. I’m still learning how to take care of myself. I will probably write about this journey too.
>
>I know how to admit to myself when I have had enough now. When I found my jaw was clenched most of the time in LA, I knew it was time to come home.

u/ToroDontTakeNoBull · 11 pointsr/CPTSD

Hey bud, I know you said you're struggling without a support network right now, can you find some low/no cost meetups with people who enjoy doing what you do? There might even be one for emotionally traumatized people (https://www.meetup.com/San-Diego-Emotional-Trauma-and-PTSD/).

Like you said, arguing is a coping skill for you, to cover/deal with whatever particular blend of emotions you might be dealing with in the moment. I also tend to trigger my wife when I'm triggered, and it's been a huge learning curve for both of us to deal with each other and be able to be present enough to not instantly react to each other with our respective dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

I saw you mentioned Body Keeps the Score in the other thread that one's good. There's also CPTSD from Pete Walker. My personal favorite though is Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller. It seems to be the most systematic, step-by-step explanation I've been able to find of what's necessary for us to heal.

I posted a semi-review/explanation of Laurence Heller's theory of developmental trauma here.

Other poster mentioned
>This place has treasures but you've gotta find them

Totally agree with that. Be patient, read, and engage in discussion like what you're doing, what don't expect any miracles from the sub.

>Unfortunately in the unfair real world no one really cares for damaged obnoxious underdeveloped underprivileged peopleThat is society. I don't know how you haven't learnt this yet, perhaps you are privileged race and gender and otherwise, but this is soemthing that you just need to accept.

A very harsh truth. Perhaps you haven't been able to accept this because you haven't be able to accept and grieve your own losses yet. If you do have DTD, you've had many things taken from you, including childhood innocence. It's a rough place to be, but healing is possible; just very, very slowly. It's a 3 steps forward, 2 steps back situation.

u/Oedipurrr · 11 pointsr/CPTSD

I'm a psychology major (on top of dealing with my own trauma issues) and I mostly became interested in body-oriented work through some practice-oriented classes I had on "focusing". It's a technique developed by Gendlin. Focusing is something you do with two people. One person is focusing, and the other guides the experience. While focusing, you pay attention to your body and zoom in on what's grabbing your attention the most. Then you focus on this experience and find a way of expressing this feeling (like in an image or something, not in "rationalized thoughts"). You can read a bit more about it here. You can also focus on a specific emotional topic. I recently finally made the decision to take a 2-day course which now allows me to focus on my own, with a partner who also took the course. You don't need to have a psychology degree to be able to do a focusing course and find a focusing partner, although when you're going to focus on something trauma-related I would suggest to try it out with a licensed therapist (at least the first few times), in case you would get triggered.

After having this experience with "focusing" during my own studies, and having some problems with CBT, I explicitly looked for a therapist stating that she did body-oriented work. I think the method that my therapist uses is developed by Albert Pesso. I hadn't heard of it before I met her, but a quick google scearch brings me to this website. I'm now also starting emdr with my therapist. They're not really sure how emdr really works, but I think that they assume that on a neurological level it also engages the body while thinking about the trauma.

The body keeps the score should also be a good book about the effects of trauma on the body, although I haven't read it myself.

I generally feel that a lot of different therapeutical views agree on the importance of the body on a theoretical level. However, apart from focusing, emdr and the method my therapist uses, I haven't found any therapies that use the body-oriented work in relation to themes you really struggle with. CBT has mindfulness for example, but -in my opinion- they don't really use it on specific themes. It's more like "be aware of your body and accept it", while with focusing and the method by Pesso, you're looking into how your body feels when thinking about something specific and what might "help" you in that situation. Although, I do believe that mindfulness has some merits. I use an app, Youper, who has mindfulness (and CBT exercises) in it. There's one exercise that I like where you try to create a sense of gratitude and pay attention to how that feels in your body. You van also track your daily emotions, and even trauma-related symptoms with Youper.

I'm finishing a PhD on how we process emotions, and the role of paying attention to the body... So from a theoretical point of view I could keep on discussing this :-) But I think these resources will probably be the most interesting if you're looking for something you can apply.

Edit: sorry for the long post. I just get excited when I can talk about this

u/anotherlongtrip · 10 pointsr/Minneapolis

You can't get it for anxiety. You can probably get diagnosed with PTSD though if your anxiety is a product of trauma. Recent thinking is way more people have PTSD than previously thought so I'm not telling you to lie: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_2?crid=3VNXGWZSQI8T5&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1573084604&sprefix=the+body+%2Caps%2C171&sr=8-2

u/chuckiestealady · 10 pointsr/TrollXChromosomes

You would find [this book] (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748) fascinating. I highlighted so much of it! It changed the way I think about my PTSD and body. I can't recommend it highly enough.

u/light0507 · 10 pointsr/askwomenadvice

My favorite resource is thriveafterabuse.com. Dana has been through it herself and speaks in practical terms. She has a Youtube channel too. On the site there are support groups and reading lists.

Lisa Romano is also on Youtube and another good resource.

The books that really resonated for me when I realized what was going on were about self care. The Body Keeps the Score was very helpful. So was Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.

It takes time. You will be ok. Take care!

u/iliikepie · 10 pointsr/CPTSD

Your life isn't pointless. Right now you may be at a low point, even the lowest point you have been in. I believe that struggling in some way, or being sad/depressed/angry/hurt/etc means that you care about something. Something feels like it's not right to you and you want it to be better. Even if it's a vague feeling, or you are struggling because you actually feel nothing at all, this says something. I'm not sure what you are going through since you didn't post many details (which is totally fine), but I wanted to let you know that there have been many times that I have struggled greatly. Due to my past trauma I've had terrible physical problems, emotional problems, dissociation, anxiety, depression, difficulty making and maintaining friendship and connection with others....and on and on. There were times when I was in so much pain (either mentally, emotionally or physically) that I couldn't get out of bed or even barely move for long periods of time. That is a very desperate feeling. I have felt utterly and completely alone in this world, as if I had nothing and no one, and that I would be broken forever.

One thing that really helps me is reading. It was a long journey for me to learn to recognize my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. There are still some areas where I can struggle with this, but I have made so, so much progress it's almost unbelievable to me when I think back to the person I once was. I couldn't identify my own emotions or thoughts, but when I read about scenarios and other peoples emotions/thoughts in certain situations, I could tell when it felt right. Like, "Yes! That is how I felt when _____ happened to me." A few books that really helped me are The Body Keeps Score, and Running On Empty. Other resources that have helped me immensely are hypnosis (one in particular was Michael Mahoney's IBS Audio Program 100 (this cured the IBS I had had for ~25 years, since I was a child)), and Annie Hopper's Dynamic Neural Retraining System. The very first book that I read that gave me hope that I could change my life was The Brain that Changes Itself. I read that book 9 years ago and it set me on a path of real change. It gave me inspiration and hope and the belief that I could really change and improve my life. If you want any other book recommendations let me know, I've read a lot of books and I have even more favorites that have helped me.

There are still areas of my life that I am working to improve, but I am nowhere near the person I was before I started reading and learning. Working through this stuff, and figuring out how to even do it, are very challenging and difficult tasks. But it is so, so worth it. I wish I could really show you and explain to you the profound changes we can make as people. Every epiphany I've had about myself and my life has been amazing and life changing. To me it almost feels like the essence of what it means to be human. I'm not sure if people who don't go through trauma get the chance to experience such profound epiphanies, realization, and change. Maybe I'm just rambling now, but I want you to know that there is hope. You may not have it, but I have it for both of us right now. Read. See a therapist. Learn. Practice. Journal. Seek support. Seek out ways to make a change. It doesn't have to be profound or monumental. Go at your own pace, just be sure that you are going.

u/lemon_meringue · 9 pointsr/news

There is a whole new branch of mental health treatment taught through qualified and well-trained yoga therapists who specialize in trauma. If you're interested in it, the current gold standard for trauma treatment is laid out in some books:

The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Koch, MD

The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity by Nadine Burke-Harris, MD

Overcoming Trauma through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body by David Emerson

Yoga for Emotional Balance: Simple Practices to Help Relieve Anxiety and Depression by Bo Forbes

It's becoming apparent that yoga is actually a massively useful tool in rooting out and treating trauma, which is often at the root of mental illness.

I get that you were making a comment about the way people tend to dismiss the pain of mental illness by saying "suck it up", but yoga therapy really is a great course of treatment.

Think about how breathing acts during bouts with anxiety or panic. Practicing yoga conditions and trains your body to slow down and bypass the trauma triggers and subsequent bodily response to keep you breathing instead of passing out or going into panic mode. And that's just one small benefit of practice.

Trauma is just now beginning to be understood by the greater medical community, and yoga with a trained therapist can make a world of difference.

Programs like this one are beginiing to help millions of people.

So the "get over it" part can go fuck itself, but if you suffer from anxiety, depression, or trauma-related mental illness, you really should keep hydrated and do yoga.

u/acdenh · 9 pointsr/lectures

van der Kolk notably the author of The Body Keeps the Score, best selling book on CPTSD.

edit: more personal note; I dealt with abuse and emotional neglect in childhood, also some physical and sexual abuse from classmates. What is interesting is that I am transgender but at a certain point in childhood I somehow forgot and stopped understanding this about myself. I previously thought that I might have CPTSD, most specifically because I often deal with depersonalization and derealization, but it turns out that is extremely common in gender dysphoria. And more importantly, childhood trauma causes that splintering of the personality, or impairment in describing emotional states and their meanings. That is to say, for many years I could no longer recognize that gender dysphoria I was experiencing came from being internally female, rather than arising out of apparently nowhere.

u/gh959489 · 8 pointsr/CPTSD

I’ve been an emotional mess all week. Two months after going no contact with my personality disordered parents. There is no end to my physical health ailments.

Have you heard of this book? Might be something you’d be interested in:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

u/41mHL · 7 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

The literature suggests that it is exactly that - being in a good place and a secure/healthy relationship - that is allowing you to deal with the sexual impacts of the trauma now. Embrace it, its a good sign, I think.

As others have, I strongly recommend enlisting the help of a therapist as soon as you can deal with it financially. If you're going to go it alone, I'd recommend the following additions to your library:

Amazon: The Body Keeps the Score

Amazon: The Courage to Heal

Amazon: Healing Sex

u/winnie_the_slayer · 7 pointsr/JordanPeterson

Peterson is missing the elephant in the room, IMO. The real enemy is not neo-marxism, it is neo-calvinism. Barbara Ehrenreich wrote about this to some extent, and I think it is culturally in America's collective blindspot. Here I am defining neocalvinism as the idea that "work will set you free," or similarly "work will get you to heaven." JBP pushes this as "sort yourself out."

Notice that JBP never talks about Wilhelm Reich or his ideas. Adam Curtis covered this issue in the century of the self. Reich wrote a book The Mass Psychology of Fascism which, in a nutshell, talks about how fascism/authoritarianism is a fear-driven attack on sexuality. Notice how in US politics, since the cultural/sexual changes in America driven by them damn librul hippies on the left, the right has gone increasingly more insane, fanatical, disconnected from reality, authoritarian, and violent.

JBP's solutions to psychological troubles are usually about establishing more order through willful action and understanding. This is one version of "work will set you free." Notice the nazis had "arbeit macht frei" (the same phrase in German) at the gates of Auschwitz. Thanks to folks like Peter Levine,Lowen,Perls,etc., the psychotherapy world is now understanding the neurobiological underpinnings of the phrase "lose your mind and come to your senses." JBP once stated that catharsis does not heal old wounds, coming to understand what happened is what heals. That is the basis for his self authoring suite. The problem there is that the catharsis piece is necessary, as that brings memory fragments from the hippocampus into consciousness in the frontal cortex. See Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score.

The point of all this is that JBP seems to be politically and ideologically on the right, as are his followers. Notice how he attracts Trump supporters, far right types, nazis, etc. He disowns the nazis but doesn't seem to try to understand why this happens. The nature of his work is repressive of vulnerability, of existential terror of mortality, of sexuality and spontaneity.

Notice how the right believes so much in rugged individualism, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," "I'm not responsible for my fellow americans because everyone should be personally responsible for themselves." Humans don't work that way, humans are social, our nervous systems respond to other people's pain whether we are conscious of that or blocking it, we need social contact. "Sorting oneself out" requires a positive relationship with another person (see Carl Rogers, object-relations theory, Allen Schore, etc) yet JBP and his followers seem to think they can think their way out of this by themselves, and that any particular "truth" is more important than getting along with others. Using "the truth" as a cudgel to attack/berate others is a particular pattern that Freud would have recognized, and seems common among JBP and his followers.

u/shadywhere · 7 pointsr/Adoption

This might be of interest to you:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

There are also some good presentations from Bessel Van der Kolk on Youtube on the same subject.

u/WanderingSchola · 6 pointsr/yoga

Curious to know if the psychologist community has a high/low opinion of this book, as it is about the phenomena OP describes:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

u/under_the_pressure · 6 pointsr/Meditation

You may have C-PTSD and as a sufferer of this, I would highly recommendThe Body Keeps the Score and Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Pete Walker's website is also a good, free reference. I have been fortunate to have access to a great counselor as a grad student and have recently gotten into the C-PTSD work, and meditation (mindfulness of breath and body scans) is an essential tool for my recovery.

u/countingcoffeespoons · 6 pointsr/ptsd

Have you read "The Body Keeps The Score"? It's about PTSD. I haven't even finished the book, but it's been extremely helpful to me. I feel like the author gives enough facts that you can share with nonbelievers that someone else might "get" it. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Y6oPzbS1S77H4

u/Hutch_is_on · 6 pointsr/Divorce

There is one book that helped me heal a little in life from all the trauma I experienced. The Body Keeps the Score was written by the first doctor to prescribe Prozac in America. He worked with Vietnam Vets and was part of the team who came up the PTSD diagnosis. He's worked at rape crisis centers, and at war refugee camps. He is possibly one of most trauma informed people in the world and most definitely in America.

I've experienced a lot of trauma in my life, and I've read a lot of self help books because of that. Most self help books suck. They're terrible in general, but not The Body Keeps the Score. It was, is, and has been actually helpful to me.

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_4ckNDbTTQWWXX

u/inhibitionstofear · 5 pointsr/lupus

Read The Body Keeps the Score. It discussed this exact topic from a psychological perspective. I’ve definitely had a traumatic childhood. This book really changed the way how I deal with it now: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

u/Theendisnearornot · 5 pointsr/massage

this looks interesting

I am searching for the title of a book I read in school. In it she explains how all emotions are are a mix of hormones and cells have hormone receptors so why wouldn’t our bodies “hold our emotions” in a way. I will look through my books from school - I know I wrote the title down. I believe the author was a woman that passed away since authoring the book - if that narrows it down at all lol. I’ll post if I find it!

u/Laureril · 5 pointsr/DID

Sounds familiar. I was about that age when I had a few episodes that had me convinced I was possessed. (Turns out Naught thinks it's funny to switch to Latin and screw with abusive then-boyfriend. Have been exorcised, 0/10, do not recommend.)

Obviously we can't diagnose you, so speaking with a therapist or psychologist is your best bet. If you have trouble finding one, maybe try going through the guidance counselors at your school and see if they have anyone that they can recommend. Your primary care doctor may also be able to refer you.

That said, going through therapy as a minor, you'll need to be aware that your guardians may have access to your records. You can address this specifically with your therapist - they may be willing to keep the actual physical notes very limited and not discuss things directly with your guardians. Your mom may also be able to seal your records from other people. Depends a lot on your therapist, but their goal is to build trust with you, so chances are if you tell them you're concerned, they'll look out for you.

One of the things generally recommended is journaling often and consistently. Encourage these other parts of yourself to do so as well, and periodically review to see if "anyone else" decided to write to you or if unexplained handwriting shows up. Even if you don't have a dissociative disorder journaling can be useful to record and process your emotions about this stuff. (PTSD is kinda the low end of dissociative disorders, DID being the high end of the spectrum.)

Another thing you can do is read. Read up on trauma. (Not specifically DID, but just general dissociation and stuff can be helpful as a base understanding.) I recommend "The Body Keeps the Score" which is a little dense, but explains how your body reacts to trauma in depth, "Stranger in the Mirror: Dissociation, the Hidden Epidemic" which does a reasonably good job of explaining different types of dissociation and has little mini-tests that you can use to gauge your experiences for severity. You might also find other subs like /r/cPTSD helpful.

Anyway. Best of luck to you. Hope you're safe and well both now and in the future. :)

(ETA : sorry, was trying to get this written before therapy and had to come back to it!)

u/LimbicLogic · 5 pointsr/JordanPeterson

I...respectfully disagree with Jordan that a breakup can cause PTSD. Rather, underlying schemas (filters and deep beliefs that get activated according to different stimuli) might get activated by a breakup, such an abandonment schema, but I think it rarely happens that a breakup by itself causes PTSD, and Jordan says it happens "all the time". Previous trauma that has otherwise become latent can also resurface with a breakup. Here are the criteria for PTSD, fwiw. Also, shrink here.

His treatment idea using situational analysis is very good advice, though. He's trying to get to the common belief present in PTSD -- and probably one of the main if not the main cognitive perpetuators of this disease -- that whatever terrible stuff happened is my fault. This is why PTSD, in addition to being understood as an anxiety disorder, often involves intense shame, the person thinking something defective (another schema) about them caused them to be responsible for the negative situation which precipitated PTSD -- which, nota bene, is different than trauma per se, and there are vast differences between the sexes with regard to who develops PTSD from a traumatic experience, women basically doubling men in this regard presumably given their increased sensitivity to stress, reducible to a large degree perhaps to the fact that estrogen stimulates sympathetic nervous system activation (but progesterone and allopregnenolone from which it's synthesized can moderate this) whereas testosterone cools it. I know, unfair, but it has its evolutionary reasons.

But PTSD breaks down to two things: avoidance of the memory (or memories) of the abuse, and avoidance of challenging beliefs relating to the abuse (such as "it's my fault"). So treatment has two parts:

The first is helping the hippocampus (responsible for memory and organization of events chronologically) and amygdala (responsible for fear), which stop "holding hands" under moments of extreme stress, to begin to "hold hands again", which is done through narrative work, such as writing down the trauma and really "going there" when you're writing it down, because dissociation is part of trauma (protective in nature) that can prevent healing if you're in this state, which is why therapists pay close attention to look for markers for dissociation in the face or body language of clients when counseling them. Clinical social worker Babette Rothschild compares productive trauma work to quickly slightly twisting open and then twisting close an upset carbonated drink; if you open it all at once, you'll get a mess, but if you do this slowly by twisting open and shut, you "fizzle out" the trauma.

This narrative work can be done through narrative therapy, also considered part of a very strongly supported form of therapy called cognitive processing therapy, where you discuss the cognitive model (it's out thoughts/beliefs which determine our emotions, not the things themselves "out there"), cognitive distortions, have the client write an impact statement (which answers the question, "how did this trauma[s] affect the way you see yourself, others, and your past/future", and constitutes the second part of PTSD therapy, changing key beliefs and avoidance related to them), and then two narratives, the second with more detail than the first. The client can then read the impact statement and narratives in session (which by itself eradicates a lot of shame, an emotion you can't often just "reason away" but needs to be "felt through" in the presence of another understanding and accepting human being, and I've found it to be incredibly helpful to use immediacy clients, meaning we analyze our relationship in the moment to help them access feelings of shame so I as a therapist can say with my words and actions "no, you're normal, you're strong, you're good"). This writing down (which allows for taking as much time as you want, and is often done in longhand so the client can't "speed through" recalling the event as she's writing it) by itself and reading the narrative(s) causes the physiological changes involved with helping the amygdala and hippocampus work together again, which resolves the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts (and nightmares, etc.) which are really the brain's way of wanting to process and organize something that it can't, and nobody naturally wants to intentionally go into the lion's den of their fears.

Another form, which I don't like much at all except after narrative work is done (or while it's being done), is classic imaginal exposure therapy, where the client literally closes her eyes and imagines the traumatic event(s) until they lose their power. What I hate about this approach is that so many therapists seem to think it's just the event(s) itself that causes the trauma, and through focusing on telling and again and again miss that it's the beliefs that are also central, and without addressing these the "retelling" involved with imaginal exposure can take much longer (and be more likely to be overall unsuccessful) than if the beliefs were also addressed. This is why I prefer CPT more, but still add my own flavors, as any good therapist would do, as opposed to just "going by the book," which unfortunately so many therapists working in hospital or MHMR settings don't just voluntarily do but are expected to do.

Sometimes just focusing on the key beliefs can be unimaginably helpful. I had one client whose depression decreased 50% in direct proportion to how much her belief in the thought, "it was my fault I got raped" also decreased according to 0-100% scaling, and this just in a matter of a few sessions by only using an impact statement and having her answer questions on a handout regarding the hindsight bias, usually a central belief involved with PTSD work.

Oh, and I went a bit out of order. The first thing is to really ensure that the client is safe (e.g., not involved with a potential abuser), and then work on emotion regulation skills (deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation, exercise, counting to 10, etc.).

Pardon the length, but I love my job (trauma is my specialty). And we haven't even talked about developmental or complex trauma (look up the work of the luminary Bessel van der Kolk, including his unimaginably good book, The Body Keeps the Score for stellar info written for professionals and laypeople regarding classic PTSD but also developmental trauma), its own more complicated beast than PTSD, the latter which tends to involve one specific event which "tips a person over the edge."

u/Geovicsha · 5 pointsr/Meditation

Thanks for pointing this out. Meditation, specifically vipassana, is not designed to clear you of thoughts. It is designed so one can see the three marks of existence: anicca, anatta, and dhuka. And that requires three facets: being present, self-awareness, and surrender. With Western McMindfulness, surrender is often lost, because it has been repackaged as a tool for stress reduction, clearing thoughts - really, as one pierces into the true nature of their mind, is antithetical to what the Buddha taught.

As we become more mindful of the body, we will feel emotions in different areas of the body. As Bessel van der Kolk discusses in The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, when we are in a traumatic situation, often as a child, our usual fight or flight responses are hijacked. We suppress the emotions. We are traumatised. This is called C-PTSD.

The body remembers. And being mindful of the stored pain in the area, of the muscle retention, will make us reconnect with the memory in a visceral sense. Things like the estoerically termed 'Kundalini' may come into play here, a mind-body link, and some Jungian manifestations may come to conscious in the psyche. Hence, it is paramount that this be done with mindfulness and compassion - and likely with a trained therapist.

I've just come out of what I would call my 'Dark Night of the Soul' on February 12, having experienced hands free orgasms and a surge of buried energy. This has required years of vipassana, Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance, Sam Harris Waking Up, an appreciation of Jungian concepts, yet still maintaining a materialist idea of the brain and mind. After doing a lot of mindfulness and feeling buried energy in the body, I would inevitably release it via a hands free orgasm. I finally got it out via deep, buried crying on February 12. And with my own mindfulness, spaciousness, Buddha nature of love, like consciousness itself caring for the inner child, I had to cry as my 12 year old self. I never grieved the death of my mother.

u/jdog2050 · 5 pointsr/INTP
  1. First things first, see a doctor

  2. If nothing is wrong, then you may indeed be experiencing somatic stress. Look into the book The Body Keeps the Score

    Also, maybe for next time, try to focus on what's happening in the rest of your body as well. For me personally, I know that a situation or a person is causing deep stress when the area between my cervical and thoracic spine literally feels hot...like someone is putting a little tiny cattle prod on it.
u/nowtherebecareful · 5 pointsr/Parenting

One of the best resources I've come across about trauma is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

OP, grief is how we accommodate loss in a world where one constant is change. From this POV it's a really powerful sentiment. I'm wishing you peace.

u/Kemah · 4 pointsr/AskWomen

Been loving the responses so far! My own preferences have been changing, and I've been reading a lot more non-fiction than I used to. It has really opened the doors to a lot of books I would not have considered reading before!

On my reading list:

The Unthinkable by Amanda Ripley - this is what I'm almost finished with now. It has been a really insightful read on how little prepared society is for disasters, and the steps we should take to help fix that.

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker - I've seen this mentioned on reddit a few times and it's in the same vein as the book I'm currently reading.

Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce D. Perry

The Lean Startup by Eric Ries - I'm currently working in the startup industry, and have read similar books to this.

The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz - same as the book above. This is currently going around my office right now so I should be reading it soon!

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. - this was recommended to me by a friend when he learned I was reading The Unthinkable and The Gift of Fear. Honestly really looking forward to reading this one!

On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society


Books I'd recommend:

Blink by Malcom Gladwell - all about the subconscious mind and the clues we pick up without realizing it. Pretty sure reading this book has helped me out in weird situations.

Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future by Ashlee Vance - amazing read about how Elon Musk works and the person he is.

The Circle by Dave Eggers - just don't watch the movie :)



u/SovietStomper · 4 pointsr/MurderedByWords

About CPTSD in general? This book by Pete Walker is a pretty seminal work.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1492871842/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_ZHsPCbTPKG205_nodl

This other one also helped me a lot, because the physiological crap that comes along with CPTSD is every bit as terrible as the emotional component:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=URYXV0O6HWS6&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1554327719&s=gateway&sprefix=the+bidy&sr=8-1

Ultimately though, therapy and journaling are going to be your best starting points for your personal recovery. If you can find a therapist that has experience with trauma, that’s your best bet. I would also recommend seeing a general practitioner and a psychiatrist because of the aforementioned physical issues.

u/myplantscancount · 4 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

I am normally a lurker here because my "JustNos" are actually my mom's JNparents and have passed away. I'm posting as an adult child of someone who survived abuse, to share a bit of longer term perspective. My JNGF physically and verbally (not sexually I don't think) abused my mom. My JNGM (who was abused by her father, my GGF) did nothing to stop it and was generally an enabler/conflict avoider/rug sweeper. My mom refused to even consider the possibility of having children for a long time because she was afraid that she would subject them to the same abuse that she experienced.

After a lot of therapy, she and my dad decided to have kids (my brother and I). My mom was not perfect. I may have residual issues from her (anxiety which is more of a family trait than just from her). However, she was nothing like her parents. In fact, I've had one of the best/calmest childhoods of almost anyone I know. I have told her this many times, and she still worries that she somehow scarred me irreparably (spoilers: she didn't).

Recently (at around the age of 60), my mom has gone back to therapy to continue to deal with the trauma she suffered. I think it is helping, and I hope some day she will be able to see that she did a great job and to remember that I am lucky to be her child. Until then I will just gently remind her she is great whenever she worries that she is responsible for all the bad parts of me and I am responsible for all the good parts of me.

People are (almost) never all one thing or another. The times you are angry do not invalidate the times you are patient. Obviously we would all love to be all amazeballs all the time. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that, so we try our best and go to therapy when we need help. Remember that you developed these instincts (of judgement, of going NC) to deal with situations that put you and those you love in danger. It is completely unrealistic to expect yourself to immediately divest of these instincts the minute you don't need them. That, like everything else in this world, takes time

A Happy Postscript: My mom's JNparents did actually reform into Mostly yes grandparents. I'm not sure what changed (I suspect it was that all of their children grew up refused to tolerate their crazy). But regardless all of my cousins and I were able to have good relationships with my maternal grandparents. Now this is not to say that this is the usual outcome, and you are ABSOLUTELY justified in being skeptical of real change. I just wanted to say that people change as they get older, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. There may be a time when you are able completely let go of your survival strategies. However, until then, you don't need to feel guilty for having them.

Book Recommendation Post Script: The Body Keeps the Score. I think this was posted on a book list somewhere, but I cannot recommend it enough times to people who experienced any kind of trauma in their lives.

u/tesstorch · 4 pointsr/BDSMAdvice

This is not a direct answer to your question, but I can't help it. In terms of PTSD, have you heard of or read the book, "The Body Keeps the Score"? It's a book which is mentioned frequently on this sub for survivors of trauma and the people around them. I am finally just now reading it, and the book is mind-blowing <--- and I have had years of therapy, aggregate, largely related trauma. Please look into it. I hope you don't mind my mentioning it. I feel like one of those people who, when you say you suffer from migraines, start telling you ways to cure/avoid migraines, all of which you already know/have tried. I find this book to be exceptional. Just thought I'd mention it. Good luck!

u/napjerks · 4 pointsr/Anger

First and foremost, you can't fix her. We don't like to hear it. You can suggest, encourage, pay for resources. But she has to do the work. She should be in therapy, she should be keeping a mental health journal daily, she should be using a mood tracker (see half way down the page to "1. Daily Mood Chart" a simple chart) or other means of monitoring her emotions and outbursts she is trying to control, she should be setting mental health goals for herself. There are all kinds of tools. But if she's not putting in any effort at all, it doesn't matter what you do.

I know this sounds harsh. But if she doesn't want to stop being violent or verbally belittling you she will never change. And these are things that are actually easier to change than even dealing with her own anger. She can stop these behaviors. But she's allowing herself to run amok all over you.

To put it simply, there are boundary issues between you guys right now. Granted, she probably has huge trust issues, rightly so - completely justified due to her trauma, and may be pushing you away as a form of self-sabotage. She has self-worth issues. She's obviously been in a difficult place for a long time.

But don't suppress yourself or change your entire being to make her happy. And her hurting you is a huge problem. It won't ultimately make her happy anyway. And you have to preserve who you are. There's no doubt you are a good person because you are trying to help. But you don't want to be a martyr for her symptoms she refuses to improve. Even if it's because she's so deep she can't see the problem. Ignorance and obliviousness are not excuses.

If she can't identify her anger, this is understandable given her history of trauma. So the work is to be able to reduce the anger while being able to read her own feelings and emotions again. There are books like The Body Keeps the Score. If she's been in therapy a while, she has already been doing a lot of what is in this book. But for some reason she's still not in touch with her inner feelings. And "inner feelings" doesn't mean anything particularly deep. Just that she has lost track of her internal voice, like most of us have on a daily basis. We know if we're hungry, thirsty, sad, moody, etc. She basically needs to slow things down and listen to herself. That's what a thought-journal is for. To write down what she is feeling. What makes her angry, frustrated, agitated. Write down her memories that come up that disturb her mood. She doesn't even have to write a lot. Just enough notes so she can identify what it was if she reviews it again with her therapist later while in a session. Throughout the day, she should make this journal her constant companion.

This is what can help her work on it between therapy sessions. Because that's where the real work happens. Not in the therapist's office. But between visits when she's trying to apply what the therapist recommends. So she should write down what the therapist suggests in her journal so she can reference it when she's home or at work as a reminder of what to focus on. It's a memory aid for what she learns during her visits. And then every day she should write today's date and what made her upset. It's a log for how things are going between the visits. If she keeps doing it she will eventually start writing more meaningful, persistent, recurring things she can bring back to the therapist to work on. That's what the therapist is for. To offer instruction on one visit. And on follow up visits to offer guidance on what hasn't worked. New techniques or modified techniques, or to help her understand how to apply them to her situation.

You can use a journal too if you are feeling stressed out. Keep a daily log of her outbursts, how she treats you, how you react, what you would like to change about the relationship. Write what you did that you feared might have made it worse. Or you tried something you thought would make it better and it didn't work at all. Things that surprise you or catch you off guard. You can also write what you see as good things that happen in order to balance it out. Moments where you connected in a positive way that was refreshing. But then you have something concrete you can reflect on to see if any improvement is happening over time, such as reduction in negative language, being talked down to, etc. How our partner behaves affects us and has an impact on the overall relationship. Journaling for yourself can help identify specific problems and focus on ways to improve communication and goal setting.

If she doesn't know how she feels, that is something she can work on. Putting a name on how she feels can help a lot. Just identifying a word and saying it out loud can help reduce anger over time because we start to diffuse the tangled knot we feel on a daily basis. Having a chart of emotions to reference can help remember the vocabulary of feelings.

There are articles with great information like When You Love An Angry Person. But it sounds like she may even be gaslighting you. Basically manipulating you to get what she wants but in an undermining kind of way. It can start subtle but become more overt over time.

If you even speak in the wrong way you're in trouble? So she's making you do this dance to please her. And she's constantly attacking your confidence and self-worth. And she's never pleased.

If you value non-violence you should stand up for yourself in regards to her bouts of violence. Even throwing things in a relationship where there has already bene violence is perceived by the battered partner as a threat. So hitting and breaking things needs to stop. It goes both ways. There's no mental health issue that condones getting beat up by your partner. Don't let excuses like you'r mentally stronger than her, physically bigger than her or you can "take it." You shouldn't have to take it. In a relationship we want to elevate each other. Not drag each other down to the lowest level. Books like Getting Together and Staying Together offer ways for couples to communicate together in a positive way to build a healthy relationship. But you're really in a bind so I think you'd benefit from talking to someone face to face yourself.

You have a psych degree but that doesn't mean automatically knowing how to deal with every situation. Don't put that burden on yourself. You are allowed to get help too. You are with someone who is receiving mental health assistance so don't feel like you have to stand alone and figure it out by yourself. There are things like secondary traumatic stress that nurses and doctors have to deal with too from prolonged situations trying to help patients in need. Even professional helpers can be negatively affected and need support. So please consider seeing a licensed clinical therapist to talk about your relationship. It sounds like it's become quite toxic over time. You're the one who does the giving and she is doing the taking right now. Your self care is at risk. I hope you can set some boundaries around her behavior to protect yourself. Remember you need to be resilient too. I hope this doesn't sound too critical. I'm trying to give you some pep so you can figure out what to do that is right for you. Sorry for writing so much but I kept thinking of your situation today. This is my take after being a patient of therapy for 10+ years. Hang in there!

u/lending_ear · 4 pointsr/CPTSD

Therapy is absolutely worth it imo. BUT and the big but is that you need to find the right kind of therapist. There are many, many different types of therapy out there. Personally? I felt like I wasted thousands on talking therapy in the beginning and I just kept rehashing and reliving the trauma with pretty much no progress.

The therapies that I got the most out of because of my trauma was 1. Havening - had the quickest most immediate response to this so therefore it ended up being the cheapest 2. Hypnotherapy - I got a lot out of this because while I logically knew a lot of truths but so much of it wasn't being accepted by my subconscious for some reason. Hypnotherapy sorted that 3. EMDR - also great.

Now I do talking therapy for current stuff going on in my life to get a sounding board and unbiased opinion. That was just me - but talking to 'fix' was the biggest waste of time and money for me - however, talking to maintain has been great. Ultimately you need to find your own therapeutic path. It's pretty frustrating because there isn't a one size fits all. Then on top of it, especially with talking therapists you need to have a connection. So you are constantly having to give the whole story over and over. I found the other therapies had a much better effect on me and allowed me to connect with a therapist much easier once I felt I was more in maintenance mode vs crisis mode.

Im not sure where you are but I feel like there are probably websites out there that review therapists.

Also: some really great books that helped me (and are much cheaper) are:

u/Neatleet · 4 pointsr/DID

I am very sorry to hear about that, your experience is the opposite of what should happen and it really sickens and saddens me.

We got aware of our system about a year ago, our abuse was mainly caused by our father aswell. We spent long time in denial, infact we still get in denial sometimes. How ever the more I've gotten to know myself, better our communication has gotten, and more accepting I have been towards ALL the parts, more whole and strong I have felt.

When we get depressed about the past, or worried about the future, we remind ourselfs how lucky we are; we get to experience childlike joy about things, and its definatly not only a bad thing to feel like a teenager every now and then
We will never be alone

It really must suck the therapist broke your trust like that, but dont let it prevent yourself from getting help, can you live a good life without therapy? Maybe, I cannot answer that for you, but we know we tried to deal with everything by ourselfs way too long before getting help, only to realize we do deserve and need it.

Now it might take a while to find a good therapist, meanwhile, knowledge is power, I highly suggest the two following books;

https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Sourcebook-Sourcebooks-ebook/dp/B006B7LORY?crid=1EDLIHIN9K5UB&keywords=dissociative+identity+disorder&qid=1536309996&sprefix=dissoci&sr=8-4&ref=mp_s_a_1_4

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748?keywords=trauma+book&qid=1536311130&sr=8-1&ref=mp_s_a_1_1


Now they are not something you should read in a day. Or something you can read in a day. I spent months myself, sometimes only reading a page at the time, but they both provided me with alot of information that really helped me.

Also, try journaling, for us its been an amazing way to communicate, for start it was a bit scary, but inner communication is the key
All of your alters togeather with you make you
All of them are capable of learning and growing
Every one of them is there for a reason
Give them the love and understanding you would had deserved as a little, and not only the little ones, the angry ones too

u/Crantastical · 4 pointsr/westworld

The show definitely explores themes of trauma, how it can linger and influence us even when we aren’t aware of it. I’m a therapist and was doing a trauma informed training last year when it was on plus working with a lot of clients who had experienced complex trauma. Since I couldn’t talk about them with my bf, I tried to get him interested in discussing the characters but he wasn’t interested (he works with computers). It is interesting to hear someone else’s take!

Off topic but this is a great book for anyone living with PTSD the body keeps the score

u/xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxZx · 3 pointsr/psychology

Exactly - PTSD and CPTSD are as much physical as mental or chemical.

The Body Keeps the Score

You're the one experiencing your life, not all of us commenting here. You are the authority on your experience - there are many roads to healing, and not everyone is lucky enough to be in a position where they have the resources, support, money, stability, time, and safety to do that work.

u/futilehabit · 3 pointsr/Christianity

That depends on your past! If you've gone through some trauma it can be very difficult to reconcile the things that have happened in your life. If that's the case for you I would highly recommend trauma therapy (if you can afford it) and/or the book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.

u/Redo_Undo · 3 pointsr/exjw

It would be a good idea to add a section about Trauma, since so many JWs not only experienced religious trauma but also family dysfunction at different levels of severity.

This book in particular Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is a must read. It's available in English, German and as of this month in Spanish as well.

The Emotionally Absent Mother is another great one.

And finally, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

A section on helpful resources for rebuilding your life could include this book:

The Power of Habit , out of everything I read, this book, along with meditation, played a major role in helping me break the patterns of depression so that I could get my energy back and become productive again.

And finally, a section on finances might be another good idea. I haven't really dived into that yet myself, but I'm sure it would be extremely helpful for a lot of ExJWs. Maybe others have good recommendations.

As for fiction, this book had me crying for days. It's specific to the Dominican, Latin American experience but I think anyone, especially young women, with dreams and an unsupportive, religious fanatic of a mother can relate.

The Poet X

u/tdw1234 · 3 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

It's the Trauma. Get marriage counselling ASAP. Make sure the therapist is trauma informed. Somatic and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) would be key words to look for. Your wife has a brain injury. Check out The Body Keeps the Score and Supportfor Partners:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
http://www.supportforpartners.org/

u/stef_bee · 3 pointsr/FanFiction

I think Bessel van der Kolk talks about that in The Body Keeps the Score, too.

u/herlioness · 3 pointsr/NarcissisticAbuse

I was just going to post that book.

Here’s the link if anyone is interested:

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_QRMyCbJSSTKBR

u/HazyDreamLikeState · 3 pointsr/dpdr

Dissociation is a self defense mechanism of your brain that occurs when a stressful situation becomes too overwhelming for you to handle. It is often caused by trauma, chronic stress, drugs, or head injury. It is a part of the fight or flight response and specifically happens when you can neither face the danger in front of you or run away from it which results in you dissociating from there here and now(the present). It often results in emotional and physical blunting and cognitive problems.

This book will offer you a great deal in understanding trauma, dissociation, and treatment options: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

​

If you want the short version of treatment options from the book and can't be bothered to read:

​

Meditation, mindfulness, EMDR, neurofeedback, yoga/martial arts (types of mindfulness), microdosing MDMA. Also, human connection helps but if that triggers you then connections to animals may help too. I may have missed some, read the book, it has a story of someone with DID becoming cured.

​

r/CPTSD reddit might be more helpful to you as dissociation is often a symptom of PTSD.

u/earth__girl · 3 pointsr/Meditation

This helped me a lot with my childhood trauma. Mindfulness, meditation, yoga, breathwork, therapy and EMDR as well.

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

u/TheQuantumZero · 3 pointsr/lawofattraction

> Can I die from LOA

Nope. Never. If one could die from the thoughts of suicide & death, I wouldn't be here posting this. :)

> violent childhood horrors I have PTSD and OCD

Seek a therapist. Also check these books,

u/oO0-__-0Oo · 3 pointsr/todayilearned

A type of cognitive behavioral therapy that was originally designed specifically for the treatment of BPD. In fact, the woman who developed it was a therapist who had BPD herself. Interesting story.

Try reading this:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

and doing one or both of these:

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook

https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Workbook-Mind-Body-Regaining/dp/1623158249

If they resonate with you, then you should consider seeing a therapist, preferably who either specializes in trauma, or who is credentialed in DBT. Much easier to find the former than the latter. Real full-on DBT is very involved.

u/Kamelasa · 3 pointsr/RedditForGrownups

Have you done any reading on trauma healing? I found Judith Lewis Herman and Bessel van der Kolk very helpful. It took a couple years, but I had more backed-up years of trauma effects than you do. Six months could be enough time for meaningful progress.

Counsellors and therapists never helped me, either, and I've been to quite a few, none great. I agree with you no one really wants to hear about the trauma and those that are willing to listen at all are few and tend not to stick around. Just my personal experience.

I'm not a minority. I'm a culture of one. I have an inkling of your pain.

u/jermofo · 3 pointsr/Jung

There are several modern psychotherapists in the Jungian school that take this seriously. You probably won't find a whole lot outside of this discipline, apart from probably some Eastern or alternative medicine practices. The opinion of most modern psychotherapists don't matter much to me though compared to the Jungians, but that is just my opinion and experience. A few of the local Jungian Analysts in my Jungian Society that I've had the opportunity to attend seminars with use bodily therapy for some of their patients with apparently a high level of success, if the patient is open to that sort of treatment. A lot aren't. Personally, I had a swallowing condition earlier this year and this passage that you quoted really made me think when I was first read it, which just so happened to be around the time that the symptoms were occurring. Even if you want to be skeptical about the mind-body connection, which I honestly don't think the connection is much of a stretch, it is helpful to ask yourself such questions regarding your condition. "What is it that I cannot stand or cannot swallow or stomach, etc.?" It can only increase consciousness. If you think about it, if you can't walk, there are probably a whole lot of things that "you can't stand" and bringing those contents into consciousness can be very therapeutic. My swallowing condition was caused by adverse side effects of medication prescribed for an eye condition, so I then asked "what is it that I am not seeing?" Regardless if the causes if the conditions were psychological in origin or not, those are powerful questions to ask and there are always answers there what ever the question is.

I haven't read either of these two books, but they are on my list. They might be worth checking out if the subject interests you:

https://www.amazon.com/Skin-Disease-Perspective-Psychosomatic-Dermatology/dp/1853437484

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

u/ThePsylosopher · 3 pointsr/Psychonaut

Although I'm sure there are some shamans that could potentially help you, seeking a shaman might not be the best modality for healing.

>I have gotten a strange feeling of dark hopelessness from the meeting, I cannot quite explain

It sounds like your encounter triggered memories of your assault which certainly makes sense. Right now you don't need someone encouraging you to open up sexually; you need someone supportive who makes you feel safe and who will make you feel empowered.

I'd suggest learning more about trauma so you can better understand yourself, your feelings and what healing would look like. I'm currently listening to the book 'The Body Keeps The Score' and I would highly recommend it. Here are a few links for the book: Amazon, free audiobook with annoying music, lecture by author.

u/passion_fruit1 · 3 pointsr/adultsurvivors

Your family sexually abused you. She violated your body, your boundaries. She ignored your protests. She gaslighted you. She mocked you. As an adult, she failed to protect you. This is not okay, not then, not now, not ever. That is sexual abuse, and it was wrong of her to do. I am very sorry you had to go through this. I am angry for you.

Went through a similar experience with my family, and you’re not alone. Feeling like you’re gross, dirty, nauseated, silenced... it’s sadly all too common with sexual abuse survivors. I’m sorry. I went through EMDR & therapy to work through my trauma which has helped a lot, so I’d def suggest that. Also try to get your hands on this book and this book . <3

u/insouciant_naiad · 2 pointsr/ptsd

> I never really understood why I would want to hurt myself because im mentally hurting.

It's not the same for everyone, but when I was deep in a many, many years cycle of self-harm I found that what I felt was (to me) indescribable, all-encompassing, perpetual mental/emotional pain, and that, for some reason, transferring that into real tangible injuries that I could inflict, control, and watch heal gave me some way to deal with intangible horrors. Not a recommended approach haha, but the brain has strange ways of coping with extreme stressors. Sometimes it's these strange mechanisms that are the only thing keeping us from suicide, no matter how unhealthy they may be. For myself personally, as a female survivor of some seriously bad shit (please feel free to message me for details of if you wanna chat - sounds like we've had some similar experiences in life), I actually found that martial arts (muay thai, aikido, and kendo) have helped significantly. Practice helps me feel more in control of myself and my environment (and my head), and oddly I've found sparring to help a lot with my self-harm urges - no need to hurt myself when someone else is already beating the crap outta me (with appropriate gear and supervision!) lol! I've also recently started the book The Body Keeps the Score (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0143127748/ref=tmm_fbs_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1556857316&sr=8-2); I'm only about a quarter of the way through, but so far it's a fascinating exploration of how trauma affects both mind and body, and how the two manifest the affects of trauma together. The author is great at making the material very accessible and easy to understand. I truly hope the best for you; it's a bullshit, fucked up, rocky-ass path we're on, but it honestly helps to know we're not on it alone. Internet stranger hugs (if wanted; friendly wave if not lol)!!!

u/oilisfoodforcars · 2 pointsr/Anger

You should check out this book it’s great.

u/jimmux · 2 pointsr/CPTSD

I picked up The Body Keeps the Score when I was done with Surviving to Thriving. It's more technical, so it may be what you're looking for. I found it extremely useful when he explains how different parts of the brain interact, and how imbalances of activity in stress response areas affect other functional areas.

It also doesn't get too clinical, due to frequent use of his personal anecdotes as illustrative case studies. It makes the technical parts very accessible.

u/urdadlovesmydickclit · 2 pointsr/insaneparents

Ffs. I didn’t realized how offended I could be by this. I knew the “science” behind the argument was bollocks, but to attribute all those things to injections causes more damage than even just allowing deadly diseases to proliferate. The ones that bother me most are those often associated with early childhood trauma - OCD, autoimmune disorders, (edit to add) chronic fatigue, speech delays. Then there’s scoliosis, which also runs in my family, going back to before the polio vax, even. Jfc.

Edit: For more information on the biological effects of trauma, I can’t recommend this book enough: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. While it’s fascinating, I must also recommend it with a TRIGGER WARNING.

u/AvoidanceAardvark · 2 pointsr/CPTSD

This is the basis of my own issues as well. A lack of safety, security and emotional attachment during childhood means I'm now solidly avoidant. I'm in my 40s now, estranged from my parents (which i don't mind at all) single and have no friends outside of work. All of it comes from my trauma in childhood including multiple deaths. I would recommend the usual books that you'll see posted here a lot:

The Body Keeps the Score

Attached The chapter describing avoidance is surprisingly accurate.

Complex PTSD

u/macaronisalad · 2 pointsr/ptsd

Read up on it--there are lots of resources online, forums like this, or MyPTSD forums, and one good book that's good at explaining things from a standpoint of decades of combined psych and medical research is The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, MD. Good luck to you, remember that you are not alone.

u/still_struggling · 2 pointsr/LifeAfterNarcissism

So there are lots of good posts already here, but I just want to say that you are living in this world as a traumatized person. This is the book that can help you understand why you feel like you're stuck in the same patterns over and over again, that you're lonely and empty inside - it's trauma working within you.

Because of what trauma does to the brain and to our nervous system in general, it makes it very hard to just dust ourselves off from our traumatic past and move on. That trauma gave you a blueprint for all your other relationships - how you assert boundaries, how much you value yourself, how you form new relationships and break off old ones. All of that is influenced by your traumatic past.

But here's the good news. You can get help. A lot of the best trauma therapies are body based (see the book I linked to) but talk therapy is good too. You can't control other people's behavior, but you can control your responses to their behavior and the feelings they "trigger" within you. This is how you start to heal, by having a box of tools to work with when things get hard. Is my life awesome? Nope. But do I have 10 things I can think of at any given time to help me work on my problems? Absolutely.

u/Hathorym · 2 pointsr/CPTSD

Check out The Body Keep the Score by Bessel van der Kolk MD. It is incredibly insightful as to the way the mind works with trauma, the differences between PTSD and CPTSD, and research he has been doing on the disorder for over forty years.

u/real-dreamer · 2 pointsr/television

Huh. This is a pretty powerful episode. Even includes stories about PTSD.

Watching this as an adult was a bit strange. Wish I were a kid again. They all seem to have quite a bit of support and a safe community. I've gone through some trauma and there were a few parts of this episode that I related to quite a bit. [Spoiler](#s "When Arthur's dad tells the story about the trash can and paper. When Binky has a flashback... Trauma is pretty rough stuff.")

PBS is a pretty great resource. In honour of PBS being the topic... If anyone wants to learn more about trauma I'm reading a pretty great book at the suggestion of my therapist. It's called The Body Keeps the Score

u/icaaso · 2 pointsr/SexPositive

What you are experiencing sounds really awful and yet it's entirely normal. The basic principle of the brain is "what fires together wires together". When you had that very intense experience combining orgasms and suicidal thoughts because of medication, it simply made a literal connection in your brain. You can break it, and any good therapist can help you (doesn't have to be a sex therapist).

This can be treated like an OCD symptom where you are having intrusive thoughts triggered by a stimulus. There are great books on how to do this and I highly recommend them:

https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346

https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786

Mind you, I'm not saying you have OCD, or any disorder. But your brain is "locked" in linking these two parts of your life in a very unpleasant way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you and this could happen to anyone who was set off with nasty side effects of medication.

You may also approach this like an experience of Post Traumatic Stress, which can also show up with intrusive thoughts. Good resources for that exist too:

https://www.amazon.com/PTSD-Workbook-Effective-Techniques-Overcoming/dp/1626253706

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

You didn't do anything wrong and you can definitely get past this. The harder you try to fix a mental association the more you can strengthen it, so you need some techniques. Tools for OCD and PTSD are designed just for you in that regard.

I'd buy all 4 books and then find any good therapist to work through them with.

Good luck. I know with the right tools and practice you can separate these two aspects of your experience and get back to enjoying sex, which you deserve.

u/citiesoftheplain75 · 2 pointsr/Meditation

The emergence of repressed emotion is actually a sign that the meditation is working. If repressed emotion isn’t allowed to emerge and release itself in this way, it will physically tire you and decrease the level of positive emotion you can experience, among other negative effects. Although the raw experience may be negative right now, it’s very, very good that you’re able to bring up these emotions through meditation. From a Buddhist perspective, this is a critical part of meditation that cannot be skipped.

The 10 points practice and other practices on that page will help you to heal these emotions and relax the body and mind regardless of what you’re feeling. For more meditation techniques that work with emotion as it’s stored and expressed through the body, Your Breathing Body is a great resource. I recommend these techniques for all Buddhist practitioners whose meditation lacks a body awareness component, and they may be especially useful in your case.

To supplement your meditation practice, I strongly recommend that you try one of the therapeutic modalities that work with emotion stuck in the body, like EMDR, Hakomi, or Somatic Experiencing. I personally found EMDR effective. A therapist can guide you in ways that you wouldn't be able to figure out yourself. Your quality of life will improve as the therapy heals these emotions and helps you create positive mental habits.

Never harm others in response to emotional pain. If you feel overwhelming anger, it’s very wise to exit the situation as you have done. If you can’t escape the situation for whatever reason, you can focus on relaxing your body or focus on the breath. To release anger in general, you can scream into a pillow if it’s possible to do this without disturbing others--this may provide significant relief.

If the emotions you feel are overwhelming, you can take a break. Seek professional help if you’re thinking about harming yourself or others. Safety is paramount.

If you want to better understand the relationship between trauma and the body, The Body Keeps the Score is a classic guide.

The amount of repressed emotion stored in the body is finite. Once it’s exhausted, life will still have its challenges, but you will experience positive emotions and a sense of freedom most of the time. You will also be better disposed to serve others.

u/givemeanew_name · 2 pointsr/mentalhealth

Could you be having sleep paralysis? If you're not sleeping well, maybe when you think you're awake you're actually drifting in and out and it's causing the hallucinations and paralysis.

I struggle with sleeping and feeling anxious at night, too. I got a dog and it really helped, and having white noise like a fan, table top water fountain, or something soothing like classical music on low works for me. If you're a person of faith, prayer can be really useful. If you were a kid, I'd suggest making Monster Spray.

Also, idk if you're in treatment but have you tried EMDR? It's great for traumas. Other things to try are TRE and Somatic Experiencing. Check out some of these vids- they might have some helpful insights/suggestions.

What should you expect from therapy

What makes a good therapist

5 signs you are seeing a bad therapist

Which type of therapy is right for me

Choosing your mental health professional

How to start and what to say

How do I stop being afraid to fall asleep?

How can I fight my bad thoughts at night?

How can I stop having nightmares?

How to get sleep

4 tips for better sleep

Sleep paralysis

Psychosis

BPD

anxiety playlist

depression playlist

trauma playlist

PTSD playlist

There's also a book called The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk that extensively talks about trauma's effect on the body and how it can manifest (scientific, but very readable and relatable).

In any case, I'd definitely talk to your doctor about it. Hope you find an answer, take care!

u/Queen_E · 2 pointsr/AskWomen

I don't know that I'm navigating life all that well, but some little things have helped and why not share with the class? I think I have underlying mental health issues (depression, anxiety) worsened by trauma (rape, attempted rape which morphed into PTSD, I think) and a narcissistic dad.

  • Books! I read so much about this stuff. I actually find therapists really terrible, because I can tell I'm more well-versed than them. Which sounds snotty, but I think I've had bad luck and, like, what am I paying you for if I can tell you're
    Here are a few helpful ones:
    Sexual healing, literally https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Healing-Journey-Guide-Survivors/dp/0062130730
    https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Sex-Mind-Body-Approach-Sexual/dp/1573442933/
    PTSD and trauma: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/
    Shitty men: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/
    Shitty parents: https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407/r
    https://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/
    A Buddhist reminder that to live is to suffer: https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Anniversary/dp/1611803438
    Brene Brown, duh: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Vulnerability-Teachings-Authenticity-Connection/dp/1604078588
    (All the eating disorder books I read have been useless, and I am probably depressed and I'm certainly anxious but the literature on that never quite fits.)

  • Learning to stand up for myself has been huge, but lately it has really kicked into high gear and it has involved lots of screaming. I'm really nice and polite and if I get ignored too much when I need to not be ignored, I melt down and scream. Usually the object of my screaming deserves it 100%, but I'm hoping this is just a phase because it wears me out and I feel like I'll get put in an institution one day, even though the episode never lasts more than a couple hours. I got stalked and cornered in a parking lot once, and men who come too close and don't listen to my polite, repeated requests to back off, well, they get an earful. I've had a lifetime of feeling unheard and abused, so I don't feel a ton of shame about it. I'm trying to find other productive ways, but, man, this world sucks and sometimes screaming feels like the most rational thing. (To be clear, I do this, like, once every three months max!)

  • I wrote a letter to my dad once, telling him I hated all the shitty things he did to me and I cut him out of my life. Probably the best decision of my life. I did it thinking I just needed a little break, but almost eight years later, it feels pretty permanent and like it's given me the space I need to truly heal. Cut off your toxic relationships if you can!

  • Venting helps immensely, whether with my friends, my mom, my journal or a therapist. I told a therapist that the main reason I found her helpful was because she was a neutral third party who had to listen to me and she got really offended. But it's true! Most of my therapists have not been able to be much more than a sounding board. I am open-minded, but their ideas were either useless or offensive. The ideas I found in books were so much more helpful (like the writing my dad a letter thing was right out of the Toxic Parents playbook! No therapist ever suggested any of that!)

  • Weed is the only thing that truly helps me come down when I'm majorly triggered or anxious (ie when I have a screamy day), but Ativan isn't bad either.

  • For anxiety, I do better if I've had 7 hours of sleep, no caffeine and as little sugar as possible. I always feel best if I hike, bike, run, elliptical, lift weights and swim. Being worn out keeps the anxiety at bay and I sleep better.

  • I watch a lot of TV and spend a lot of time on the internet. It's a distraction and I don't find it terribly healthy or productive, and I'd usually rather be doing something else. But I get really anxious if I'm alone with my thoughts and it helps.

  • I still haven't figured out if I'm an introvert or extravert and maybe it's dumb to care about, but if I'm around chill people, I tend to do much better. I read and write a lot and am shy and introspective, and I used to prefer being alone, which I guess would make me an introvert. But I've been very PTSDy lately, and having friends and family around me is a good distraction, I feel much safer and I seem fine enough that no one ever seems to comprehend how I could end up in a psych ward out of the blue one day. The thing is hanging out with friends requires money and I don't have a job because of my PTSD, so I feel myself sliding downhill. I wish I had money just so I could cook for my friends all the time or go out to dinner and drinks regularly. I get anxious about being a fucking mooch all the time :/

    Okay, that's prob good, right?
u/cutspaper · 2 pointsr/AdultChildren

I relate to what you are dealing with - it took me so long to see that I was not at fault. What she told you probably resounds with the child inside you. All children take on the blame of a parent's chaotic behavior - we are genetically programmed to do this (Van ser kolk)it's like Stockholm syndrome. Of course it feels wrong to believe that you are faultless, but you truly are. She was sick.

u/ohsobasic · 2 pointsr/offmychest

He will likely experience PTSD in one form or another - the seemingly strangest things can trigger it (a smell, a song that was on in the background, hell, locking a door could be a trigger since it sounds like it was one of the last things he did before finding his friend). This may be a helpful read for you, so you can be aware of what he might be going through, understand what to possibly expect, that sort of thing.

So sorry for your husband's loss, and good luck to you as you navigate helping him heal.

u/agentcrys · 2 pointsr/CPTSD

This is strange, I've just watched a webinar on treating trauma that mentioned this exact question. The webinar is a series of modules that are designed to help practitioners better treat their clients when it comes to trauma. I'm not a practitioner but I find the information in the modules very enlightening and in addition to regularly seeing my therapist it's helped me understand trauma more, just in general.

One of the questions that was posed in today's module (which I believe is being broadcast again thursday, that link will take you to a page where you can do some maneuvering to find the times) was how to tell whether clients have ptsd or bpd. Many of the symptoms are the same, but one practitioner said that there's a tell. It has to do with sleep. Someone with BPD in a manic state has a lot of energy and won't need to sleep as much. They won't feel tired despite their lack of sleep (or just needing 2 hours of sleep). But someone suffering from trauma, who gets very little sleep or has disruptive sleep, doesn't feel rested. They feel more lethargic.

Like I said, I'm not a practitioner. I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone with anything. I'm simply parroting back what I saw in that webinar. If you think you might have ptsd, I'd like to recommend a book that my therapist recommended to me when I first started seeing her; The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Like the webinar, it's helped me understand the nature of trauma and it gives wonderful ideas to jump start the healing process.

I'm sorry you've struggled for so long. I wish you the best of luck in recovering from your troubles. Know that you have support from an internet stranger <3

u/anxietymakesmedumber · 2 pointsr/CPTSD

I hear you, and I believe you. You have lived through an incredible amount of trauma, It sounds like you deal with a lot of pain. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience a moment of any of this. It’s not fair, and I’m no way it is your fault. It really sucks to hear you don’t have a supportive system around you. It’s hard not the feel crazy when you are surrounded by crazy. Please know that it does get better. There are a lot of good human beings in the world that will listen to you and hear your pain. You are not alone, though I know the feeling of your brain screaming at you that you are alone. I wish I had known this at 14, but the brain has a way of lying to you a lot of times. I dealt with manipulative parents growing up, and for years I never ever felt good enough. If I wasn’t perfect (which I’m incapable of being), I wasn’t enough. I’ve been reading a book called The Body Keeps the Score , and it’s really starting to explain why I’ve felt the way that I have, and how it has impacted my body physically. See if you can check it out from your local library or something.

Please take good care of yourself. You deserve to feel good about yourself.

u/springflinging · 2 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

Yes--I can identify although I am sure there are differences. Sorry to hear you are struggling. I have tried to find meaning and connection in relating to others. I run daily. I also try to eat healthily. I wish you the very best. I find alanon meetings helpful and addiction was a part of my family life history. Some friends swear by individual and group therapy as well as EMDR and/or EFT. Individual therapy helps me as do alanon/ACA or ACOA (Adult children of dysfunctional or alcoholic families) meetings

I had experienced a recent traumatic event that was associated with many difficult emotional flashbacks. I wish you the very best and please know you are not alone.

I have read Judith Herman's book, Trauma and Recovery, plus she discusses stages of recovery.

I find Peter Walker helpful.

Also The Body Keeps the Score by van der Kolk has been insightful.

Meditation, yoga and breathing exercises are on my to do list--sonner rather than later.

u/BundleOfShae · 2 pointsr/Epilepsy
  1. Seroquel: Technically this is not an AED, but before we knew I had epilepsy, I needed anti-psychotics due to audible hallucinations. It turned me into a zombie that could barely function cognitively. The voices stopped with my next one. The first two months were terrible then and for months after.
  2. Keppra: It worked to stop seizures but I absolutely hated it. I gained weight, it made my hair fall out pretty much overnight, and made me depressed (also influenced by the hair loss. I wish doctors would listen to us about our feelings... Anyway, the first two months were also terrible, mostly due to the fact that at this point, I was upset about everything. Once I was on this, my capabilities to do math or follow directions (GPS needed for everything now), or speak well went out the door, so we took a chance with...
  3. Lamictal: OK. I have a love/hate relationship with lamotrigine. In my early days, I still kind of felt the way I did on Keppra. The first two months were the same as it. Mental fog, screwy speech, and a little stutter when I tried. I have been on this for six years now with no seizures except for one attempt to get off meds completely. I think after about a year I slowly got used to it and adapted. I was able to go on basically the lowest dose you can get ( 2.5 - 15.0 mcg/mL in your blood is the normal range. I was at 2.8. I stayed at this low dose up until a few months ago when I started hormone therapy, but that's a different story (I will note that estrogen/estradiol cancels out many seizures medications; be careful ladies).

    ​

    >How did you deal with the initial drug side effects?

    Cannabis, talk therapy, and my dog. Couldn't really do anything to address S/E except for trying a new drug.

    ​

    >What strategies did you use to communicate to others that you are the same person

    I had to pretty much sit people down and explain. Frankly, I think my poor speech during these conversations explained it pretty well on its own. For my parents/family, I gave them a book, "The Body Keeps the Score." It was very hard to explain, but again the physical manifestations did most of it for me. I also explained to them that to me, the world was entirely different than the first 25 years of them knowing me. I explained it can be like I am bipolar at times.

    ​

    >At a future point, did you determine yourself that the drug no longer worked and it was time to switch? Did someone else have to "convince you" that a change in drug regimen is needed?

    I am lucky in that it only took two tries to get a drug I liked that stopped seizures and had tolerable S/E. But actually, I had to be the one to convince my medical team; it took a ton of moaning and arguing. Most doctors stop trying, IMO, once the main issue (seizures) is solved. I never kept a diary.
u/twinkiesnketchup · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

I would recommend going to abcbooks.com and typing in the type of psychology you are interested in and start reading textbooks. Coursea also has free classes you can take that can broaden your perspective. One of my go to books is The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5oZ1BbMDFHZYR

Best of luck!

u/coffeebecausekids · 2 pointsr/ptsd

Just wanted to validate... I have CPTSD and it's hard... I've been w my husband for 8 years and I feel so bad because he has to deal with my baggage. Trust, I wish I wasn't like this and I always feel bad after conflicts. ☹️
Moving is a big deal. So try and be understanding of that- she was uprooted from wherever you were so that can stir up stuff...
The thing I have learned is we PERCEIVE things as threatening that aren't... So then the tendency to react in situations is overly intense...
"The body keeps the score" is a really good book as well.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_VcVzCbAQY2FSN

Trauma informed therapy is SO important and EMDR is super helpful.

TL/DR Google grounding skills

u/lambertb · 2 pointsr/socialskills

Sounds like this book might be helpful to you.

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_W4jzzb809CWN0

Also check the website of Simon Baron Cohen.

u/David_Evergreen · 2 pointsr/funny

It really has more to do with upbringing.

Here's some recommended reading.




This is more about how the science behind developmental trauma:


u/craniumrats · 2 pointsr/ptsd

I have several different forms of chronic pain and my also traumatised gf has fibro, so yeah. If you haven't read 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel Van Der Kolk, I really really recommend it.

u/terminallypreppy · 2 pointsr/CPTSD

Please dont feel that way, that is your trauma talking. You are worthy of so much more than that. God/spirit/the universe put you here to learn and grow and through your pain will come such strength and light.

Please do whatever you can to try and heal the pain.

​

there is an amazing book i just finished called "The body keeps the score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1564307062&s=gateway&sr=8-1

​

please try and read it. It is not an easy read, but as someone who has suffered trauma myself, it helped. Do whatever you can to be good to yourself, to heal. However long it takes, promise yourself you will try. Please reach out any time if you need to.

You are not alone,and worthy of SO much more than you believe.

u/TheVeganFoundYou · 2 pointsr/energy_work

Thank you for posting this... your explanation of how fibromyalgia works was very enlightening. You may find this book to be helpful: The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma.

Do you do guided meditations or do you just sit quietly and breathe with no particular agenda? This is what pops into my head when I consider your situation: You are not your body; it's a physical manifestation which allows you to maneuver through this world/plane. I don't have fibromyalgia but I can relate because I'm a hypersensitive empath. Every sensation is magnified and can be incredibly overwhelming. Try to dispassionately separate yourself from the idea that you are the body... it is a barometer which draws your attention to areas that need to be healed. Get yourself a special little blank book in which to record your thoughts/feelings about this issue and meditate with the intention of having information revealed to you through your guides/higher self. In my experience, the epiphanies sent by my guides are rarely revealed in a direct fashion. They pop up later in unexpected ways and they catch my attention by repeated synchronicities (example: I kept seeing references to giraffes all over the place only to discover upon talking with a friend that she too had been seeing them. Turned out that she had the information I needed and the giraffe references brought us to common ground. Weird huh?).

You're viewing this as a problem which needs to be solved and you're searching for the perfect formulae... totally understandable. Try to take your mind to a state of neutrality in which the answers can be revealed to you. Leave a blank space inside yourself with the intention of allowing your guides to reach you. Pay attention to synchronicities and the people/situations which are nearby when they happen. They can act as a trail of breadcrumbs, leading you to unexpected places/answers.
Good vibes to you friend, I'll ask my guides to send help... know that you're never alone.

u/Duo_Feelgood · 2 pointsr/socialwork

Here is an article that gives a general overview of trauma-informed care. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk and The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry are essential reading. They are relatively cheap and well-known.

I know very little about EMDR, so I can't really speak for its efficacy. As far as trauma-certifications go, I would urge caution. There are a lot of certification programs out there that promise access to a lot of knowledge and skills, and they offer a shiny little certificate with your name on it upon completion. However, in my experience the knowledge and skills they impart are nothing that you couldn't learn yourself with a combination of dedicated self-study and careful oversight by a competent supervisor. Also, these certifications sound impressive, but they aren't always recognized as anything special by the field at large. So they won't help you get a job, get a promotion, get a raise, or anything else but an impressive-looking piece of paper.

My recommendation is to be more assertive in your interest with your supervisor about learning trauma-informed theory and practice. If they cannot offer you the supervision you feel you need, ask them if there is someone in your organization that can. Identify resources that you can study that will help you find concrete ways to implement trauma-informed strategies into your work, and discuss this during supervision.

u/DAIZE313 · 2 pointsr/EOOD

"The body keeps the score" by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1466011790&sr=8-1&keywords=trauma

It's an interesting read about trauma (mostly in PTSD vets and victims of child abuse) but it still reflects a LOT on depression and the state of a depressive mind and ways to heal.
It's helped me, but i've also been traumatized.

u/aboboamanda · 2 pointsr/abortion

I'm sorry that your provider didn't prepare you for the reality of a medication abortion - the pain and seeing the sac are both things that can be traumatic even if you do expect them. It's okay to have complex feelings about your abortion. Especially with all the news and the rhetoric, it's hard to not have internalized stigma. Maybe you would have rather saved the sac and buried it - you can always do that if you do need another abortion, and the only way to find out these things is going through them, unfortunately. Next time you want your boyfriend's support, you know to ask for it. You did your best with the information and the circumstances. Be kind to yourself. You are a strong, brave, beautiful person, learning as you go just like the rest of us.

This workbook on emotional and spiritual healing after an abortion might help: https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/emotional&spiritual.htm. There is a section at the end for healing partners that you can give to your boyfriend and your therapist. Your therapist may also be able to work through the workbook with you if you would rather do it with them than alone.

Another book I'd recommend is Pleasure Activism by adrienne marie brown. There is a chapter on pleasure after sexual trauma that is incredible. The chapter is based on this piece that she wrote called "I Want You, But I'm Triggered". (She also talks about it a bit in these interviews, and more on sex after #metoo in this one.)

The body keeps the score (another good book!) and it makes sense that physical trauma would be resurfaced from such a physical experience as the abortion. Healing is possible and you deserve all the love and support in the world.

u/Orimwrongidontknow · 2 pointsr/TooAfraidToAsk

Don't worry, I get that too. Intrusive thoughts cause physiological reactions because it triggers your nervous system which has a kind of memory. This book gives a really good explanation of all this and might help you normalize your feelings:

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_HjdsDbCFDF0G6

u/leia_13 · 2 pointsr/TheGirlSurvivalGuide

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this pain. I have had dreams trigger flashbacks like this before. Everyone finds different things that help, but if you haven't already, I highly recommend checking out the information on flashbacks on r/CPTSD. Basically, flashbacks aren't always visual as in a dream or a hallucination, or auditory/taste, etc. They can also bring up the emotions we felt during the event or shortly after leading to feelings of fight/flight/freeze even when we are presently safe. I am not a therapist, but your dream reminds me of my own visual flashbacks and the feelings you've been dealing with since seem reminiscent of the emotional flashbacks. There's a reason it's so hard to shake those feelings-- your brain and body truly believe you are in danger again and are trying to protect you.

All of the behaviors you listed are normal trauma responses, but are also super, super hard to face alone. If you are able, please consider speaking with a trauma informed therapist. Many women's shelters even offer group therapy to the community for free. Or, Universities often have discounted rates if you are ok working with a PhD student who is nearing certification.

Another great resource is the book The Body Keeps the Score. It really dives into the effects of traumatic events on our bodies and how they manifest in different ways throughout life if not processed. It is written by an MD who pioneered research in PTSD for war veterans and then found that the effects on people who experienced other traumas (like rape) were very similar. I wouldn't start reading this now while you are currently triggered, but when you are ready to process things a bit more this could be very helpful. (It was a big turning point for me.) There are also some free audiobook versions on YouTube.

You are not disgusting or awful for your dream. We cannot control whether the pleasure centers of our brains are activated, especially while sleeping. I know it is very disconcerting when our brains still derive pleasure from experiences that are also rooted in such depraved violence and betrayal, but you have done nothing to be ashamed of.

As for things you could do tonight to feel better, I have had good results with the suggestions on this page https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/firstaidkit as well as https://www.joondalupcounselling.com.au/joondalup-counselling-blog/2016/2/11/28-popular-effective-grounding-techniques

Give yourself grace as you deal with this. I'm glad you got to go out for a bit and try to distract yourself. Be mindful of your stress levels and take steps back when needed. Sometimes staying busy is helpful, but sometimes we also need to take time to rest.

I hope you find peace and comfort soon. Please reach out whenever you need.

u/WhyNot1138 · 2 pointsr/Psychonaut

You might be interested in learning about TRE if you don't already know about it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tension_%26_Trauma_Releasing_Exercises

There's also a really amazing book called "The Body Keeps the Score" that talks about how our bodies remember and store the trauma energy. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

u/escabeloved · 2 pointsr/CPTSD

Hi Pink, yes, most of us with C-PTSD have been burdened with plenty of mis-diagnoses before arriving here.
A couple of great books I highly recommend are:
From Surviving to Thriving
and [The Body Keeps the Score] (https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483926427&sr=1-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score)

u/vahidy · 1 pointr/NoStupidQuestions

Educate yourself about trauma. This is the go to book these days. www.amzn.com/0143127748

u/duffymeadows · 1 pointr/DeadBedrooms

She does sound unsavable and it is not your responsibility to change her. However, you need some help man. You have been through a lot. You need to unpack that and heal before you jump into ANY other relationships.

Old trauma can and does cause illness. The general rule is that if something that happened more than 18 months ago still makes you angry, still makes you cry, or still makes you afraid, then you have not resolved it and it is not in the past – even if you never think about it consciously.

So here’s what you do: start at the beginning and Think about memories in your life. When you get to a memory that causes strong emotion, write it down. After you’ve made your way through a few pages of memories, look over each one of them. Figure out what went wrong. Sometimes we hold on to pain just because we were young and misunderstood what was actually happening. Work those ones out. Sometimes
We went through truly unacceptable events.

Your mind holds onto memories in order to prevent pain in the future. So it’s important that you look at what happened, acknowledge the horror, and try to figure out what you need to learn from the situation to prevent it from happening again. Going over this a few times should make the memory no longer hurt you.

It might mean hours of crying, but eventually it will be freedom from the past. Sort of diy therapy. The body keeps the score https://amzn.to/2Wyl4R3 explains how illness can be caused by trauma and may be helpful to you.

u/damnlooneyhats · 1 pointr/offmychest

As other's mentioned, you need a therapist. This isn't something you can work through alone and no one can tell you everything you need to know on a subreddit. But the one thing I see in others comments and I'll echo myself, what you are experiencing is very common for anyone who has survived sexual assault - even though it's really confusing mentally your body doesn't process things mentally, your body processes all of its experiences physically and the human body is designed to respond to sexual stimulation. Full stop. Even when you don't consent to it.

Rape is rape because you did not consent to it. You were exposed to sexual imagery and assault before you were mentally mature enough to comprehend or consent. It is perfectly normal and natural for sexual assault victims to feel, do and experience what you have been going through - because like I said, the body processes things differently, the mind however doesn't understand and has trouble reconciling how your body reacted to something you didn't want to happen and it creates a state of cognitive dissonance and the brain further tries to solve this "problem" by making mentally boxing it into one category or the other - but it's just not that simple.

You will find very few answers to the problems this has created for you by thinking it through. So much of the process is physically in your body where the assault occurred and emotionally where you responded to the assault - it's a long complicated process that must be overseen by a professional - think of it the same you would as if you needed physical therapy after breaking your leg. You wouldn't really know what you needed to do to heal from that, what exercises would strengthen and hurt - you need someone to guide you through the process.

I am so sorry that this happened to you and that the fallout is affecting your ability to have intimate and satisfying relationships as an adult. You're not alone - others have walked down this path too and it does get better with time, therapy, and self-care.

You can talk to someone now at RAINN: National Sexual Assault HotlineCall 1-800-656-4673 and they can help you find a therapist experienced in assault in your area.

u/joeyespo · 1 pointr/IAmA

Have you read The Body Keeps Score? Do you have any thoughts about the book or how it may relate to the crisis?

u/Cromage · 1 pointr/raisedbynarcissists

This book was rec'd here a while ago, and it goes into a great deal of detail on the how's and why's:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

u/ExplosiveSugarNips · 1 pointr/C_S_T

I'm reading a fantastic book right now, The Body Keeps the Score, about healing PTSD and childhood traumas. It goes into depth about how the reptilian brain both aides and abets our growth. Check it out, really well written by a renowned researcher in the subject.

u/tanayaanderson · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

“THE BODY KEEPS SCORE” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. (brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma)

this book is FASCINSTING. I’m only a few chapters in and it’s a pretty heavy read (in the best way possible) as it is very informative (but not in the boring textbook way) and really opens your eyes and perspective on the brain, trauma, depression, those who struggle with it, etc.

A great read for those struggling AND for those that are loved ones of the ones struggling.The Body Keeps Score- Amazon link

u/ovoutland · 1 pointr/pics

Not sure if you've had therapy for this, but here are a couple books. On Killing is mostly about killing in combat but the impact is universal. The Body Keeps the Score is an instant classic on dealing with trauma. Good luck to you, take care of yourself.

u/shw3nn · 1 pointr/ptsd

Ha, I'm the same with researching stuff as is my sister. I think it's one of the ways we dissociate. But let me be clear, that is really my only qualification on this topic.

The lack of emotion you are talking about having is very familiar to me. I don't think there is any one way to detach from emotions. I am familiar with the idea of people who can't feel anything. I'm also familiar with the other thing you are talking about where you are able to be happy despite being in the midst of severely traumatic events.

What probably happened was that you were helpless to do anything about the situations you were in with your mother. So you adapted by being unaffected by them. You may have developed this reflex to things going down with your mother of "this isn't happening." Obviously, you knew it was happening but you also didn't really experience it and that's how you protected yourself from it.

That was how you took care of yourself. It's not as though there were other, more palatable options.

I think you are absolutely right that people who talk about bottling up their emotions are doing it on purpose and that's really far from what happens with us. I think they mean that they feel the emotions, they know the emotions are there but they refuse to talk about them or give them any outlet. They try to ignore them. I think that's what bottling up means.

I have emotions in me that I don't know how old they are or what they are even about. I'm not bottling it up. It's buried inside me and I'm digging to get to it.

You may never know what the actual traumatic memories are or why Walgreens lights trigger you or if it even is Walgreens lights. It may be some other thing that happens alongside the lights.
There may have been a good deal of neglect in your childhood and that may have had a lot to do with you being disconnected from certain emotions and reactions. This video may interest you.

>Is there a way to figure out what these implicit memories are?

Not really. This is a big problem with developmental trauma, a lot of it probably happened when you were an age where you weren't creating many long term memories. Then, we are also capable of repressing memories. On top of that, the research points pretty strongly to it being the case that you can't actively recover repressed memories. Spontaneously recovered memories seem to be as reliable as continuous memories. Memories what were recovered in a clinical setting appear to be wildly unreliable. And we know its spectacularly easy to create pseudomemories.

But you have an arrow in your chest. It's probably of no value to calculate its initial trajectory. I don't think you need to do that to remove the arrow and close the wound. So, getting to that topic:

>Is there anything that can be done to access these emotions that seem to be so far bottled down they are completely inaccessible, but simultaneously guiding me every single day?

Yes Ma'am or Sir! That's the business. There are a lot of things you can do. I think that a huge key is body work. You talk about how your body is doing all the work. So you start there.

There is another amazing book called The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van derKolk. In it, he talks a lot about how yoga is a huge help. That's because it's whole deal is getting you to pay close attention to your body. As you said, your body is holding all this trauma for you. Here's a video of him talking about it.

There isn't truly a difference between mind and body. You don't have a body. You are a body. But that's being pedantic. You start with your body is all I'm saying.

There are therapies that are body focused. Somatic experiencing, there's this thing called trauma release exercises.

Anyway, there's another novel. Let me know if I missed a question or you want me to clarify something.

u/drks91 · 1 pointr/brasil

A composição química do seu cérebro não é uma coisa aleatória, ele não acorda um dia e resolve para de produzir serotonina e dopamina só de zoeira.

No momento, não tenho como entrar em mais detalhes. Além disso, você ainda não parecer estar disposto a aceitar a realidade da sua situação, então tudo o que eu escrever aqui acabaria sendo ignorado.

Mas recomendo o seguinte livro, para você e quem mais quiser entender as origens da sua depressão/ansiedade e as suas consequências físicas: The Body Keeps The Score.

u/blueriverss · 1 pointr/secondary_survivors

Have you considered getting into therapy yourself to help you navigate the situation?

A few books that might be helpful for her are The Courage To Heal, The Sexual Healing Journey and The Body Keeps The Score. I wonder if reading them yourself might give you some helpful insight as well...

Also, obviously you know your wife/the situation and I don't, but it seems a bit defeatist when you say "but I know that it would take years for her to get to the point of being comfortable opening up about this".

It will surely take time to establish trust/rapport, but it might happen sooner than either of you expect. In any case, as that saying goes, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago; the second-best time is now.

Take care.

u/Gffcom · 1 pointr/bicycletouring

Stay in your home, read this book and slowly work toward recovery and healing. Do yoga. Maybe find a therapist that works with psychedelics. You can read about that here. Not really interested in hearing all the reasons you think that won’t work. Besides, your resistance is stuff you should work through with your therapist, not on Reddit. Go heal. Yeah it’s hard. Walk through the fire and get to the other side.

u/karmaisforlife · 1 pointr/ZodiacKiller

Can you corroborate your claim regarding slurred speech and PTSD?

I’ve recently been reading ‘The body keeps the score’.

Your claim sound shaky, based on everything I’ve learned about PTSD through this book.

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

u/widecyberpanic127 · 1 pointr/relationship_advice

For any Trauma Listen to the book Body Keeps Score on YouTube and/or purchase book. Your Brain stores trauma and he provides simple was to rewire through Yoga, Drumming, drama, play therapy, etc...Here’s link: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
🙏✌️♥️

u/leeloogolightly · 1 pointr/secondary_survivors

It really sucks that her past trauma is creeping up afterwards (I've been there and it's really rough) but I don't think you need to feel guilty about her emotional state. She is engaging in sex with you because she wants to.

Rather than saying sorry, ask her what you can do to make her feel safe right now. Hold her? Give her some space? Bring her some blankets to cuddle with or put on her favorite show and rub her back?

Acknowledge her struggling and be supportive - but don't be apologetic for giving her what she wanted. Just make sure to support her as she works through it. It might be worth suggesting that you two get a book to read through together (perhaps on PTSD or healing from trauma). This could help open up new ways of talking about your struggles and finding better coping strategies and support methods. I just ordered "The Body Keeps the Score" because it was highly recommended by a friend. i haven't read it yet but it gets excellent reviews: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=80GX99JJZFXSE8WDS76V

u/OkOther · 1 pointr/DID

So I found some dissertations in my college's library database but I can't publish them here (I think that's illegal, lol) but if you'd like to PM me your email address I could send the files that way.

If you don't feel comfortable with that, no worries - in that case I will recommend purchasing the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. Here's the link to the book on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

There is a growing field of research in psychology surrounding the utilization of massage therapy, yoga, reiki, and other body work modalities in the treatment of trauma disorders. Although it is relatively new in the mental health fields, massage practitioners have always known that we carry trauma in our tissues and muscles. The first time I ever got a massage, the therapist touched my shoulder blades and I immediately started sobbing. It was such a visceral reaction from a deep place of hurt that I didn't even know was there.

u/slabbb- · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

>I know I sound super desperate for help, sorry about that.

All good. Doesn't read like that to me, more someone encountering a difficult unprecedented situation in their experience and not knowing how to help or proceed :)

>is there any way for me to obtain a therapist's knowledge so I can even remotely help her?

Well you can probably gain some insight by reading and learning about how trauma influences and manifests psychologically and behaviourally, bringing that to the dynamic with your girlfriend, but short of training in psychotherapy, which is years long, it's not a straight forward process of gaining knowledge in this case. Read what you can (or watch vids if that is a preference. Though books on this subject will probably contain more information and details), really listen and be present to your girlfriend. If possible, cultivate patience and tolerance for the the more exasperating aspects of your gfs behaviour. Compassion helps; keep in mind there is pain somewhere even if your gf isn't consciously aware of it. Maybe take notes, make observations, build an operative framework to embed understanding in, specific tactics or methods etc. I dont know; those are suggestions, not prescriptive.

>study material

A couple of books come to mind: The Body Keeps the Score:Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, and another, more symbolic and depth psychological oriented in its approach
Trauma and the Soul: A psycho-spiritual approach to human development and its interruption. These may be helpful. There's a lot of research and books out there in this territory though, so well worth looking around online and seeing what you can find.

>standard operating procedure

Safety is paramount for those who live with trauma, safety in the environment and with others they're relating to, but more importantly, safety in relation to ones own feelings and embodied states.

Trauma takes up occupancy in ones body in an unconscious (emphasis on unconscious) energetic, emotive sense. It can seem like ones own feelings, thoughts, dreams and sensations are the enemy and attacking ones sense of self out of and through the very ground of that sense of self, acting out by themselves with little conscious control. A weird reversal of normalised associations with ones own experience can be present, as can various psychological defenses, such as dissociation and repression. Profound shame may be existent somewhere, exerting influence, alongside self-loathing and self-doubt. These qualities, as belief, as operative paradigms of psychological orientation, bind and entrap. Trauma and its psychology is complex, entangled.

It's perhaps significant to keep in mind that trauma of the kind your gf has experienced is a rupture in terms of a developing self; somewhere, somehow a break and splitting has taken place. Those split off parts of self still exist somewhere, and all of the original pain associated with them. The aim is integrating these extant parts towards a different kind of wholeness and integrity.

The process I've experienced through a therapeutic alliance has involved re-experiencing these 'splinter psyches' and the attendant affect qualities in a safe and trust based context. I've had to relearn how to be present to my own body and emotions in ways I wasn't familiar with. It was a very painful and confrontational process, long and slow, encountering and metabolising bits and pieces in small chunks, using dream, memory (or lack of), daily relational contexts as leverage, through questioning, into contact with feeling, image, re-embodiment. Learning how to just exist and be with myself in my body, learning acceptance. So lots of grounding and attention to breathing, posture, tension being held, etc.

Not sure if that's really all that helpful, and I'm not a professional.

Imo, trauma doesn't heal by itself and it never goes away until its worked with consciously.

Good luck! It's strenuous and problematic, what you're in.

u/mishymc · 1 pointr/EMDR

Read about how trauma effects the body in “non-verbal” ways. Implicit memory vs explicit memory. Trauma that occurs preverbal gets stored in our bodies as emotional memory (implicit) it won’t always have a cognitive beginning. The Body Keeps the Score by Dr Bessel Van der Kolk

u/glitteryporpoise · 1 pointr/CPTSD

>I was raised by a crazy narc mother, and for the first four years of my life my mother and father were in a bad relationship. I know from my earliest memories how much fighting and violence and arguing there was, and I know my mother managed to hurt my older brother so much he had to go to hospital.

Read "The Body Keeps Score..."

u/jascination · 1 pointr/LSD

My unsolicited but well-experienced opinions:

The benefit that people seem to get from psychedelics towards their mental health issues is not dissimilar to the process of mental recovery during dreaming.

If you read up on EMDR therapy it attempts to do similar things

(I've very recently been through this for complex trauma and anxiety and I cannot believe how well it worked. I went from weeks of having constant intrusive thoughts of nausea and feeling like I was about to throw up, including right up until the cab ride to my appointment, to ... it just being gone, two hours later. It's been 5 days and it's just no longer there.)

This is somewhat analogous to the type of therapy seen in the recent Netflix show, Maniac (with Jonah Hill and Emma Stone). Trauma is tangled up in our brains in a pattern of thinking that is impossible to break without intervention. You constantly relive them; are removed from time and space and sent back into a quasi-world where your trauma is playing out again and again. This isn't something evil on your brain's part - it's a fault in your brain that is trying its best to process something that happened to it.

There are many drugs and techniques that can be used to move on from these types of things. I'd HIGHLY suggest reading The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk if you haven't already; it's a must for anyone who wants to understand PTSD and/or complex trauma.

As to your other point:

> However most of what I've heard is that if you suffer from some mental illnesses like this it can be a bad thing to try them

It can be. There's a very real possibility that your minds might go down some difficult paths, which can be scary and even re-traumatising. The best thing you can do is to arm yourself with as much information you can about the drug and what is actually happening in your brain, and 100% be in control of your setting and surroundings. Know how to snap out of a bad trip - "Change the music, change the trip!" - and realise the immense power of your focus. Having activities that you can get absorbed in - get milk and food dye and dish soap and make some gooey colours, draw in a notepad (my favourite), write down some stuff but don't try too hard to articulate what's happening in your head with your words because it'll just confuse you and may give you anxiety/thought loops :)

So in short, I'd investigate therapy first and not look at LSD as a cure-all. It's definitely a short-cut. Short-cuts can sometimes be reckless but if things go south it's almost always anxiety and not anything actually bad happening. Also a "bad trip" is not a death sentence for your brain (I should know - I had one once where my girlfriend and I, both double-dosed with the universe dripping around is, came home from a walk in a beautiful park to find that we'd lost our keys and had no way of getting inside, and had to try to break into our house, while reality was shifting around us, terrified that someone would see us and call the police!)

Other random tips for you:

  • Don't mix with other medications that may interact with it (just about any brain-drug!)
  • DON'T read trip reports like "Hurr rurr I took 600ug and I didn't even feel anything" and think they're gospel. Most people have NFI the dosages they're buying, and 90 - 110ug is generally a HEAVY trip for a first time user. That's the tried-and-true dosage you should try, especially if you have trepidation and want to see how the drug affects you. Keep it light.
  • Read up on the LSD Avengers, a group who spawned from Silk Road who have been on an amazing mission to keep acid pure and ensure people are buying what they think they're buying, rather than janky research chemicals/NBOMe/25c/25i. They have a website that can't be linked or discussed here for obvious reasons.
  • Xanax/Valium end the trip. Take one and it'll be like an "off switch" in about 20mins. You won't believe it'll work / you may believe that you are the whole universe and a little pill cannot possibly affect you, but it does :) I've had to do this in the past when things have gotten gnarly (the house-breaking-in story above is a good example!)
  • Read the Pre-Flight Checklist
u/Space___Face · 1 pointr/worldnews

yes, its a violent offense. Saying it's incurable is like saying diabetes is incurable but advances in science are making it happen. It's hard to treat because of the stigma it has for society. Not much funding is going into a "Cure" nor is it going into actual understanding of why pedophilia develops. The current mandatory therapy is broken because it aims at avoidance, not confronting heart of the problem of the behavior or mental state. From what i have read trauma in childhood changes the way the brain develops. In adults it changes the way the brain works. This book i'm linking talks about the vicious cycle of abuse and how to heal it. I hope you take a look because it really dives into what people have done to others but also how to help the victims and prevent further abuse. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

The recidivism is high for any offense because the justice system as a whole is broken. But the statistics is there but i'm just trying to explain why.

u/tiredmanatee · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

Read The Body Keeps The Score. It will help you immensely...it helped me! You will discover why you feel the way you do, what your body/brain are REALLY doing to make you feel the way you do and what you can do about it (both personally and professionally). I promise, it will change ur life.

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_2JKIDbS4E3975

u/crownedfive · 1 pointr/traumatoolbox

because it lives in the body and is stuck in the brain, literally. i know it's abstract but it's been scientifically studied for decades now (thankfully). it's like an injury to our nervous system. i highly recommend reading the body keeps the score:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

u/HappyTodayIndeed · 1 pointr/raisedbyborderlines

Back in Control: A Surgeon’s Roadmap Out of Chronic Pain (He has a personal history of childhood trauma and chronic pain)
https://www.amazon.com/Back-Control-Surgeons-Roadmap-Chronic/dp/0988272997/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1517499746&sr=8-1&keywords=back+in+control
Website here: http://www.backincontrol.com/
And here: https://www.drbredesen.com/

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (He also has a history of childhood trauma; he is involved in the struggle for official recognition of C-PTSD)
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

The Body Never Lies - The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting (Alice Miller, so not new, but good)
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Never-Lies-Lingering-Parenting/dp/0393328635

Good Lord re pray harder book :)

u/SmellThisMilk · 1 pointr/videos

Try this. You, like MOST people, probably have unresolved trauma.

u/VexedredheadATX · 1 pointr/CPTSD

Not sure if this is the slant you’re looking for but it touches on many different aspects.....Ive found The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk very helpful.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. He uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments—from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga—that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity. Based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists....
The Body Keeps Score

u/greengardenmoss · 1 pointr/AskDocs

I would say keep at it with the physiotherapy and psychotherapy. If it helps for a couple days maybe if you keep it up the effect will start to last longer.

I recommend the book The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. Especially if you have any history of traumatic stress in your life.

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1512013132&sr=1-1



u/purplecupcakedog · 1 pointr/raisedbynarcissists

20 years in- still ruminating and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with her and how to stop being her daughter. this book is great https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1GOZL3SZ9AK91&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1562714843&s=gateway&sprefix=the+b%2Caps%2C198&sr=8-2

I think realizing it's a normal reaction to trauma and I became like this from her programming me as a child helped me get a little perspective on it. learning a musical instrument and playing in bands helps- partly the drama of bands ;-) and partly using those halves of your brain together drowns out her voice in my head. going to practice now instead of obsessively reading this reddit thread!

u/louiepk · 1 pointr/darknetmarketsOZ

Benzo's are some of the worst things to ween yourself off, even deadly in some cases, avoid them altogether as that it like putting out a fire with petrol, coming off one addiction to another.

I would suggest looking at and addressing the pain/trauma underneath your addiction. The Body Keeps The Score is an excellent intro into this https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

A break of some kind in rehab may be necessary just to clean your system out. Good diet removal of sugar, refined carbohydrates, processed foods. Juice fasting can be helpful too.

Support groups are valuable to air your challenges and past griefs.

Meditation/Mindfulness can be a helpful aid to rewire the brain and bring a underlying peace to your life.

Exercise is a powerful anti depressant, especially when quitting any substance.

Many people have benefited from using the African medicine Iboga https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabernanthe_iboga
It has a powerful ability to reset drug addictions within the brain an cure even the hardest addiction, but if the underlying trauma, peer groups and social circles etc are not addressed most people will fall back into their old patterns of addiction. There are people who run treatments in Australia if you look hard enough, there are some legal clinics in NZ I believe now, as they have big meth problems there. Stay away from the refined form of Iboga which is Ibogaine (unless under medical care) as a number of deaths have attributed to this. Look for some Iboga videos to see how powerful this can be.

Good luck :)

u/mocxed · -3 pointsr/LivestreamFail

This book was a good read, I think you'll find quite relatable and helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

Good luck with your journey!

u/siPain · -14 pointsr/depressionregimens

you need to listen to the below comments , if you have this problem go see your doctor, is really important. But if you want to stop taking it then that is great but be sure to be controlled by your doctor. After that start working on yourself, you can cure this shit without any medical help, i would strongly recommend to you this book ''https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748 '' where you can find out why this is happening and how to stop it naturally. For me it was morning ritual, meditation, yoga, kickboxing, pushing yourself to the limit, have you meaning in what is happening . As well great book to anchor your day is Miracle Morning.

it depend on you if you want to take the easy way ( prozac) or the hard way ( working on yourself ) that will create character and life without depression